


Trauma

by sometimesiwritespn



Series: Ageplay/Involuntary Regression [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Age Play, Age Play Caregiver Castiel (Supernatural), Age Play Caregiver Dean Winchester, Age Play Caregiver Sam Winchester, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Anxiety, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Future Castiel x Dean, Future Sam x Original Character, Infantilism, Little Space, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, babying, involuntary regression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-04-03 21:35:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 111,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14005296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sometimesiwritespn/pseuds/sometimesiwritespn
Summary: [Excerpt from the story]Her new name, or what they called her, was bitch. Sometimes they called her even more degrading names than that, but bitch was the most common. Any self esteem Alison had once had a six-year-old was completely gone, and she figured it was never going to come back. Even if she ever had the chance to escape, she knew she wouldn’t take it. She was scared. Being here sucked, but what was outside was even scarier.Alison was twenty-two, and had absolutely no life experience, or any skills whatsoever. If she were to escape, where would she go? What would she do? She had no job, no car, no license to drive a car, and no skills to get a job with. She had probably been presumed dead long ago, meaning she would no longer have a social security number or any real form of identity, meaning she was just… there. A ghost. She was stuck, in this hellhole that had ended up being her reality.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here, so I don't really know how this whole thing works. Feel free to leave me comments or whatever it is you do here. Just let me know if you like it! I have a lot written, just waiting to be posted. :)

Alison White was a normal girl by anyone’s standards, up until the age of six. She loved princesses, anything Disney, and playing with her parents. She was an only child, with parents who were busy a lot, but they were just trying to put food on the table. One night, at the tender age of six years old, Alison had been left with a baby sitter. This was a fairly normal occurrence, but tonight... tonight was different. There was something in the air. Even at six, she could tell there was something off about tonight. It put her at unease, but she didn’t know what to do about it. She’d begged mommy and daddy to stay, but they couldn’t, both having to work. They’d kissed her head and told her they’d see her in the morning. But how wrong they were. 

The night was mostly uneventful, the babysitter, Alicia, giving Alison dinner and putting her to bed. Alison had always liked Alicia. She pleaded with Alicia to stay with her for a while, but Alicia had to clean up the house from when they were playing earlier, before mommy and daddy got home. Alison was almost asleep when there was a crash downstairs. She bolted upright in bed, her long brown hair wisping over her forehead and spilling over her shoulder. But she stayed silent, in fear of what was to come.

It came in the form of a man. A very tall man, with a menacing look on his face. Alison tried to shrink back into her bed, as if that would somehow keep her safe. But she’d already been seen, and he was going to take her away. He snapped his fingers and the lights clicked on. Alison’s eyes widened in fear, watching the dark-haired man come for him. “Time to come with me, little girl.” His eyes flicked black, and Alison didn’t even have time to scream before she was enveloped in darkness. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Upon waking, the first thing Alison noticed was she was cold, and laying on something hard. This wasn’t her bed. She sits up immediately, looking around. It was a basement, it looked like. No light coming from anywhere, except a single crack underneath a door that had stairs leading up to it. Though she couldn’t see anything, she could smell, and feel. It smelled musty, and the floor was damp, and cold. She was still only wearing her pajamas, and they were rather thin since it was still warm outside. Scared, the little girl curls herself up into a ball, trembling from the cold and the nerves. She had no idea who this man was, or what he wanted, but she could already tell it wasn’t going to be anything good.

Bolting upright, she realized she’d somehow fallen asleep. But something had woken her up. Straining, Alison listens for any sort of noise – and then she hears it again. There. There was something coming from the top of the stairs. The door opened, a bright light shining in, and then she can only see a silhouette against the light. A quiet whimper is emitted from the small brunette, curling back into the corner of the cellar as much as she possibly can; but it’s not enough to get away.

Shielding her eyes when lights are suddenly turned on, Alison doesn’t even get the chance to adjust before she’s being grabbed roughly by her arm. She gasps, attempting to struggle away. But this man was much stronger than she was, and she wasn’t going anywhere, unless he wanted her to. Easily, as if she were a rag doll, he picks her up, and throws her into a chair. “Sit still,” He grumbles in a menacing tone, leering down at her. “Or this is about to get a whole lot worse for you.” 

Immediately, the girl stilled, out of fear. Glancing down, she could see a knife in this man’s pocket. Already, she starts pleading for him not to hurt her. That her mommy and daddy would give them whatever they wanted – money, or anything. Just please don’t hurt her. The man laughs, a cold, chilling laugh that makes the hairs on the back of Alison’s neck stand up. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you, except to see you suffer.” Each word is accentuated with him dragging the blade lightly up her arm, and on the last word, he makes a small nick in her neck. 

Glancing around the man, who’s eyes were now black, she could see other figures entering the room behind him. “These are my friends.” He says, the wicked grin still on his face. “We’re going to have a lot of fun together, little girl.” There was no one there to hear her scream. No one there to help her. Everyone there was just there to hurt her. To ‘have fun’ with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depictions of childhood abuse, more detailed descriptions of what she encountered.

Alison White was no longer Alison White. Alison was a name she hadn’t heard since she was six years old. Sixteen years had gone by – she was now twenty-two, and she was still held in these demons’ clutches. Eventually she’d learned they were demons, which explained their superhuman strength, and how they never aged even though she was. There was no way for her to tell time. It could have been thirty years, for all she knew. She never knew what day it was, or what time of day it was. 

Standing at five foot six (when she could actually stand up straight, which wasn’t most of the time), she was barely one hundred pounds soaking wet. They fed her, just enough to make sure she didn’t die of starvation. She was still very malnourished and dehydrated. Alison didn’t remember the last time she had a shower. The last time she’d seen anywhere aside from this cellar was the day before she was kidnapped. 

The worst part was the bathroom. There was no bathroom down in the basement, and most of the time, they wouldn’t allow her to go. It would be days before they would give her permission to use the bathroom, but it was impossible for her to hold her bladder and her bowels that long. Even though she hardly ate and drank, she still couldn’t hold it for days at a time. This would end with her wetting and/or soiling herself, and then the punishments would come. It wasn’t uncommon for them to come down and find her sitting in her own filth, and those were always the worst physical punishments. 

Notice how it was the worst ‘physical’ punishments. She also had sexual punishments, and those were worse than any of the other punishments combined. They would use her sexually, whenever they wanted, and however they wanted. Sometimes it would be just one of the demons, and although it hurt, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Some nights, it would be a group of them, or some nights, they would ‘rent her out’ to other demons. Those were always the worst. A group of them, all using her however they wanted. At the end of those punishments she would be naked, beaten and bruised, and bleeding, just wanting to curl up and have no one ever touch her again. But of course, the very next day, it was back to business as usual. Whippings for anything she’d done wrong, even if she didn’t think she’d done anything wrong. They would find things to punish her for, even if it was something that she hadn’t done. Anything that went wrong, they blamed her. 

Her new name, or what they called her, was bitch. Sometimes they called her even more degrading names than that, but bitch was the most common. Any self esteem Alison had once had a six-year-old was completely gone, and she figured it was never going to come back. Even if she ever had the chance to escape, she knew she wouldn’t take it. She was scared. Being here sucked, but what was outside was even scarier. 

Alison was twenty-two, and had absolutely no life experience, or any skills whatsoever. If she were to escape, where would she go? What would she do? She had no job, no car, no license to drive a car, and no skills to get a job with. She had probably been presumed dead long ago, meaning she would no longer have a social security number or any real form of identity, meaning she was just… there. A ghost. She was stuck, in this hellhole that had ended up being her reality. 

One night she’d had a particularly brutal beating. This time it hadn’t been whips, or belts, like they usually use. No, tonight, it had been knives. She was now sitting there, trying to figure out something she could use in the cellar to staunch the blood flow coming from her side. But she was naked, of course, because slaves didn’t get to wear clothes. And it’s not like they’d left her blankets or anything, because that would mean giving her some comfort. 

Alison could feel herself shivering. Although it was cold down there, she knew that wasn’t why she was shivering. She was losing a lot of blood. It was completely dark, but she could still feel herself getting dizzy, and knew she had to lay down. She curled up on her side, the side that was bleeding, keeping one hand underneath her and pressed against the wound firmly. There was blood seeping through her fingers and onto the concrete floor beneath her, and for the first time in years, Alison cried. 

Usually, although the beatings were brutal, she never thought they were going to kill her. If they killed her, it meant the end of their fun, and that they’d have to go find another slave to break down, to get them to do whatever they wanted. But tonight, she wasn’t so sure. Tonight, she felt as though she could feel the life slowly slipping through her fingertips just like her warm blood was. Pooling beneath her and cooling, leaving her wet, and cold. For the first time in a long time, Alison was sure she was going to die.  
When facing death, most people say they made peace with it. That they were never going to see their family again, that they were never going to have any other experiences. But Alison was the complete opposite. She had always known she was going to die, of course, but she had thought that would be after she had lived. Maybe had a boyfriend, and kids, and a wedding. Maybe after she went to college and got a degree and a job she loved. But that seemed as if it were never going to happen.

Tears pooling in her eyes, they start to slowly drip down her cheeks, using her free hand to wipe her nose when they got caught there. Darkness was pulling her in, but it wasn’t the darkness of the cellar. This was a different darkness altogether. Somehow, it was even more black than the room surrounding her. It felt heavier, too. Wasn’t there supposed to be a light, or something, when you were dying? Even a little bit of light would have made her feel more at peace. Made her feel that perhaps she might be going somewhere better – but she didn’t deserve that anyway, so more than likely, that wasn’t going to happen.


	3. Chapter 3

It was loud. And bright. There were male voices surrounding her, and she had no idea what was happening. Then, there’s something pressing onto her side tightly, making her grunt in pain. She was weak, having lost a lot of blood, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to fight back from this unknown feeling. 

Finally, Alison’s eyes adjust to the light, and they finally end up focusing on a man hovering above her. His hair was longer than most men wore it, but it suited him. His eyes were brown, she noticed, or maybe hazel… and there was an emotion in there that she had never seen before. Well, at least she didn’t think she’d ever seen it before. She didn’t remember a lot of her time before being kidnapped, though. She was far too young. 

“Hey, hey… it’s okay, you’re going to be okay… my name’s Sam.” It takes her a few moments to process his words, and she realizes that she truly in fact has no idea who this guy is. Even though she didn’t want to be with her demons, at least she knew them. At least she knew they were bad and that they were going to hurt her. This man, hovering above her, was a whole new ball game. One she hadn’t consented to playing. 

Then there’s another one hovering over her, this one’s eyes green, and his hair short. They looked similar. Maybe brothers, perhaps. He, however, had irritation written all over his face. That was an emotion she knew all too well. “Stop – struggling –“ the man grumbles, and Alison’s eyes flick back to the kinder one. “We’re not here to hurt you.” The one named Sam says, in a quiet tone; one she doesn’t know how to explain. Soothing, maybe? “Okay? My name’s Sam, and this is my brother Dean. We took care of those guys that were hurting you. We’re going to get you to a hospital, okay? You just need to hang in there.” 

A hospital? Why would they be going to a hospital? Why did they come save her in the first place? She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve any sort of kindness, or for anyone to help her at all. “No—” She whispers, continuing to struggle. But the irritated one was holding her down well, making sure she couldn’t get away from Sam’s hand, still pressing down on her side. “No, no hospital.” 

She’s getting dizzy, and her vision is starting to get blurry. Even still, she can see Sam sharing a worried look with the other – Dean, he said, right? “Why no hospital?” Dean says gruffly, sharing a look with Sam before he looks back down at the girl. “Ya got stabbed. You’re goin’ to die if we don’t get you to a hospital, and quick.” Sam shoots Dean a look. “You’re going to scare her.” He says quietly, like Alison isn’t still laying there and listening to their entire conversation.

“Just let me die.” Her words, and the firmness in her words, caused both brothers to stop in surprise, and look down at her. “Please, just let me die… I have no way to pay the medical bills and if I get out of the hospital I’m going to have nowhere to go.” Her eyes are shining with tears again. At least here she had something. Even though it was hardly anything, it was at least a roof over her head, and she wasn’t out on the streets. “I don’t deserve to be helped, I’m bad, I’m a bad girl, I’m a slut.” 

Her eyes shut while she teared up, so she didn’t see the look the brothers shared once again. Sam’s chest tightening, his jaw clenching when he sees how desperate and broken this girl was. He couldn’t tell how old she was, but he knew she was older than she looked. She was just so tiny, so severely malnourished, it was a miracle she was even still alive. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.” Sam answers, ignoring the glare that Dean shoots him for promising something like that to a complete stranger. 

The next thing she feels is that she’s moving. Alison gasps quietly, her eyes shooting open. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Sam says, and when she looks up, she realizes that he’s holding her. He must have placed something on her side to help stop the bleeding for now, and now he’s carrying her bridal style. He wastes no time in getting her to the back of some nice-looking car, but Alison can’t focus on that. It’s daylight, and she hasn’t seen the sun in sixteen years. It hurt her eyes. With a whimper, she shields her eyes, Sam once again hushing her and telling her it’s all going to be okay. 

The last thing she remembers is being in the back of the car, with Sam hovering over her. She locks her blue gaze onto his hazel, reaching her hand out in vain, for something. Any sort of comfort. She finds it in the large hand of Sam Winchester, taking her hand in his own and squeezing it. “You’re going to be okay.” She hears, as she’s slowly drifting into unconsciousness, the darkness taking her over once again. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Sam hands a cup of lukewarm hospital coffee to his older brother, Dean Winchester. He then sits down in the chair next to him, and the silence between them is tense, and awkward. “Look, Dean, what did you want me to say? Did you just want me to leave her there, so she could die? She was begging us to let her die, Dean. Not because she was ready to die, but because she feared what would happen if she didn’t die. I couldn’t just let her die, and I couldn’t let her be scared like that, either.” 

“I don’t know, Sammy. Literally anything aside from ‘oh, we’ll take care of it!’ All hunky dory, like we don’t have a job to do! Yeah, we ganked those sons of bitches, and yeah, it sucks that they hurt her like that, but we can’t just take in every stray we find, Sam! You know that!” Dean sips on the coffee, grimacing at the taste, immediately looking for a trash can. Normally he would drink coffee no matter how bad it was – but hospital coffee was something else altogether. Something he just couldn’t bring himself to drink. 

Sam sighs, fingers running through his dark hair. He leans his head back on the chair with a groan, nodding his head. “I know, I know. I know we can’t take in everyone we save. But there’s just… I don’t know. Something different about her. There’s something we don’t know. It doesn’t seem like this is just some random kidnapping for a few weeks. She was a lot more hurt than that, Dean. Didn’t you see all the old bruises and marks on her? I think she’s been there for a long time. I just want to get some more information. See if we can help her a little bit.” When the only response from the elder is a sigh, Sam sighs in return. “You don’t have to stay. I know there are other cases to do. I know you’re itching to get back out there, or at least get back to the motel to have a shower. That’s fine. I’ll just catch up with you later. I’m staying here.” 

Dean was surprised at how firm Sam sounded. So firm he was pretty sure that even trying to argue with him, or attempting to use logic on him, wouldn’t work; and Sam was usually much more logical than Dean even was. “Alright, Sammy. Whatever. Keep your cell on.” He grumbles, standing up from the uncomfortable chair and heading to the exit of the emergency room’s waiting room. He tosses his coffee into the trash on the way out, getting into his ’67 Chevy Impala and heading back to the motel so he could take a hot shower. Get the demons’ blood off of himself, and not smell like that god-awful place anymore. 

It was hours before a doctor even came out to update Sam on Alison’s condition. “We have her stable. Her side is stitched up, and as far as we can see, the only other major issue right now is a concussion. She has lots of other gashes that have either closed with time or have started closing. An x-ray revealed a lot of broken bones that have healed on their own. Not perfectly, but they’re not too bad considering she never got medical attention for any of them. As bad as the physical damage is, we can see the most damage lies in her mental health. She was fighting against the medical staff the entire time. Screaming, yelling, not wanting them to touch her. We couldn’t get a name out of her, either. Every time she asked, her response would just be, ‘bitch’. When she finally stopped fighting us, it was like a switch had been flipped completely. Now she’s completely compliant, refusing to move or say anything, no matter what anyone does to her.” The man shakes his head. “I don’t know how long she’s been there, but it was certainly long enough to screw her up mentally. I think once we get her physical condition cleared up, she’s going to be having a long stay in the psych ward. Off the record, of course.” 

Sam had no idea who this girl was. No idea what her name was, what her backstory was, or what the hell had happened to her. But what he did know, was he wasn’t going to leave her like this. Dean was going to be pissed, that was for sure. But Sam was going to take her in. He was going to help her become a normal person again, and help her realize that she didn’t deserve everything she’d been given. Help her realize she deserved good things, and not to be hurt all the time. Help her realize there was still good left out there. If that meant he had to take time off of hunting, or maybe even give up hunting for a while, he was going to do it. After all, the hunting lifestyle hadn’t been one he’d wanted in the first place. Sam had wanted to make a difference in the world, yeah. But he hadn’t wanted to do it by killing things.

Now, maybe he wouldn’t be making a difference in the whole world, but maybe he would be making a world of difference for one girl. One girl who desperately needed it the most. Sam had heard many stories about abuse survivors, especially survivors of supernatural abuse. But it was something else altogether to actually see it in person. To actually see the after effects of what these monsters had done to people. Normally, they dropped the people off at the hospital and left. That was Dean’s way of dealing with things, after all. Save them, and then immediately on to the next case. Sam was usually okay with it, but not this time. 

He couldn’t get her out of his head. Specifically, the way she was pleading with the two of them to let her die. Normally, people would do that when they were in tons of pain, or if they knew they were going to die anyway. But this girl… no, she had just been pleading because she was afraid of what she didn’t know. Afraid of the world out there, afraid of what laid beyond that basement she’d been subjected to for god knows how long. That was something Sam had never seen before. She was different, and interesting, and Sam was going to get to know her, no matter how long it took.


	4. Chapter 4

A month later, Alison’s physical condition was finally getting to the point where they’d be willing to release her out of the hospital, but her mental condition was hindering that. Her physician wanted to release her to the hold of the psych ward, instead of the acute care ward, but she was refusing. Alison was subjected to multiple therapy appointments each day, but she’d still hardly said a single word. There were a few words here and there, but nothing to give the physician any indication of her moving forward with the trauma she had faced. She refused to confide in anyone, wouldn’t let anyone touch her, and spent most of her days laying in her hospital bed. The staff had offered her the television multiple times, but whenever anyone would turn it on, she would turn it back off. There was nothing to entertain her, and it seemed as though she was perfectly content with that. Alison was content with just laying there, staring into space. It was a worrying sight for anyone. 

While they were working on her therapy, and she was under careful observation, they didn’t let Sam come around. He was at the hospital each day, hoping today would be the day he’d be able to see her again, but it never was. One day, her physician walked past him, and he heard him talking about going to court to declare her mentally incompetent, that way they could place her in a psych ward without her consent. This angered Sam, and he immediately sped up to walk next to the doctor. “I want to talk to you about her.” He demands. “I want to take her home with me.” 

The doctor’s footsteps stopped when he heard the younger Winchester’s words. He turns to face him, surprised to see just how serious and sincere Sam looked. With a sigh, the man nods, gesturing for Sam to follow him into his office. Once he’d done so and taken a seat across the man’s desk from him, the doctor then speaks. “I don’t think you understand what you’d be getting yourself into, boy.” 

When he’s called ‘boy’, Sam grinds his teeth in annoyance. It was like John talking to him all over again, only this time he was a grown-ass man, who had every right to make whatever choices he wanted. “That’s why I need your help. I need you to tell me what’s going on with her, medically speaking, so I know what to expect when I take her home with me. I have been at this hospital every day, waiting for the chance to see her again. I don’t care how bad it is, I’m going to take her with me, and I am going to help her through this. She’s not going to some psych facility where she doesn’t know anybody, and she’ll just be locked up and treated like she’s crazy. I’m not going to let that happen.” 

The doctor sighs quietly, taking his glasses off and pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Okay. Technically, I shouldn’t be telling you any of this, due to privacy laws. But she has no family we can find, and the only other place for her to go would be a psych ward. Of course, we would prefer for her to go home with someone, but…” He looks back to Sam, who doesn’t say anything, instead just watching him expectantly. “Using some of our advanced technology, we’ve figured she’s likely around twenty-two years old. One of the few things she did tell us was that she was kidnapped when she was six. So she’s been there, being abused, for sixteen years. She still hasn’t told us her name, and she mostly refuses to talk. When she does talk, it’s something that’s obviously been ingrained her brain for all these years.” 

Sam stays silent for a moment, listening intently, and processing everything the balding man in front of him is saying. His mind is spinning, just listening to the fact that she’s been held hostage for sixteen years. To know she was subjected to such brutal torture, in every sense of the word, just at the age of six was heartbreaking. It was literally all she knew. “What do you mean? What does she say?” 

“For example, when she found out she was going to be meeting someone new, namely her therapist, Rose, to ready herself, she got undressed. Fully.” The man pauses, to allow that to sink in. “When we asked her why she had gotten undressed, her response was ‘slaves are never to be in clothes in front of their master, or guests.’ That’s just one of the many things. It’s like the only thing she knows how to say is mottos they gave her for those sixteen years. Like she doesn’t have an actual thought of her own. We’ve tried getting her to talk, but she just keeps saying that slaves don’t speak, because if they speak, they get punished.” 

Eyes squeezing shut, Sam can feel his stomach churning. He doesn’t know why he cares about this girl so much. He doesn’t even know this girl. Yet, he feels a strange protective instinct over him. Maybe because he never grew up with the best home life, but now that he’s hearing about what she had to go through, he’s realizing that he certainly had it a lot better than he’d once thought. But before he can speak, the physician is talking once again.

“There is… something else. We haven’t been able to study this very extensively yet, but we think it’s possible that she… regresses.” He pauses again, but raises his hand to stop Sam from speaking, already knowing he wouldn’t understand. “I haven’t had experience with this before, but I’ve been doing some research. It seems that there are some people that do it voluntarily, and then there are others that do it involuntarily. Since we haven’t been able to study her specifically, I don’t know if she does it voluntarily or involuntarily. Right now, I’d guess it’s involuntary, but if she were to get into a comfortable space, that it would turn into something more voluntary.” 

He takes a deep breath, settling back in his chair and pressing his fingertips together, his elbows resting on the armrests of his chair. “Regressing means that the mind, well, regresses, into a younger age than what she actually is. From what research I’ve done, the age can vary depending on the person. Some just regress into a younger age, like five or seven, so they can still do most things on their own, just without the stress of an adult life. Others regress into younger ages. Toddlers, or sometimes even infants. Wanting to give up being able to do anything for themselves and wanting someone to love and nurture them. I think if she does truly regress, that’s probably why. Because she never received that love and nurturing that she needed while she was growing up.” 

Sam nods. He leans back in his seat as well, his eyes cast downward. He’d known that it was going to be difficult taking care of her, but it seemed that more and more things kept coming up. It wasn’t that he had changed his mind, because he certainly hadn’t. He was just starting to get a little worried wondering if he would truly be good at taking care of her how she needed. If he would be the best man for the job; then again, so far, he was the only candidate for the job, and he had the feeling no one else was going to volunteer anytime soon. “Okay… so, what have you seen her do, then? Why do you think she regresses?” 

“We haven’t seen a whole lot. But every so often, especially if she’s getting tired, she’ll start to suck on her thumb. Then she’ll catch herself, and immediately become embarrassed, and harden herself again. I think she’s been fighting these regressions, because she thinks she’s not in a safe place. If she were in a safe place, she might be able to go into them, and I don’t know. Maybe it would help somehow.” The man puts his glasses back on. “It’s something to keep in mind, especially if you think you might want to actually take her in.”   
“I think I have an idea.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking about updating every Sunday? Or maybe twice a week? But I need those kudos and comments to let me know what you guys want. (;

There was a knock on the door, and Alison didn’t look up. She hears a soft voice, one that she recognizes to be her therapist, Rose. There was a large part of her that felt bad that Rose was spending so much time on her. She didn’t deserve it. She knew Rose didn’t really want to be there, that she was just doing it because she’d been assigned to Alison’s ‘case.’ “There’s someone here to see you. I’m going to send him in, okay?” 

Alison’s response was a simple one – she did nothing. But once the door shut, she quickly prepared herself. Her clothes were taken off, folded on the hospital bed she still hadn’t touched. Alison kneels on the floor, sitting back on her heels. Her chin tilted downward, eyes trained at the floor. Her master had taught her to do that whenever anyone new was coming in, or whenever a guest was. To prepare herself to be used however they would please. 

Sam enters the room, chest tightening when he sees her on the floor. He stops, taking a deep breath, and closing his eyes for a moment. “Thank you.” He says to Rose, nodding for her to go. “Be careful. She’ll do literally anything you ask.” She states, then mentions that she was going to be around – a subtle threat for Sam to keep himself in check, even though there was no way he would ever do anything to her. Especially not in this vulnerable of a position. “Hi, sweetheart.” Sam says quietly. He notices how she doesn’t even react, and wonders if she realizes he’s talking to her. Or maybe she doesn’t know what sweetheart even means. Maybe she wouldn’t know a sweet nickname if it jumped up and bit her nose. That was a sad thought. “Can I sit next to you?” 

There was a pause, before Alison nodded. Her eyesight is still trained on the floor, not wanting to show him any disrespect by making eye contact before she was given permission. When she was still with her master, she was almost never given permission to make eye contact. She spent most of her days staring at the floor. It was one of the most comfortable positions for her now. 

“Can you look at me, please?” His heart almost broke when the only response was, “Slaves aren’t supposed to make eye contact with their masters.” Sam pauses, taking his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling on it absentmindedly. “But sweetheart, I’m not your master, and you’re not my slave. In fact, you’re not anyone’s slave. You’re your own person.” He pauses, gauging for any sort of response, but continues when there isn’t one. “Please? Will you please look at me?” 

Alison finally looks up at him, knowing she needed to obey. If she didn’t obey, then there would be even more room for punishment, and that wasn’t something she wanted to even think about. Her blue eyes meet that hazel gaze for the first time in over a month. The last time she’d seen him, she’d been on the brink of death. Now, her physical condition was getting better. She hadn’t gained much weight, but at least she wasn’t actively dying. While she’s zoned out, thinking of the last time they’d seen each other, she’s suddenly brought back by Sam speaking again. 

“Why did you get undressed, honey?” Sam asks quietly. He already knew what the answer was going to be. This was one of the few specifics the physician had told him. But he wanted to be able to tell her that that wasn’t true, that she didn’t need to do that anymore. He wanted her to start feeling comfortable around him, even though he knew that was going to take a hell of a lot longer than a day. 

Immediately, Alison’s eyesight casts downward once more. “Whenever her master or a guest is coming, a slave must be undressed to allow them to use her however they please.” The words were spoken in a quiet, almost robotic tone. She’d obviously been made to say them many times through her sixteen years of abuse. 

“Can you do something for me?” Sam asks quietly, waiting until he sees the nod of her head. “I know you’re going to be confused about what I’m asking you to do, but… I would really like for you to get dressed, please.” Just as he said, a flash of confusion went through Alison’s eyes, and then her mind started spinning. Wondering if it was a trap – did she obey, and then get punished for putting clothes on? Or did she disobey, and then get punished for not obeying? As far as she could see, it was a no-win situation. She just had to figure out what would yield the least amount of punishment. “Hey, hey.” Sam soothes, taking just one finger to tilt Alison’s chin up, trying to catch her eye again. “This isn’t a trick, I promise. I know you’ve been told you need to be undressed whenever there’s someone new around, but it’s okay. I want you to be comfortable, and I would really like for you to please put your clothes back on.” 

Alison stays silent, hesitating another few moments before she nods. She stands up, taking the clothing off of the bed and placing on the loose t-shirt and sweatpants they had given her. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, her voice hardly audible. “I know it’s ugly.” 

At the first words, Sam is immediately standing up, but he’s staying a few steps back from her. He knew he was much taller than she was, and much bigger in general, and he didn’t want her to feel like he was crowding her or towering over her. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not ugly. You’re in comfortable clothing, and that was exactly what I wanted.” He pauses, trying to think of something to say. “So, how have you been sleeping? Is this hospital bed okay?” He finally asks, knowing that hospital beds were notorious for being uncomfortable.

Alison looks down at what Sam has just gestured to, then looks back up at him. “Bed?” She had clung to the memories of being young, before being kidnapped, for as long as she possibly could. But the demons had broke her of those memories, and she really didn’t remember anything from before they had taken her anymore. 

Sam nods slowly. He sits down on the edge of the hospital bed, patting the spot next to him, a gesture for Alison to come sit with him. “Yes, honey. This is a bed. This is where you sleep. See these?” He pulls back the blankets, showing the sheets underneath. “You get underneath these blankets, and you lay here with your head on the pillow…” He places a hand on her shoulder. Immediately, Alison is tensing, but she knows she needs to obey him. She slowly does as he says, laying down where he’s telling her to. It’s a foreign feeling, and one she’s not sure if she truly likes, just because it’s so different. Sam then covers her with the blankets, giving her a small smile. “See? When you’re tired you do this, and then you just close your eyes, and fall asleep.” It was sad that he had to teach her what a bed was, but he knew it was just the first of many, many things he was going to need to teach her; to recondition her. 

“Can you tell me your name, sweetheart?” Sam asks, and he’s still sitting on the edge of the bed while she’s laying down, but he’s being sure not to touch her. He doesn’t want to scare her anymore than she already is. She responded with the usual response. Bitch. But Sam shakes his head. “No, no. Before that. Before they took you, you had an actual name. Do you remember what that was?” He asks, his tone still quiet, and soothing. “Take your time, it’s okay.” 

Alison is watching him, her gaze faraway while she tries to pull any piece of information from her brain about life before being kidnapped. It was hard to even imagine a time where she didn’t know anything aside from pain. Hard to remember anything about her parents, or home life, or even the night itself where she’d been kidnapped. There’s silence in the room for quite a few minutes, but then finally, the brunette speaks. “Alison.” She didn’t remember anything other than that. Didn’t remember a middle name, nor a last name, but at least she remembered a first name. Or… at least, she thought she remembered a first name. She was hoping that was right. Either way, it was going to be her name now. 

“Alison.” Sam repeats, smiling at her, pride shining in his eyes. It was a tiny piece of information, but it was something. “That’s a very pretty name, you know that?” He glances down. “Alison, I know we don’t know each other well. I know you don’t trust me, because you know nothing about me, aside from my name being Sam. You’re scared, and that’s okay. It would be worse if you weren’t scared. But I want you to know that I want to take you home with me. I want to help you. I want to treat you well, I want you to see the good the world has to offer, because I know it’s so hard for you to see it.” 

He takes a deep breath. This is where things could potentially go badly, and he desperately hoped they weren’t going to. Maybe he should wait to do this. Maybe he should do it later, when Alison trusted him more. “Your doctor told me some things about you. About your physical and your mental condition. He mentioned something about you needing a safe and nurturing environment, for you to be comfortable to… be yourself in. So, I did some research, and, I got you a present.” There’s a small smile on his face, although it’s nervous. 

Slowly, Sam reaches in his pocket. “This is for you.” Laying in his hand was a pacifier. “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable, or embarrassed, and I’m sorry if I overstepped my boundaries. I just… wanted to try to get you something to help you feel more comfortable to be yourself, and help you realize I’m truly serious about helping you to see the good in the world.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While the muse is still flying for this story, I figured I’d update twice a week - Wednesday & Sunday. Please let me know what you think!

“She’s been here for about two weeks now.” Sam tells Dean and Castiel, while sitting at the kitchen table of the bunker with both of them. Castiel hadn’t been around for a few months, because he’d been busy with heavenly business. Dean had continued going off on cases. Sam could tell Dean was resenting him a little bit, for taking Alison in. Sam had had to stay at the hospital with her for a while, before she finally agreed to go home. He also had to prove himself fit to take care of her so the doctors would know she was going to a safe place. But finally, Alison had moved into the bunker, and she’d been there for two weeks. Dean had gotten back late the night before, and Castiel had popped in this morning to see how things were. He’d scared the ever-living shit out of Alison, and Sam had decided it was time for a quick meeting about what was happening. 

“I was trying to get a read on her, and I couldn’t.” Castiel states, turning to look at the doorway going into the living area of the bunker, as if he could see Alison sitting on the couch from where he was seated at the table. “But I can tell there’s something … off about her. Her mind doesn’t work the same way as most humans’ minds I’ve seen. Have you noticed anything?” 

Sam glances over to Dean, who’s sullenly sitting in the seat and taking large drinks out of his beer. He hadn’t said one word to Sam yet, but Sam knew eventually he’d get over his temper tantrum. Maybe even grow to love Alison if he got to know her. “Yeah, actually, I have.” Sam says regarding Castiel’s question. “She regresses.” Sam rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Which basically means that when she gets stressed out, or sometimes just for no reason at all, her mind makes her go back to a younger state. I don’t know what age yet. She refuses to regress around me. She keeps fighting it, but I can tell she’s getting tired of fighting it. The doctor said once she felt like she was in a safe environment she might be able to regress, and it could potentially help her, but she’s still getting settled in. She still doesn’t feel safe.” 

Castiel nods his head in understanding. He’d never heard of that before, but it wasn’t uncommon for him to not be familiar with something humans do. There were a lot of things about humans that confused him, and he knew it would likely be like that for as long as the human race was still around. “I see. So we need to make her feel safe here, and then maybe she can start gaining a sense of security, enough to help her with therapy.” 

The younger Winchester can feel his heart swelling, nodding with a small smile, toward Castiel. Even though Castiel wasn’t the best with emotions, he was always protective of the Winchesters. It seemed as though he was going to be just as protective with Alison, as well. Knowing he at least had one more person on his side was a relief. Dean obviously wasn’t quite on board yet. “Yeah, exactly. I’m hoping she’ll allow herself to regress soon. It’s gotta be tiring constantly fighting your mind over something it really wants to do. I’m also hoping she can regress, so I can take care of her, and when she wakes up from it she can see I didn’t harm her. Hopefully that’ll get her to place a little more trust in me as well. Dean?” 

“This whole thing is weird as shit, man.” Dean groans, placing his hands over his face. “What did I tell ya about takin’ in strays, Sammy? All she’s doin’ is causin’ more work for us.” The last sentence has Sam rolling his eyes, knowing more than likely, Dean was hardly going to take care of her at all. “I still say we should bring her back to the hospital and let the professionals take care of this. But I know you and your stubborn ass, and you’re not gonna let that happen. So I guess I have no choice but to be in on this whole stupid thing.” 

Even though Dean obviously wasn’t doing this by choice, at least he was willing to step in and help if Sam truly needed him to. “I know you don’t want to do this, but thank you, Dean.” Sam mentions quietly. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up liking her.” He can’t help but to chuckle at Dean rolling his eyes before going to the fridge to get yet another beer. It was a long shot, but Sam was hopeful. He didn’t want Dean to resent her, because if she realized that, then she would likely think she wasn’t welcome there. 

“She doesn’t like physical touch.” Sam says with a nod. Even though she’d only been there a couple weeks, Sam had already started to learn more about her than he ever did while she was in the hospital. “She doesn’t speak much. I’ve started trying to coax her into speaking more, but it’s usually just a few words at a time, then she’s done. If she doesn’t like something, she won’t say anything. She’ll do anything you say, no matter how much she doesn’t want to do it. So I’ve been having to be careful that I’m not asking her to do something she could potentially not want to do – and I’ve been watching her reactions carefully. If you get angry at all, even if you don’t raise your voice, she freaks out. So we just have to be careful of what we’re doing.” 

Right as Sam was pausing, about to say more, a quiet voice comes from the other side of the room. “Sam?” Alison asked quietly, and Sam’s heart just about burst. She was so small, all curled in on herself and looking vulnerable. He knew she was worried because she’d interrupted his conversation. 

“Yeah, come here, sweetheart.” Hazel eyes watch as she steps toward him, until she’s standing right next to his chair. Alison had slowly been starting to get more okay with him touching her, because he’d always been sure to use gentle touches, always ensuring he would never accidentally harm her. While she stands next to his chair, Sam gently places a hand on the small of her back. “What is it, honey?” 

Alison wasn’t used to the way Sam looked at her, touched her, or talked to her. He was always so quiet, and kind. He’d only touched her gently, and she was always wary that soon it was going to turn into a harsher touch. It always did, after all. But so far, Sam had been nothing but so kind to her. “Fell asleep, and when…” She trails off, just looking down at the floor. She knows there are two other men in the room, and her mind is yelling at her to present for them. To get undressed, and get on her knees, but Sam had always told her not to do that. 

“And when you woke up, I wasn’t there.” Sam finishes the rest of the sentence for her, and she nods in agreement. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Dean just woke up, and since Castiel was here, I figured we should have a little meeting. Do you want to sit?” There was an empty chair on the other side of the table, across from Sam. She quickly shook her head, so Sam wraps his fingers around her wrist gently, tugging her down onto his lap, instead. “Remember you can get up at any time. Dean’s here, do you remember Dean? He was the one that came with me when we found you… and this is Castiel. He’s our friend, and he’s going to help us watch over you.” 

Alison was tense as she was pulled onto his lap, but the feeling of his fingers carding through her hair soothingly was starting to relax her. It seemed that Sam could read her like a book sometimes, that he always knew exactly how to get her to start to relax. Alison slowly lifts her blue eyes to look solemnly at the two. She recognized Dean, and only recognized Castiel from when he popped in and scared the shit out of her earlier. “Hi.” Alison says shyly to the dark-haired angel, before quickly ducking her eyes back down to the table.

Castiel could already feel himself starting to grow a little fond of her. It was different with the Winchesters, because he’d been ordered to look over them. Sometimes Dean had been a little bit of an asshole, too, so for a long time Castiel hadn’t been fond of them. But now they were like family – Dean maybe even a little bit more so. And this girl was adorable. Shy, and hesitant, and Castiel knew he made the right decision in telling Sam that he was going to help them look after her. “Hi, I’m Castiel. Dean and Sam call me Cas, so you can too, if you’d like.” 

Dean’s greeting was merely a rough grunt, which caused Alison to scoot back a little bit in Sam’s grip. It was obvious Dean didn’t like her. Maybe she shouldn’t be there. Was she causing tension in the Winchester household? The last thing she wanted to do was be a burden. “You’re okay,” is suddenly whispered quietly in her ear, and she knows Sam can feel her body tensing up. “I’m right here.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, I know I said I would be updating on Wednesdays and Sundays, but tomorrow I'm super busy, so here's the next part tonight instead! I hope you guys like it. This is where she regresses for the first time, so I'm excited for you guys to read it!

Ever since the day Sam had offered her the pacifier and she refused to take it, Sam had kept in on him at all times. Just in case she decided she was willing to take it, or he could get her to believe it wasn’t so embarrassing, like she thought it was. He could tell his moment was coming – he just had to play his cards right, and maybe Alison wouldn’t get so freaked out by it. Sam didn’t know why she was so embarrassed by it. It wasn’t like she could control the regressions, and he just didn’t think it was that weird anyway. It was just like taking care of a baby, just a little bigger, right? 

He’d already been starting to slowly accumulate some things for when she finally gave in to the regressions, or finally just couldn’t fight it anymore and ended up regressing even though she didn’t want to. He’d gotten some diapers, some formula with extra nutrients, pajamas, more pacifiers, and even a little bit of baby food. After all he had no idea what was going to happen, and he wanted to be prepared. Sam was going to do his absolute best to take care of her.

Sam, Dean, and Alison had been sitting in the living area of the bunker watching TV for a few hours now. Castiel had popped in about an hour ago. He’d been coming around more now that Alison was there. Of course, he tried to say it wasn’t because of her, and tried to come up with an excuse, but he didn’t really have any business, and was just starting to hang out with them, which he didn’t do before. 

It was obvious to Sam that Alison was fighting a regression. It always happened more often when she got tired, and it always got harder for her to fight. Sam had looked at the time, and it had been about an hour ago that he had first been able to tell she was fighting a regression. He knew soon enough she was either going to fall asleep, or force herself out of her regression, and Sam was hoping for neither of those options.

This was where the pacifier he’d been carrying around would hopefully come in handy. He moves slowly, so as not to jolt or disturb Alison, slowly reaching in his jacket’s inside pocket to pull it out. After making sure Alison was still distracted by the tv, he slowly reaches over to push the pacifier inside her mouth. He was getting ready for some violent reaction – perhaps throwing it, starting to cry, or freaking out. But instead, he was met with mere silence. It was as if she didn’t even realize it had been placed in her mouth, and she had just started to contently suck on it. 

A small smile forms on the younger Winchester’s face as he watched her, bringing one hand up to smooth her hair. He runs his fingers through her hair gently, thankful they were watching something that wasn’t too violent. He didn’t want to change the channel and draw attention to her, but if she was regressing, he didn’t want her watching something violent or raunchy like Dean liked to watch. Glancing up, Sam meets a pair of piercing blue eyes, and shares a light smile with Castiel. Sam knew he was going to have to teach Castiel how to take care of her when she got like this – he was an angel, he didn’t know how to take care of children. But then again, Sam didn’t really know what he was doing either. It was all going to be a learning process. 

Sam had asked Dean to stick around the bunker for a while. He was hoping that in doing so, Alison and Dean could start to bond a little bit. Maybe Dean could see that she was really sweet, and he would stop thinking of her as a ‘stray’ as he’d so unfondly nicknamed her. If Dean was honest with himself, he would admit that he actually didn’t mind her as much as he let on. But that would involve actually showing feelings, and he wasn’t there quite yet. That was going to take some time. 

Towards the end of the movie, Sam was thinking about the next step. He didn’t know how far into the regression she was, but she was obviously far enough in that she didn’t mind having a pacifier in her mouth. He was thinking about how he was going to get her into some pajamas, and maybe even a diaper, if she’d allow it.

Turns out, he didn’t even need to worry about that. When the credits started rolling, and Dean yawned loudly, Alison snapped out of it – because she wet herself. She glanced down in confusion when she felt something in her mouth, then immediately spit it out, eyes widening when she realized what it was. Her eyes widened even more when she realized what she had just done. Her cheeks were inflamed in a dark red, eyes filling with tears as she practically jumped off the couch. Sam quickly jumps up with her, placing a hand on her arm, then holding both of his hands up in surrender when she attempts to rip her arm away. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He tries to soothe, wishing he could touch her, but not wanting to scare her.

Alison is shaking, and she’s petrified. She can’t believe Sam would do something like that to her. Allow her to humiliate herself in such a way when she was so vulnerable. He tried to touch her arm, but she quickly pulled away from him, ducking her head while her arms wrapped around herself in an attempt to keep herself held together. “I can’t – you...”  
Sam swallows hard. He had been expecting some sort of angry reaction, but he hadn’t been expecting this. He hadn’t been expecting her to look at him with such a betrayal in her eyes. She was obviously embarrassed, and Sam could tell she felt like he had humiliated her on purpose. “It’s okay!” Sam says pleadingly, even though he knows she doesn’t believe him. “I promise, it’s okay. I did it because I could tell you were out of it, and I want you to feel safe, and I want you to just be able to give in to them…” He’s rambling, hardly taking a breath even when he needs to, because he’s trying to get the words out before she can stop him. He feels so bad, because she’s obviously so scared about having an accident on the couch. “It’s okay, I promise. Let me take care of you, sweetheart. No one’s mad.” 

Alison is on the verge of a panic attack – that much is easy to tell. He knows the signs of them now, because of how often she has them now. Her eyes get wide, her entire body tenses up, her breathing starts to go shallow. The pattern of her breathing gets erratic, and soon enough her chest tightens, and then she’s freaking out because she can’t breathe. Sam always tries to stop them before they can get that bad – a lot of times he doesn’t succeed, though. Alison’s lower lip is trembling, along with her body shaking violently. “Please – please don’t hurt me.” Alison pleads in a desperate tone, her mind starting to trick her back into thinking she was with the demons again. “I’m so sorry I wet myself, I’m so sorry, I’ll clean it up, I promise, just please don’t hurt me!” 

Sam approaches her carefully, knowing she was practically a skittish kitten that would run at the slightest confrontation. “Alison, honey, I need you to look at me. Look at me, please.” He waits a few seconds until she finally does, and then he meets her gaze with an intense, but soft gaze. “No one is going to hurt you. You’re not there anymore, remember? You’re in Kansas, in the bunker, and you’re safe. No one is going to hurt you, I promise. No one’s even mad at you.” 

She sincerely doubted no one was mad at her. It was humiliating, and now her urine was all over the couch, and all over herself. Alison almost jumps out of her skin when someone, from behind her, wraps their arms around her tightly. Considering Sam is standing in front of her, and he’s practically the only one who she’ll allow to touch her, immediately she’s whipping around to see who it is. The last person she expects it to be is Dean Winchester. 

Dean’s arms are locked tightly around her, and he pulls her flush against his chest, not caring about the mess a little lower down. “Breathe.” He says quietly, his tone still gruff. He easily holds her up when her legs practically give out, because she starts crying so hard she can’t keep herself up. “I’ve got you.” 

The younger Winchester had tried to convince her to confess what had happened while she was held in the captivity of the demons. At least talk to him about some of it, so he could attempt to help her when she had nightmares, but she always refused. For some reason, though, Dean showing her this affection was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Suddenly words were tumbling out of her mouth faster than she could even think, faster than she could stop them. “T-they would never let me go to the b-bathroom and they would m-make me hold it for days and I couldn’t – I couldn’t hold it, Dean—” Dean nods his head, placing his hand on the back of her neck as an attempt to help ground her, get her out of the thoughts she was having. “I couldn’t hold it a-and then they’d make me sit in it, and then the beatings – the beatings were always s-so bad afterward—” 

Sam’s heart broke hearing those words. Even something as simple as using the bathroom had been cruelly ripped away from her, for sixteen years. It was a normal bodily function, and they had abused her so badly for it. He shuddered to think at what happened when she got her period every month, but he wasn’t going to ask. He had just learned that whenever she was ready, she would tell them what she wanted to. Eventually, Sam would learn everything he needed to about what she had gone through. 

He approached the pair who were still hugging, coming up behind Alison and enveloping her from the back. After a few moments hesitation, Castiel also joins the hug from the side. Alison is just continuing to cry, her face hidden in Dean’s chest, her tears spilling against his shirt. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, before Sam finally gently takes Alison’s arm, and tugs her away. “Come on, gorgeous.” He whispers. “Let’s get you cleaned up and ready for bed, how does that sound?” 

Alison slowly turns to him and nods her head. He leans down, reaching to pick the pacifier up off the floor, and offering it to her. Her cheeks inflame red again, casting her eyes downward, but she doesn’t say anything. “It’s okay.” Sam coaxes quietly, reaching his hand up to gently push it toward her mouth. Dean had looked away by this point, not wanting to make her more uncomfortable. Before Alison opened her mouth to accept it she glanced at Castiel, who only gave her a small, reassuring smile. It didn’t seem like any of them were going to hate her if she did it, so she slowly opened her mouth to accept it in. “Good girl.” Sam praises, leaning in to kiss her forehead gently. 

Her face feels like it’s on fire from the second he puts it in her mouth, but even more so because of him praising her. She’s not used to being praised, she’s still not used to anything except for degradation and humiliation. Alison slowly follows Sam into the bathroom, her eyes still cast downward at the floor. When Sam asks if she wants help to clean up, or if she wants to do it on her own, she quickly answers that she can do it on her own, her voice muffled by the pacifier in her mouth. Once he leaves the room she quickly gets cleaned up, experimentally sucking on the pacifier a few times. Alison can’t deny that she likes it. She wishes she didn’t, because that would make things so much simpler. But she really does like it and wishes she could use it more. 

Cheeks burning, she realized the pajamas Sam got her was a onesie. It was just a simple brown onesie and she didn’t think too much of it until she realized it had a hood that made it look like a bear. It obviously wasn’t made for children, because of how big it was, but she still felt like a child. How long had Sam had this? Was he upset that she was regressing? Did he think it was weird? Was he going to eventually kick her out because of it? 

“Alison?” Sam knocks on the door gently after she’d been in there for quite a while. “Are you okay?” He’s starting to get worried because he doesn’t hear a response, but then the door is opening, and she’s standing there in the onesie. A smile forms on his face as he looks at her. “You look adorable. Does it fit okay?” It was the perfect picture – her in the onesie with a pacifier still stuck in her mouth. Sam steps forward when she nods and places a hand on her still-red cheek. “Sweetheart, I want you to be honest with me. Do you feel like you’re going to regress again tonight? I’m only asking because if you feel like you might, I don’t want you to be alone.” 

Alison pauses, ducking her head before she slowly nods her head. She could still feel it coming, since she’d managed to pull herself out of it before it had fully hit. But she had a feeling soon it was going to come back with a vengeance. Alison had been fighting it for so long – and now that she was starting to get more settled in at the bunker, and was feeling safer, it was likely her subconscious was going to allow her to fully regress. Alison wanted to say no, but she really didn’t want to be alone during it if she couldn’t keep herself out of it. 

Sam nods, reaching down to take her hand in his. He squeezes it gently, before linking their fingers together. “I want you to stay with me tonight, so I can take care of you. Okay?” He asks in a soft tone, smiling lightly when she nods in agreement. Sam tugs her out of the bathroom and toward his room, nodding goodnight to both Castiel and Dean.  
Alison stops before they reach his room, when they go to move past the two men. She slowly approaches Dean, her gaze still averted downward, because she knew she probably looked stupid in the onesie with the pacifier still in her mouth. “Thank you.” She says quietly, leaning forward to give him a quick hug. This has Sam gaping at Dean, because Alison had never initiated contact before. He makes a gesture, and Dean gives Sam a silent bitch face before wrapping his arms back around her in a quick hug, mumbling something along the lines of a ‘yeah, yeah’ before letting go of her. 

Sam gives Dean a grateful smile, and then gives Alison a proud smile, before holding his hand back out to her. She takes it, but instead of moving back to Sam’s room, she just stops, her eyes wide. He glances back to her in confusion, before quickly cupping both of her cheeks in his hands, tilting her chin up so she’ll look at him. “What? Are you okay?” Sam questions worriedly when he sees a faraway look in her eyes. 

This was a feeling that she hadn’t had before. Actually, she had, but she had never had it this intensely. She could feel she was about to regress, but this time it felt like she was about to be hit by a bus. There was no way she was going to be able to fight this one. A quiet whimper escapes her lips before she looks up at Sam, her eyes scared. “I’m gonna –” she whispers, her breath hitching. “I can’t stop it—” 

It only took him a few seconds to realize she was about to regress, and then he nods. “Hey, it’s okay.” Sam encourages, trying to get his voice light and soothing. He doesn’t want her to be scared, or worried. “Just let go, okay? I’m going to take care of you, and I’m going to make sure everything’s okay. You just have to let go and let it happen.”  
Dean is watching the whole interaction with weary eyes. The whole regression thing still weirded him out, but while he was watching it, he could tell that this wasn’t exactly what he thought it was. This wasn’t something she enjoyed doing, it was something she couldn’t control. Something that happened due to the trauma she had faced. Dean was starting to see why Sam wasn’t weirded out by it at all. It was just something that she needed to have happen, and she just needed someone to help her through it. For the first time, Dean was glad that Sam had taken in a ‘stray,’ because he knew they could help her – or Sam could, if nothing else. 

Alison whimpers quietly, her eyes squeezing shut. She was still fighting it as hard as she could because that was what she was used to. It was impossible for her to not fight it. She kept hearing a crooning voice in her ear, one she knew was Sam, telling her to let go. “I can’t, Sam, I can’t –” She whimpers, gripping his biceps tightly. But he just kept cooing to her, telling her that it was okay and that she could let go, and eventually, Alison just couldn’t fight it anymore. Even though she was still trying her hardest, eventually, the regression took over.

It was like a switch had flipped, and Alison suddenly was no longer Alison. Sam could tell as soon as she regressed, because suddenly she was pitching forward, because her legs weren’t working anymore. He quickly catches her, with his arms around her waist, hoisting her up and getting her settled on his hip. It was a little difficult because of her height, but with how malnourished she was, she was certainly light enough for him to carry her easily. “Alison…?” Sam asks quietly, then a small smile forms on his face because of the so innocent expression on her face. “Hi, Ali!” 

From the looks of it, Alison was less than a year old. Sam had been expecting this, since she had never allowed herself a full regression before, and her brain desperately wanted her to. It seemed as though she didn’t remember any of the bad things that had happened to her, a bright grin forming on her face when she looked up at Sam. She was happily sucking on the pacifier, her hand coming up to tug on his hair, and a squeal of approval escaping her lips.

Sam chuckles quietly, leaning forward to press a kiss to her nose, making a loud sound as he does so. It works, because it makes her giggle, and then Sam grins. “Alright, princess. What do you say we get a diaper on you, get you a bottle and get you tucked into bed, hmm?” She just looked at him, not fully understanding what he was saying, but his tone was happy, so she continued to smile at him. 

It only took him a few minutes to find the diapers he had hidden, and he laid her down on his bed to quickly and efficiently get her changed. Once the diaper’s on, before he zips the onesie back up he blows a raspberry on her stomach, causing her to laugh loudly. The sound is infectious, and Sam grins back at her before zipping it up and helping her to sit up. Sam then picks her back up and puts her on his hip, bringing her out to the kitchen. 

He hums quietly, setting about making her a bottle. It takes him a few minutes, because he’s inexperienced and because he’s trying to do everything with one hand, but soon enough he has it ready. “Ready, baby?” He asks, earning him a nod from her. Sam then carries her back to the bedroom, calling goodnight to Dean and Cas, then shutting the door. Sam props pillows up against the headboard, so he can lean against them, and props up pillows next to him so he can rest his elbow on them. Sam then transfers her so he’s cradling her, his head cradled in the crook of his arm, and starts to feed her the bottle. 

Alison starts to happily drink it, her eyes falling shut. The whole reason she had started to regress was so she could receive love and nurturing that she hadn’t received since she was five years old, and Sam was doing exactly that. She very contently nuzzled into him while she drank the milk, reaching a hand up to play with the fingers on his hand that was holding the bottle. Sam instead reached the hand of the arm that was cradling her up a little bit just so she could see it, and then she was content to play with the fingers on that hand instead. 

She drank the entire bottle. Because of having not eating much for so many years, she still didn’t eat a lot. Sam always tried to convince her to eat, but a lot of times she wasn’t hungry. She also wouldn’t tell him even if she was hungry, because she was always afraid something bad would happen if she admitted she wanted food. Right now, though, she didn’t have the inhibitions she normally did, so she was content to drink the entire bottle. Sam then sat her up, burping her quickly, before he goes to lay her back down.

Alison whines when Sam tries to lay her down in the bed. Instead, she clings to his shirt, whining every time he tries to move. “Okay, okay. You can snuggle me tonight, how does that sound?” Sam asks, smiling when she makes a noise of content. Sam moves her so she’s facing him, helping her to wrap her legs around his waist, and then she nuzzles into him, her chin resting on his shoulder. Alison’s eyes are starting to droop, and soon enough, she’s fast asleep. Once she is, Sam reaches over to turn off the light, laying down with her still curled around him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s update day!! Guys I love this story and it seems like you guys are loving it too! If you know of anyone who likes age regressions and that sort of stuff, suggest this to them! This story’s “fan” base is slowly growing and I love it so much. I hope you guys like this part! Sam takes care of her after a nightmare, & she’s still regressed.

It’s the dead of the night and Sam is suddenly awake – and he can’t figure out why. He reaches over to flick the light on, suddenly realizing he’s awake because Alison is no longer laying on top of him. He was surprised she would even be able to move like that; but then realized she’s still on the bed, so she only had to move a little bit away. Even an infant could do that, as long as they could crawl.

He then realized that she was sobbing. Not just crying a little bit, but full on sobbing so hard no sound was coming out. Her pacifier had been hanging out of her mouth, but then fell onto the bed. One hand was on her chest as she attempted to breathe, and there were tears streaming down her reddening face. Sam was just about to move forward when she suddenly managed to catch her breath a little bit, and then exhaled, an extremely loud sob piercing the air as she does so.

Sam knew it was likely to wake Dean up, considering he was in the hall just across from his room, but at that point, Sam didn’t give a shit. He only cared about why on earth she was crying so hard she couldn’t even make a sound. The poor thing was scared out of her mind, and Sam had no idea why. “Hey, hey…” He soothes, reaching out to cup her cheek in his hand, his thumb stroking along her cheekbone. “Baby girl, shh… Just breathe, okay? I need you to take deep breaths.” 

She wasn’t listening, too lost in her own world of terror. Sam wraps his arms around her, scooping her up and placing her in his lap, before pulling her against his chest. His arms are tight around her – not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to keep her right there, to ensure that she was being held in a restricting, comforting grip. Sam was hoping grounding her right there would help her to realize she was safe. But as soon as she was in his lap she was starting to squirm, desperately trying to get away.

It was then that Sam realized she had had a nightmare and was terrified someone was going to hurt her. By now she had managed to catch her breath a little more, and her sobs were loud, wracking her entire frame still being held by Sam’s arms. He wasn’t surprised to see his door opening with Dean’s head peeking in, and then a few minutes later Castiel’s head peeking in as well. “Should I use my grace?” He asks calmly over the sound of her crying, but Sam shook his head. “I need her to trust that I’ll take care of her. I don’t want to cut any corners.” Castiel nods his head before promptly exiting the room to allow Sam to do what he needed to do. 

Sam starts trying to get Alison’s attention again, although it seems like he’s failing. She’s still sobbing, sobbing so hard she’s starting to cough. Finally, Sam unwraps his arms from around her and instead takes her face in his hands, forcing her chin upward toward him. “Alison!” He says firmly, not wanting to scare her, but knowing he needed her attention on him. “Alison, look at me!” 

Instinctively, she looked at him. Obeying because even though she didn’t know what was happening, her subconscious mind was telling her if she didn’t obey then she was going to be beaten. Her eyes were bloodshot and watery when she met Sam’s hazel eyes, which were soft when he saw she was finally opening her eyes. “There we go. There’s my good girl.” Sam’s voice had suddenly turned soothing, and even still in her infant state, Alison could tell that maybe he was a good guy. Maybe he wasn’t going to hurt her. “You’re such a good girl Ali, you know that?” He asks, mostly just trying to talk to her so she’ll be distracted from whatever terrible picture is going through her mind.

Her body is still heaving with her heavy breathing, and Sam is trying his best to get it to stop, otherwise she’s going to make herself sick soon. “I’ve got you, baby girl. Just match my breathing, okay? You’re so brave, you’re so good.” It was then that he pulled Alison against his chest, so she can more easily feel and listen to his breathing, so she can attempt to match it. Alison’s head moves up a little bit in search of the heartbeat she can faintly hear, until she’s resting her head over the sound. And very slowly, she’s starting to relax.

Dean poked his head back in a few minutes later, and Sam glances up, giving him a nod. “She’s alright. Nightmare.” He tells him, and Dean nods. But before he can disappear, Sam’s speaking up again. “Would you do me a favor and make her a bottle? I have everything still all out in the kitchen and the directions are on the formula’s packaging.” He was a bit afraid Dean would say no, that he wasn’t her mother or something, but he just simply nodded his head and disappeared back into the kitchen. 

Sam’s hand slowly skims under the covers until he can find the forgotten pacifier, sticking it back in her mouth so she has something to suck on while they wait. He kisses her forehead gently, brushing some hair from her forehead. “You’re all sweaty.” He murmurs quietly, deciding to pick her up and bring her into the bathroom for a minute. Grabbing a washcloth, Sam gets cool water on it and rubs it against her forehead, then down her neck. She at first inhaled sharply from the cool temperature, but then was leaning into it, as if she was craving more of it. “You’re such a good girl.” Sam continues to coo to her every few seconds, hoping it will help to keep her calm.

He’s swaying while he places the cool washcloth around her face and neck, turning when he hears Dean coming back up the stairs. “Thanks, man,” he says to him before taking the bottle from him. “I don’t know what the nightmare was about, but it was obviously bad. I just don’t know if it was worse than the nightmares she usually has, or if she just reacted more badly to it because she’s like this…” He sighs sadly. That was the bad part about her being regressed – she couldn’t tell him what was going through her mind. But perhaps that was a good thing for her, to be able to get out of her mind for a little bit. God knows she never could any other time. 

“Maybe next time something like that happens, if you can’t get her to calm down you should get her into a bath or something.” Dean suggests, seeing how she was liking the cool washcloth against her skin. While they stood there talking, Alison’s mouth opened and she dropped her pacifier, Dean quickly reaching a hand out to grab it. She turns to Sam with her mouth still open and Sam chuckles, taking the hint to place the bottle in her mouth. “Those screams were one of the most terrible things I’ve ever heard.” 

Sam knew that was the closest he was going to get to Dean admitting that he actually cared about the girl currently all snuggled up in his arms. There were no longer any tear stains on her cheeks, because he’d wiped those all away, but her face was still red, and judging by her sniffles, her nose was still stuffy. “I know.” He answers in return. “I was so confused because I just suddenly woke up, and then I turned the light on and she was just crying so hard she couldn’t make any noise. It was one of the worst things I’d ever seen – and then she managed to get her breath, and that was when she started sobbing like she did.” 

The girl in Sam’s arms was slowly sucking on the bottle. It was warm and comforting, just like the man she was currently snuggled up into. Her head was resting on his shoulder, and her eyes were starting to slowly droop shut. But every time she got close to falling asleep, she would force herself out of it. Because every time she got close to it, the image of her nightmare would pop back up in her mind. This time it was of the beating she’d received the night Sam and Dean finally came to her rescue. When she’d gotten stabbed, and almost died. It was one of the most terrifying nights of her life, even though she’d had many scary nights. That nightmare, along with the ones about her being rented out to other demons to use for their sexual pleasure, were the worst nightmares. 

Her subconscious was trying to protect her from these bad things by making her regress into an infant – but even though she had regressed, she still was having these terrible nightmares that were scaring the ever-living shit out of her because of how violent they were. Something in the bathroom creaked, which made her jolt in surprise. Alison quickly laid her head back down on Sam’s shoulder though when she heard his cooing in her ear telling her it was okay, and to just keep eating. 

Alison had realized a while ago that her diaper was soiled, but she wasn’t expecting to be changed. After all, Sam had just changed her a little earlier. She didn’t want to be a burden, or bug him, even as an infant, so she wasn’t whining or making any moves to show him that she had used her diaper. But as they were standing there, Sam could suddenly feel that it needed to be changed. “Hm, you need to be changed, don’t you?” He asks softly. “I’ll do that once you finish the bottle, okay?” 

She slowly picks her head up off of Sam’s shoulder, and he gives her a small smile when their eyes meet. “You’re okay.” Sam promises in a soft tone, leaning forward so he can press a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You had a pretty scary nightmare, didn’t you? Mhm. But it’s okay now, because I’m right here, and I’m going to take care of you. I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again, okay? I promise.” 

It was a few minutes later that she finished the bottle, and burped almost immediately, causing Sam to laugh quietly. He rubs her back gently, then turns to Dean, who was still standing in the doorway of the bathroom, wanting to make sure everything was okay. “You want to say night to Dean?” Sam asks softly, and Alison shyly nods, telling him goodnight. Sam smiled when Dean replied good night in return, then made their way back to his bedroom, Dean still watching to ensure they were both okay. 

He lays Alison down on the bed and sets about changing her diaper again. She whined quietly when the cool air hit her skin from Sam having to unzip the onesie, and he smiles gently, giving Alison her pacifier so she can suck on it. “Relax, I’ll be done in just a minute.” He once again changes her quickly and efficiently, and then decides to change her into a different onesie. “This one’s all sweaty.” He tells her, grabbing a different one and placing it on her. She shivers from the cool fabric, but Sam quickly gathers her up in his arms and lays back down in bed with her, keeping her pulled close to his chest. 

“Try to get some sleep, gorgeous.” Sam whispers, his fingertips starting to trail through Alison’s hair as a measure of soothing her. “I know you’re scared of another nightmare, but if you have another nightmare I’m going to be right here to work you through it. I promise.” She nuzzles her nose into his neck, causing him to smile. He turns his head so he can kiss her temple, and soon enough, her breathing starts to even out, and Sam knows she’s finally asleep.

This time he keeps the light on, on the lowest setting. He had a feeling being in the dark when she woke up in the middle of a nightmare didn’t help things for her – and he wasn’t a big fan of the dark either. That happened when you hunted the things that lived in the dark. Sam stayed up for a while to ensure she wasn’t going to have another nightmare straight away – and when she stayed quiet and relaxed, Sam’s eyes ended up closing, and he fell asleep as well.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I feel like this is kind of more of a filler chapter, so I've decided I'm going to be posting two chapters today. Also I'm once again posting a day early, since tomorrow's Easter. Happy Easter if you celebrate! <3

In the morning, Sam was still fast asleep, but he was slowly starting to wake up. He had the feeling that there was someone staring at him – and he always took those feelings very seriously. Even though the bunker was warded, it wasn’t invincible. And usually, when you had the feeling something was staring at you, it was. 

Once he realized that was the feeling he was having, Sam immediately opened his eyes – only to be met by another pair of piercing blue eyes. He immediately shoots up right and just barely manages to stop from making a sound; groaning when he realized it was only Castiel. “Damn, Cas, why are you staring at me? And why are you sitting so close?” He questions, raising an eyebrow. 

Castiel had moved backward when Sam shot up in the bed, an unamused expression on his face. “Hello, Sam. I was here to make sure everything was okay with Alison. I attempted to wake you, but you wouldn’t wake up. So instead, I waited, and watched.” He watches Sam’s reaction, which was mostly just shaking his head, the neutral expression still on Castiel’s face. “How is she?” He then asks, pointedly looking over at the still sleeping girl, who had her dark brown hair strewn across her forehead. 

Sam gives a small smile when he sees how innocent she looks. He smooths the hair away from her forehead, before nodding his head. “She’s okay. I managed to get her to calm down a little bit after Dean made a bottle for her, and she slept better once I left the light on. I still have no idea what her nightmare was about, and she obviously can’t tell me. But whatever it was scared the hell out of her.” 

“It was the night you and Dean saved her.” Castiel mentions quietly, sending Sam’s hazel eyes looking to him with an amazed expression. “I can’t really read minds, per say, but sometimes if I focus in really hard I can tell what someone is thinking. She was thinking of the night you and Dean found her – when she’d been stabbed and was close to death. It was one of the worst beatings she’d received, according to her thoughts during and after the nightmare.” 

Nodding his head, Sam releases a sigh. That would make sense. He wasn’t surprised she could remember particular beatings – ones that stood out from the rest because of how horrific they were. “Poor thing.” He mumbles, his fingers still moving through Alison’s hair. He looks back up to Castiel. “If she’s still regressed today, what do you say you help me take care of her? I know you’ve been wanting to help, and I could use some help on figuring out what to do.” 

Castiel’s neutral expression broke for just a moment, showing a rare smile, but then he quickly placed the expression back on his face. He was normally like Dean in that he didn’t want to show many emotions. Even though it wasn’t technically his job to take care of Alison, it was a job he had willingly taken on. “I would like that, although I don’t know how much I can help you with figuring out what to do. After all, I only babysat that one time, and that was without any experience at all.” But hey, the baby had survived, didn’t he? So, it all ended up working out. “It looks like she’s waking up right now.” 

Alison was in fact slowly waking up, her eyes slowly opening and her arms stretching out. She still has the innocent expression in her eyes when she looks over to the two men who were staring at her from the other side of the bed. She was still fully regressed, making a quiet sound when she sees the two staring at her. Alison squirmed a little bit due to her full diaper, and she was hungry, but she made no noise. She made no indication of what she needed, or that she needed anything at all; not wanting to be a burden.

“Hi, princess.” Sam coos at her, leaning forward to press a kiss to her nose, causing her to giggle. “I think someone needs to be changed and needs some breakfast, what do you think?” He waits, like she was actually going to answer, before looking to Cas. “This is Cas, remember him? He’s going to help me take care of you today, so we can figure out how best to take care of you. How’s that sound?”

Alison is just smiling up at him, looking to the angel when Sam does. She meets his piercing blue gaze, sending him a smile, and Castiel can’t help but to give her one in return. He was already so fond of her, and he normally wasn’t so fond of humans. Castiel then looks to Sam, watching intently and helping Sam when he gets Alison changed for the morning. He changes her diaper, then gets her into a new onesie. This one was a little thinner, better suited for the day being a little warmer than it was during the night.

Castiel then ends up being the one to scoop Alison up off of the bed, and she happily nuzzles her nose against his neck before resting her head on his shoulder. She was more than content to just stay there. Castiel at first was a little awkward in holding her, afraid he was going to drop her, or do something wrong. But when she immediately settled in, Cas started to relax, a small smile on his face again.

The three of them go downstairs, where Dean was eating some cereal for breakfast. “I’m surprised you’re not having a beer with it.” Sam comments, and Dean rolls his eyes, sending his brother a grunt. He hadn’t gotten his coffee fully yet, meaning he wasn’t someone who was interested in having a conversation. “Alright, Cas, lets get her a bottle.”

Sam patiently teaches Castiel how to make a bottle and how to check that it wasn’t too hot, so it wouldn’t burn her mouth. Castiel was a little tense when she started to whine because she could smell it and was hungry – but Sam just shushed her and told Castiel not to worry. “She’s just whining because she’s hungry. But she’d rather you make it correctly and have to wait a few minutes than to make it incorrectly and somehow get her sick. Isn’t that right, baby girl?” He coos the last part, then hands the bottle to Castiel once he was sure it wasn’t too hot.

He goes to the kitchen table, starting to cradle her in his arms. Cas uses his grace to ensure she’s in an optimal position and not uncomfortable, then takes the pacifier from her mouth. “What do I do?” Castiel asks Sam, a bit of worry in his voice. He nods when Sam tells him to just put it in her mouth and she’ll do the rest. He places it in her mouth, smiling when she guides him to the position she wanted to be in, getting the amount of formula she wanted. 

Alison grabs his hand to start playing with his fingers, and Sam chuckles quietly. “Apparently just eating isn’t enough to keep her attention for very long. She’s done that every time I’ve tried to feed her, too.” He gets himself a bowl of cereal, figuring he’d be able to eat while Castiel took care of her, since Castiel didn’t need to eat. Sam sits down in the chair next to Castiel, watching her with fond eyes. “Can you tell what’s going through her mind right now?” He questions quietly, looking back up to Castiel. 

Castiel stays silent, though his eyebrows are furrowing in concentration. It would be easier if he could place his fingertips on her forehead, but both of his hands were preoccupied with either holding her, or with feeding her. After a few minutes, Castiel turns his head to face Sam. “She’s confused. She doesn’t understand why she keeps being scared or having these nightmares. She doesn’t remember the terrible things she’s gone through, but she keeps having aftereffects of them, and it confuses and scares her… She keeps not wanting to burden you, afraid you’re going to get mad or get rid of her. So, when she needs something she doesn’t try to even tell you.” 

Sam couldn’t believe Castiel was saying all of this in such a nonchalant tone. Like it wasn’t some heartbreaking thing. Then again, Castiel still wasn’t very familiar with human emotions, and there were a lot of things heartbreaking to Sam that Castiel didn’t think twice about. “Guess that just means we’re going to have to be vigilant in making sure we’re giving her what she needs. Hopefully she’ll have some sort of ‘tells’ that will show us if she’s hungry or if her diaper needs to be changed.” 

“She squirms when she needs to be changed.” Dean suddenly speaks up, Sam’s head swiveling to look at him. “I noticed it last night, when you two were in the bathroom and you were holding her. She was squirming a little bit, but you thought she was squirming because she was still uncomfortable from the nightmare she’d just had. I was going to say something, but then you mentioned changing her, so I didn’t.” Once he’s done speaking, Dean turns back to his coffee, turning silent again. 

Dean was surprising Sam more and more these days. First by hugging Alison when she’d had an accident and was freaking out, then by willingly hugging her when Alison came up to him, then making her a bottle when she had had the nightmare, and now this. Sam could tell he was slowly starting to grow fond of her, even if he was going to deny it. “Thanks, man.” Sam chuckles at the grunt that houses as his response, then looking back to Castiel and Alison.

She was just about finishing up the bottle, and once it was gone, Castiel pulled it away. Sam watches them to see if he’s going to burp her, but instead he just keeps her in a cradled position. He was just about to say something when Alison started whining, and Sam quickly gets up to put her in a more sitting position in Castiel’s arms. “You have to burp her. Or else she’s going to get gas and be uncomfortable, like she is right now.” Castiel nods – but instead of patting her on the back, he just touches her back and sends a wave of grace through her.

Alison gasps at the warm sensation that started in the middle of her back, where his hand was placed, and then spread throughout her entire body, settling in her belly. Just a few seconds later she burps, loudly, and looks up at him, startled. Castiel just smiles serenely at her, and Sam laughs. “Well, I guess that’s one way to go about it. Are you just going to use your grace for everything, Cas?” He questions teasingly.

Castiel shakes his head. “I wasn’t planning on using my grace at all, but I saw she was uncomfortable and I knew my grace would stop her from being uncomfortable faster than any human intervention. I don’t like seeing her in pain.” He had hated hearing those cries last night. In fact, after Sam and Alison had both fallen asleep, Castiel had spent most of the night in their room, ensuring she was going to have a restful sleep and not be plagued by those nightmares any more. 

Sam turns to Dean. “What do you say about taking a trip into town today? We’re getting dangerously low on groceries. I don’t know if we even have something to make for dinner tonight.” But then a moment later he looks at Alison, biting down on his bottom lip. “I mean… we could always take her with us, even though she’s like this, right? As long as we’re there to take care of her, no one can say anything that bad, right?” 

Castiel was watching the two, a quick smile forming when he sees the look of pure horror on Dean’s face. “Littles are actually not as rare as one might think.” He says, once again to Sam’s surprise. “I’ve been doing more research on it since we found out that she was going to regress. There is actually a big community of people who voluntarily engage in the act, although they usually only do it in the private of their homes. But I believe if you were to dress her in more conventional clothing, and maybe have her lose the pacifier, she likely wouldn’t even be noticed, except for someone perhaps thinking she has some sort of mental disability.” 

Sam nods his head. “I don’t know how long she’d be willing to go without the pacifier, though… and I don’t know if we can actually get her to walk. Someone would definitely say something if one of us were carrying her through the entire store.” He pauses. “But honestly, I don’t mind. I have no idea how long or how often she’s going to regress like this, she doesn’t deserve to just be locked up in the bunker for her entire life. Sure, people might say shit, but she won’t remember it .. and we’ll be there to protect her if anyone tries to pull anything.”

Dean groans, placing his hands over his face. He knows she doesn’t deserve to just be locked up somewhere all the time, but at the same time, it was going to be weird bringing an adult baby to the grocery store. He did agree that they would easily be able to protect her, though. “Yeah, yeah.” He finally agrees. “I guess we can take her to the grocery store with us. Let’s just try to keep the pacifier out of the equation, and maybe people won’t find it so weird that you’re carryin’ her through the store.” 

Sam wasn’t surprised that Dean took himself out of the equation for carrying her in the store. After all, he was still struggling with this entire thing. But at least he was making progress, and he was trying, and that was all Sam really cared about. “Alright. Well, I’ll go find her some normal clothing and get her changed into it, and then we can go.”

He takes Alison out of Castiel’s arms and places her on his hip, which she willingly does. She was the closest to Sam. Even though she trusted the other two, warily, she trusted Sam with her whole life. He had been the one to help her last night when she was scared, and he hadn’t hurt her for having a nightmare. She was happy to spend her entire day with him. Sam smiles when she snuggles up to him, kissing the top of her head while he carries her to her room. He gets in her dresser and finds her a pair of sweatpants along with a sweatshirt. There, it was something that would be comfortable, but wouldn’t stand out as much as a onesie did.

Sam quickly and efficiently changed her, checking her diaper, even though he’d just changed it a few minutes ago. He chuckles quietly when he already finds it wet. “Someone just has a small bladder now, don’t they?” He teases, quickly changing her diaper, glad he could get it out of the way before they took the trip. Once she was dressed in the outfit, Sam carries her back downstairs, the pacifier still held in her mouth contently. “Ready to take a trip, sweetheart?” He asks, and she nods happily. 

“Wow, she really is fully into that mind state, isn’t she?” Dean asks, his voice showing a little bit of awe in it. “If she wasn’t, she would be very unhappy about going somewhere while she was acting like this… considering she didn’t even want us to see it. But she’s perfectly fine going to the grocery store, where people are going to see her.” He turns to Cas. “You said there are people that do this voluntarily?” 

Castiel nods his head. “They don’t fully regress into the mind state, like she does. They’re still fully aware that they’re actually adults, they just choose to act like young kids or infants. The community is called the ‘ABDL’ community for ‘adult baby diaper lover’. Alison obviously doesn’t fit this category, but yes, there is a community of people who do this for fun, or to relieve stress.” 

Sam could tell Dean was about to say something, likely unkind, about the community, so he quickly interjects. “Remember what Alison’s therapist says. That right now these regressions are involuntary but once she has enough of them and feels safe enough, they could start to become voluntary. Meaning she could not need to be little anymore, but she could still choose to do so.” 

That quickly shut the elder Winchester up, and he just grunted at Sam in response, showing he had heard him. He would cross that bridge when he got there. Maybe by that point, he’d be so used to it that he wouldn’t care that the regressions were voluntary, and she was just doing them because she wanted to. “Alright, Sammy. Let’s get ‘er loaded up, otherwise by the time we get to the grocery store and get everything we need, it’ll be midnight.”


	10. Chapter 10

They hadn’t been anticipating how long it was going to take to get everything all situated and get Alison situated in the Impala. It was literally just like having a baby, and Sam started to realize why parents were late to everything. There was so much to think about. Diaper bags, making sure she was okay, then actually getting her settled in to the back. Sam decided he was going to sit in the back with her, make sure she was alright, since they didn’t have a car seat that would fit her. 

Dean got in the front seat, Castiel deciding to stay back at the bunker to do some work and research. After looking in the rearview mirror to make sure both Sam and Alison were settled, he pulled out of the bunker’s driveway, making the drive to the grocery store. It was a quiet one, Dean quietly playing music in the background. Alison was just watching the world go by, her eyes focused on all the trees and sceneries that were blurring past her window from how fast Dean was driving. 

The bunker was isolated from everything, meaning it took them a while to drive to the grocery store. But once they got there, Sam gently taps on Alison’s pacifier. “Alright, sweetie. We have to get rid of this for a little bit, okay?” He asks, fingers stroking through her hair when she whined at the realization he wanted her to give it up. “I promise I’ll have it with me in the store just in case you really need it. But we’re going to be out in public, and we don’t want people trying to be mean to you. Please, can I have it?” 

Alison stayed silent, her eyes filling with tears. She didn’t want to give it up, but she didn’t want Sam to be mad at her, either. It was easy to tell she was debating on what she should do – if she should just force herself to give it up so she didn’t get hurt, or if she should try to hold onto it. Eventually, Alison’s mouth opens just a little bit; enough to give Sam enough leeway where he could gently pull it from her mouth. “Thank you, gorgeous. I promise it’s going to be right here with us, okay? And I’m going to be right here with you, the entire time. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” 

Dean gets out of the Impala once he hears Sam thanking her, helping Alison to get out of the car and waiting for Sam to get out as well. He’s holding her up by her waist until Sam can get to her, and he picks her up, settling her on his hip how he always did. “Alright. Quick in an’ out.” Dean mutters to Sam, not knowing how well Alison was going to take the shopping trip or take being without her pacifier. 

Sam nods his head in agreement, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead. He frowns when she refuses to look at him, instead turning her head so her head was facing away from his neck, instead of toward it like she usually did. He places a hand on the back of her head, whispering to her, but she didn’t give any reaction that she was listening to what he was saying. “I wish Cas was here.” Sam mutters to Dean. “So he could tell me what’s going on inside her head.”

“Yeah, well, let’s just get in an’ out of here. There are already people lookin’.” Dean mutters in return, quickly grabbing a cart so they could just grab a few things and check out. As they were walking through the aisle of the store, Sam could feel many pairs of eyes on him, and so could Alison. She wanted to just nuzzle her nose into Sam’s neck and ignore everybody watching him, but right then she was upset with him; instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and put her thumb in her mouth, a quiet whimper being emitted from her mouth. 

“You know what? Screw it.” Sam mumbles, grabbing the pacifier out of his pocket. “Baby, look at me for a second, please.” He waits until Alison does so, then pushes it between her lips, knowing it would at least make her happy. Everyone was already staring anyway, so what was the point in having her unhappy while they were? Immediately once the pacifier was in her mouth, Alison nuzzled her nose into his neck, hiding her face there as well. Sam kisses her forehead, then returns a cool look to the rest of the people staring at them. “Is there a problem here?” 

Once they realized they’d been caught staring, everybody turned back to what they had been doing. “That’s what I thought.” Sam says, following Dean through the aisles again. He knew it was something different, and that a lot of them hadn’t seen it before. But that didn’t mean they had to stare and make her feel bad, or different.

“She’s a little, isn’t she?” A female voice says, and Sam looks over to see a brunette looking at him. She looked a little bit like Ruby if he was being honest. But he shook that thought from his mind, before nodding.

“Involuntarily. She’s been through a lot in her life, so she involuntarily regresses sometimes. She regressed last night and has been like this ever since. We’re trying to take care of her, but I’m still learning. I really have no idea what I’m doing. How do you know about littles?” 

The female laughs softly, shaking her head. “I knew one a little bit ago, but it was a man, instead of a girl. I’m sorry to hear she went through all of that. But just know, if she’s happy and healthy, you’re doing everything right. It’s just like being a real parent, you know? You’re going to make mistakes and you won’t always know what to do, but I’m sure you’re doing great.” 

Sam smiles at her, nodding his head. “That’s really great to hear. Thank you.” She nodded her head and waved goodbye at him, before Sam caught back up with Dean, who was currently looking at juices. 

“Do you think she’d want juice for when she’s like this?” Dean asks once Sam was standing behind him again. “What kind of juice do you think she’d even want? Apple? Mixed berry? Fruit punch? God, Sammy, we’re not fit to be parents. How are we supposed to do this?” 

Chuckling quietly, Sam shook his head. “Dean, we’ll figure it out. Also, you know you just called yourself a parent too, right?” He can see Dean’s cheeks turning red, and he laughs, nudging his brother on the shoulder playfully. “See, you’re starting to care about her, even though you don’t want to admit it.” 

“Shut up.” Dean mutters gruffly, grabbing some grape juice and some mixed berry, figuring that would be good enough for now. They could always get juice later, once they were more in tune with what she liked and didn’t like. “She’s just too skinny. Don’t want her gettin’ even skinnier because we don’t have things she wants to eat or drink.” 

Sam chuckles again at his insistence that it wasn’t because he cared about her, but he knew better than to push Dean right away. After all, he was still getting used to this. Sam decides to grab some snacks for her, like granola bars and fruit snacks, knowing there could be a time where she regresses into a slightly older state, and she wouldn’t want to just have bottles all the time. 

Alison had never moved her face from where it was hidden in the side of Sam’s neck, not wanting to see the people that were staring at her, even though no one really was anymore. They’d all gotten over it, or at least were being less conspicuous with their staring. Her stomach growled, but the only thing she did was give a small whimper. She didn’t want to burden Sam, when they were at the store. 

He hears her stomach growl and presses a kiss to the side of her head. “Someone’s hungry, huh? Even though we just had breakfast?” Alison whines quietly, and Sam shakes his head. “I’m just teasing, sweetheart. Just hang on a few more minutes, okay? We’re almost done shopping, then we’ll get you a bottle. How’s that sound?” Sam looks to Dean. “I think we’re going to have to get some Ensure or something. I think she needs more calories than what she’s getting, even with the nutrient-enriched formula.” 

Dean nods. “We could get her a protein powder or something to put in the formula, that would help her get more nutrients than what she’s getting right now.” He goes over to where it is because he used to get it when he was working out more vigorously than he was right now. Dean looks over a few of them before grabbing one he knew would be good for her and tossing it in the cart. 

Once they were sure they had everything they needed, Dean went to the checkout to pay for everything, Sam stating he was going to head back to the Impala with Alison and feed her. Dean nods, saying he’ll meet up with them in a few minutes. Sam climbs into the backseat of the Impala after unlocking it, placing the diaper bag next to him and grabbing a bottle. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I don’t have a way to warm it up. Is it okay if it’s cool?” 

Alison finally picks her head up from Sam’s neck, sensing that they were in a safe place now, where no one was going to be looking at her. She paused for a moment, seeing the look of regret on Sam’s face. She hated seeing that, she always wanted to see Sam smiling and happy. She nods her head to his question, sending him a small smile. Alison drops open her mouth, so the pacifier falls out, then keeps her mouth open for the bottle.

Sam places the bottle in her mouth, the smile forming on his face again. “I’m sorry there were so many people staring at you at the supermarket today.” He says softly. “And I’m sorry I tried taking your pacifier from you. That wasn’t right of me. I was just trying to make sure people wouldn’t be looking at you differently – but then they did anyway. And after all, your happiness is what matters most. Not how they see me, and not what they have to say about the whole thing.”

Alison reaches up to grab Sam’s hand while he holds the bottle for her, and she hums out quietly. Her cheek comes to rest against his chest, her eyes drooping shut from the bottle. For once, Alison was completely content, not worried about anything. She knew Sam was going to take care of her, and that he wasn’t going to hurt her. She completely trusted Sam. Even though she probably wouldn’t completely trust him when she woke up from the regression, at least she did right then – and Sam felt like that was progress.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! We just got over 300 hits! I’m so glad you all are liking it. This chapter (and the next chapter, I believe) are super angsty. This one has some blood in it, so watch out for that, if that’s a trigger for you. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are my best friend. <3

It was dark, cold, and damp. The floor beneath her bare feet creaked when she stood, eyes showing her hesitancy of standing in the first place. Alison started to slowly move toward a light. It was just a small crack, showing where a door was. Sliding her hand along the door, she finally felt the knob. To her surprise, it turned. 

Opening the door, Alison was met by two men – none other than Sam and Dean Winchester. At first, she relaxed. Then, their eyes turned black. Before Alison could even scream, Dean had snapped his fingers and she was being forced against the wall. A sinister smile formed on Sam’s face, moving his hand in a certain way and her air was being cut off.

Alison tried bringing her hands up to her throat to claw at it, rip away whatever it was that was strangling her, but nothing was there; fingernails meeting her skin, scratching away in vain, only drawing blood. She gasps like a fish out of water, desperately craving oxygen, but none is coming. “You’re a bad girl, Alison. A bad, bad girl.” Sam’s voice broke through her thoughts, more sinister than she could have ever imagined it.

A sob broke from her chest – or it would have, had she been able to breathe. The demons had called her nothing but bad. She was a bad girl. A terrible girl. Her parents had wanted to get rid of her, so they’d sent her away, sent her to them. They wanted her to live a life of pain, so she would realize how bad she truly was. ‘Bad’ was something that would always make Alison hate herself, as long as she lived. 

“Alison!” She attempts to sit up as fast as she can, but there’s something pinning her down. Alison gasps for air, hands clutching at anything she can gain purchase on. They finally do so on sheets, realizing that she’s laying on a bed. But there are hands at her throat, and her chest is tight, and she’s panicking, and she can’t breathe. “Alison, you have to calm down! It was just a dream, okay? It’s me, Sam, you just need to calm down!” 

But how was she supposed to calm down when there was something around her neck, something pinning her to the bed? How was she supposed to calm down because it was Sam, but Sam was the one who had just been strangling her in the first place? And why the hell is it so god damn dark? 

Suddenly, Alison realizes her eyes are closed. She forces them open, blue eyes wildly looking around to gauge what’s happening. Sam is practically on top of her, hovering over her, and he’s the one who has his hands on her throat. Alison feels like her chest is closing up, along with her throat. Is Sam really strangling her? Is this happening? 

“Dean! Cas!” Sam yells loudly through the bunker, making Alison wince at how loud it is. It’s only a second longer before there’s another loud sound – the pair bursting through the door. 

Dean’s eyes widen when he sees Sam practically on top of her, hands on her neck. He doesn’t know what the hell is going on, but he doesn’t like what he sees. Dean moves forward, going to tackle Sam off her. Only then does he realize why his hands had been there in the first place – there was blood practically pouring from Alison’s neck. “Cas! Get over here! Use your grace!” He says frantically.

Castiel quickly steps forward, placing two fingertips on Alison’s forehead. He closes his eyes, sending a surge of warmth through her. He doesn’t just stop the blood from flowing and heal the scratches, but he also sends a wave of calm through her, attempting to get her to at least breathe, if nothing else. 

Alison can feel her chest and throat starting to open up again, and she breathes in deeply, gasping for air. Once she manages to get a little bit in, she starts crying, curling up into herself. When Sam tries to touch her shoulder she jerks away, luckily not looking at him, so she doesn’t see the hurt look he casts her way when she gives him the cold shoulder. Instead, Alison practically jumps into Castiel’s arms, sobbing openly into the side of his neck. 

Castiel’s piercing blue eyes widen, arms wrapping around her carefully. He glances at Sam as if asking for help, and Sam motions for him to rub her back. He does so, smoothing his hand along the fabric of her shirt, keeping her held close to him. “It’s… it’s okay.” Cas says quietly, unconsciously turning his head toward hers a little bit to nuzzle her in closer. 

He can feel Sam’s eyes on him, and without asking, he knows what he wants. He wants to know what’s inside Alison’s head, why she had flinched away from him and instead gone to Cas himself. Castiel stays silent, knowing he wouldn’t be able to tell Sam until after she fell back asleep, or at least wasn’t listening to them anymore. Instead, Castiel continues to hold Alison while she continues to cry. “Alison… I can use my grace to make you fall back asleep if you would like. I can also make you have dreamless sleep, so you won’t be plagued by another nightmare.” 

“No, no, no-“ The words are out before Castiel can even heed Sam’s warning, and he looks to him in surprise. Cas didn’t understand why he shouldn’t offer Alison his grace, when it could help her. 

He got his answer just a split second later, when Alison abruptly pulled back from him, her eyes wide – and sad. “Oh.” Is all she says quietly, feeling her stomach clenching. Tears spark in her eyes, and she avoids Castiel’s confused gaze. Alison slowly climbs off of his lap, curling in on herself as if to protect herself.

“Alison, sweetheart, he didn’t mean it like that.” Sam says quietly, his voice sad. “You know Cas. You know he wouldn’t want to hurt you.” He goes to reach forward to touch her shoulder, but thinks better of it at the last second. 

“Somebody mind tellin’ me what the hell is goin’ on here?” Dean’s voice finally breaks through the tension, eyebrows raised as he looks between the three of them. Alison’s gaze filled with pain, Sam’s filled with sorrow, and Castiel’s (almost) normal expression of being confused. 

“She thinks you’re offering to put her to bed because you want to get rid of her.” Sam says quietly, and in the two seconds he takes his eyes off of Alison to look at Castiel, she’s already gone out of the room. “She thinks that a lot. If I offer to let her have a nap, or ask her if she wants to do something if I’m holding her. She thinks that she’s bugging you, and you want her to go away, and that’s why you’re asking.” 

Castiel’s expression turns to one of horror upon realizing what he had accidentally done. “No! No, I didn’t mean that!” He stands up, quickly going to the doorway of Sam’s room, just in time to see the bathroom door shutting behind her. Cas turns back to look at Sam and Dean. “She went to me because she had a nightmare you two were demons and torturing her.” 

With that, Castiel exits the room, leaving the two brothers to stare at each other in confusion, and sadness. Her PTSD was really kicking her ass lately. “Why can’t her brain just leave her alone for once?” Dean practically hisses, punching his fist into the nearest thing, which so thankfully happens to be the bed. “She was finally starting to be okay, and now her brain has to throw it back in her face by making her think we’re the bad guys?” 

Sam nods his head sadly, before getting up. He couldn’t believe that had happened. He was supposed to be the one protecting her and keeping her safe, and now he couldn’t even do that in her dreams. He felt like a failure, even though there was nothing he could have done to prevent a bad dream. Sam goes out of his bedroom, down the hallway toward the kitchen, making a bottle. Just in case. Maybe it would help her relax, if nothing else … if she would even take it. Sam doubted she would if she wasn’t regressing. But hey, better to try and fail than to not try at all. 

Heading back to the bathroom, Sam can see the shadow of Castiel kneeling next to the toilet, and the shadow of the beautifully broken girl sitting in there. He slowly approaches the bathroom, peeking his head in through the doorway, a small smile forming when he sees she’s all curled up, her head resting on Castiel’s shoulder. Alison sniffled, hiding her face in his shoulder, and Castiel rubbed her back while they sat there. It was an awkward position, but Sam could see Castiel didn’t mind as long as Alison was comfortable. 

Even more surprising was when Alison lifted her head and Sam could see she had a pacifier in her mouth. Castiel must have given it to her – but he was surprised she’d taken it. He could see in her eyes that she wasn’t regressed, and wasn’t even starting to slip into a regression, but she’d actually allowed herself to take it for some comfort. “I have a bottle here, if you want it.” Sam says softly when their eyes meet; hazel on blue. 

Alison’s eyes were wary when she was watching Sam, and it was a heartbreaking sight. He wished she knew that even though she had a nightmare about it, that he would never do anything to harm her. He holds his hands up in surrender, showing her he wasn’t going to harm her, and moves forward a few steps. Just enough to place the bottle down on the sink next to them, in case she decided she wanted to grab it. 

Alison looks at it for a few moments, but instead of moving toward it, she moves out of Castiel’s grip and opens her arms for Sam. Sam can feel his heart swelling at the sight. Even though she’d just had a nightmare about him, here she was – at one of her more vulnerable states, sucking on a pacifier, reaching out to him like he was the only thing in the room.

Immediately, Sam is crossing over to her and lifting her up into his arms. It was almost natural now for him to settle her on his hip, even though she wasn’t regressed. “You had a pretty scary dream again, huh?” Sam asks quietly, holding her with one arm, using his other arm to smooth her hair back and press his lips to her forehead gently. “I promise you, I will never lay a hand on you. I will never harm you. I don’t care what your mind tries to come up with to scare you into thinking I’ll hurt you… I never will. You’re far too precious for that.” 

Alison gives him a small smile, laying her head on his shoulder. She knows she should be fighting against having the pacifier, and against having Sam holding her like this. She’s not little. She doesn’t feel like she’s going to regress. But it’s comforting, and it’s safe. Sam is safe. The feeling of his chest moving against hers, the sound of his heart beating in his chest, the warmth of his fingers moving through her hair; it’s all enough to start to lull her back to sleep.

“Get a few more hours of rest, sweetheart.” Sam says gently. “I’ll be right here if you have another nightmare. Then when you’re up, if you’re still big, we can make breakfast and figure out what we want to do for the day. How’s that sound?” 

Nodding her head, Alison rubs her eyes before they droop shut. She falls asleep right there, Sam holding her in the bathroom. Sam decides he’s awake for the day, knowing after seeing her like that, he wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep. Once he’s sure Alison is fully asleep, he turns to look at Castiel. “You know how her neck was bleeding when you used your grace to stop it? Why… was it bleeding? She scratched herself, right? But why?” 

Castiel nods his head. He knew Sam was rambling, but that was only because he was worried about Alison. It was hard doing that type of damage to yourself, even if you’re in the middle of a nightmare. She had to be very out of it to do that. “In the dream, as a demon, you were using your powers to choke her. So she was clawing at her throat, attempting to get what was choking her away from her neck – only there was nothing there.” 

Sam’s blinking back tears at the realization he had caused this harm to come to her. Even though it wasn’t him personally, and it was a dream, he was still the one that had caused her to hurt herself so badly. He presses a gentle kiss to the side of her head, before going down to the living room. Sam quickly settles on the couch with her, laying down on his back and pulling her on top of him. One hand rests on the back of her head, the other on the small of her back, and he turns the tv on, watching some mindless reality tv show. Eventually, Sam drifts back to sleep, even though he hadn’t been planning on it.

When Alison wakes up again, she stretches and yawns, eyes widening when the pacifier falls out of her mouth. Her cheeks flush, because she hadn’t remembered she’d even had it in. Before she could catch it, it had already fallen off the couch. Alison looks up at Sam, giving a smile when she sees he’s fast asleep. He looked exhausted – and she felt terrible. She knew this had to be hard on him, maybe even harder than it was for her. After all, he was the one that had to take care of her when she was feeling so shitty. “I’m so sorry, Sam.” Alison whispers quietly, continuing to observe him while he sleeps. 

Sam’s woken by Alison’s stomach growling, while she’s still laying on top of him. His eyes slowly open in confusion, realizing they weren’t in his bed, before everything came back to him. Looking down at Alison, he can see she’s focused on the tv, or at least acting like she’s focused on it. “Hungry, sweetheart?” Sam asks, fingertips trailing down the side of her face gently, ending underneath her chin. 

“I’m okay.” Alison’s voice is small, and she doesn’t turn to look at him. Actually, she’s starving. But while she was sitting there thinking, she realized she had it way too good here. They actually let her eat, and she was allowed to use the bathroom… they didn’t hurt her when she had a nightmare, or when she had an accident. In fact, they hadn’t hurt her at all. Alison realized she was taking this for granted, and if she kept going that way, it wouldn’t be long before it was all ripped away from her. 

Eyebrows furrowing, Sam watches her looking at the tv. “I don’t believe you, considering your stomach just growled.” He points out. His voice is serious, but at the same time, it’s soft. He doesn’t want her thinking he’s mad at her. “Why are you lying to me, love? You haven’t been eating much lately, especially with your regression. We got you some more stuff to put with your formula, but we didn’t get a chance to feed you any of it before you came back.” 

He sighs when Alison doesn’t respond, continuing to stare at the tv. Sam reaches for the remote and turns it off, before sitting up, making Alison sit up with him. “Alright. We don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to. But we will be talking about it at some point – and for now, it’s time for you and I to get ready, and we’re going to get Dean’s ass up, and we’re going to go find somewhere to have lunch.” 

Alison nods slowly, and Sam is starting to get worried. It had been a while since Alison had gotten so deep into her head that she refused to talk – but it seemed as though it was exactly what she was doing right then. He wondered what was going through her mind, and also briefly thought about asking Castiel if he could see; but Sam realized he couldn’t keep doing that. It was an invasion of her privacy, and he was never going to fully learn her if he kept relying on Cas to tell him what she was thinking. “Hey.” Sam says quietly, kissing the top of her head quickly. “I’m right here, you know that, right? I’m not going anywhere.” 

This time Sam isn’t expecting a response; although it is a little saddening when he doesn’t get one. He pulls her up from the couch, leading her to her room. “Get changed, okay?” Sam says quietly. “Whatever you want to wear. I’m going to grab Dean, and get changed myself, and then we’ll find somewhere to eat.” At first he’d been planning on a diner, but they’d all slept in later than they normally did due to the nightmare. It was early afternoon now, and Sam knew Dean would be keener on going to a bar and getting a greasy burger than going to a diner for breakfast food. Now to only find a bar that’s open early afternoon, instead of just later in the afternoon. Oh well. He’s sure Dean knows of a place; he always does. 

It’s half an hour later when Sam finally comes back to Alison’s room to check up on her. She’s changed, sitting on her bed, looking at the floor. He couldn’t help but to think back to when she was in the hospital, refusing any form of entertainment, content to sit there and stare at nothing. Sam sure as hell hopes she’s not taking steps backward instead of forward, but right then, that’s what it’s looking like. “Come on, darling.” Sam says, reaching out his hand.

Alison takes his hand, allowing him to pull her up off the bed. She then follows him out the door, down to the front door where Dean is waiting. Obediently, she slides into the back seat of the Impala, looking out the window while they drive. Dean’s playing his classic rock, and no one says a word the entire drive.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re over 500 hits now. I’m so glad you guys are liking this! Comments & kudos mean the world to me, y’all. Makes me know you want me to keep updating. (; 
> 
> This chapter is super angsty. There’s self hate (body image), flashbacks to being abused, and other stuff. Tread lightly if those are triggering.

Of course Dean knew the perfect bar to go to - because he knew every bar in Kansas like the back of his hand. It used to be his favorite place to go - up until recently. Sam had wondered why he’d suddenly stopped going, but then he had to wonder if it was because Cas was coming around more. Practically anyone could see the unresolved feelings and tension that just kept mounting between the two of them, but Sam had kept his mouth shut. It certainly wasn’t his place to intervene, and he knew Dean would throw a fit if Sam even suggested he wasn’t full on straight. Sam was sure Dean was already wrestling with his feelings enough in his head, and he didn’t want to give him more things to worry about. 

Sam also had his own things to worry about, of course. Alison, mainly. He had been a little worried about giving up hunting, but Dean had also ‘given up’ hunting temporarily, and so far, the world was still spinning. He knew it could go a while longer without the younger Winchester - and he was happy to stay a retired hunter as long as Alison needed him to take care of her. It hadn’t even been a thought in Sam’s mind that one day she might not need him to take care of her. One day she might finally be okay, and want to go off on her own. Sam didn’t know how he would feel about that day, should it ever come. 

After exiting the Impala, the three entered the bar. Due to it only being early afternoon, there weren’t a whole lot of people there yet. The music was still down pretty low, the bartenders gearing up for what was always guaranteed to be a crazy night. But for right then, everything was calm. There was a table with an old biker couple, a table with a couple of thugs, and a table of a group of girls. Normally Dean would be beelining straight for the third, but instead, he aimed for a booth and sat down. Alison sat down on the opposite side of him, sliding in and making room for Sam to slide in next to her. She was now sandwiched between the wall and Sam, and it was nice. This felt safe. 

There was a very small waiting staff there - probably two waitresses, and one person in the kitchen, and that was it. One of the waitresses went to their table and handed them menus. Slim pickings, but you couldn’t expect filet mignon when you went to a bar. Actually, quite a few of the things on the menu sounded quite good, or maybe that was just because Alison’s stomach was now growling every minute or so. Sam gave her a pointed look, but she ignored it, instead looking over the menu. 

She doesn’t look up until Sam asks her in a gentle tone if she knows what she wants to drink. When she looks up, she sees the waitress, then quickly looks back down, pointing to some form of lemonade they had. Strawberry lemonade. Yeah, that would be good. Sam orders the drink for her, sharing a look with Dean, before looking back over to her. His voice is quiet, nearly inaudible even to her, even though she’s sitting right next to him. “Baby, do you feel like you’re going to regress?” 

Alison’s quick response is a shake of her head, and she can tell Sam doesn’t know if he fully believes her or not. That doubt is only furthered when a few moments later, Alison says quietly, “Potty.” She really didn’t feel like she was slipping into regression, though. She just kind of felt... vulnerable. 

“Okay, but tell me what you want to eat first, in case I have to order while you’re going potty, okay?” Sam says softly. “You know I can’t go in there with you, right? You have to be a big girl and go potty by yourself.”

Alison points at the burger on the menu, earning a proud “Ha!” from Dean. Sam of course was still on his health food, but Dean always tried to get Alison to eat a little more conventionally. She can feel her cheeks burning when Sam mentions being a big girl, and she nods. “Can do it by myself.” She mutters quietly, before squirming closer to Sam; an indication he needed to move out of the booth so she could get out to use the bathroom. 

“Alright, sweetheart.” Sam sends Dean a roll of his eyes at his triumphant outburst, before looking back at her. “If you’re not back here in five minutes I’m going to go see if you’re okay. Okay?” Yeah, he wasn’t supposed to go in a women’s bathroom, but Alison’s safety was more important than possibly getting kicked out of a stupid bar he hardly ever went to in the first place. Dean might be rubbed the wrong way, but he’d get over it. There were plenty more bars in Kansas. 

Nodding her head, Alison waits until he moves out of the booth, then quickly goes to scurry off to the bathroom. She opens the door, wrinkling her nose when she sees how gross it is. Well, it is a bar, after all, and she really had to pee. There were a couple of stalls, and she could hear movement in one of them, so she went into the other. Alison finished up quickly and unlocked the stall, only to be met by one of the pretty girls from the table earlier; standing right outside of the stall door. “Uh - excuse me -“ Alison mumbles quietly, trying to move past her, but the girl blocks her way. 

“You’re with those two guys, aren’t you?” The girl asks, her eyes narrowing when Alison nods her confirmation. “Are they your brothers?” 

Alison could see where she was coming from with the question. They did have a protective aura over her, and they looked similar enough. Even though all of their eye colors were different, they all had the dark hair, and maybe some other similar features. Alison shakes her head. “No. They’re-“ 

She’s cut off before she can finish the sentence, wanting to say ‘my friends.’ The girl scoffs, and in confusion, Alison takes a step back, starting to shrink in on herself. “So they’re with you because they want to be? You’ve got to be kidding me. Guys like them - with a girl like you? Honey, they are so out of your league. You’re just holding them back from some really good sex.” She says the last part suggestively, and Alison knows she’s angry she can’t get with either of them because they’re both focused on her. 

But Alison can’t believe the cruelty that’s emanating from this girl. The hostility. They had met two seconds ago, in a bathroom; didn’t know each other’s names, and yet, this girl hated her. “Uh..” Alison squeaks, her mind coming up with nothing to say. Now, she was going to regress. Her mind wanted to protect itself from what was happening. She just had to make it back to the table... 

“You’re such an ugly little thing. Not very skinny, either.” The girl tutted at her. “Such a shame they’re wasting their time on you, when they could have had this.” The girl saunters out of the bathroom, leaving a stunned and teary-eyed Alison in her wake. 

She didn’t know why, but that last part had really struck a nerve. Wait, she did know why. Because when she was with the demons for all those years, they constantly called her ugly. Pathetic. Stupid. Worthless. And fat. That was why they never gave her food - because she was fat, and they wanted her to be skinny. They liked skinny girls better. Skinny girls were prettier. Sam kept trying to get her to eat - and because of it, she had gained a little bit of weight. Not a ton, but no one had said anything about it. In fact, Sam had mentioned something about her looking healthier. But was healthier just a code word for uglier? Was she fat? 

Alison turns to look at herself in the mirror, slowly lifting her shirt a little bit. There’s still old bruises and scars littered over her skin, but she’s not paying attention to those now. In all reality, Alison was still malnourished, no matter how much Sam was trying to convince her to eat. Still skin and bones. But when she looked in the mirror, what she saw was... fat. Ugly. If she got any fatter, Sam wasn’t going to want her. Sam was going to leave her. 

She didn’t know how she could eat any less than she was eating now, because she was already hungry all the time. But obviously she had to do something different, because she couldn’t afford to lose Sam nor Dean. They were two of the only good things in her life - the only other good thing being Castiel. She needed Sam like she needed air; maybe even more. 

Alison knew her five minutes had to be about up, and Sam was going to come looking for her any moment. She lowers her shirt back down, washes her hands, and slowly exits the bathroom. She can feel the stares of all the girls on her, so she gets to the booth as quickly as she can. When Sam stands up, she quickly gets in, immediately pressing herself against the wall, with a quiet whimper. 

Sam hears it, and immediately looks to her in alarm. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” His arm moves around her shoulders, frowning when she practically shrinks in on herself. “Baby, it’s just me, it’s okay.” 

Dean was just about to say something when the waitress brought their food. He thanks her, sending her a wink just to make sure she didn’t have anything to say about Alison, then looks back to the girl shivering in Sam’s arms. “Are you hungry?” Dean asks, hoping maybe he can distract her long enough to get some food in her, and then maybe she’d be able to tell her what had gotten her so worked up.

“Yeah, you were starving earlier, so let’s eat.” Sam says with fake confidence, seeing where Dean was going. If they acted like everything was fine, then maybe she’d be able to calm herself down. Sam grabs her burger and rips off a little part of it, going to hand it to her; frowning when she shakes her head firmly. “Sweetheart, your stomach was growling like crazy earlier. You need to eat.” 

Alison just stares down at the table, staring at the burger. It looks – and smells – amazing, but she can’t bring herself to eat it. She knows the second she takes a bite of it her mind is going to be screaming at her that she’s fat, that she shouldn’t be eating anything. She goes to say something, but nothing comes out. Instead, she just shuts her mouth.  
The regression hits her quickly. More quickly than the other ones. She barely has enough time to mumble Sam’s name, before she’s starting to slump forward toward the table. Sam also has barely enough time to grab her shoulder before she goes nose-first into her food, and he looks at Dean worriedly. “Something must have happened.” He says quietly. “Her brain is trying to get away from something. But I don’t understand what, she was okay before she went to the bathroom… I don’t see what could have happened while she was in there.”

Sam waves the waitress over and asks for a box, keeping his arm around Alison; Dean’s emerald eyes are scanning the restaurant to look for anything unusual. The only thing he can see is the table of girls looking over at them every few seconds and snickering, every so often one of them rolling her eyes. The one rolling her eyes had come out of the bathroom just a minute or two before Alison did… “I wonder if one of the girls said something to her.” 

When the one girl catches Dean staring at them, she smirks and gestures for him to come over. She stands up, separating herself from the rest of the group with the guise of going over to the old jukebox – even though nothing was playing on it. Dean rolls his eyes, telling Sam he would be right back, before getting up to go see if he could any information out of her. “I see you’ve finally started coming to your senses.” She says casually once he strolls up to her, hands shoved in his pockets. One of her hands reaches out to nudge his shoulder coyly. “You wanna ditch her and get out of here? Maybe we could even get your friend over there to ditch, too. You’re way out of her league, sweetheart. She’s just dragging you down.” 

Dean doesn’t know why, but her words just spark his protective instinct over the girl was regressing in that booth right then. The girl who was defenseless and unable to protect herself. The girl who had been brutally tortured for so long she didn’t even know what an act of kindness was. Teeth gritting, Dean wastes no time in grabbing the collar of her shirt and shoving her up against the jukebox. “What the hell did you say to her, you bitch?” He growls lowly. 

The girl’s eyes widened a bit when he was suddenly shoving her, but they both were trying to play it off as cool. Neither one of them wanted to cause a scene. Her, because of her friends sitting right there; him, because of the little girl sitting in the booth that could turn around at any second. “I just told her she was holding you boys down!” The girl sputters out her protest, her head back against the jukebox in her attempt to stay as far away from Dean’s menacing glare as possible. “That you were way out of her league, and…” 

Dean grit his teeth in frustration. The fact that she didn’t see anything wrong with what she was saying to someone as defenseless and vulnerable as Alison was grinding his gears. Even if she didn’t know how defenseless she was, how could a girl really think that was okay to say to anyone? “And?!” 

“And that she wasn’t pretty, or very skinny.” The girl finally finishes her sentence, at first looking sheepish, but then putting on a confident face. “But I mean, everything I said was true. You two could do so much better than her, you know that?” 

“Swear to god I’ll kill you and I won’t feel any sort of remorse about it.” Dean hisses quietly, sending the girls eyes widening. He kept his tight grip on her shirt, up until he hears Sam’s voice calling him urgently. 

Dean turns around, realizing that everyone in the bar was staring at him. “You think about what you’re saying to a stranger next time, you understand me? Neither of us would ever give you the time of day. You’re not so hot yourself.” It was a lie – she was insanely beautiful, but knowing how cruel she could be to someone who didn’t deserve it – that was what made her ugly. 

The girl gasped in resignation when Dean finally lets her shirt go, then turns around and storms back to their booth, where Sam and Alison were waiting. “Let’s get out of here.” He mumbles angrily, storming out the door, not checking to make sure Sam and Alison were following behind him.

Two minutes later, they were all in the Impala, and Alison was fully regressed. Sam pulls her pacifier out of his pocket, pushing it between her lips. He gives a small smile when she starts to suck on it contently, her head resting on Sam’s shoulder. “What happened in there, Dean?” Sam questions quietly. He had seen the confrontation happen but hadn’t been able to hear the words; however, he had been able to hear his brother’s protective attitude. 

Dean’s eyesight flicked toward the rearview mirror, ensuring Alison was fully into her regression before taking the Impala out of park and starting their journey back to the bunker. He’s silent for a moment, still seething in anger. “The girl wanted to have sex with us.” He grunts quietly. “They met in the bathroom and she told Ali we were way out of her league and she was holding us back.” At first that’s all Dean says, but Sam stays silent, because he can tell there’s more. “Told her that she was ugly, and fat.” 

Now it’s Sam’s turn to seethe in anger. How dare she say something so mean to someone she doesn’t even know? Sam didn’t even think she was all that pretty – even though she would have been everything Dean’s old standards would have wanted in a one-night stand. “That must be why she refused food when she came back from the bathroom, even though she was starving.” Sam whispers sadly, stroking his fingers through Alison’s hair gently. “I was finally starting to get her to gain some weight… she’s probably been noticing it, and when the girl mentioned it, she probably thought it was a bad thing instead of a good thing.” 

Dean nods his head, his hand rubbing over his forehead in frustration. “God. We go out in public when she’s a baby, and people suck. We go out in public when she’s not a baby, and people suck even more. I just don’t get it!” He complains, voice loud, causing Alison to startle.

“It’s alright, baby.” Sam coos softly in her ear, hand rubbing over her back. “Dean’s being loud, isn’t he? Mhm.” He looks up just in time to see his brother rolling his eyes, and Sam laughs quietly. He suddenly feels something warm, looking down and realizing she had just wet herself. Strange, since she had just gone to the bathroom – but obviously she’d had to go again, and her mind wasn’t apt to hold it. “Oh – that’s alright, sweetheart. We’ll get you cleaned up as soon as we get back and into some jammies, how does that sound?” 

Alison whines quietly, squirming a little bit in Sam’s hold, her cheeks burning. She hadn’t even thought about trying to hold her bladder, because normally when she was like this, she had a diaper on, and it wasn’t a big deal. This time, however, that hadn’t happened. Now she was left wet, cold, and sitting in her own urine – just like she always had been when she was with the demons. 

The rest of the ride back is silent and tense, Sam lifting Alison out of the car and carrying her up to her room immediately. He changes her quickly, getting her into a diaper and a onesie, putting her pacifier back in her mouth after all her whining had forced it to drop out. He’s just bringing her back downstairs, when suddenly he can hear a very pissed off Dean from outside. 

“What the hell? She pissed in my car?!” There’s a few loud sounds, presumably of Dean slamming doors, and immediately Alison is whimpering, and struggling to get out of Sam’s grip. He holds her tightly, though, and the door flies open, one very pissed off Dean standing behind it. “What the hell, man?! You could’ve at least told me she’d pissed herself!”

“Dean, don’t-“ Sam tries to warn him, but before he can say anything, a loud wail erupts from Alison’s chest. She hadn’t meant to wet herself, she really hadn’t. She just hadn’t realized she wasn’t wearing a diaper. It was an accident! 

“Down, down, down!” Alison continues to wail, trying her hardest to struggle out of Sam’s grip. He’s struggling to hold onto her, finally carrying her to the living room and sitting her down on the floor there, hoping she could calm herself down. 

Dean sighs quietly, his eyes turning soft. He hadn’t meant to scare her so badly – the Impala was just his baby, and it had been a shock when he’d gone to get something out of the back seat and everything was soaked in urine. “It – it’s okay…” Dean says quietly, watching the sobbing girl as she scoots herself over to the corner of the living room, curling up in it and placing her back against the corner so she could see everything that was coming her way. 

Sam’s watching helplessly as the brunette girl curls her knees up to her chest and puts her arms around them, effectively going into the fetal position; her mind spinning at a million miles a minute. She’s sinking farther and farther, into memories she doesn’t consciously remember, but are embedded in her subconscious. “Bad girl.” Alison whispers, her voice trembling as she does. “Bad girl, bad girl, bad girl. Slut, bitch, dirty, bad girl…” 

He’s in shock. Sam is in shock that such a little girl could think those things about herself, and even more so that she could remember those words. Those words had never been spoken to her when she was regressed, meaning some of her subconscious memories were going to her conscious mind – and they must be scaring the shit out of her.  
Pulling himself out of his mind, Sam knows he needs to help her before she sinks so far in he can’t get her to come back out. “Ali, sweetheart.” He says quietly, slowly moving toward her and sitting down in front of her. He’s hurt when she doesn’t even acknowledge him, but he knows it’s not her fault. Her mind has forced her into a dark place, one she can’t rip herself out of. 

“Ali, baby… it’s me, Sam.” Sam reaches out and places a hand on her knee, causing her to tense up. “You’re not in trouble, darling. Can you please look at me?” 

He has to blink back tears when around her pacifier, she monotonely says, “Slaves are not to look directly at their masters.” When she was little she normally couldn’t even speak a couple of words correctly. But that phrase was so ingrained her brain that she could speak it even then; even without consciously remembering it. 

“Baby girl.” Sam admonishes, his tone reproachful. “You’re not a slave, and I’m not your master. I really need you to look at me, please.” The entire time he was speaking, Alison was still repeating her mantra of being a bad girl, and it was breaking Sam’s heart. When she finally looks up at him, he reaches out slowly, placing a hand on her cheek. His thumb strokes over her cheekbone, and for a moment, he doesn’t say anything at all. 

Alison’s blue eyes were filled with tears, and fear. She’d been bad. She’d made a mess in Dean’s car. Add this on to the fact that she wasn’t pretty enough, and she wasn’t skinny enough – Dean and Sam would be leaving her sooner, rather than later, at this rate. “Sammy.” She whimpers, and the tone of it breaks his heart all over again. 

“That’s right, gorgeous. It’s Sammy.” He manages to send her a small smile, slowly settling down with his legs crisscross, opening his arms to her. “Please come here, darling.” He waits until she does, settling down in the dip in his lap, with Sam’s strong arms looping around her and pulling her in closer to his chest. Sam’s large hand starts to move up and down her back, and for once, he’s at a loss of what to say to pull her out of this mind state she’s in.

“You …” He starts carefully. “Are not a bad girl. Not at all. You never have been, and you never will be. I know you don’t remember it, but there were… there were bad people that took you. They hurt you a lot, and whenever they got mad at you, they said you were bad.” He hates having to explain this to a girl who can hardly speak, but she deserved to know why she was feeling like this. “So today, when Dean got mad at you for having an accident, you started feeling like you were bad, and sunk into memories that your mind is trying to hide from you.” 

Alison is sucking on her thumb while Sam talks, looking up at him when he brushes her hair away from her forehead. She has a sad expression on her face, eyes falling shut when he leans forward to kiss her forehead. “Sammy, ‘m bad.” 

Sam shushes her, shaking his head. “You’re not bad, Ali. You’re such a good girl. You’re so sweet, and kind, and loving. Whether you’re big or little. You bring such a light into me and Dean’s lives – and even Castiel is very fond of you, and Castiel’s not very fond of anyone.” He says the last part with a bit of a teasing tone, trying to lighten her mood a little bit. “We love you so much, Ali. You had an accident, and Dean got upset. But no matter what happens – no matter how many accidents you have, no matter how many times someone here gets upset with you – we are always going to love you. I promise.” 

“Yeah, kid.” A gruff voice comes from behind where she’s sitting on Sam’s lap, and she slowly turns to look up at Dean. He kneels next to them, placing his hand on her back as well. “I got angry, and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have. It was just an accident.” He ruffles Alison’s hair. “We always got your back, kiddo. I just get angry sometimes when I shouldn’t. I’m sorry I scared you.” 

Ali’s eyes are wide when she looks up at him, and she sniffles quietly. She nods slowly, pulling back from Sam’s grip, so she can open her arms to Dean. Dean hesitates for a moment, but decides he’s put her through enough tonight. He opens his arms back to her, lifting her up and settling her on his waist like Sam always did with her. 

Sucking contently on her pacifier, Alison rests her head on his shoulder, legs dangling down on either side of Dean. Her eyes drop shut when Dean kisses her on the forehead, and he turns back to Sam. “You say a word about this, and I will kill you.” 

Sam holds his hands up in surrender, although there is a smirk written all over his face at seeing his big brother holding her just like a baby, and comforting her like one, too. “She hasn’t eaten at all today. So if you’re planning on holding onto her for a while, you should probably feed her a bottle, too.” 

He can’t help but to laugh at the face that Dean pulls, knowing it was just a cover for him being nervous to fuck something up if he’s the one to feed her. “You’ll be fine, Dean. Just go get comfortable with her on the couch or something, and I’ll be back in a couple minutes with the bottle.” 

Before Dean could protest, Sam was already disappearing into the kitchen to make a bottle. He looks down at her, realizing that he has no idea how the hell to take care of a baby – whether or not she was actually a full grown twenty-two-year-old. He just gives a quiet sigh, moving to the couch with her, and trying to find a comfortable position. Dean doesn’t have to wait long, though, before she’s finding her own comfortable position, and it ends up being cradled in one of Dean’s arms, the perfect position for him to feed her.  
Sam comes back a few minutes later, handing Dean the bottle. Dean looks up at him, eyes worried that he’s going to do something to screw everything up. “I just… give it to her?” He questions, and when Sam nods, Dean looks down at her. Dean slowly pulls the pacifier from Alison’s mouth; quickly replacing it with the bottle when she starts to whine. A smile forms on his face when Alison starts to drink it down immediately, but wavers when he hears her stomach growling angrily. “We might need to get her another one.” He mumbles quietly to Sam. 

Sam nods his head. “You know, when I first brought her home, she would eat anything I gave her. Eventually, I realized I had to limit her portions, because she would eat until she was so full she would make herself sick. But she was always worried I was never going to give her more food, even though I reassured her the next time she was hungry, she would get food again. Now it’s like it’s the opposite. We give her as much food as she could possibly want, and she just… refuses to eat it. Unless she’s like this.” 

When Dean looks back down to Alison, he realizes she’s already drained over half of the bottle, despite only starting to eat a couple of minutes ago. When he realizes this, he half pulls the bottle from her mouth, earning him one very frustrated whine. “Hold your horses, kiddo.” Dean says quietly, meeting her frustrated gaze with a concerned one of his own. “If you eat that fast you’re going to make yourself sick. Slow down, okay? I’m not going to take it away, and we’ll get you another one when you’re done if you want.” 

He can’t help but to chuckle when Alison’s only response is a pout, but she does as he says and slows down. Alison starts to slowly drink the formula, eyes wide and searching around as she does. When her eyes land on Sam she gives a happy squeal, causing some of it to dribble out of her mouth. 

Sam laughs, reaching a hand out to use his thumb to wipe away the formula, rolling his eyes fondly at her. “Silly girl.” He coos, and she grins, using her hand to grip onto his tightly. Once the bottle is gone and Dean’s pulled it from her mouth, Sam looks back over to Dean. “Alright, now you gotta burp her. Just be careful – it is possible she’s going to spit up a little bit.” 

He misses the bitch face Dean pulls on him again, taking the bottle from Dean and going to make another one. Sam wasn’t sure if she was going to drink the whole thing, but he figured she would at least drink some more – and he wanted to be sure she was full. He can’t help but to laugh when he hears a disgusted noise come from Dean, which he quickly tries to play off with him teasing her about it. Sam grabs a rag and gets it wet so he can wipe down whatever she had just spit up on, seeing that luckily it had just been on herself, and not on Dean nor the couch. 

Sam uses the rag to quickly wipe some of it up, knowing it would be simple enough to change her out of the onesie and put it in the wash, and it would be good as new. Once he’s done wiping it up, Sam hands the new bottle to Dean. “She might not drink all of it, but as long as she drinks until she’s full, then I’d say we have a victory.” 

Dean nods his head in agreement, and now with more ease he places the bottle into Alison’s mouth. She immediately starts to hungrily suckle it down, shooting Dean a frustrated look again when he half pulls it out of her mouth. “Slow, angel.” He reminds her, not even thinking of the fact that he’d just called her a pet name. 

Sam notices, but doesn’t say anything, instead sitting in the arm chair on the other side of the living room. It was a bit odd to be watching someone else feeding Alison, but he was happy she and Dean were finally starting to bond after all this time. She needed it – especially with Dean getting mad at her earlier. 

While the three of them sit in silence, Dean suddenly realizes it’s been a while since Alison had started to take the bottle. Looking down, he can see she’s mostly asleep, eyelids fluttering while she continues to instinctively suckle on it, more out of comfort than actually wanting it. Even though he would never admit it out loud, it was pretty fricking adorable. “Well, if she’s falling asleep she must be full, right?” Dean says quietly to Sam, who nods. 

Standing up, Sam moves over to the two and pulls the bottle from her mouth. She whines sleepily, and Sam quickly gives her the pacifier to… well, pacify her. She grunts, Sam chuckling softly. “Alright, sleepy head. I know it’s just about time for your nap, but we gotta get you changed first, okay? Then when you wake up, how’s a bath sound?”

When Sam picks her up, Alison snuggles into his chest contently. “Sammy… Sammy…” She coos quietly, and Sam smiles, rubbing her back while he carries her upstairs.

“That’s right, beautiful. Sammy’s right here, and he’s not going anywhere.” He kisses her forehead before laying her down on the bed. Sam unzips her onesie, which makes her shiver and whine. “Shh, I know. Just give me a few minutes and we’ll have you all nice and warm again.” 

He sets about changing her diaper, making sure everything looks okay down there. It does, but she’s starting to get a little red. He’s hoping that having a warm bath will help with that. Sam then gets her into a new onesie, without spit up on it, and zips her back up. Taking a blanket, Sam wraps it around her, practically swaddling her like one would a newborn, before scooping her back up in his arms. 

Walking to Alison’s room, the hunter is stunned to see there’s a rocking chair sitting in there, next to the bed. He raises an eyebrow, wondering who had gotten it. “I thought it would be useful.” A voice suddenly says behind him; it’s all Sam can do to not whirl around and startle Alison. 

“Damn, Cas.” Sam chuckles, shaking his head. “Do you always have to sneak up on us like that? But yeah, I think the rocking chair is a good idea. I think I need to get her some stuff… like a crib, and everything else. It looks like she’s going to be regressing quite a bit. So, thank you for the rocking chair.” 

Castiel hums thoughtfully before nodding, mentioning something about going to check on Dean. Sam smiles knowingly when he leaves, then goes to sit in the rocking chair with Alison. Ali is cradled against his chest, and soon her breathing slows and evens, and Sam knows she’s asleep. She’s warm, her tummy is full, and she feels safe – safe enough to have a long afternoon nap, which was just what she needed after a hard day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, tomorrow is supposed to be update day, but last night I hit 2,000 hits on my writings in general, and Trauma got 20 subscriptions! So here’s a little extra chapter for you. <3
> 
> Comment what you think!

Castiel found Dean in the living room, staring into space. He watches him for a few moments before clearing his throat, deciding now probably isn’t the time to startle Dean with his presence – even though he quite enjoys doing so. Crossing through the doorway into the living room, Castiel sits next to Dean on the couch. His head tilts to the side for a moment while he studies him. “Hello Dean.” 

“Hey, Cas.” Dean says quietly, rubbing a hand over his face. Cas doesn’t even need to say anything; Dean already knows he wants to know what’s wrong. “Alison. She just… I fed her two bottles, and she fell asleep on me.” 

Now, Castiel knows he doesn’t know much about humans in general, but he knew Sam fed Alison and she fell asleep on him all the time – and he never looked out desolately afterwards. “Okay… and?” Cas prompts him, quirking an eyebrow in the other man’s direction.

“And… I don’t know. I just feel so weird, Cas. You know, I was kind of like a father to Ben for a little bit there, but I missed the whole baby stage. It really wasn’t even like being a dad. He was such a cool little guy. But Alison… Alison is a baby in every sense of the word, even though she’s really not. There’s just this weird feeling in my chest, and I don’t know how to describe it, and I don’t know how to get rid of it – or if I really want to.” The last part is quiet; a confession.

“You feel protective over her, Dean.” Castiel says quietly. “And yes, I’m aware you know what protectiveness feels like. But this is a different kind of protective aura. You’re protective of Sam, but you know he can also protect himself. This is new, because she’s completely dependent upon you and Sam for all of her basic needs, and to take care of her from any monsters who could possibly come her way.” 

Dean knew that if any monster were to ever even look in her direction, he would kill them faster than they could blink. Huh. Maybe it was a protective feeling he had in his chest. Maybe he actually felt pretty good that Alison trusted him enough to fall asleep in his arms, even though he had yelled at her earlier in the day. “I yelled at her.” He says quietly. “Well, not necessarily at her. But about her. I scared her. And I feel like shit for it.” 

Nodding in understanding, Castiel places a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “At least you feel badly about it. If you did not, I would be more worried about you. You’re not the type of person to make babies cry, Dean. Even if you don’t feel as if the domestic lifestyle is for you, you’re not a bad guy. That’s why you’re protective over her, and why you care about her – even though you’re trying so hard not to.” 

Castiel didn’t even have to look inside Dean’s head to know what he was feeling. It was a little unnerving, if he was being honest. He knew he really couldn’t hide things from Cas, no matter how much he wanted to. “I feel like I should be doing more for her.” Dean confesses quietly. “Sam… does everything. Because he’s better with this stuff, and she trusts him more. Which I can’t blame her for; he’s the one that took her in, and I just kept calling her a stray and resenting him for bringing her to the bunker. I just wish there was more I could do.” 

The pair are silent for a few moments, before Castiel turns to look at Dean again. “Do you still have that fake credit card you use all the time?” He questions. It’s pretty much a rhetorical question – the two both know Dean always has a fake credit card on him. He ditches them every so often, making sure no one can find him, but he always gets another. “Then perhaps, there is something else you can do for her, and Sam.” 

It’s almost two hours later when Sam finally decides he needs to wake Alison up. He doesn’t want to, considering she’s had a traumatic day, but if she sleeps all day then she’s not going to sleep tonight. The last thing they need is to screw up her sleep schedule, and make everything a whole hell of a lot worse. 

She’s whining and sleepy when he eventually rouses her, and he wouldn’t ever say anything out loud, but she’s absolutely adorable. All grumbling and pushing her head into Sam’s chest in an attempt to stay asleep for just a little bit longer. “Someone’s sleepy, huh?” Sam coos into her ear, rubbing his hand across her back. “I know, darling, but you’ve been sleeping for almost two hours now. If you don’t get up soon, you’re never going to fall asleep tonight.” 

Another whine is emitted around her pacifier, and Sam gets an idea, a small grin forming on his face. “If you don’t wake up, I’m going to tickle yoooou!” He’s expecting to get some sort of reaction from her – like a grunt of malcontent, or a squeal of protest.

What he doesn’t expect is for her to lift her head from his shoulder and stare at him, confused. Alison had no idea what he was talking about; it was a word she’d never heard before. “Tickle?” She questions, and of course, Sam’s heart breaks yet again because she doesn’t know the simplest of things, due to not being nurtured for practically her entire life.

“Yup!” Sam says once he quickly shakes off the heartbreak, and immediately he starts to tickle her stomach. “I’m going to tickle your tummy, so you wake up!” 

Once Sam starts to tickle her, Alison releases a loud squeal, squirming in his grip. There’s a part of her that desperately wants to squirm away from the feeling she’s experiencing, and another part that’s enjoying the attention Sam is lavishing on her. So she settles for just squirming, rather than squirming away, giggling excitedly as she does so.

“You’re such a ticklish little girl, huh?” Sam coos as he continues to tickle her, moving to her sides instead of her tummy, while giggles continue to stream out of Alison’s mouth. She hides her face in Sam’s neck, and once she starts breathing hard Sam finally stops, knowing now she was awake. But she wasn’t just awake – she was also happy, and that knowledge made Sam happy as well.

Contently, Alison was nuzzling her nose into Sam’s neck. “Sammy…” She says softly, then goes silent. Sam is just about to say something, when Alison speaks again instead. “Sammy safe.” It’s like she’s talking to herself, like he’s not even there. His heart warms when she has the realization, and he kisses her forehead tenderly. 

Alison starts to babble to herself, but every few words she’s saying ‘Sammy safe’ once again, and Sam starts to tear up. He was finally getting through to her. Even though he hadn’t gotten through to her when he was big, maybe some of her trust from being little would rub off onto her being big. “That’s right, baby. I’m going to keep you safe from everything, no matter what. All the time. I promise. And you know what? Dean and Cas will, too. I know Dean has some anger issues, and Cas is just… well, he’s Cas. But they both care so much about you, and they’re both going to do everything in their power to keep you safe. We all are.” 

Alison sucks her thumb into her mouth, nuzzling up against Sam and cooing quietly. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this content and happy, and it was all because of Sam. Because Sam cared about her, and Sam loved her. It was a strange feeling, but a very welcome one. 

Sam scoops her up, feeling her diaper to see if it was wet. It wasn’t, so he goes to carry her downstairs. He hears voices coming from the living room, so he decides to head into there. But as soon as he walks in, Dean is slamming his laptop shut, and Castiel is looking at him rather guiltily. Raising an eyebrow, Sam looks at the two of them. “Uh… am I interrupting something here?” 

Dean sees the guilty look on Castiel’s face and hits him, rolling his eyes. “Not in that way, you idiot. We were just… doing something, that we don’t want you to know about.” Way to go, Dean. Way to avoid suspicion about what they were doing. 

“Uh huh.” Sam says hesitantly, but he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Alright, well, you two can go back to whatever it is you were doing… I’m going to take Alison out on the porch for a little bit, since it’s warm out.” He hadn’t been planning on it, but considering the living room was seemingly off limits to him, it seemed like a good “plan B.”

“Come on, darlin’. They’re doing some weird stuff in here, so how about we see the sunshine?” Sam asks with a soft smile. He takes her out onto the porch, going to sit on the steps with her tucked safely between his legs. He’s sitting behind her, smiling as he watches her taking in the feeling of the sun hitting her face. Alison was still rather pale, due to all that time she spent trapped in a dark basement.

Ali wasn’t used to the sun, and she had to be careful about how long she sat out in it. Her skin would fry much easier than Sam or Dean’s would, because they used to spend a ton of time outside when they were kids, and when they were growing up. She hadn’t had that luxury. The brothers took for granted the sun on their face, complained about the sun being in her eyes, never really looked at the scenery. But Alison was giving Sam a new perspective on all of that, because every time she saw anything like the scenery, she would look at it with eyes full of wonder and amazement; even if she wasn’t regressed. 

Sam’s hands are on her shoulders, massaging out some of the tense muscles there, that hadn’t dissipated even with her regressing. “You’ve sure had a hard few days, haven’t you?” Sam asks softly, kissing the top of her head. “I promised you I would protect you from everything, and I haven’t exactly been doing the best job of it.” He sighs quietly, knowing that Alison couldn’t even understand what he was saying. But it made him feel better to at least get it out. 

Even though she couldn’t understand what he was saying, Alison could hear the tone in his voice, and she knew it was a sad one. That wasn’t right. Sammy wasn’t supposed to be sad, he was supposed to always be happy. She frowns, turning around and placing her hand on his cheek. “Sammy happy.” She pouts, her own eyes turning sad when she sees the sad look in his eyes. “Sammy no sad.” 

Sam chuckles quietly, and he must admit he feels pretty good when Alison tells him she doesn’t want him to be sad. He knows he deserves to be sad, because he’d been failing in his duties of protecting her. But she didn’t see it that way, she saw it as Sam still taking care of her, and treating her much better than she’d ever been treated in her life before. “I’m so happy, baby.” Sam reassures her, bringing his large hand up to rest over top of her small one. “You make me so happy.” 

Alison grins up at him when she hears she makes him happy. She doesn’t quite know how, because Sam’s being forced to take care of her, but she believes him and trusts him. Alison leans up to nuzzle her nose against his, humming out quietly when she does so. “Love you, Sammy.” She whispers quietly.

Sam tenses up, but it’s only due to his shock. He didn’t think she even knew what love was. She certainly didn’t understand what love was, because she’d only been feeling it for a few months now. Sam had loved her right from the start. He always wanted her to know she was loved when she was with him, and now it seemed as though she was actually starting to know it. “I love you, too, Alison.” He says softly. He wished he knew more of her full name, so he could say it with more conviction, but Alison would just have to do for now. 

She scrunches her nose up when Sam leans in to kiss it. “Alright, baby. I think it’s time for us to head back inside. Don’t want you getting too hot, or getting you burned, now do we?” Sam asks, chuckling when she whines. “I promise we’ll come back out tomorrow. Or later tonight, when the sun isn’t out anymore.” 

Heading back into the bunker, Sam peeks his head into the living room before actually entering. “Am I allowed to come in now?” He questions, a smirk still on his face. He had no idea what the pair were up to, but he was just glad they were spending some quality time together. Maybe, eventually, they would start to realize their feelings for each other. If not, Sam was going to have to sit down and have a heart to heart with Dean – and he knew how much Dean loathed those. 

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t act so smug, Sammy.” Dean mutters, but smiles when he sees Alison peeking out from his shoulder. “Look, there’s my favorite girl!” He knows it’s shocking for Sam to see him actually acting so cute with Alison, but after his talk with Castiel, he knows there’s no point in trying to hide his fondness for the girl anymore. Alison’s eyes widened, and she looks around in confusion, before pointing to herself. 

Dean chuckles quietly, nodding his head. “Yes, you, silly! You’re my favorite girl, kiddo!” He stands up from the couch and opens his arms to take her. It’s getting more natural for him to hold her now, and now she cuddles up to him just as well as she cuddles up to Sam. Kissing her forehead, Dean turns back to Sam, only to roll his eyes at the stunned look on his younger brother’s face.

“Cas and I were talking, and he made me realize that I’m very protective over her.” Dean says with a nod. “Hey, now don’t give me that look. I know you knew it already. But you know how me and feelings are.” Dean sighs quietly, placing his hand on the back of her neck and rubbing gently. “I just… I don’t know. There’s something about her, just like you said, Sam. There’s something about her that makes me want to protect her from harm. So… I’m glad you took in the stray.” 

Sam knew that was as close to an apology as he was going to be getting for Dean being so untrusting of his judgment, but he was okay with it. He didn’t even know the last time Dean had said ‘I’m sorry’ to anyone, so he wasn’t expecting it to happen anytime soon. He was just glad Dean was finally getting in touch with his feelings for her – now if only he could do the same with his feelings for Cas. “Does this mean you’re going to be helping me with her now? Feeding, changing, all of it?”

“Now, I don’t know about changin’.” Dean mutters quietly, but then sighs in resignation when he sees Sam’s look. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll help her with whatever she needs. Her. I’m not doin’ it for you.” Even though they both knew it was going to be helping Sam as well.

He rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Okay, Dean. Whatever you say.” It would be nice having someone to help him with all of her needs. He would gladly do it by himself if he needed to, it would just be simpler having Dean and Cas on his side. 

Alison continues to suck contently on her pacifier, happy to sit there with the three of them. She didn’t even remember her rough day from earlier – Sam’s attention and her nap distracting her from any of the bad things she’d been thinking of. “I’ve got you, kiddo.” Dean says quietly, one hand moving up and down her back. “I’ve got you.” 

“Sammy, bath?” Alison suddenly asks, remembering that Sam had promised her a bath once she got up from her nap. Not that she wasn’t enjoying staying here with Dean, because she was, but she hadn’t had a bath or shower in a couple of days, and she was starting to feel a little gross. Even regressed she could tell that, and she didn’t like it at all.

Sam chuckles quietly. “That’s right, I did promise you a bath, didn’t I?” He asks, stepping toward Dean, who transfers the brunette into Sam’s arms. “You wanna help?” He asks Dean, not surprised when Dean shakes his head. But Sam just nods in understanding. “It’s probably better for me to do it the first time anyway.”

Alison was starting to trust Dean, but Sam was still the one she trusted the most. For something as intimate as bath time, the first time would probably go smoother if Sam was the only one in the room. As it were, Sam was a little afraid. He had seen the scars on her body multiple times, due to changing her diaper and changing her in and out of her onesies, but this would be the first time her entire body would be on display, for Sam to see all of the marks at once. It was an unnerving thought; but Sam knew he had to be strong. After all, she had been strong enough to survive getting all of them. 

He carries her upstairs and places her sitting down on the toilet while he starts to fill the bath tub up with water. “Stay right here, okay?” He asks, tapping her on the nose, and smiling when she agrees. Sam goes to grab another diaper and onesie, along with a simple rubber duck. He hadn’t been able to get her many bath toys yet; he hoped to get more soon, and also hoped this one would suffice for now.

Sam goes back into the bathroom and sets everything on the floor, so he has access to it once she’s out of the bath tub. He finds their fluffiest towel, placing it near the bath tub, so she won’t be cold for more than a second once he gets her out. He takes his shirt off, knowing there was a big possibility of it getting messy and wet, before turning back to her. “Alright, gorgeous. Ready for your first bath?” 

Alison nods excited, squeaking as she looks up at him happily. She lifts her arms to help him get her onesie off, leaning against him when he stands her up to get it off fully. Once she’s fully unclothed, Sam helps her into the water. She gasps once she starts to get in it, which immediately makes Sam worried. “Is it too hot?” He asks quickly, but she shakes her head. 

At first, the hot water had made all of her old cuts and bruises sting, meaning her entire body was stinging. But after just a few seconds it had started to feel good, so Alison continued to sink into the water slowly, with help from Sam, allowing her to go at her own pace. It was just a few moments later that she was settled in, looking at Sam, who was still outside the bath tub. 

“How’s it feel?” Sam coos, his hand finding its way to her hair and running his fingers through it. He had to agree, her hair was starting to get greasy. He didn’t blame her for wanting a bath. “Here, I have this for you… I know it’s not much, but I promise I’m going to get you more soon.” 

When she’s handed the rubber duck, Alison squeals happily, grabbing it from him and placing it in the water. Sam always seems so regretful when he only has the bare minimum – but what he doesn’t understand is that Alison always had less than this, so bare minimum is so much better than what she’s used to getting. She’s perfectly content like this.

She hardly even notices when Sam starts to wash her body, being extra careful of all of the still healing wounds. It was amazing how even after a few months, her body was still working to heal everything. He assumed it was one of the effects of her malnourishment – her body wasn’t strong enough to heal itself because it wasn’t getting enough nutrients. Sam takes a good look at her side, where that terrible stab wound had been, but it still looked just as good as it had when they left the hospital; even better, actually, because it was healing.

Alison does notice, though, when Sam goes to wash her private parts. She whimpers, and Sam’s hand immediately stills. “Okay, sweetheart.” Sam coos again, tilting her head up so she’ll look at him. “I don’t have to wash them if you don’t want me to, okay? But with being in a diaper quite a bit, there’s the potential for you to get infections, or to get a rash.” The last thing he wants to do is make her uncomfortable. 

She’s silent, staring at him with fear in her eyes. It wasn’t that she thought Sam was going to hurt her – but even when he changed her diaper, his hands being down there scared her. Most of the time she just ignored it, or didn’t make any noise. He was always quick about it, so there really was no point. But this time, his hands would be spending more time down there. Alison watches him, and his expression, unwavering in the sincerity in his hazel eyes. “Okay, Sammy.” She finally relents, and Sam leans forward to kiss her forehead.

“You’re such a good girl.” Sam whispers. He would have said the same thing even if she’d denied him, because he never wanted her to think she was bad for making her needs known. “I’ll be careful, and quick, okay?” Once he gets the all clear from her, Sam sets about washing her and making sure everything’s good. It only takes a couple of minutes and then he’s done, holding his hands up in surrender. “Alright. I’m done. Now, comes the best part… I’m going to wash your hair.” 

Alison grins at him. She doesn’t know why that would be the best part, but if he says it is, then it must be. She leans back when he tells her to, and he leans over her, reaching one arm across her to use his hand to keep her head held up above water. Sam then uses his other hand to start washing her hair, using his fingertips and fingernails to massage and scratch her scalp; loving every single sound of contentment that’s escaping her lips without her even realizing it. 

He keeps her in that position longer than he probably should, and by the time he knows he needs to get her out of the bath tub, his arm is aching. But he doesn’t care, because she was purely content and happy in that moment, and Alison deserved all the purity in the world. Sam finally stops the massage, though, taking a cup of water and carefully pouring it over her head, making sure none got in her face. He does this multiple times, until he’s sure her hair is free from any shampoo and conditioner, then announces it’s time to get out.

Sam can’t help the grin on his face when she whines her protest. “You liked that, huh?” He asks, smoothing his hand over her soaking wet hair. “We’ll do it again more, I promise. But the water’s starting to get cold, and Dean’s going to wonder what happened to his favorite girl. I know he was excited about feeding you dinner.” 

That got Alison’s eyes widened in excitement, and she nods her head, now willing to get out of the tub. Sam scoops her out, not caring about the fact that he was getting soaked as well, wrapping her in the fluffy towel and starting to dry her off. While she sits in that towel, Sam grabs another one to dry her hair with. 

Alison is just sitting there, reveling in all of the attention Sam is giving her. Her eyes are closed, she’s sucking on her pacifier, and life is good. There’s a fond smile on Sam’s face the entire time, and once he gets her dressed in a diaper and her onesie, he grabs a brush and brushes out her long brown hair. 

It was probably a good hour later when Sam finally emerges from the bathroom with Alison, bringing her downstairs. “There she is!” Dean says, smiling when he sees just how content and happy she looks. “My favorite girl in the whole world.” He takes her from Sam, seeing how he was wet and needed to go get dried off and changed. “Are you hungry, kiddo? I can make you a bottle right now. And, I have a secret ingredient I want to put in there – but you have to promise not to tell Sammy, okay?” 

Her eyes were wide at the mention of a secret, and she nods solemnly. Dean sets about making the bottle, but he adds just a little bit of cocoa powder. Not enough to make it unhealthy, but enough to make it taste a little better than just straight formula. Dean sits down at the kitchen table with her still held in his arms, cradling her in one arm to hand her the bottle. 

Alison greedily starts to suck down the formula just like she had before, when she was absolutely starving. Only this time, it was because it tasted so much better than she was used to. “Ah, ah, ah. Nuh-uh. Gotta go slow, kiddo.” Dean reminds her, chuckling when she whines just like she had before. It seemed like he wasn’t going to let this one go, no matter how much she wanted him to.

Sam comes back downstairs, only to find Alison already curled up in Dean’s arms and having her dinner, and he smiles. It didn’t take long for Dean to catch on to the caregiver role, once he finally admitted to himself that he really did want to help take care of her. Maybe if things kept going this way, Sam could talk to Dean about Cas and he wouldn’t freak out because it was a talk about ‘feelings.’ Maybe Alison was going to help his brother get more in touch with his feelings. It was a long shot, but hey, Sam could dream.

Alison finishes the bottle a few minutes later, and Dean starts his attempt to burp her. But a few minutes later she still hadn’t managed to burp, and she was getting uncomfortable. There was a big gas bubble in her chest, and it hurt, but she couldn’t manage to get it out of there. Alison starts to cry, which sends Dean into a panic, and he’s quickly shipping her off to Sam. Even though he was getting better at taking care of her, that didn’t mean he was good with crying babies.

Rolling his eyes at his brother, but then looking down concerned at the girl, he rubs her back gently. Sam pulls her to his chest, standing up and starting to walk around. “Alright, baby girl… just relax. Breathe.” Sam says gently, alternating between patting and rubbing her back. “You have to relax, otherwise that’s never going to get out of there.” 

She’s trying, but she continues to cry; eventually starting to hiccup from how hard she was crying. During one of the more intense hiccups, she finally manages to burp, loudly – and spit up practically is projected out of her mouth, over Sam’s shoulder and all down his back. Sam winces, but continues to carry her around and shush her; now her crying is only amplified because she’s mortified about throwing up all over Sam, and scared he’s going to punish her for it. 

“I’ve got you, darling.” Sam coos lightly into her ear. “Baby girl, Sammy’s right here. I’m not letting you go, okay? You’re not in trouble. Your tummy got upset, and you needed to let it out, it’s okay. I promise.” Sure, a little warning would have been nice, but she seemed startled by it too, so she didn’t know she was going to puke everywhere.

Alison is clinging to Sam for dear life, afraid of what will happen if he puts her down. Will he go away forever? Will he hate her and never come back for her? Alison whines as he carries her around, continuing to cry for quite a while, until finally, the cries die down because she gets exhausted from it. 

“There we go…” Sam says lightly, glad she had finally managed to calm down, even a little bit. “It’s okay, baby. I’m just going to give you to Dean and go change my shirt, okay? Then I’ll be right back.” 

She immediately launches into another wail, which has Sam sighing. Dean crosses over to the two of them, holding out his arms to her. “Come here, baby. Want me to fix you another bottle? Or you want to cuddle on the couch? Sammy just has to change his shirt, and then you can do whatever you want with him, okay? I promise.” 

Alison whimpers, finally nodding her head, and allowing herself to be transferred to Dean. It wasn’t even ten minutes later that the three were all situated on the couch, Alison stuck safely between Sam and Dean while they watched some random cartoon that happened to be on. Sam’s fingers were trailing through her hair, Dean’s fingertips stroking up and down her arm lightly. Once again, everything was all okay in Alison’s world, thanks to the Winchesters.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's currently a little after midnight on Wednesday morning, so it's update day! Haha. I just got done editing this chapter, so I figured why not just post it now instead of waiting until later? This one's super angsty, just a fair warning.
> 
> Also, thank you for over 700 views of this! I'm also only 2 Kudos away from 100 altogether! This is growing exponentially, along with the rest of my writing, and it's crazy. I'm so grateful for you guys, and the two requests I've gotten. <3 Let me know what you think!

“It’s been months now, and I still have no idea what happened to her.” Sam says quietly, running a hand through his long hair in frustration. “I don’t want to push her into talking, or doing something that makes her uncomfortable, but she’s never going to get through the trauma unless she gets it all off her chest. I can’t help her unless I know what the hell happened there.” 

It was early morning, and Alison was still asleep. She’d been sleeping a lot more lately, which worried Sam, but Castiel assured him it was normal. After all, she hadn’t gotten much restful sleep for sixteen years. Her body was bound to be tired. The two were sitting together, the only noise in the bunker being their quiet conversation.

“Well, let’s go through what we do know.” Castiel says quietly. If he really wanted to, he could get in her mind and see everything from the time she was six, up until now. But that would be an invasion of privacy, and considering the trauma she went through, he figured it would be best for them to learn in pieces as she told them. “We know they hurt her a lot. We know they wouldn’t let her use the bathroom and when she had accidents they would hurt her more for it. We know they called her bad, and that’s traumatized her so if anyone calls her that, she freaks out.”

“We know she was raped. A lot, by the looks of it.” Sam says quietly, his eyes cast downward so he misses the look of shock on Castiel’s face. He shouldn’t have been so shocked, because they were demons, but he hadn’t even thought about it. “When I was giving her a bath and I went to wash her down there, she freaked out. I had to stop, and she had to think about it long and hard before she would let me touch her. There’s also the scars around her genital area that you can see when you change her diaper.” 

“I do think you need to try to coax her into talking.” Castiel nods, humming thoughtfully. “I think if you just keep things going the way they are now, she’s never going to talk. She’s happier now, which is good, but she’s not going to truly be happy until she finally gets through the trauma she experienced, and having all of the nightmares and flashbacks stop.” 

“Nightmares and flashbacks?” There’s a new voice in the room, a small one. Alison had woken up and gone downstairs; when she heard the conversation, she knew they were talking about her. She slowly steps into the room, looking smaller than usual, like she was trying to shrivel up and hide forever.

“Yeah, sweetheart.” Sam says softly, reaching an arm out to her. He waits until Alison comes over to him before tugging her to sit on his lap. “Yeah, Cas and I were just saying we think you need to talk about what happened to you in order to get through your trauma. Talk to anyone, really. Me, Dean, Cas, a therapist… with whoever you would feel most comfortable doing so.” 

He’s not surprised when Alison’s entire body tenses and she starts to squirm on his lap, trying to get away. Talking wasn’t something she liked to do, and wasn’t something she wanted to do. If she went back to that place, even in her mind, she knew she would probably regress before she could even get the full thing out. “I’m not crazy!” She protests, continuing to squirm.

“Hey, hey. No one thinks you’re crazy, gorgeous.” Sam tries to soothe, his arms locking around her to make sure she can’t get off of his lap to avoid this conversation. “People don’t just go to therapy because they’re crazy. People go to therapy because they would feel more comfortable sharing things with someone they’re not as close to. I’m not saying you have to go to therapy – but am I saying you need to talk about it with someone.” 

Alison feels like her world is about to cave in around her. She’s hardly listening to what Sam is saying to her. He wants her to go to therapy. He thinks she’s crazy. And he won’t let her down off of his lap, even though she just wants to go hide and save herself from a world of hurt. What if Sam puts her in an inpatient facility? What if he puts her in a psych ward, only to never come back for her? 

He knew she was upset and scared, but he wasn’t expecting the loud wail that suddenly was emitted. Sam pulls back a little bit in surprise, but his arms are still around her. Her eyes are squeezed shut, and Sam wishes he could tell what’s going on in her head – but he doesn’t have to wait long before she’s mumbling things like “crazy” and “psych ward” and “never come back.” 

Sam keeps a tight grip on her with one arm, but the other hand is going up to her back, starting to rub it, attempting to soothe her. “Sweetheart, listen to me. No one thinks you’re crazy, and I’m sure as hell not putting you in a psych ward. You’re going to stay here with me, no matter what. Even if a therapist recommended inpatient therapy, I would tell them no.” He’s talking evenly and calmly, but he doesn’t know if he’s even getting through to her. “Hey, Ali. Alison. I need you to listen to me, okay? I need you to breathe.”

She’s working herself up to a full-on panic attack, and that’s the last thing Sam wants. He continues to say her name, progressively getting louder until he finally knows he broke through to her because she jumps. “Ali, it’s me, Sam. You’re safe. You’re here with me, and you’re going to stay here with me. Please, everything is okay.”

Alison did finally hear Sam’s voice, but she could feel herself starting to shut down. She hadn’t even told him anything, but she was starting to shut down. She continued to cry, placing her head in her hands, attempting to focus on Sam’s hand rubbing her back; but her mind continued to spin. Thoughts were pouring out of her mind faster than she could even process them, and it was freaking her out.

Sam was watching her with worried eyes, continually saying her name and attempting to pull her from her mind, but he could tell it wasn’t working. Sam figured she was going to regress, and he felt terrible for even bringing up therapy in the first place. “I’m sorry I made you hate me.” Alison whispers, and Sam’s eyes widened immediately.

“What? Alison, no!” But before he could say anything, Alison was falling forward, and Sam had to catch her. She was regressed, and Sam could feel his heart shattering. She had somehow taken the simple suggestion of therapy and turned it into her doing something to make Sam hate her and want to get rid of her. She had gone into her regression, she had gone into hiding in her mind, before Sam could tell her he didn’t hate her. 

Normally Alison was extremely happy when she was regressed. She was just overall a happy little girl, because of the care and nurturing she was receiving. However, this time, she was not happy. Looking at Sam, her blue eyes were desolate. Her lower lip trembled, and tears were threatening to spill from her eyes. Maybe she didn’t remember exactly what had happened, but she definitely remembered how it made her feel.

“Oh, Ali.” Sam cooed quietly, using his thumb to gently wipe the tears that were starting to leak from her eyes. He scooped her up in his arms and placed her on his hip, going to his room to look for a pacifier. He also knows he needs to get her in a diaper before she has an accident and freaks out, like she had the last time when she’d accidentally wet herself in the Impala. “It’s okay, gorgeous. I love you. I love you, so much. I wish you could see just how much I love you. I could never hate you, okay?” 

When Sam sticks the pacifier in her mouth her sniffling is quieted, but she’s still looking at him sadly, tears slowly leaking from her eyes. This was a different kind of crying than she normally did. Normally it was a loud wailing, or sobbing, something that wracked her entire body and made it hard to breathe. Sam didn’t know which was worse, honestly; because this looked like she had just given up. She just looked defeated, like she wasn’t even surprised that Sam supposedly hated her. 

Sam continues talking to her, trying to make his tone upbeat and happy, hoping it would start to rub off on her. He got her undressed and into a diaper before going to place her in her onesie. But when he blew a raspberry on her tummy before zipping it up, she didn’t even make a sound. That causes Sam to sigh, zipping it up and tugging her up before scooping her into his arms once again. “I’ve got you, sweetheart.” Sam whispers in her ear, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

Instead of placing her on his hip like he normally did, she made herself comfortable in a different position. She was instead right up against his chest, her legs dangling on either side of his waist, and her chin resting on his shoulder. Sam’s hands ended up clasped under her bum, and his arms under her upper thighs to keep her held securely there. 

It was just like holding a toddler who was sad and crying for no reason. Not that Sam really had experience with it, but he knew that there were times toddlers were just grumpy and crying, and they just needed some love and affection. Sam figured love and affection was exactly what she needed right now, since she had gone into the regression thinking the one person she trusted the most hated her. 

Alison was even like a toddler in that when Sam went into the living room of the bunker and tried to sit down, she started whimpering. Just like a baby, or a toddler, who wanted to keep being walked around, who didn’t want whoever was holding them to stop walking. Even though her eyes were closed, she could feel the comfort of him swaying her as he walked, her arms wrapped around him tightly.

When Dean finally decided to roll out of bed for the day, he went into the kitchen. He grabbed a cup of coffee, wondering where everyone was. Once he hears movement in the living room he decides to go over there, even though he wasn’t planning on talking because he hadn’t gotten his caffeine intake yet. But when he sees Sam walking around with an obviously regressed Alison, who was mostly silent except for sniffling, with tears still leaking from her eyes, he decided to speak. “What happened?” 

Sam sighs quietly, turning around so he can look at Dean. When he stops walking, Alison whimpers again, so he decides to keep walking around while he talks to Dean. “She came into the living room when Cas and I were talking about how we thought she needed to open up about the trauma she faced. Obviously, she started freaking out, but when I mentioned possible therapy, she had a really bad panic attack.”

Dean frowns. He didn’t believe in therapy, but he was surprised to hear that Alison was so dead set against therapy. “She thought you thought she was crazy, didn’t she?” It was more of a statement rather than a question. That was one of the reasons he’d refused therapy many times before.

Nodding his head, Sam quickly presses a kiss to the side of Alison’s head when she starts to whimper, even though he was still walking around. “Yeah. Kept mumbling something about how I thought she was crazy, that I was going to put her in a psych ward and never come back.” Looking down, Sam’s teeth pull on his lower lip lightly. “I kept trying to reassure her that wasn’t the case, that no matter what I wouldn’t put her in an inpatient facility, but she wouldn’t listen to me.” 

There was a long pause, everyone in the living room silent. Dean could tell there was something Sam wasn’t telling him – but for some reason he had a feeling he wasn’t telling him because it was painful for him to talk about. So, he was just going to wait. “Right before she regressed she apologized for making me hate her.” 

When Sam mutters his last sentence, Dean’s jaw dropped in shock. How had they gone from Sam wanting to talk about what she’d gone through to her thinking he hated her? Talk about jumping to conclusions. “And you didn’t get the chance to tell her that was bullshit before she regressed.” Dean finishes for him, rolling his eyes when Sam sends him a look for swearing in front of her. “She’s not gonna remember it when she wakes up anyway.” 

For probably the hundredth time since he had brought Alison back to the bunker, he wished he could see what was going through her mind. If she didn’t remember the conversation they were having beforehand, then what did her young mind think she was sad about? He kisses the side of her head again, allowing his lips to linger there for a few seconds. 

Even though she was extremely light, Sam’s arms eventually started getting tired from carrying her around in that position. He didn’t want to accidentally drop her or something, so he looked to Dean. “Would you mind holding her for a little bit?” He questions quietly. Alison’s eyes were closed, but he couldn’t tell if she was asleep or not. They’d been closed for quite a while, so it was definitely possible. 

The older Winchester nods his head, placing a hand on her back and rubbing it for a minute before saying quietly, “C’mere, kiddo. Want me to walk you around for a little bit?” He asks, knowing that soon she’s going to need to eat, even if she doesn’t want to. Maybe he can maneuver it, so he can keep walking around while she eats. 

But as soon as Sam tried transferring her over to Dean, she released a sob, her arms wrapping even tighter around him, so she was clinging to him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go with Dean; it was that she was afraid Sam was never going to come back if she gave him up right then. She had no idea why she thought Sam didn’t want her anymore, but it was a scary thought. 

“Okay, okay.” Dean says, holding his hands up in surrender, before taking a couple steps back. At first, he was a little annoyed that she refused him, but after hearing what had happened between Sam and Alison before she regressed, he understood. She was probably afraid of Sam leaving her. 

Sam sighs quietly, his eyes closing for just a moment. “Okay, baby. You can stay with me. But I need to sit down, okay? Just for a little bit, and then I’ll walk around with you some more.” This time he kisses her forehead, because she turned her head toward him just a little bit. When Sam didn’t hear a noise of protest, he sat down in the large armchair with her, shushing her when she started to whine almost immediately.

Figuring she might just need a distraction, Dean had quickly gone into the kitchen to fix her a bottle. They’d been sitting in the armchair for a couple minutes before Dean got back with it, but she hadn’t stopped whining the entire time. The elder hands the bottle to the younger hunter, who quickly pops the pacifier out of her mouth and replaces it with the bottle instead. 

Sam sighed in relief when Alison actually took the bottle. “I feel like one of those parents who has that kid that never stops crying.” He mumbles quietly. “And you feel so helpless, and frustrated, because there’s nothing you can do to get it to stop, and you know they’re upset, but you can’t fix whatever it is that’s bothering them.” Sam looks up at Dean, who just nods his head. “I just want her to get back to her adult state, so I can tell her that what she thinks isn’t true. But for now, I’m just going to have to keep telling her that I love her, and hope that maybe some of it gets through to adult Alison.” 

“You know it’s likely she’s not going to remember anything you tell her when she’s regressed.” Castiel states; ever the optimist. “It seems as though sometimes when she first regresses she remembers things, but usually when she gets out of the regression she doesn’t remember anything from the regression.” 

Dean shoots Castiel a look. He knew it was probably true, but he could also tell Sam was just clinging to hope. In this kind of life that they lived, any sliver of hope was better than nothing. Dean really didn’t have any hope anymore – so he really didn’t want Castiel taking that one thing away from his little brother. “Sorry.” Castiel mumbles quietly, upon seeing the look.

Sam uses his feet to rock the chair back and forth, his arms getting some much needed rest while Alison drank from the bottle. He uses his free hand to run his fingers through his hair, looking down at her with sad eyes. “I love you, so much, Alison. I know you probably won’t remember it when you’re big, but I do. I love you, and I could never, ever hate you. Remember when you first had an accident in the Impala and I told you that no matter what happened, we would always love you? That’s still true.” 

He sighs, turning to Castiel. “Do you think there’s a way for you to somehow calm her when we try to get her to talk about what happened? So that she can talk about it and not bring herself into a major panic attack?”

The angel pauses, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know, but I could try.” He could try to use his grace to calm her, but usually when he did that, it put the person to sleep. Perhaps with some careful concentration he could do so. 

Sam nods, then quickly stands himself up as Alison finishes drinking the bottle. He hands the bottle to Dean, pulling Alison up against his chest how she was before, placing his hand on her back, patting it to burp her. It takes a few minutes, but eventually she ends up burping. “Good girl.” Sam praises, kissing her forehead. 

Once that’s done, Alison’s sleepy. That was her lunch, and now it was getting to be time for her afternoon nap. Every so often a heavy, shaky sigh was emitted from her as after-effects of the sobbing, but at least there were no more tears falling from her eyes. She rests her head on Sam’s shoulder, sucking her thumb into her mouth.

“Nuh uh.” Dean says quietly, gently grasping her wrist and taking her thumb out of her mouth, instead replacing it with the pacifier. Even though it was actually kind of cute to see her sucking on her thumb, it wasn’t something they wanted to make a habit out of when they had pacifiers so readily available. 

Alison falls asleep quickly, snuggled up to Sam as he wandered around the bunker with her. Once he finally feels her body relaxing, the main sign she’s asleep, he takes advantage of the moment by going to sit down with her, so he can rest his arms in case she wants to keep walking around once she wakes back up. After she’d fallen asleep, Dean announced he and Cas were going into town to pick a few things up, and that they would be back later. 

Sam and Alison are left alone in the bunker. He quietly turns on the tv, not paying attention to what’s on it. It’s on cartoons, and he doesn’t even realize it. He’s lost in his own thoughts, thinking about what he was going to do to convince Alison that he didn’t hate her. Was there anything he even could do, aside from continually telling her he loved her? He didn’t think a grand gesture would really do anything – and Sam knew he couldn’t bring up therapy again, probably ever. But he would still have to get her to talk at some point. 

Hands rubbing at her blue eyes tiredly, Alison slowly starts to wake up a couple hours later. Sam had allowed her to sleep longer than usual, due to the traumatic nature of the morning she’d had. He figured she’d still be able to sleep that night, and that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. It was mostly quiet except for the quiet sound of the tv, allowing her to slowly wake at her own pace.

Sam rubs her back, pressing little kisses to the top of her head every now again, but he doesn’t try to talk to her. He figures she’d pick her head up and let him know she was fully awake once she was good and ready. Sam didn’t think she would be big, he figured with the kind of morning she had, that she’d be regressed for at least the rest of the day, if not into the next day. 

Once Alison had opened her eyes, she knew she was laying on someone. It took her a minute to realize it was Sam, but she was used to his cuddles and his smell enough to know that without even looking at him. Even she was surprised that she wasn’t regressed anymore. She’d actually been hoping to stay regressed, to stay far away from the conversation he’d been wanting to have. Maybe she could pretend she was regressed? But Sam would know. Sam always knew when she was lying or acting. 

Normally, Alison would have taken the pacifier out right away, and would have been mortified that she was in a diaper. And the diaper was wet, which would have just made her embarrassment worse. But right then all she could think about was being on Sam’s lap, and that for some reason, he hadn’t gotten rid of her. For some reason, he hadn’t shipped her off to Dean or Castiel, or even to the psych ward like she had been talking about before she regressed. 

She was afraid this was going to be a short-term thing. Maybe he just hadn’t gotten rid of her because she’d regressed, and he felt too bad for her to actually ship her off after that. Maybe once she was big, he was planning on getting rid of her. At the thought, Alison is clutching onto Sam’s shirt, but this time she doesn’t relax when Sam starts trying to hush her. 

Just by the way she was acting, Sam could tell she wasn’t regressed anymore. But he wasn’t going to say anything, content to let her act for as long as she wanted to. Really, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal since it was possible at some point the regressions were going to turn voluntary instead of involuntary. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” Sam keeps cooing to her in the same voice he uses when she’s little, acting right along with her. He places a hand on the back of her head, holding her there while he starts to slowly rock the chair again. “I’ve got you. I love you so much, Ali.” 

Alison’s eyes start to tear up when Sam repeatedly coos how much he loves her, and that everything’s okay. She’s aware he probably knows she’s not regressed, but the fact that he keeps saying it is something she’s more than grateful for. She sniffles quietly, just listening to him talking, not willing to give everything up just yet.

Suddenly there was a loud bang, and the door flew open. With a squeak, Alison immediately clung to Sam, and Sam sat upright, wondering what the hell was going on. He quickly stands up, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when he sees Dean coming in, walking backward, obviously struggling with whatever he was attempting to bring in. “What the hell are you doing?” He questions, settling Alison on his hip. He smiles lightly when her head rests on his shoulder, so she can see what they’re doing. 

He can hear Castiel outside, obviously trying to help with whatever they were bringing in. “Why won’t you let me use my grace and just ‘zap’ it in there, as you would say?” That makes Sam chuckle, hearing the angel whining about struggling to bring it in.

“We got Ali some stuff!” Dean says proudly. “The other day, when we told you we didn’t want you to see what we were doing, we were ordering things for her.” He then turns back around, finally managing to maneuver the huge thing in the door. Sam had no idea how they’d gotten it in, figuring Cas probably had something to do with it. “This is the crib.”

Alison’s eyes were wide when he brings the crib in, realizing that it was meant for her. She didn’t know why they would be buying her things, especially not things for a baby, but it was making her heart swell and her eyes tear up. She watched as they moved the crib out of the way, then continued grabbing more things. An actual changing table, another small dresser for her little clothes to be separate from her big clothes, some more onesies, more pacifiers, more diapers, the works.

“Hey, kiddo.” Dean says softly when he comes up to her, not knowing she isn’t actually regressed. He kisses her forehead, rubbing his hand over her back briefly. “I know you’ve been having a helluva time getting settled in and being comfortable lately. Cas and I wanted to get you some stuff. You know, welcome you to the family and all that.” 

Dean’s voice was gentle, and it was something Alison had hardly ever heard before. She wasn’t expecting Dean to treat her like this when she was regressed; she figured Sam mostly took care of her and Dean just went along with it to make him happy. However, it seemed as though both of them were actually happy to have her, and to take care of her. Alison’s eyes pricked with tears, quickly turning her head into Sam’s shoulder. 

Sam glances over at Dean, mouthing ‘later’ to Dean, not wanting to say anything then and make her uncomfortable. “Aren’t you happy, baby? Can you say thank you to Dean?” He asks, chuckling quietly when Alison shakes her head. She was extremely grateful, but too emotional to say anything to Dean. 

Stepping closer, Dean gently takes Alison out of Sam’s arms, holding her close to his chest once he gets a good grip on her. Ali then buries her nose in Dean’s neck instead of Sam’s, still sniffling. Dean kisses her forehead quickly, shushing her. “It’s okay, kiddo. I know you’re overwhelmed, but that’s alright. We just wanted ya to be comfortable here. Don’t cry.”

Cas placed his hand on her back briefly, shooting Sam a confused look when he can feel she’s not regressed, but Sam just shakes his head. Castiel then starts to bring everything up to the room they had decided was going to be Alison’s nursery. That way she would have a regular room for when she was big but would have her own nursery when she was small. It would also make it easier for all of them to take care of her. 

“Alright, sweetheart. Let’s get you changed and maybe have a snack, okay? We can look at some of the stuff Dean and Cas got you.” Sam goes to take Alison out of Dean’s arms, but much to his surprise, Dean shakes his head and doesn’t let go of her. “Dean?” Sam asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“You take care of her all the time, Sammy. Earlier she wouldn’t even let me touch her, let alone take care of her. You go shower or somethin’, you stink. I’ll get her changed and take care of her.” Dean’s tone is final, not leaving Sam any room for argument even though it’s clear he wants to. 

Sam was especially worried because Alison wasn’t regressed. Dean had never taken care of her, nor changed her, even when she was regressed. Now that she wasn’t, Sam didn’t know how she was going to handle it. But Dean wasn’t allowing him to say anything, and Alison wasn’t protesting, so he figured he would just have to go with it. “…Okay.” Sam finally says, holding his hands up in surrender. “But it’s just going to be a quick shower, so if she freaks out for any reason, come get me.” 

Dean rolls his eyes, even though he knows Sam is just being protective over her, like the rest of them are. But he didn’t understand why Sam was looking like it was the end of the world and freaking out. He could take care of her, just fine! He would have been more understanding had he known the actual situation, but he figured he could take care of a baby long enough for Sam to get a shower. 

He carries Ali up into the nursery room, where Castiel had just finished setting everything up. It actually looked pretty good, which surprised Dean a little bit, because he hadn’t pegged Cas for the interior decorator type. He smiles to him, laying Alison down on the changing table and going to change her. She whined a little bit, cheeks heating up, but Dean just assumed that was because he’d never been the one to change her before. He still had no idea she was big Alison, just acting like little Alison to see what happened. “See? It’s okay, kiddo. I’ve got you, and once Sammy’s outta the shower, then he’ll be here to hold ya again.” 

Alison really didn’t know what she was doing. If she was trying to act like this so she could see how they acted when she truly was regressed; if she was doing it to try and get back into the regression so she didn’t have to talk to Sam about therapy… there were a few possibilities, and she had a feeling she was doing it because of a mix of them.

“You know, Sammy loves you a whole lot.” Dean says quietly while he finishes changing her diaper and getting a cool wipe to wipe down her face and neck. “I do too, of course. And so does Cas. But Sammy… Sammy loves you a lot. He’s put his entire life on hold for you, because he wanted to help you out. I think you’re helping him out, too, if I’m being honest… he always wanted someone who was dependent on him, because it makes him feel needed. I know you’re struggling, but you should never doubt how much he loves you, because he does everything for you.” 

Blue eyes misting again, Alison started to sniffle quietly. Dean grabbed her pacifier and pushed it between her lips, smoothing her hair back from her forehead. He was surprised, because it seemed like she understood him, but he didn’t say anything about it. Dean sits her up, placing his arm behind her to keep her in a sitting position, before kissing her forehead. “We’re all glad you’re here. Don’t tell your big self that I said that, though.” He teases. “I know I called you a stray for a while, but… I’m glad you’re here to help Sammy, and that he can help you.” 

Sam gets out of the shower a few minutes later, feeling much better than he had prior. It had been quite a while since he had gotten a few minutes along to take a shower and just think, and not have to worry about anyone else. Not that he wasn’t enjoying taking care of Alison, because he was, but it was nice being by himself every so often. 

Once he was done, Sam dried off and pulled a pair of jeans on. He grabs his shirt and is in the middle of pulling it on when he enters the nursery slowly, hearing Dean speaking quietly to Alison. The words make Sam smile, hoping they were getting through to Alison. After Dean is done talking, Sam then finishes entering the room, giving them both a smile. “So, how’s a snack sound?” Sam asks, cooing to Alison. “Or maybe you want to check out some of the toys that Dean and Cas got for you?” 

Dean hands over the brunette to Sam, then exits the room after patting his brother on the shoulder. “See ya downstairs.” He says, motioning for Cas to exit with him. Give them some more alone time, knowing the alone time was good for them, considering what had caused Alison to regress in the first place.

Alison looks up at Sam, her blue eyes a little sad, once Dean exited the room. They both knew the other was aware she wasn’t regressed. Sam leans down to kiss her forehead, before pulling the pacifier out of her mouth. “I love you, Alison.” He says quietly. “I know I talked to you about therapy, but I would never, ever get rid of you. I could never ship you off to an inpatient psych facility. No matter what, you’re going to stay here with me – because I love you, so much more than you know. You have to believe that.” 

Getting up on her knees on the changing table, Alison wraps her arms around Sam’s neck, hugging him tightly to her. She sniffles quietly, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” She whispers quietly. Sam’s arms wrap around her, only tightening when she apologizes. “You do so much for me, and I haven’t been nearly thankful enough… I’m so sorry, Sam.” 

Sam shakes his head, lips lingering at the side of her head for a few moments. “Shh. You have nothing to be sorry for, I promise.” He tells her gently, one hand moving up and down her side, where his arms were wrapped around her. “I like taking care of you, and I like being able to help you after all of the shit you were put through. You don’t know how to cope with someone being nice to you, and you’re still getting used to it. So, it’s okay. I’m proud of you for how well you’re doing.” 

“You’re proud of me?” Alison asks, the shock clear in her tone. She didn’t really think there was anything for him to be proud of. She still woke up every night because of nightmares. She still had troubles with people touching her – even Sam, and he was the one she trusted the most. She still felt bad for regressing in the first place, and making him take care of her. She didn’t see why Sam would be proud of her at all.

“Yeah. You’ve come so far.” Sam’s tone is gentle and sincere, but he keeps a praising tone to it, which causes Alison’s cheeks to flush a dark red. “I know you don’t see it, but really, you have. You used to not speak at all. When you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t stick up for yourself. You wouldn’t let anyone touch you. Now, you can hold conversations. Sometimes you tell me when you don’t want something. You let me hug you, and snuggle you, and help you through your nightmares in the middle of the night. Even though your traumatic experiences haven’t gone away, and your mind is still struggling to deal with them, you’ve come so far in how you approach life. You don’t try to ‘present’ anymore when new people come around. You just… I’m just so proud of you.” 

Alison’s eyes filled with tears. She had never thought about it like that. Ali never saw the good in herself, just always saw what was wrong, because that was what she had been conditioned to see. There still wasn’t a single day that she didn’t hate herself, but Sam was making her hate herself just a little less. “I love you, Sam.” Alison’s voice whispers shakily before she bursts into tears.

Sam’s arms wrapped tighter around her, pulling her off the changing table and to the rocking chair so he can sit down with her. Her face was buried in his chest, his hand coming up to run his fingers through her hair gently. “I love you, too, Alison.” He gives her a soft smile, kissing the top of her head.

They stay like that for a few more minutes, until Alison's tears slow. Sam is just about to pull away, but Alison's grip on his shirt keeps him held right there. She knows she should let him pull away. She should be getting out of her onesie and the diaper, and she should leave Sam alone. But in that moment, that was the last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to stay right there with Sam, and be a baby. If only she could regress again. 

There was silence between the two of them, but it was a comfortable silence, the two just enjoying each other's presence. After a few minutes, though, Alison speaks up. She never really remembered anything from being regressed, but there was something she did remember... and she was hoping Sam would do it again. "Sammy?" She asks quietly, her voice small, and it causes Sam to smile. "You know... you know how you gave me a bath? And you did that to my hair? Will you do it again? Without the water?" 

Sam's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her words, and he's trying to piece together what she's trying to ask him to do. What he had done to her hair while she was in the shower... but without the water? "Oh! You mean me massaging your head?" He asks, but realizes she probably doesn't know what that word means. Sam brings his hand up to the back of her head, using his fingertips and fingernails to start gently massaging her head. 

Alison practically melts into him, humming out quietly. Yes, this had been exactly what she wanted. Sam always seemed to know just what to do to make her relax, and always seemed to know exactly what she was saying even if she didn't know how to say it. "Massage?" Alison asks softly, leaning back into his touch.

He's using his hand on the back of her head to help hold her up, since she's leaning back into him, smiling as he continues the massage to her scalp. "Mhm. This is called a massage. You know, people massage places other than heads, too." He can hardly hide his grin when Ali looks up at him in wonder. "Yeah! Here, how about we get you into a clean diaper and I'll take you to my room, and I can massage your back and shoulders." 

Cheeks heating up, Alison bites on her bottom lip and looks down. She feels bad that Sam is offering to put her into another diaper even though she isn't regressed anymore. But there was still a part of her that didn't want to worry about all of that. About having to actually go to the bathroom if she needed, about feeding herself, and really just doing anything on her own. "You don't have to. I can just change into clothes..." 

Sam shakes his head. "Sweetheart, you don't have to pretend with me. You know that, right?" He asks, moving his hand down to the back of her neck and using his thumbs to massage either side of her neck at the base of her skull. She makes a quiet noise, which has Sam continuing exactly what he's doing. "I know you can change into clothes, but I can also tell you really don't want to. It's okay, I promise. Just let me get you into a diaper and a new onesie, okay? I'll take care of you." 

Sensing how Alison is still hesitant about it, Sam just scoops her up and puts her on the changing table, going to her dresser to grab a new onesie, also grabbing a diaper. "You can be my baby any time you want." He says with a soft grin. "I know it's easier for you when you're actually regressed, because you don't have any inhibitions about it. But if you're not regressed, and you still don't feel like being an adult, that's okay. You just let me know. I'll take care of you, baby." 

Alison gives a quiet whine, but she doesn't protest when Sam starts to get her changed into clean items. "But Dean and Cas are going to think I'm weird." She says quietly. "I know Dean's okay with me being regressed now, and he takes care of me... but he's just gonna think I'm dumb if I'm fully capable of taking care of myself and I just don't want to. He'll think I'm lazy." 

Sam shakes his head. "I'll talk to him about it. But he's not going to think you're weird, or stupid, or lazy, I promise. And if he does, then screw him. I'll just take care of you." He gives her a reassuring smile, shrugging his shoulders. "I just want you to be comfortable. So if that means you're an adult, great. If that means you don't want to act like an adult, great. I promise, I don't mind."

She nods her head, giving him a small smile. Sam gets finished changing her and picks her up, carrying her to his room just like he had promised. He sets Alison down on his bed, saying softly, "Lay on your stomach, sweetheart." Alison does as he says and lays on her stomach, turning her head to the side to rest on the pillow. She brings her arms up on either side of her to place her hands under the pillow, then tries to turn her head when Sam says, "Oh, almost forgot something." 

As if out of thin air (actually out of his pocket) Sam pulls out her pacifier and brushes it against her lips. Alison's cheeks are burning when she opens her mouth to accept it, starting to suck on it a couple times. She closes her eyes, feeling Sam as he shifts his position on the bed. A small squeak is emitted when Sam is suddenly settling down on top of her - sitting on her upper legs.

"Shh, it's okay." Sam says softly. "You trust me?" There's a smile that forms when Alison only hesitates a second before nodding her head. "Good girl. I'm going to take care of you, promise." He leans forward, placing his palms on her back. He starts to press down, moving from the middle of her back up to her shoulder blades, and up to her shoulders. He's squeezing and pressing down, enjoying all of the little sounds Alison is making. He doesn't think she's even aware of them, and he's glad she's relaxing enough to let go of her inhibitions around him. 

Sam brings his hands down her sides, continuing to squeeze and press down, before moving back to the middle of her back. Once he's satisfied all the knots are out of her back, he moves back up to her shoulders, getting all the knots out of there, then moves up to her neck and the base of her skull. His thumbs are pressing in gently, but firm enough that she's making more noises, and Sam is smiling. "Such a good girl." He praises softly. "My precious girl. That's right, just relax..." 

After her neck, Sam moves to her lower back, and Alison feels like she's going to melt. It all felt so good, and everything was starting to relax, and she was just so glad that she had Sam. "Don't deserve this." Alison mumbles quietly, which has Sam sighing quietly. "You do so much for me... give nothing back to you." She mumbles. 

He shakes his head, even though Alison isn't looking at him. "That's not true." Sam admonishes, pressing down using his thumbs again. "You give me happiness. You give me something new every day. You give me something to look forward to waking up to every day. You're giving me trust... and that's more than I could ever ask of you. You're saying you give me nothing, but the truth is, you give me everything. Before you, I was just a hunter. I would wake up every day and do research and go on hunts. And yeah, it was nice, because I was helping the world... but I wasn't truly happy. You've made me truly happy." 

Alison sniffles quietly while she listens to Sam's speech. She has no idea how she's making Sam happy, but she's glad to know she is. He deserves so much good, and it seems like he never gets any of it. "Sammy?" She asks, waiting until Sam's hands still, so she knows he's listening to her. "Will you just snuggle me?" 

Sam was pretty sure that was the first time she'd ever asked him for that. If it wasn't, then it was definitely one of the first times. Alison always wanted snuggles, but she would never actually ask for them. "Of course, gorgeous." He climbs off of her and flops down on the bed next to her, pulling Alison into his chest and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He can see she's fighting sleep, from how relaxed the massage made her, so he's gently trailing his fingers through her hair. "Get some sleep, beautiful. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sammy."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS A VERY TRIGGERING CHAPTER. She speaks in detail of some of the abuse she faced, which includes a lot of sexual abuse and rape. It’s very angsty, and most of the chapter is triggering.
> 
> I know Sunday is update day, but we’re updating a day early. We’re so close to 1000 views! That’s so insane! Let me know what you think - but remember, please don’t read it if this will be triggering to you. ): And if it is, stay strong. <3 I love you guys. You’re worth it. You matter.

The next few days, Sam didn’t mention Alison talking about what happened to her again, but she knew it was coming. She knew this was something he wasn’t just going to let go, even if she really didn’t want to. Sam thought it would be best for her to talk about it to get over it, but she was afraid going back through all of it would just make the nightmares worse.

One morning Alison woke up, and Sam was right there next to her. He was already awake, his fingers trailing through her long, dark hair, looking at her with sad eyes. She immediately knew this was the day he was going to force her to talk about it. Alison already wished she could just regress, but she knew she couldn’t do that forever. Sam was going to get her to talk about it one way or another, even if it meant Castiel forcing her to stay un-regressed so she could. She was certainly hoping that wasn’t going to happen, though, because forcing her to stay big and also subjecting her to something like that would be very traumatizing. 

“Morning.” Sam whispers quietly to her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. He could feel the way her body tensed up as soon as she saw him looking at her like that, and he knew she understood what he wanted to do today. “So, I was thinking today we should try to get going on you talking about some of the stuff that’s happened.” He whispers quietly, his fingertips starting to rub against her head, attempting to keep her calm. “I’ve already talked to Dean and Cas, and they’re willing to be there if you want them there. I’ve also talked to Cas and he thinks he can use his grace to keep you from having a terrible panic attack, which I think could be beneficial.” 

Alison whimpers quietly, leaning into Sam’s touch. She knew he wasn’t trying to freak her out, but even just thinking back to the nightmares she had every night scared her, and she really didn’t want to talk about them. However, she wants to keep Sam happy. The least she could do is do what he wanted her to – no matter how much she didn’t want to. He was already doing so much for her, and she was doing nothing for him in return. 

He allows her to lay in bed with him for a while, knowing that she’s about to have an extremely hard day. He hates being the one that is making her have these hard days, but he knows in the long run it will be worth it. Sam keeps playing with her hair, rubbing her back and whispering little things into her ear about how strong she is, and how proud of her he is. He knows it’s not really making a difference right now, but he’s hoping soon, it will. 

Eventually, though, it’s getting to be late morning and Sam knows if he doesn’t get her out of bed soon, she’s just going to stall all day, and he doesn’t want that. He can hear movement downstairs, so he knows Dean is up and about, and likely Castiel is down there waiting, too. “Alright, honey.” Sam says quietly, kissing her forehead once more, before sitting up in bed and pulling her to sit up as well. “I know you’re not ready, and I know you’re never going to be ready. But we gotta at least try, okay?” 

Alison is silent as Sam pulls her out of bed. She wants to protest, but knows that Sam isn’t going to allow that to happen, no matter how much she wants it to. She wants to say anything, but knows that she just needs to stay silent. She needs to keep Sam happy with her. Once they’re sat up in bed and Sam tries to take her hand, Alison just pulls it away. She crosses her arms over her chest to protect herself and gets out of bed, trudging down the stairs. 

Sam watches her go, a sad look in his eyes, although there is a tiny smile on his lips. She reminded him of a toddler having a temper tantrum – but he knew this was a temper tantrum for very good reasons. Sam just had to keep reminding himself that him being tough in the beginning would just make it easier for her in the end. That he wasn’t a terrible person for putting her through this. 

He takes a deep breath, running his hands over his face, before following her down the stairs. He was hoping she’d gone into the kitchen to get something to eat, but instead she had gone straight for the living room, curled up as small as she possibly could in the big arm chair they had. Sam sighs quietly when he sees her. He had wanted to sit next to Alison while she was going through it, wanting to help her and reassure her that he was right there, and everything was okay. 

“Ali…” Sam says reproachfully, standing next to the chair she was sitting in and placing his hand on her shoulder. Alison just shrugs his hand off, and he sighs. “Hey, look at me. I know you’re upset that I’m making you do this, but please… I promise, this is going to help you some day. One day you’re going to be able to go without nightmares, and you won’t have all of these flashbacks and all these things hurting you. But in order for that to happen, you need to work through what happened to you. I know I’m forcing you to do that, and I’m sorry, but I promise, I’m just doing what’s best for you.” 

He looks down when Alison doesn’t even look at him, despite his rambling explanation of why he was doing this. He squeezes her shoulder gently and goes to sit down on the couch. Dean was watching the whole thing unfold, hating the look on Sam’s face. He looked like a puppy who’d just gotten kicked – or the way he’d looked when they were younger and tried to sneak a puppy home, and John had forced him to get rid of it immediately.

Dean approaches the chair, kneeling down in front of her so she’s forced to look at him. “Look at me.” He says firmly, his voice low. Once she does, Dean shakes his head. “Don’t you dare take this out on Sam. He didn’t want you to do this. He wanted to shield you from everything, wanted to see if you could work through it on your own and just tell us when you were ready. It was me that said you needed to talk through it or you’d never get over it.” Dean shrugs. “I’ve been through a lot of shit, kid. Shit I’ve never gotten over, because I’ve drank to get rid of the pain, instead of talking to someone about it. But you’ve got three guys sitting right here in front of you that are willing to talk to you about the torture and pain you’ve faced, and even though you don’t want to, you’re going to sit here and talk to us about it.” 

Sam is practically gaping at Dean taking the blame for this. Dean had actually been the advocate for her telling them whenever she was ready, because he hated talking about anything. But he was saying it was the opposite way around, trying to get Alison to not be mad at Sam. Sam always knew Dean was a great older brother, but it was a good reminder of it. He shakes himself out of his thoughts a few seconds later, when Dean is finishing up talking to Alison. 

“You’re probably gonna scream, and you’re gonna cry, and maybe you’ll hate us when it’s all said and done, but we’re all going to be here to work you through it. I’m sure the second you start cryin’, Sammy’s gonna be right there scooping you up and putting you into his lap, and Castiel will be wonderin’ if he should use his grace, and I’ll be wonderin’ if any of this was a good idea in the first place.” He sighs. “Because we all care about you, and we just want what’s best for you. But this is all new to us, and we don’t truly know what’s best for you. But we’re sure as hell tryin’ our best, and we’re all going to help you, whether you want it or not.” 

Alison had cast her eyes downward as soon as Dean started talking to her, curling in on herself even more. She waited until Dean finally stopped speaking, before looking to Sam, her eyes scared and worried. It took Sam less than two seconds to get up off the couch and go to her, scooping her up into his arms and sitting her back down on the couch with him. After she was cradled in his lap, Sam mouthed “thank you” to his brother, knowing he had certainly just taken a hit for him, since Alison was upset with him now. Dean just nodded his head. He was used to people being upset with him, and he hoped that one day she would get over the upset. But at least she wasn’t upset with Sam, who it was really going to affect. 

Castiel comes into the room a few moments later, and Sam speaks quietly to Alison, who was still all curled up in his lap. “Alright, sweetheart. Cas is going to put his hand on your head, and he’s going to use his grace to send some calmness through you.” He’s not quite sure if that’s how it actually works, but it was as good an explanation as any. “It’s not going to make it so you don’t freak out at all, but it will make it so you don’t get sent into a spiraling panic attack. You don’t have to tell us everything today, but you at least have to start telling us what went on when you were there. Okay?” 

Alison stayed silent for a moment before nodding her head. At the cue, Castiel steps forward and places his hand on her head. His eyes close for a moment, and after a few seconds of concentration, there’s a wave of warmth sent through her entire body. She exhales shakily, deciding that if she had to do this, she should at least start at the beginning. “When I was six, I had this bad feeling in my stomach. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew something was going to happen. I tried getting my mom and dad to stay home that night, but they both had to work… so they left me with the babysitter… Alicia, I think her name was. Alicia put me to bed and went back downstairs, even though I asked her to stay with me for a while…”

She can feel her heart starting to race just thinking about that terrible night. Alison had known something was going to happen, but she hadn’t expected it to mark the beginning of a sixteen-year road of pain and torture. “I was almost asleep when I heard a crash. Then there was a man in my room. He turned the lights on, even though he wasn’t near the light switch… his eyes turned black, and he picked me up out of bed. He told me he could just take me to wherever he wanted to take me, but that he was going to take me downstairs first to… to show me.” Alison swallows hard, around the growing lump in her throat. “He showed me Alicia. Her neck was snapped, and there was blood all around her…” 

The three men are sitting, all watching her silently. Sam has his arms around her while she’s curled up on his lap, Castiel is sitting on the couch near Sam, and Dean is sitting in the armchair on the other side of the room. He wanted to be nearer to her, but now that she was upset with him, he figured it probably wasn’t the best idea. 

“He took me to a basement. It was damp, and dark, and cold. I was wearing my pajamas. I somehow fell asleep but woke up when I heard a banging noise. The… guy came downstairs, flicking the lights on using his mind again. He grabbed me and I started to struggle, but he told me if I didn’t stop struggling it was about to get a whole lot worse, so I immediately stopped struggling. He threw me in a chair and tied me up before telling me that he and his friends were going to have fun with me.” By this point, Alison is shaking. That was the start of her very first beating, the beginning of her new life for the next sixteen years. 

“Before they even started hurting me, I started begging them. I begged them not to hurt me, that my mom and dad would give them whatever money they wanted, or would do whatever they wanted… but the guy just laughed and told me the only thing he wanted was to see me suffer.” And suffer she did. 

“The worst one…” Alison knew she was skipping around, she wasn’t going in chronological order, but at this point, she didn’t care. They had said she didn’t have to tell them everything today, and she wasn’t planning on it. So, she was just going to tell them whatever came to her head, no matter if it was at the beginning or at the end. “The first time they rented me out to their friends. They told me that I was going to be staying with their friends for the night, but they didn’t tell me what they were planning to do…” 

Alison’s hands are clenched into fists, up until Sam unloops his arms from around her and slowly pries her fingers open with his own, his thumbs rubbing circles into her palms before linking their fingers together. She instead squeezes his hands, and Sam squeezes back reassuringly. “They brought me to an old warehouse. I was naked, like I always was… there were five of them. I was only… god, I don’t know; eleven or twelve, maybe? Time passed extremely slowly, and yet fast, and I never had any idea what day it was. One by one, all of their clothes disappeared, and then they advanced on me.” 

She shuddered, her eyes squeezed shut, lost in her own little world of the flashback. “The first one forced me to suck him. I didn’t know what I was doing, and one of them grabbed my hair and threatened they would make it worse if I bit him… so I just opened my mouth and let him do what he wanted. Eventually, he forced himself so far down my throat I choked, and I threw up… the throwing up was the worst. Immediately they started to beat me. Telling me how awful I was, how bad I was, how I wasn’t even good enough to suck a cock…” She whimpers quietly.

“Once they got done with the beating, they just… started up with the sex stuff again. Two of them pinned me down while the other forced himself inside of me. It hurt so bad, and I could feel I was bleeding… I was crying, and he just kept going… I was trying to fight back but I couldn’t, I wasn’t strong enough compared to them. Once that one was done, another one took his place – but that time they forced me to sit up, that way one of them could be in me and the other could… force himself into my butt…” 

It’s at this point that she starts to cry, her body shaking violently. Sam is wondering if it’s time he distracts her to get her out of her mind, but he could tell there was still one more thing she wanted to say. Well, maybe ‘wanted’ was too strong of a word, but he didn’t want to stop her, if there were still things that were about to spill out of her mouth.

“It hurt so bad, but because so many of them were doing it and so many of them were… you know, spilling, inside me, I ended up getting wet… and then there was this blinding feeling and immediately they all started laughing because I – I orgasmed, and…”

The second Alison starts to choke on her words, her fingers starting to clench even tighter on Sam’s hand and her whole body violently shaking, Sam knows it’s time. She’s probably about to keep rambling, and Sam knows that soon she’s going to be pulled into even more violent memories. Even just remembering she’d had her first orgasm at the age of eleven years old, due to more than one person raping her at the same time, was more than enough trauma for her to face in one day. 

“Alison. Alison, sweetheart, I need you to look at me.” Sam squeezes her hands before letting go, instead cupping her cheeks in his hands. He raises his voice a little bit, not in an angry way, but just trying to break through all of the thoughts that are racing through her head. “Alison!” 

When he says her name for the last time, Alison’s eyes pop open, only to be met by Sam’s hazel eyes. She immediately bursts into sobs, afraid that Sam is mad at her because of his confession. “I couldn’t help it, Sam, I couldn’t help it! I didn’t want to orgasm, I didn’t like it at all, I swear, I don’t know why it happened, but I couldn’t help it!” 

Sam’s fingers are brushing over her cheekbones, continuing to shush her gently. “Hey, hey… it’s okay, sweetheart.” Sam pulls Alison’s head forward a little bit so he can kiss her forehead, which just sends her into even heavier sobs. He cradles the back of her head in his hand, pulling her closer to his chest. “I know you didn’t like it, sweetheart. It’s a natural response, even if you didn’t want it happening. Just because you orgasmed doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. It doesn’t mean you wanted it to happen. You’re okay, beautiful. I promise.” 

He feels terrible about putting Alison through all of this, but he was glad he knew a little bit more about her now. He had known about the rape due to her worries about him touching her down there, and because of the scars, but he didn’t realize that she had been raped by groups of people, probably multiple times. In fact, there was no way the demons only rented her out once. Not if they found out how much it had fucked with her, and how traumatizing of an experience it was for her. Some things were starting to make a little more sense about Alison, thanks to this. Sam didn’t want to find out this way, he wanted her to want to tell him, but knowing was better than ignorance. 

“You’re so good, sweetheart. You’re such a good girl. I’m so proud of you.” Sam keeps whispering versions of praise to her, his arms wrapping tightly around her. She’s clinging to him like a koala, her legs around his waist and her arms around his shoulders. He’s swaying her back and forth, holding her body which is shaking so hard he’s afraid something is going to happen to her. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, thank you for telling me, thank you for trusting me with that.” 

Alison whimpers loudly, hearing what Sam is saying, but not really processing the words. She’s still lost in her mind of Sam hating her because she’d had an orgasm when she was being raped. It had happened on more than one occasion, and every single time she’d hated herself immensely. She’d hated herself so much that on multiple occasions she had hurt herself. Sam didn’t know that some of those scars on her arms and her hips weren’t from the demons, but rather from her own finger nails, digging into her skin, because she knew she deserved the pain. “I wanna sleep Sam, I wanna sleep, let me sleep, please…” 

Her voice is desperate, and that’s why Sam nods. “Okay, sweetheart. Just one second, okay? Just give me one second.” He keeps his hand on the back of her head, looking up at Castiel. “Put her to sleep, Cas. Please.” He says quietly. Normally, Sam wouldn’t be so lenient on Castiel using his grace to help her get away from feelings she didn’t want to experience, but this? This time, he could let it slide. That was a terrible confession, and Sam couldn’t possibly imagine how badly she was feeling. 

Castiel stands up and goes over to the two, placing his hand on top of Alison’s head and sending another wave of grace through her. She keeps whimpering for a few more seconds before eventually slumping into Sam, fast asleep. “I’ve also made sure that she will have a dreamless sleep, so she will not be plagued with nightmares about what she just told us. At least not this time she’s asleep.” 

Sam breathes a sigh of relief when Alison falls asleep a few moments later, nodding his head at Castiel’s words. “Thanks.” He says quietly, his fingers stroking through her hair gently. “That was terrible.” He comments quietly, the two of them murmuring their words of agreement. 

Dean had been silent the entire time, but that was because he had no idea what to say. For so long, he had thought of Alison as the stray, as someone he didn’t want in their bunker. But now, she had become to important to him. He of course had known there were terrible things that happened to her, but to hear this – to hear of just how badly she had been forced to suffer because of these demons, it made his blood boil. Nobody deserved this, but especially not a little girl who had no idea what was going on. Especially not someone like Alison.

“I’m going to find every single one of them that hurt her, and I am going to kill those sons of bitches.” Dean growls quietly, his hand running through his short hair and tugging on it in frustration. “I don’t care how many there are. I don’t care if I have to hunt down every single demon in the entire world. I will find all of them, and I will kill them. Not just send them back to hell, either. I will actually kill them.” 

Sam manages a small smile at hearing Dean’s protective instinct, but sighs. “That’s a project for another day, Dean. Right now, we just have to focus on helping her through the healing she needs to do. I want to get revenge on them just as much as you do. Probably more, actually. But it can’t be our first priority right now.” 

Dean nods, and Sam stands up with Alison still all huddled up in his arms. He carries her upstairs and to her bedroom, tucking her in and sitting next to her, brushing his fingers through her hair. There was a part of Sam that wanted to go downstairs and start researching those demons that had taken her, so he could at least find out who they needed to find. But he knew right then, Alison probably needed him with her. So instead, he sits there quietly, one hand curling his fingers into her hair and the other rubbing her arm, while she sleeps peacefully thanks to Castiel.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alison gets sick!
> 
> I feel bad, I’m only making this angsty lmao. Angst is my favorite, I’m sorry. I’m gonna try to be better with that in the future though - since I already have so much written.
> 
> It’s past midnight, meaning it’s update day. It’s my uncle’s birthday- the second birthday since he passed away, and I’m struggling, so there’s that.
> 
> Also it’s my one month anniversary on Ao3! In that time I’ve gotten over 4,000 hits total and over 1,000 on my story! You guys are bomb!
> 
> I hope you like this. Let me know what you think. <3

“I’m fine, Sam.” Dean says, his tone showing his irritation. “I’ve been takin’ care of her for a couple weeks now. You leavin’ the house for a few hours because Donna wants to meet with you about somethin’ isn’t going to be the end of the world. I can handle it.” 

Sam was fretting. Earlier that morning, Donna had called him and said she needed help with something, but she had asked specifically for Sam. Neither of them knew why. It especially confused Sam, because Donna had always been fonder of Dean – but he knew he needed to help her, considering all the help she and Jody had given them. Alison hadn’t been regressed in a few days, so Sam was hoping it could just be a normal day and nothing bad would happen. But this was the first time he was going to be leaving Alison alone. Even though he wasn’t leaving her alone, and she would be with Dean, he wasn’t excited about it. It was like the first time a parent was leaving their newborn with a baby sitter, and they were worried, even though they trusted the person completely.

He looks up the stairs, where everything is still silent, Alison still fast asleep in her bed. He then looks back at Dean, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright, alright. I have Donna meeting me a couple hours away, so if you need anything, just call me and I’ll head back right away. But remember, even if I head back right away, it’s going to be a while before I can get here.” 

“Alright, worry-wart.” Dean says, rolling his eyes. He places his hands on his brother’s shoulders, starting to push him toward the door. “Go. I can handle it, even if she decides to regress. I’m sure we’ll be fine.” 

Sam allowed Dean to push him toward the door for a second before he turns to the side, getting away from Dean’s grip. “I know, I know. But I at least have to say goodbye to her and tell her I’ll be back later tonight.” 

Before Dean can protest, Sam is quickly going upstairs and slowly pushing his way into Alison’s room. He smiles gently when he sees her still fast asleep, all curled up in the blankets, chest moving evenly and slowly. Sam gently sits down on the side of her bed, rubbing her back. “Ali?” He asks softly.

Alison starts to slowly wake up, groggily forcing open her eyes and smiling tiredly when she sees Sam. “Sam.” She says softly, stretching out her body, then moving back into the feeling of his hand rubbing her back. 

“Don’t get uncomfortable, you can go right back to sleep.” Sam promises her softly, his voice quiet and soothing. “I just wanted you to know that a friend of mine called and needs my help.” He gives her a small smile, hoping she doesn’t freak out. “I have to go meet her, but I swear to you I’ll be back tonight. Okay? And I’m just a phone call away. Dean’s going to be here with you, so he’ll help you with whatever you need, even if you regress. I love you.” 

She bites down on her bottom lip anxiously while she listens to him. This was going to be the first day since Sam had taken her from that hospital, that she wasn’t going to see him. She nods slowly, although the worry is clear in her eyes. “You’re going to come back?” Alison asks in a small tone.

Sam’s heart breaks, but also swells at the same time. He quickly nods his head. “Of course, baby. I’ll always come back to you, no matter what. You just get to have some bonding time with Dean today, okay? And remember, you or Dean can always call me if you want to talk to me. I love you, Ali. I’m not going to leave you.”

“Okay, Sam.” Alison says quietly, although she’s still worried about this whole thing. Dean had a short temper sometimes. What if she accidentally did something that pissed him off, and he got upset with her? What if she regressed, or something else happened? She trusted Dean, but Dean hadn’t ever taken care of her for a full day. “I love you, too.” 

“Everything’s going to be just fine, promise.” Sam says softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be back tonight.” He gets up from the bed, expecting her to go back to sleep like he had told her to, but instead she follows him down the stairs. Her arms are wrapped around herself, and she’s anxious. 

Dean places his hand on her back, rubbing it gently. “I’ve got you, kiddo.” He says, kissing the top of her head. “He’s just gonna be gone for the day, but we’re gonna have lots of fun together, right?” He squeezes her shoulders, keeping her back pressed against his chest. 

Alison nods her head, giving him a small smile. “Yeah, Dean.” She says softly, and when Dean places his arms around her, she places her hand on one of his arms. Alison then looks up at Sam, giving him a small smile. “Please come home safe…” 

Sam approaches Alison where she’s enveloped in Dean’s arms. He kisses her forehead, nodding. “Of course. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He teases, cupping her cheek in his hand for a moment. He strokes his thumb over her cheekbone once, kissing her forehead again. “I’ll be back tonight, or earlier if you need me. Promise.” 

Alison and Dean watch Sam leave, and she sighs when the door closes behind him. She can feel her eyes welling up with tears, but she quickly raises her hands to wipe them away. She knows it’s stupid to be crying over Sam leaving, considering it’s just for the day. And it wasn’t like she was going to be by herself all day, she was going to have Dean with her.

“Hey, hey. No tears.” Dean says, turning her so she’s facing him and tilting her head up, so she’ll look at him. He smiles down at her, his hands now cupping her cheeks. “How about some breakfast, huh? Or, you can go back to sleep for a little bit if you want.” He could see the exhaustion in her eyes. It was still early, after all, so she probably hadn’t been ready to get up yet.

“I want to go back to bed.” Alison says quietly, reaching down to take Dean’s hand. He squeezes it reassuringly, following her up to her bedroom. He waits until she climbs into bed, pulling the covers up and tucking them around her. “You’re sure it’s okay if I go back to sleep?” She asks quietly.

Dean nods his head. He brushes her hair away from her forehead. “Yeah, you need to get your sleep. It’s still early, and we got all day. I’ll be just downstairs, so yell if ya need anythin’, okay?” He asks, reaching his hand down and squeezing her shoulder gently when she nods her head. “Alright, kiddo. Get your sleep.” 

He headed back downstairs, going down to the kitchen to figure out what he could make them for breakfast once she finally decided to get out of bed. He was never a big cook, that was more Sam’s job, but he found enough stuff for pancakes, so he decided he would make that. Dean then goes into the living room, getting a cup of coffee and watching some Dr. Sexy, while he waits for her to wake up. 

Dean wakes up with a start, realizing he’d fallen asleep in the armchair he’d been sitting in. Glancing down at the watch on his wrist, he realized it had been a few hours. It was not getting to be late morning, almost afternoon. He furrows his eyebrows, hoping he hadn’t accidentally missed Alison getting up. He quickly goes upstairs, frowning when he sees she’s still curled up in bed, fast asleep. 

Walking in, Dean slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. “Ali?” He asks quietly, wondering if maybe she was sleeping so much because she had regressed while she was asleep, so he didn’t know. He goes to brush her hair away from her forehead again, but his frown deepens when he realizes her forehead is extremely warm. “Shit.” Dean mumbles quietly. Of course, the one time Sam has to leave for the day, she gets sick. 

Alison starts to stir when Dean smooths her hair back, mumbling something incoherently. “Hey, you.” Dean says quietly. “Are you feeling alright?” He wasn’t surprised when she shook her head, but he is surprised when she suddenly pushes the blankets off herself. “Yeah, you’re running a fever… Just stay here for a second, okay? I’m going to go grab a thermometer.” And maybe call Sam… but he really didn’t want to bug Sam so early in the day; Donna did need his help, after all. 

Dean goes into the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet until he finally finds the thermometer. He grabs some medicine, even though he doesn’t know if it will help or not. He comes back into the room just a few minutes later, going back to sit on the edge of the bed with her. “Alright, kiddo. We just gotta take your temperature and see how high your fever is.”

She immediately sits up, her eyes wide. She quickly scoots back, curling up against the headboard. “No.” Alison squeaks quietly, her eyes focused on the little piece of plastic held in Dean’s hand. “No, no, no, you’re not putting that up me, Dean, no.” 

Dean had been confused why she suddenly freaked out, up until the last part. Then he understood. “Oh, hey, no! No, I’m not putting this anywhere up you, Alison.” Even he was shuddering a little bit at the thought of that. “No, this goes in your mouth. See this part right here?” He points to the thin part of the thermometer. “This just goes under your tongue. It beeps a few times, and then when it beeps a whole bunch at once, that means it’s done reading your temperature.” 

Alison looks warily at him, and then down at the thermometer in his hand. She was still worried that it was a trick somehow, but she trusted Dean. Alison slowly scoots back toward him and away from the headboard of the bed, slowly opening her mouth to take the thermometer in. Dean places it in gently, telling her to close her mouth, and he holds it there for her until it ends up beeping. “101.3.” Dean says quietly. That was a pretty high fever, though it wasn’t dangerously high. “Okay. Let’s get you some medicine, and some food, and we’ll go from there, okay?” 

She reaches her arms out to him, and he doesn’t even think twice about scooping her up and holding her against his chest. It was interesting how quickly things became normal, because Dean had no inhibitions about cuddling and taking care of her, even when she wasn’t regressed. Dean places her on his hip how Sam always did, before carrying her down the stairs and to the kitchen table. He grabs her a glass of water, handing her a couple pills. “I’m going to make us some pancakes, okay? You don’t have to eat a whole lot if you don’t want to, but we at least need to get some food in you, or else you’ll just get even more sick.” 

Taking the glass of water and pills from Dean, Alison swallows them down easily. At least she was still big at this point, because she didn’t know how Dean would’ve communicated what she needed to do to take the medicine if she had been little. “I don’t want pancakes.” Alison whimpers quietly. “My tummy hurts.” 

Dean had been laying out all the ingredients he needed to make them, but stopped when he heard Alison’s whining. He sighs quietly, turning back around. “Okay, then no pancakes. But we still have to have you eat something. So, what do you want to eat?” He sighs again when she doesn’t answer, going over to sit next to her at the table. “You want a bottle?” Dean suggests, quirking an eyebrow at her. 

Alison was surprised Dean would even offer a bottle. She knew he wasn’t the biggest fan of her regressions even when she couldn’t control him, so she was surprised he would offer to feed her if she wasn’t regressed at all. She can feel her cheeks heating up, wondering if he was asking because he didn’t mind, or just asking because he felt like it was what he should do. 

This was one of the times Dean wished he had spent more time with her, like Sam had. Sam would probably know exactly what was going through her head right then, but Dean had no idea. He could see she was embarrassed about something, presumably the idea of him feeding her a bottle, but he didn’t know why. “Hey, it’s alright. If you want one, I’ll make you one. Not a big deal.” 

Alison slowly looks up at Dean when she hears his nonchalant tone, before slowly nodding. “Yes, please.” Dean notices how she tries to make herself look smaller, and he smiles gently at her. 

“Alright, kiddo. I’ll get you a bottle.” He says, ruffling her hair quickly. Dean sets about making a bottle. It only takes him a few minutes, since he was getting more used to making them now, even though Sam was still usually the one that took care of her. Once it was done, and he had made sure it wasn’t too hot, Dean steps back to the table. “C’mon, let’s go to the living room, that way you can be comfortable while you eat.” 

She follows him to the living room, and when Dean sits down on the couch, he pats his lap. “C’mere.” He grunts, so Alison sits down on his lap and he curls his arm around her. Dean waits for her to get situated before guiding the bottle up to her mouth, and she starts to slowly eat, even though her stomach is still churning. “I want you to drink the whole thing.” Dean says quietly, meeting her eyes. “One bottle isn’t a lot of food for someone like you, so I want you to eat it all, okay? Then after that you can have a bath or shower, or you can take another nap, or whatever you want to do.” 

Normally the brothers tried to keep her on a more set sleep schedule, but Dean knew from experience that when you were sick, you needed as much sleep as you could possibly get. He wondered how she’d managed to get so sick so quickly, but figured it was probably due to her poor diet and immune system. 

Alison finished about three fourths of the bottle before she was falling asleep in Dean’s arms. She still wasn’t regressed, but the way he was holding her made her feel warm and safe, and she was just so tired. Dean sighs when he realizes she’s fast asleep, so he pulls the bottle out of her mouth, and just holds her there, cradled in his arms so she can nap.

A half hour later, Dean is groaning when he can feel his phone buzzing in his pocket. No doubt that’s Sam wondering how things are going. He knows he needs to tell him Alison is sick, but he knows that’s also going to freak Sam out. Then again, when Dean had brushed his hand against her forehead a few minutes earlier it seemed as though she was only getting warmer, so maybe Sam coming back home to take care of her wasn’t such a bad idea. Sam was the one who knew what to do when people got sick, Dean wasn’t.

“Hey, man.” Dean says quietly, his voice low. Sam knew that tone in his voice, immediately asking Dean if she had regressed. Dean finds himself shaking his head, then remembers Sam can’t see him. “No, she’s not regressed. But she’s… she’s sick, Sam. She went back to bed after you left, and I finally went and got her up a few hours later. Last I knew her fever was 101.3, but she’s laying in my arms and it just feels like she’s getting warmer. I don’t know what to do, man.” He says quietly. “I’ve given her medicine, and I got her to drink a bottle since she didn’t want to actually eat, but I don’t know how to take care of anyone who’s sick. You know that.” 

Sam immediately groans, running his hands over his face. He turns around to look back at Donna, who was currently talking to someone else, getting some more information. There was a case here, but Sam knew he couldn’t just leave Alison and Dean on their own. “Give me a couple of hours, and I’ll be back to help take care of her. Just keep her comfortable until then, okay? Call me if anything else happens.” 

Sam had disconnected the phone before Dean could even form a response. He sighs, hanging up and putting the phone next to him on the couch. A couple more hours. He could hang in there for a couple more hours, right? Especially if Alison stayed asleep for a little while longer. 

An hour and a half later was when all hell broke loose. Dean had been unable to take Alison’s temperature again because she was still asleep, but it felt like she was steadily getting warmer. When she finally woke up, she bolted upright, and Dean could feel she was just drenched in sweat. Alison was mumbling things, looking around the room frantically, and Dean could tell she wasn’t all there. He didn’t know what she was seeing, but he had a feeling it wasn’t going to be anything good. “Alison?” Dean asks quietly, but he’s already scooping her up, figuring he was probably going to have to get her into a cold shower. 

Dean is carrying Alison to the bathroom when she suddenly starts squirming so much it’s hard for him to keep a hold on her. He knows she needs to get into a cold shower, because her fever is so high that if he doesn’t get it down soon, things are going to get even worse. When delirium set in, that was when you knew shit was about to go down. “Alison, hey, it’s okay. It’s me, Dean. You’re okay, you just have a super high fever.” Dean tries to tell her reassuringly, but she’s not listening to him. He finally gets her to the bathroom, grabbing his phone and quickly dialing Sam. 

“Hey man, she’s not doing good, her fever’s super high…” That’s all Dean manages to get out before he ends up dropping the phone because of Alison squirming. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Sam’s going to be home soon, okay? You just have to hang in there a little bit longer.” Dean turns the water on, doing his best to get a good lukewarm temperature. He didn’t want her to freeze, but he knew a warm shower wouldn’t do anything except make things worse. 

He didn’t bother discarding either of their clothing before placing Alison down in the bottom of the bath tub with the water running over her. Sam has no idea what’s going on, he can just hear struggling, then the water running, and then Alison is sobbing. She’s pleading with Dean to get her out of there, because she was so cold, and Sam can hear Dean telling her that it’s just going to be for a few minutes, to lower her fever, but she’s not listening. 

Sam steps on the gas. He was about twenty-five minutes away, but he hoped that if he sped, he could get there even sooner than that. “Dean? Dean, I’m almost there, you just gotta hang in there.” Sam tries to yell, but he knows it’s useless. Dean can’t hear him, he’s too concerned with the girl right in front of him, screaming like she was being tortured all over again. 

“Fuck.” Dean mutters when suddenly Alison is projectile vomiting all over him. He winces, but ignores it for now, just continuing to hold her under the water of the shower. “Alison, you have to breathe, and you have to stop crying, otherwise you’re just going to make yourself sicker.”

However, when Alison vomited, that just made her sobbing ten times worse. Her entire body was heaving, and she was terrified. The last time she had vomited, she’d been punished so severely for it. In fact, every time she had vomited in the last sixteen years she’d been punished severely for it. She wondered if the cold water pouring down on her was the first part of her punishment, if Dean was going to end up hurting her because she had just vomited. 

Dean was yelling, but he was more so yelling to get her attention, to tell her that it was okay, and she needed to breathe. But she wasn’t listening to the words, she was listening to his tone, and his tone was loud. It scared the hell out of her. He was forcing her to stay in the bottom of the shower, wondering where the hell Sam was, and hoping he would get his ass there right then, because Sam knew what to do to help her. Dean didn’t.

The sight that Sam runs upstairs to as soon as he gets home is one he hopes to never see again. The entire bathroom is covered in water. Alison is thrashing around in the bottom of the bath tub, Dean holding her down, so the cool water can do its job to relieve her fever. There’s puke all over Dean’s shirt and the front of his pants, and Sam can see there’s puke other places too, meaning she’d vomited more than once from all the stress. 

“Ali! Alison, honey!” Sam says quickly, tossing his jacket to the side and pulling his shirt off as well. He knew that no matter what, all of them were going to be soaked, but he was hoping that would at least help with a little bit of laundry. Sam nudges his way in next to Dean, kneeling in front of the tub and taking Alison’s face in his hands. “Alison, sweetheart, I need you to look at me. It’s me, Sam.” 

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, please, I’ll clean it up, please don’t make me eat it, please don’t hurt me, please!” Alison is speaking so fast Sam can hardly understand what she’s saying, and it takes him a moment to realize she had just said ‘eat it.’ They used to make her eat her own vomit, after forcing themselves down her throat? Sam could feel bile rising in his throat, but he pushed that thought away for now. 

He reaches out to the girl who’s now soaking wet, easily pulling her out of the bathtub and onto his lap while he sits on the tile of the bathroom floor. Dean shuts the shower off, quickly standing up and heading into the hallway to grab all of them towels. He’s dripping everywhere, but that’s the least of his worries right now. 

Sam wraps his arms around Alison, attempting to pull his fingers through her hair gently. He doesn’t say anything, knowing that if he raises his voice anymore to get through to her, he’s only going to scare her. Instead, he pulls her against his chest, so she can hear his heartbeat, starting to slowly rock her back and forth. He shushes her, cooing in her ear about how it’s okay, and how no one is going to hurt her. 

When Dean comes back with the towels, Sam takes one of them from him and wraps it around her shaking frame. They needed to get her out of the wet clothes and into dry ones, or else her sickness was only going to get worse, but first he needed to take care of her mental health, so she didn’t keep freaking herself out so much she kept puking. Alison had pushed herself into a vicious cycle, and he needed to get her out of it before it spun out of control any more. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you. Sammy’s right here. I’m right here, Ali. It’s okay. You’re okay. No one is going to hurt you.” Sam keeps cooing in her ear, praising her when eventually she starts to calm down. He doesn’t know if she’s actually calming down, or if her body just doesn’t have enough energy to continue sobbing, but either way he’s considering it a victory. 

Alison whimpers loudly, her chest heaving with every breath she takes. She’s clutching onto Sam’s shoulders for dear life, her head pressed right up against his chest while she listens to his heart beat. She keeps repeatedly mumbling how sorry she is, keeps pleading with them to not hurt her, and promising to clean it up. 

“You’re not cleaning anything up.” Sam promises her, kissing her forehead and allowing his lips to linger there. “It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you, you don’t need to be sorry.” He hated that he had to keep telling her that, but he would tell her that as many times as she needed. Even if he had to say it every single day for the rest of his life, he would do it, for Alison. 

Eventually, Alison’s sobs turn into little cries, and her loud breaths turn into sighs, only wracking her entire frame every so often when she tries to catch her breath. “Good girl. Good girl, I’ve got you.” Sam tells her, keeping his arms locked around her firmly. “You’re feeling pretty yucky, huh?” Sam asks, kissing the side of her head when she nods in agreement. “Okay, sweetheart. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes. I think Dean got your fever down to a manageable level, so we’ll get you some more medicine and then I think another nap sounds good, what do you think?” 

Alison nods her head, her eyes closing in exhaustion. Her body is limp against Sam’s chest, allowing him to take all of her weight, and he doesn’t mind a single bit. “Sammy?” She asks quietly, her voice small and vulnerable. “C-can I…?” She asks, and Sam knows she’s referring to regressing.

“Of course, baby. You know you never have to ask.” Sam had figured she was going to regress, especially with how freaked out she just got, and how tired she was. It was sweet that she was still double checking to make sure it was okay, but there was never going to be a time Sam would tell her she had to fight against her regressions. She’d been doing that for so long, and now she had a safe space where she didn’t need to. Sam wasn’t ever going to take that away from her. 

To his surprise, instead of just regressing right there, Alison instead falls asleep. Sam didn’t realize she’d be able to fall asleep, considering she was still in soaking wet clothing, but obviously that traumatic experience had just exhausted her to her very core. “I’ve got you.” Sam murmurs into her ear, slowly getting up off the bathroom floor with her still gathered up in his arms. 

He takes her into her nursery, grabbing a diaper and a onesie, as well as finding one of her pacifiers. He slowly pushes the pacifier into her mouth, and she sucks on it contently while she’s fast asleep. Sam sighs, looking at her tear stained and red face, seeing just how raw the skin around her eyes was from all the tears. 

While Sam changes her, he continues cooing gently to her. It takes him longer than usual to get her all changed, because he must dry her off thoroughly while he does, but eventually he gets her into her diaper and onesie. He leans down a little bit, so he can gently press kisses around her eyes, where the skin was raw. Sam then cradles her in one arm, brushing her hair with the other arm, before placing her down in her new crib. 

As soon as he places her down, though, Alison starts to whimper. Sam places his hand on her chest, and both of her hands grip onto it tightly. He sighs, eyeing the frame of the crib she was in. Obviously, it had to be pretty sturdy to handle an adult baby, right? And considering she was so light, he figured it would be alright. Sam slowly lowers the side of the crib and climbs in next to her, before placing the side of the crib back up. 

Alison’s practically meshing herself with him, trying to crawl into the same space he’s in, because she wants to be so close to him. There are still little whimpers being emitted from behind her pacifier, and for a moment Sam thinks she must be awake, but she’s still fast asleep. “Shhh. I’ve got you.” Sam whispers to her, his arms looping around her.

Eventually, Alison ends up crawling on top of him, laying on her stomach on his chest. Sam’s arms loop around her and he pulls a blanket up over her, kissing her forehead and allowing his own eyes to slip shut as well. “I love you, Ali. Everything’s okay.” He whispers to her once more, before Alison’s whimpering finally stops, and she finally settles in for a long nap.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ali is still sick, so Sam takes care of her. Trigger warning for vomiting!
> 
> Comments & kudos feed the muse. <3  
> Also, because of me starting a new story (Springkeep Adoption Agency for those who don’t know) I will be only updating Trauma once a week for now. I just can’t keep writing enough to post twice a week while working on two stories and still give you guys some quality content. I hope you guys don’t mind, and I hope you like this chapter!

Alison is only asleep for a couple of hours before she’s whining again. Sam had ended up falling asleep as well, and he opens his eyes when she starts to whine. One look at her tells him she’s regressed, and this time it looked like she was even more regressed than she usually was. Maybe just a couple months old, if that. An infant who was feeling so terrible and didn’t understand why she felt so bad.

Sam places the back of his hand against her forehead, sighing softly. “Looks like someone’s fever’s back again, huh?” He coos softly, leaning forward to kiss the tip of her nose. “You’re feeling pretty icky, huh, baby?”

Alison whimpers quietly, rubbing her eyes, wincing at the pain is causes. Sam gently pulls her hand away from her eyes, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. “I know, baby. You’re in so much pain. I bet your tummy hurts pretty bad, huh?”

He gently pushes her off him, so he can sit up, and put down the side of the crib. Once that’s done he stands up, scooping her up in his arms and going with her into the bathroom. He goes to set her down on the toilet before remembering that she was too little and couldn’t actually sit up on her own. He groans quietly, trying to figure out how he could still do things without having to set her down.

Sam nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a voice behind him. “Hello, Sam.” He turns around to see Castiel, quirking an eyebrow toward the angel when he sees he’s holding a piece of fabric in his hands.

When Castiel notices him looking at the fabric he has in his hands, he clears his throat. “It’s called a wrap.” He says with a nod. “I was doing some research on regular babies and found that many women like having their children in a wrap. It goes around the woman, and the child, and holds them either against their chest or their back. That way they can have their hands free. Most wraps are not strong enough to hold someone of her size, but I found one and have modified it. I thought perhaps you would be able to put it to good use.”

A smile forms on Sam’s face as he takes the piece of fabric out of Castiel’s hands. “Thank you, Cas.” He says quietly. It seemed like Castiel always knew just what they needed, even if they didn’t pray to him for it.

Castiel nods his head. He had done a lot of research on babies and on littles, wanting to help the boys take care of Alison as well as they could. “I have been practicing how to place the wrap on. If you would like, I could help you put it on.”

Sam nods. He hands the wrap back to Castiel, watching him carefully as Castiel helps him put it on, so next time he can put it on himself. Sam holds Alison up carefully, until Castiel tells him to let go of her. He does so hesitantly, not wanting her to fall, but the wrap does exactly what it’s designed to do and holds her snugly against his chest.

Alison gives a content sigh, even though she still feels like crap. She’s continuing to suck on her pacifier, her head up against Sam’s bare chest, since he’d never placed a shirt on after taking it off because everything in the bathroom was soaking wet. She could hear his heartbeat and was content to stay right there. Everything was better as long as she had Sam with her.

Before Sam could even thank Castiel for his help, he had already disappeared. Sam just smiles into the emptiness of the bathroom, grabbing some medicine he had thankfully thought to bought before she’d gotten sick. He knew she wouldn’t be able to swallow pills when she was little, so he figured some children’s medicine would help. He would just give her a larger dose, since she would need more medicine than children would.

Sam carefully measures it out, kissing the top of her head. Alison slowly lifts her head up, but Sam has to place his hand on the back of her neck to ensure her head doesn’t go flying backward, and she doesn’t hurt her neck. “Hi, precious.” He coos, smiling when he sees how open her mouth is. She really was just like a little infant. Sam kisses her lips, making a loud noise when he does so, which causes her to giggle. “Alright, baby. You gotta take your medicine. It’s going to taste yucky, but it’s going to make you feel better. It’s going to make you big and strong!”

Alison doesn’t respond and doesn’t make any noises to indicate she understood what Sam was saying. He sighs, knowing she’s definitely not going to like the taste of it, so he goes downstairs to quickly make her a bottle. He hoped that he could get her to take the medicine, then quickly feed her the bottle to appease her.

Sam gets the medicine into a little dropper, and quickly drops it into her mouth. As expected, she starts whining as soon as she swallows it; Sam was just grateful she swallowed it and didn’t spit it back out at him. “Good girl.” Sam praises her, quickly placing the bottle into her mouth. He smiles when Alison starts to suck down the milk, even though her stomach felt so terrible.

He had to admit, it was much easier doing what he needed to do while he had Alison in the wrap. She didn’t want him to sit down, she wanted him to keep walking around, how she had the last time she’d regressed like this. At least this time Sam’s arms weren’t getting tired, because the wrap was doing most of the work with holding her up, and he was able to wander around and still do things.

“How’s a book sound, hm?” Sam asks, grabbing one of the books out of the bookshelf in her nursery. He had a wide variety of books in there, from Harry Potter to little children’s books that were able to be read in just a couple of seconds. He selected ‘Love You Forever’ by Robert Munsch, one that he knew a lot of parents read to their children. Sam starts to read it to her while he wanders around the bunker from room to room, one hand still on the back of her neck to make sure her head was tucked securely against his chest.

After a while of him reading to her, Sam can feel she’s sweating against him. “We’re going to have to get you into some new jammies pretty soon.” He says softly, kissing the top of her head. He goes into the bathroom to grab a cool wash cloth, rubbing it over her forehead and the back of her neck, over her shoulders and her upper back. Alison makes some small squeaks, but Sam can tell they’re squeaks of contentment.

“My poor, sick girl.” Sam coos to her, looking up when he hears someone entering the room. Dean crosses over to the two of them, asking Sam how Alison is doing. “She’s alright. Better, now that you got her into the cold shower. I haven’t tried taking her temperature, since we only have the one that goes under the tongue, and she wouldn’t understand what to do. She still feels pretty bad, but she seems pretty content as long as she’s with me and I’m walking around with her.”

Dean places his hand on her back, giving a quiet sigh. “I’m sorry for what I had to do earlier.” He says softly to her, quickly kissing the top of her head. He felt terrible. The image of him holding her down in the bottom of the bathtub had continued to run through his mind the entire time she was sleeping, and the entire time Sam was reading the story to her.

Sam sighs quietly. “You were just doing what was best for her, you know that.” He claps his brother on the back, before squeezing his shoulder. “Once she’s out of her regression, feeling better and everything, I’m sure she’ll have forgotten the whole thing. Or at least have forgiven you.”

Dean manages to send his brother a small smile, nodding his head. He sure hoped Alison would forgive him. It seemed lately he’d been the one she’d been getting upset with – since he had taken the blame for Sam over making her talk, and now he was the one who had forced her to sit in the bottom of the bath tub before Sam came to save her. “I hope so.” He says quietly, before exiting the room, going into the living room.

He watched Dean exit the room, feeling bad. Dean always tried to act like nothing fazed him. But he could tell that Alison being upset with him was something he wasn’t okay with, and Sam could understand why. They had promised to take care of her, and sometimes the tough calls had to be made, but it seemed like Dean was always the one enforcing those.

Alison starts to whine quietly, and Sam looks down at her. “Shhh. I know, you feel so bad.” He says quietly. He starts to sway her back and forth, one hand cradling the back of her neck in his hand. She had tilted her head back to look up at him, so it was a good thing Sam was holding her head up, that way it didn’t just go straight backwards and hurt her. “Hi, gorgeous.” Sam coos, using his other hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Your tummy must hurt, doesn’t it?”

She continues to whine, her blue eyes sad as she looks up at Sam. She clumsily brings a hand up to try and get her hair off her neck, and Sam just barely manages to catch her hand before she accidentally hits herself in the face. “Is your hair bugging you, sweetheart?” Sam asks, quickly going upstairs to grab a hair tie. Before Alison he had hardly known how to even work a hair tie, but he had learned quickly for her sake.

Sam leans back a little bit, so her head will start to lean against his chest, and she won’t try to look up at him again. Once he’s sure her head is stable, he uses both of his hands to quickly pull her hair up into a ponytail, then uses another hair tie to make it into a bun, ensuring it got off her neck. Hopefully that would help cool her down a little bit.

Since he was in the bathroom, Sam got another cool washcloth and rubbed it over her shoulders and collarbones, then the front of her neck and the back of her neck. After getting it cool once more, he then wipes the thin sheen of sweat from her entire face, but especially her forehead. Alison is leaning into his touch the entire time, and Sam can hear her stomach is rumbling. She must be feeling so sick, and he’s helpless to do anything except try to keep her comfortable. It sucks.

Even though she had been content for a couple minutes due to the cool washcloth, Alison quickly started whining again, and the whining soon turned to crying. He tried giving her the pacifier, but every time he tried, she would just push it back out. “Shh, it’s okay, Sammy’s right here…” Sam whispers quietly, trying to rock her back and forth. He doesn’t know what just happened to suddenly make her so uncomfortable, but he hopes it passes soon.

It’s just a few moments later that he realizes why she’s suddenly so uncomfortable, and why she’s refusing the pacifier; there’s a brief pause where she’s not making any noise, and then she pukes all over the front of him. Luckily none had gotten on the wrap, since they had just started using it, but Sam knew that both him and Alison were going to need to be cleaned up.

It didn’t just happen once, either. As soon as it happened the first time, Sam started speaking soothingly to her, telling her it was all okay. Then it happened again, making Sam wince again – and then it happened yet again. Obviously, her stomach was extremely upset, and he wondered if it had anything to do with the bottles he’d been feeding her. But she needed to eat, and he didn’t know what else he could get her to have, that wouldn’t upset her stomach.

Between each time she vomited, Alison’s sobs just got worse and worse. She’d started to cry after the first time she puked, but the sobs just grew louder and heavier every time she ended up puking again. Sam figured she probably didn’t understand what was happening, why her throat was burning, and her eyes were watering. Add that on to her subconscious fears of puking because of how harshly the demons had punished her each time she had puked, she was likely working herself up to a terrible panic attack once again.

Sam is quickly working to take the wrap off himself, that way she can at least get away from the puke that’s now covering his chest. For the first time that day, he wished he had put a shirt on. It was disgusting having puke covering his bare chest, but that was something to be thought about later. Right then, he was just worried about her not getting into that vicious cycle that she had earlier when she was in the bath tub with Dean.

He grabs another washcloth and gets it wet, this time with warm water, sitting down on the toilet once he gets the wrap off himself. Sam cradles her in his arm, pulling her away from his chest a little bit so he can wash off. Sam makes sure all of the vomit is off his chest before he pulls her back to his chest, using his hand to tilt her head back and support it. He places the gross washcloth in the bottom of the sink, getting a new washcloth and running it under hot water. “I’ve got you, you’re okay, shh…” Sam speaks soothingly to her, running the wash cloth over her mouth to get rid of any leftover puke.

Alison is sitting there, huddled up against Sam’s chest, just sobbing. She felt so gross, and her throat burned from puking, and she was confused. She was confused because her stomach was hurting so bad and was confused as to why it scared her just so much that she had just puked. Every time she puked she just got more scared, which resulted in her crying harder. She wanted to whimper out Sam’s name, but her mouth wasn’t working, and she couldn’t get herself to do anything except sit there and cry.

He puts his hand on the back of her head, fingertips rubbing and fingernails scratching gently against her scalp, knowing it was one of the things that could calm her even at her worst. Sam brings her downstairs to make a bottle, only he’s just putting water in it. She was likely getting dehydrated, and he needed to get some fluids in her before the dehydration got even worse. “You’re okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you. Everything is just fine.” Sam coos, using one hand to unscrew the top from the bottle, running the water until it’s cold, and filling the bottle up. It takes him a few seconds to get the top back on, making sure it was secure, and then he carries Alison into the living room.

Sam’s soothing words had never stopped, still holding the crying girl against his chest and reassuring her it was okay, that he wasn’t going anywhere. He didn’t mention anything about her not being hurt, because he didn’t want to confuse her. Sam didn’t know if she was even thinking of her being hurt, so he didn’t want her to think she should have been assuming that. The entire time, Alison hadn’t stopped crying, her fists clinging to Sam as tightly as she could.

He winced a little bit when her fingernails dug into his skin, once again thinking he should have put a shirt on. But he knew it was too late, because he knew the second he put her down, she was not going to be impressed. Sam rests one arm on the armrest of the couch, before gently laying her down so that arm was cradling her head. He then places the bottle in her mouth.

Alison had immediately started squirming and whining, not wanting any milk. Any time she had been fed before, it had always been the milk or formula, so she had no reason to think it would be anything different. During one of her whines, she accidentally inhaled, causing some of the water to come out of the bottle and into her mouth. She sputters, which causes Sam to quickly sit her up and pat her back. “It’s okay, baby. It’s just water. You need to get some fluids into you. It’s not formula, okay? Just relax. I need you to breathe for me.”

He was speaking to her like she could understand, which she couldn’t, but he didn’t know how else to speak to her and convey the information he needed to. Alison did start to slowly settle back into his arms, though, and her mouth slowly opens for the bottle again. “Good girl!” Sam praises to her, guiding the bottle back into her mouth. “Slow, precious. You don’t want to end up getting sick again.”

At first Alison started to slowly suck down the water, but once she got a taste of it and how good it felt to soothe her throat, she started drinking faster. Sam allowed it for a couple of moments before he pulled it out of her mouth. She whined, and Sam kept the bottle away from her for a moment, before giving it back to her. He continues this every few seconds, making sure she’s not drinking so much so fast that it will make her sick. Alison is getting frustrated, but eventually the bottle is gone, and then she’s shivering, curling up against Sam.

The front door opens, so Sam quickly turns around, watching Dean walk in. He’d been so concerned and focused on the girl in his arms that he hadn’t even realized Dean had left. “Where’d you go?” He questions, seeing the plastic bag in his hand.

“I went to the grocery store.” Dean says with a nod. “You said you hadn’t been able to take her temperature because we couldn’t give her one to put under her tongue, so I thought maybe I could find one of those other ones. It took me forever, and eventually they sent me to the pharmacy, but I found one of ‘em that you run over the forehead and it takes the temperature. Temp-eral or somethin’, I think.”

“Temporal.” Sam corrects him, ignoring how Dean rolls his eyes at him. “Thank you, Dean.” He reaches his hand out for the thermometer after Dean takes it out of the packaging and turns it on. Sam glances down at the directions, but it seems fairly self-explanatory, so he just runs it across her forehead, ending at her temple.

It takes a few seconds to get a reading, but when it does, Sam frowns. 102.0. It had just gone up, even though he’d been giving her medicine. “Looks like it’s time for another dose of medicine, baby girl.” He says quietly.

“That reminds me, I also got some different medicine.” Dean pulls that out of the plastic bag as well. “I found some adult medicine that came in a bottle instead of in pills, that way you don’t have to give her children’s medicine. Hopefully that’ll help bring the fever down, since the other isn’t.”

Sam nods, standing up from his place on the couch, settling the girl on his hip. He needs to get her into a different onesie. Hers didn’t have much vomit on it, but there was still some, and he didn’t want her to sit in it for a very long time. Sam figured he would quickly get the medicine in her, then see about changing her, in case she decided to spit up the medicine this time.

He grabs the medicine dropper that he had used earlier, opening up the medicine and getting the correct amount in. “Okay, sweetheart. Open up. It’s going to be yucky again, okay?” He croons to her, holding the dropper up above her mouth, helping her to tilt her head back again.

Alison remembered the first time he had done this and remembered how gross it had been the first time. She also knew that she only felt worse after that medicine, so why should she take this one? But Alison is looking up at Sam, and his eyes are hopeful and soft, and even in her infant state, she just wants to make him happy. After a moment of contemplation, Alison’s mouth opens, and he drops the medicine in.

Instead of just swallowing it, she starts to whine, holding it in her mouth. Sam chuckles quietly. “Baby, you need to swallow it to get the taste out of your mouth.” He gently rubs his thumb against her throat, which causes her to swallow just a second later. “Good girl! You’re such a good girl, taking your medicine.”

She’s continuing to whine, her eyes filling up with tears. Sam gets her another small drink of water with the bottle, but then just replaces it with the pacifier. He kisses her forehead, lips lingering for a moment, before carrying her upstairs to the nursery to get her changed. As he’s going up there, Sam realizes he hasn’t changed her diaper at all today. She hasn’t been regressed the entire day, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, but normally she wet herself multiple times in a day.

Sam gets her up on the changing table, quickly getting her out of the onesie and grabbing a new one. He blows a raspberry on her tummy, smiling when she at least gives a small giggle. At least she was feeling okay enough for that, even if she wasn’t laughing how she normally would. Opening her diaper, Sam sighs when he sees there’s nothing in it at all. It’s completely dry. “Oh, sweetheart.” Sam breathes out quietly, giving her a sad smile. “We’re going to have to get some more fluids in you. Maybe some more fiber, too.” He was going to have to do some research on what to do when babies didn’t have wet diapers, and they also weren’t pooping.

There was a part of Sam wondering if he could get Castiel to use his grace to help her through this sickness, but he knew he couldn’t turn to Castiel’s grace for everything. He also knew that wasn’t really how his grace worked. He was good at healing injuries, but that didn’t mean he could heal just a regular sickness. It sure would be nice, though. Sam hated seeing her in pain, especially when she was so vulnerable like this, and didn’t understand what was going on.

“Actually…” Sam ponders out loud, placing a hand on her belly when she starts to squirm from being cold, since he hadn’t finished changing her yet. “How about we get you into a bath, hmm?” He says softly. Maybe a warm bath would be good for her, especially because she was starting to get a little bit of a diaper rash. “I’ll get in with you, and we can snuggle, and you can sit in some warm water. How’s that sound?”

Alison just continues whining from the cold. He doesn’t bother putting a diaper on her, knowing he would just have to take it off in a second anyway, instead scooping her up and cradling her against his chest. He’s silently praying that she doesn’t pee, and luckily, she doesn’t. Sam gets the water in the bath tub all set up, making sure it’s nice and warm. He then steps into the bathtub with her still in his arms, slowly sitting down in the water, then lowering her into the water as well.

Alison makes a small sound when the warm water hits her skin, wincing at the feeling of the rash on her bottom, but she doesn’t make any other noises. A moment later she starts to relax, and Sam pulls her against his chest. Her chest is pressed against his chest, her head turned to rest against his chest. Alison’s hand starts to slowly skim through the water, before coming up to rest on Sam’s chest.

He takes her hand in his own, pulling it up to his mouth to press a gentle kiss to her knuckles, not caring that they’re wet. At least she was no longer whining, and she seemed content for the moment. The bath must have been a good idea. Sam coos softly to her, whispering little nothings in her ear to keep her comfortable.

They stayed in the bath tub together until Alison’s eyes drifted shut and she fell asleep. He waited a few more minutes, tempted to let them stay there so she could get some restful sleep, but the water was starting to get cool and he didn’t want her getting cold. Sam presses the back of his hand against her forehead, giving a small smile when he feels she’s not nearly as warm as she had been earlier. Maybe – hopefully – the medicine was starting to work, and soon she would be feeling better.

Sam shushes her when she starts to stir and whine because he lifts her out of the bath tub. He wraps her in a fluffy towel, drying her off quickly and getting her into a diaper. He debates on waking her up to drink some more water but thinks better of it. Sam gets her changed into pajamas and wraps her in a thin blanket, sitting down in the rocking chair with her. He brushes her hair, smiling when she makes sleepy content noises. Once that’s done, Sam pulls her pacifier from her lips and instead replaces it with her bottle, still only filled with water. She starts to slowly drink some of it, still half asleep as she does so, mostly sucking on it for comfort instead of actually wanting to drink it.

Once the bottle is half gone and she’s hardly sucking on it anymore, Sam pulls it from her mouth and puts the pacifier back in instead. He then sits there with her in the rocking chair, rocking her back and forth and humming quietly to her. Sam grabs the thermometer off of the table next to him, running it over her forehead. This time he smiles when he sees her temperature has gone down to 100.5. It’s much better than it was, and Sam was hopeful as long as he kept her on a steady regimen of medicine that she would soon be feeling better.

Rocking her back and forth eventually soothes Sam as well. His arms are still gripped tightly around her to make sure she stays secure on his lap, but eventually his eyes close also, and he falls into a light sleep while they sit there together, enjoying each other’s comfort and warmth.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now Sam is sick, so Ali takes care of him!
> 
> I hope you guys like it. Kudos and comments feed the muse. <3

“Honestly, I think you should just get your head out of your ass and tell him you love him.” Alison says nonchalantly to the older brother currently sitting across from her at the kitchen table, smirking when she sees how he practically chokes on his cereal. “Or, get your head out of your ass and admit to yourself that you love him. Either way.” 

Dean shoots her a glare immediately, and he would have some choice words for her, if it wasn’t Alison who was currently sitting in front of him. That was why Alison had decided to confront him about it – because she knew he wouldn’t freak out on her, how he would with most other people who might want to confront him about his feelings for a certain blue-eyed angel. “I do not love him.” He protests, rolling his eyes when he sees the knowing smirk on her face. “Alright, Miss Know-It-All, why do you think I love him?” 

Now it’s Alison’s turn to roll her eyes. “Everyone can see that you love him, except for you and him. The tension between you two is crazy high. You two can hardly look at each other normally. You’re always making heart eyes at each other. But Cas is never going to make the first move, so that’s up to you, Dean.” 

Dean grunts quietly but doesn’t say anything else. Alison wasn’t going to push him anymore, knowing he was going to have to do some self-exploration before he realized that she was telling the truth. It had been a couple days since Alison had that terrible flu, and she was feeling much better now. She had come out of her regression yesterday, and she was actually feeling okay. Cas had helped her have a dreamless sleep the night before, so she had woken up feeling refreshed and much better since she’d had the flu. 

Alison had slept in her own room the night before. It was strange, not sleeping with Sam. She had gotten used to sleeping with him, even if she wasn’t regressed, but she had figured he would want a night to himself. After all, she had been practically clinging to him for the past few days, not even letting him go to the bathroom on his own. Not that she remembered it, but Dean had mentioned it after she got out of her regression. 

Once she woke up, Alison had slowly padded to Sam’s room and poked her head in, but he was still asleep. She didn’t want to bug him, so instead she just slowly closed the door and went downstairs, surprised to see Dean up already. One look at him had told her it had been a hard night for him, and she wondered if he’d had a nightmare. He really needed to give in and let Cas help him every so often, just like Cas helped her. 

Alison looks at the microwave in the kitchen, seeing it was getting to be late morning, and Sam still hadn’t made an appearance. That was strange, since he normally was the first one out of bed in the morning. He never slept past 9:00, and even sleeping until 9:00 was like sleeping in for him. 

She slowly goes upstairs and pushes open the door to Sam’s room again. He’s pushed the covers off himself, and he’s sprawled out across the entire bed, his mouth wide open and his cheeks flushed. Alison couldn’t help her smile, slowly padding over to his bed and going to shake him awake gently. “Sam?” She asks softly. “Sammy?”

She can immediately tell there’s something wrong when Sam’s eyes slowly open, and they’re glassy. Ah, shit. Alison had gotten him sick, since she’d been clinging to him so much, and he was taking care of her. “Hey…” Alison says quietly. Immediately her instincts to care for him kick in. She didn’t talk much about when the demons made her take care of them, because it didn’t normally happen, but it had happened every so often.

Normally it wasn’t something like the flu that she had to take care of them after. Usually it was something like a fight, where they’d gotten severely injured, and she had to clean up after them. But sometimes, if the cuts got infected, their vessels would start running fevers and other things, and then she would end up having to take care of them because they were sick. At least this time she was going to be taking care of someone because she cared for him, and not because she was forced to do so. 

Sam’s only form of response is a grunt, but then he rubs his eyes, and attempts to speak. “Hi, sweetheart. You okay?” He asks quietly, and Alison’s heart swells. Even though he feels like shit, he’s trying to take care of her how he always did. Alison got extremely lucky when Sam and Dean were the ones that found her, and even more lucky because Sam had been the one who decided to take her in.

She quickly blinks away the tears that had pricked at her eyes due to realizing just how much Sam cared for her, and she nods her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Alison says reassuringly, and she’s quickly switching roles with him, her hand finding its way to his hair and carding her fingers through it gently. “You feeling okay?” She asks, just how Dean had when she was sick, and she also wasn’t surprised when Sam shook his head. “I think I got you sick, I’m sorry.” 

Alison was surprised when Sam quickly sat up, shaking his head. “Hey, no, don’t apologize. I promised I’d take care of you no matter what, I’m not upset, it’s okay…” 

She then giggles softly, placing her hands on his chest and going to push him back down onto the bed. “I know, Sam. It’s okay.” Alison felt like a different person right now. She didn’t know if it was because of her taking on the caregiver role, if Castiel had done something else to her when ensuring she would have a dreamless sleep, or just because she was getting more comfortable around them. Either way, she didn’t mind. “Just lay down. It’s my turn to take care of you. Let me go grab some medicine and a thermometer.” 

Alison is up off the bed and out of the room before Sam can protest and hold her back. She goes into the bathroom, grabbing the pills that Sam had given her before she regressed, as well as grabbing the temporal thermometer. She could have grabbed the oral one, but she figured this one would be simpler, especially if he was going to try to fight against her taking care of him. 

After grabbing a class of water, Alison goes back into Sam’s room, where he’s sitting up in bed and attempting to put his slippers on. She rolls her eyes at how stubborn he’s being, standing in front of him and holding out the glass of water to him. He looks up at her, shaking his head. “I’m fine, Ali. Just let me up.” 

Alison shakes her head. “Nope.” She turns on the thermometer and cups his chin in her hand, holding his head still briefly enough where she can run it over his forehead. “101.3. Wasn’t that what I had the first time I had a fever?” She questions, looking back down at him. “Anyway. I definitely got you sick, so now you’re going to let me take care of you. End of story.” 

Sam continued looking down for a few moments, Alison just watching him. She’d been expecting some sort of frustration or anger when he looked up at her, but she didn’t expect the sadness in those hazel eyes she was met with. Immediately her eyes turned soft, and she sat down next to him, placing her hand on his knee and squeezing gently. “What’s wrong?” 

There are tears welling up in his eyes, and Sam is silently cursing himself. He normally was better at hiding emotions than this – after all, it was a trait that ran in the Winchester family. However, that was much harder to do when he was sick. Sam looks down at Alison’s hand that’s been placed on his knee, avoiding her eyes. “I promised you I was going to take care of you, every day, no matter what… and now you’re the one taking care of me.” His voice was defeated, like he had failed in his mission of what he had planned to do.

Alison tilts his chin up so he’ll look at her, shaking her head quickly. “Sam, you do. You take care of me every single day. No matter if I’m an adult or regressed, no matter if I’m healthy or sick, no matter if I have a nightmare or not. You do everything for me. Just let me return the favor for a couple of days until you’re feeling better, okay?”

Sam sighs quietly, rubbing his eyes, but nods. He rests his head on her shoulder, his eyes closing due to the nausea that’s currently turning his stomach upside down. Alison’s hand comes up to card her fingers through his hair again, quickly kissing the top of his head.

It was amazing how far she had come in the months she had been at the bunker. She was actually initiating contact. Alison was getting to the point where she was completely comfortable with Sam, in any state she was in. If she was big, if she was little, it didn’t matter. She was perfectly content to snuggle up to Sam. There had been a long time where she was still wary of Sam touching her, always afraid he was going to end up hurting her, but she was even getting past that. There usually wasn’t a single time where Alison flinched away from him or didn’t want him to touch her because she was afraid he was going to hurt her. 

There had also been a long period of time where Alison wouldn’t initiate the touch or affection, because she didn’t want to seem clingy, and end up bugging Sam. Even if she was craving his touch or his cuddles, she would never ask for them. Sam always had to be the one that touched her first, and then she would immediately melt into him. But now she was more apt to ask him for his snuggles and warmth, and Sam had always been more than happy to comply. 

Alison kisses the side of his head again, her eyes falling shut while they sat there together. Sam’s body was shivering with chills, but he was extremely hot. He didn’t want to move, though. It had been a long time since Sam had gotten comfort from someone. He’d been giving so much of himself to Alison, it was nice to be selfish for even just a day or two. “How does a shower sound?” Alison asks gently. 

They both knew Sam wasn’t going to let her help him in the shower how he usually helped her. Even though he was feeling weak and vulnerable, he wasn’t feeling so vulnerable that he was going to let her wash him up in the shower, how he always did to her when she was regressed. Even still, Sam nodded his head. “Yeah, a shower sounds good.” He mumbles quietly. 

Sam places his arm around her shoulders, and Alison loops her arm around his waist. She helps him to stand up, and it only takes them a couple of minutes to walk to the bathroom. She gets the shower all set up and makes sure the water’s a good temperature before turning to look at him. “You’re going to be okay?” Alison asks softly, nodding in response when Sam says he’ll be fine. “Okay. I’m going to be just out in the hallway, so just yell if you need anything.” 

Alison hoped that if he did need anything he would actually call out for her, instead of somehow hurting himself because he wanted to be stubborn. She watches him for a second before exiting the bathroom, going and sitting down in the hallway. When Dean passes by her, with a confused look on his face, she runs her fingers through her hair. “Sam’s sick. I must have gotten him sick when he was taking care of me.” 

Dean sighs. He had noticed Sam had been a little off the past couple of days, but especially after Alison had gotten out of her regression. He must have been sick for a while now, but had refused to let himself show any signs until Alison didn’t need to rely on him so much anymore. “I’m sure he’s not impressed with you taking care of him.” 

Alison gives a small laugh, nodding. “That’s the understatement of the year. He almost started crying, because he felt so bad that I was the one taking care of him instead of him taking care of me.” She sighs, tugging on the ends of her hair in frustration. “But I think I convinced him to let me take care of him. I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes.”

The older brother nods his head, reaching down to grasp her shoulder and squeeze it gently. “Well, do me a favor and take good care of him, yeah? Obviously, I can’t do it. But he deserves it.” Alison knew that was big for Dean to even say, because it was more on the emotional side. But she thought it was cute that he thought that highly of his brother – because she thought just as highly of Sam.

“Alison?” Sam calls from the bathroom, and Alison quickly stands up. The water was still running, so she knew something was wrong. This wasn’t just him asking for help afterward or something. She quickly goes into the bathroom, eyebrows furrowing when she doesn’t see him at all. 

“Sam?” She asks quietly. “I’m going to pull the curtain back a little bit, okay?” He doesn’t reply, so she quickly pulls the curtain back just a little bit, to see him sitting in the bath tub, curled up in the fetal position, with his forehead resting on his knees. Alison slowly reaches out to place a hand on his back, kneeling outside of the tub, starting to rub his back gently. She was already starting to get wet from the shower running, but she didn’t care. “Hey, you… what’s going on?” 

Sam took a deep breath, leaning into her touch just a little bit, but it took him a while to speak. “Dizzy.” He says quietly. Even though he was just sitting in the bath tub now, he was still struggling with the room spinning. “I can’t… I can’t finish the shower. I gotta go lay down.” 

She nods her head, quickly reaching her hand up to run her fingers through his hair. He hadn’t quite gotten done rinsing his hair of the shampoo he’d put in, so she quickly finished that with the help of the hot water still pouring down over him. “Okay, big guy.” She says softly. “I’m going to turn the water off, help you get dried off and get dressed, and then we’ll get you back in bed, okay?” Alison was expecting some form of protest about her helping him so much, but Sam merely nodded; showing how bad he truly felt.

Alison gets the water turned off and grabs a towel, quickly drying his hair before wrapping it around him. She helps him get out of the bath tub, drying him off as she goes. She’s careful to avoid looking down there, helping him into his boxers as soon as he was fully dried off. Alison also got him into a light t shirt and a pair of sweatpants, her arm then looping around his waist to help him back to bed.

He was leaning on her more heavily this time, making their journey back to the bedroom a little slower, but eventually she managed. Alison got Sam into his bed and pulled the covers up over him, tucking him in. “There you go. You’re safe now, okay? Just try to get some rest.” 

“Stay with me?” His voice was small, like he was worried about asking. It reminded Alison of herself, if she was being honest. But how could she say no to a face like that? Alison climbed into his bed, slowly placing an arm around him. He snuggled up to her, enjoying the comfort; resting his head on her shoulder, he falls back asleep rather quickly. 

Sam was actually pretty easy to take care of when he was sick; much better than Alison had been. He slept most of the time, didn’t whine too much about how bad he was feeling, and he took his medicine whenever Alison asked him to. He got a little clingy, but Alison was okay with that. She could understand wanting comfort when you were sick – especially since she had been doing the same thing just a few days ago.

Alison had been waking up early, to make sure she got up before Sam, so she could take care of him as soon as he got up. But after a few days of him being sick, when she woke up, Sam was already out of bed. She furrows her eyebrows, quickly getting up and going downstairs, finding him in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. A small smile forms on her face as she approaches him. “Feeling better?”

He nods his head, running his hand through his still-damp hair. He had enjoyed a thorough shower early in the morning, not being able to take the feeling of being dirty any longer. “Yeah, much better, actually. Thank you for helping me.” Sam’s smile is sheepish, and Alison finds it endearing. 

“No problem. You know I’d help you any time.” Alison smiles again, going to sit down at the kitchen table. Sam approaches her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head, before going into the living room.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s midnight, which means it’s update day! I’m sorry for my absence! I just finished up my year at college so I was doing exams and moving out. I’m hoping to get some new material posted soon, but for now, I hope you guys enjoy this!
> 
> Comments and kudos feed the muse <3

Dean had found a case. They weren’t sure what it was yet, but whatever it was seemed pretty nasty. The deaths of the victims had been extremely gruesome, and the number of deaths just kept rising. It was in Montana, meaning it was quite a while away from Kansas. Dean hadn’t even mentioned Sam coming with him, he just figured he would take Castiel. But Sam was at least helping him with the research to figure out what it is.

Alison hadn’t gotten any affection the entire day, and honestly, she didn’t know how to go without it. It sounded stupid, and she knew that, but she couldn’t help feeling out of place without Sam or Dean touching or cuddling her. There had been a long time that she was at the bunker where she didn’t even want affection because she was afraid they were going to hurt her. But the times had changed, and it had been months since she’d gone a day without affection from either of the two brothers. 

It was getting to be early evening. Both boys were still holed up in the library of the bunker, and tensions were high. Even Castiel had mentioned something about the awkwardness in the air, but nothing changed. They were frustrated because it normally didn’t take them so long to find out what something was. It was possible it was something new, and if it was something new, then that was about to make everything a whole hell of a lot more complicated. Sam was especially frustrated, since research was his specialty, and he hadn’t managed to even find one good lead. 

By dinner time, Dean finally pulled back from the laptop, running his hands over his face in frustration. “Alright, Sammy. Whaddya say it’s time for a break? We get some dinner and get back to it after. I could use a burger and pie right now.” 

When Sam didn’t even respond to Dean’s suggestion, instead just burying himself even deeper in the lore book he was currently reading, Alison responded. She thought maybe she could get him to relax, get him to at least take a break, if she asked him to cuddle or something. She sits down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder, huffing when he doesn’t acknowledge her again. “Sammy.” She says softly, her hand going to the back of his neck. “Sammy, cuddles?” 

Sam had continued to ignore her. He wasn’t irritated at her, not in the slightest, but he was irritated at the situation in general. When Alison reached for the book in his hands, Sam just shoved her hand away, his tone showing his frustration. “Not now, Alison. I don’t have time. I’m busy.” He moves away from her grip, turning to the next page in the lore book.

Alison’s eyes were wide when she heard the tone Sam had taken with her. He had never taken any form of frustrated tone with her and now he had done just that – and had also pushed her away. “Oh.” Alison whispers quietly, shoulders slumping. “Right. Sorry.” After an entire day of Sam not paying any attention to her, and then being rejected like that, Alison’s mind was spinning.

She gets up from the couch, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her mind is reeling at a million miles a minute, so fast she can’t even process everything going through her head. Sam is tired of her. That was why he hadn’t paid attention to her all day. That was why he’d pushed her away. Sam was tired of how dependent she was on him. He was regretting bringing her home with him. She didn’t deserve any of the affection he had been giving her for months now, and he had finally realized it. 

Dean watched her go out, his eyebrows raised. He then looked to his brother, tossing a pillow at him, earning him a grunt from Sam. “Dude. You realize you just kicked the puppy, right?” Dean questions, meeting his brother’s confused look with a serious one.

“What are you talking about, Dean? You and I need to figure out what the hell this thing is. It shouldn’t be taking us this long. We should have already figured out what it is, and how to kill it, and you would be planning to leave tomorrow morning.” He tugs on his long hair in frustration. 

“Do you remember when Ali first started accepting affection from you? And how for a while you would always complain because she would never initiate the affection? That she always wanted it, but she would never tell you?” Dean questions, rolling his eyes when Sam just nods his head, not seeing what he was trying to say. “Dude, she just tried initiating that affection with you. Have you even given her a hug all day? You two are usually joined at the hip, and you haven’t touched her all day. She probably doesn’t even know what to do with herself. And when she just tried to cuddle you, you literally pushed her away and told her you were too busy.” 

Sam pales at the realization of what he had just done, knowing he must have just hurt her immensely. He goes to stand up, jumping when Castiel suddenly appeared in the bunker. “I have figured out what it is, and I have the items we need to kill it.” He says with a nod, looking mostly to Dean. “If you would like to wait until morning, we can go to Montana then. Are you okay, Sam?” He questions when he sees the look on Sam’s face.

Sam doesn’t answer, brushing past Castiel and going out to the hallway. “Ali?” He calls, worried about what she could possibly be doing right now. He feels terrible. He hadn’t meant to snap at her, and he hadn’t meant to not give her affection all day. That was just how things had worked out with the research, but that didn’t give him the right to snap at her for finally making her needs known, like he’d always told her to do. “Ali, sweetheart?” 

He goes into her room, expecting to see her curled up in bed. To his surprise, she wasn’t in there at all. He checks in his room, and she once again isn’t in there. Sam’s starting to get a little worried. He checks the nursery, feeling his heart shattering when he sees her curled up in her crib, one of her blankets clutched in her hand, her eyes closed. “Ali…” Sam says quietly. He can tell she’s not asleep, but she’s acting like she is. He sighs quietly. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m right here… I’ll leave you alone if you want. Just… let me know if you want or need anything, okay?” 

Sam turns the baby monitor on and leaves it on the dresser by the crib, still feeling immensely guilty as he goes downstairs. He was hoping she would be in her crib for a couple hours, maybe fall asleep and take a quick nap, and then she would be willing to see him again. Sam’s stomach was churning from nausea, sitting down at the kitchen table and putting his head in his hands. 

Alison didn’t make a single sound the entire night. Sam was by the other part of the baby monitor the entire night, on high alert for any sort of movement or whimper from her that would tell him anything. But for the rest of the night, and throughout the night, the baby monitor was completely silent, save for the little bit of static emitted from it at all times. 

Sam hardly slept all that night, hoping at some point she would make a sound. By six in the morning, he was tired of waiting, and decided he was going to go in the nursery. If Sam had thought his heart had shattered before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. She had tried to tuck herself in, but had only succeeded in pulling the covers out from under the small mattress. She was only half covered up, fingers stuck in her mouth because she didn’t know where her pacifier was. 

The worst part, though, was that she had wet herself some time throughout the night. It had to have been a while ago, because there was a very dark spot on her pants, and it had spread quite a bit, even to the back of her pants. “Ali…” Sam whispers, tears welling up in his eyes. “Ali, sweetheart, why didn’t you call out for me when you had to go potty? Or when you had an accident?” 

“Bother Sammy.” Alison whispered, wanting to squirm uncomfortably, but forcing herself to lay there, still. “’M a bad girl. Sammy tired of me…” She has tears in her eyes, but she doesn’t emit so much as a sniffle. It broke Sam’s heart. For months now, she hadn’t been shy about making her needs known. Now, in a period of two seconds, he had managed to destroy that trust. 

“You never bother me, baby girl.” Sam says reassuringly, moving closer to the crib and lowering the side so he can scoop her out. “Sammy was pretty mean to you yesterday, huh?” He asks quietly, feeling terrible even saying that. “I’m so sorry, Alison. I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad because I couldn’t find what I needed. It had nothing to do with you. I just took my frustration out on you. It was wrong. You were such a good girl, coming to me for me to cuddle you.” 

Alison was silent most of the time, starting to squirm a little uncomfortably while Sam talked. She met his eyes, her blue ones still filled with tears, matching Sam’s watering hazel gaze. “Don’t deserve cuddles.” She whispers. 

Sam closes his eyes, silently cursing himself for what he had done. It had literally been two seconds. A couple sentences. And he had managed to completely destroy most of the progress he had made in the past few months. “I promise, I’m going to make it up to you. You deserve everything good, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I didn’t give you it yesterday.”

He opens his arms, gently scooping her up, making sure he’s using extremely gentle touches. He knows she’s probably worried about him being mad at her, even though there’s no reason for him to be mad at her. Sam grabs her pacifier and gently brushes it against her lips. She looks up at him sadly, wondering if she should actually take it. “Open, sweetheart. I’m going to take care of you, I promise.”

Once Alison had opened her mouth to receive the pacifier, Sam praised her immensely, quickly grabbing a onesie from her closet, then laying her down on the changing table. He grabs everything he needs, including the stuff he would need for a diaper rash. Sam gets her out of her big clothes, wincing when he sees that urine had even spread down her legs. He quickly gets her out of her panties and starts to wipe her down, cooing words of praise to her the entire time. 

There was an angry red rash on her bottom from having to sit in her own urine for so long, and Sam knew that probably transported her back to when she was with the demons, which was probably what had made her regress. “I’m so sorry, baby.” Sam says quietly, exhaling heavily. He can feel his eyes welling up again, but he manages to force the tears back, getting her all cleaned up and finally getting the diaper placed onto her. “There, doesn’t that feel so much better? You’re all nice and clean. Then we’re going to get your onesie on, get you all nice and warm, then we can get some breakfast and have some snuggles, okay?” 

“Don’t deserve snuggles, Sammy.” Alison says quietly, which makes Sam sigh again. He knew he was going to have to try to convince her all over again that she deserved affection and deserved to have her needs met. She was still debating on even having the pacifier, because it was a form of comfort for her, which she knew she didn’t deserve either. 

“You deserve all of the snuggles in the world, princess.” Sam tries to reassure her, scooping her up off the changing table. Instead of settling her on his hip, he keeps her right against his chest, deciding he was going to get the wrap again. That way she could be pressed right up against him all day, and he wouldn’t have to set her down, so he could do things that required two hands. 

It took him a few minutes to get in the wrap, and it was a little crooked, but it was secure enough and Sam was satisfied. Next time would probably be better, as he got more used to putting it on. “See? All snuggled in. Now we can get you a warm bottle and do whatever you want to do after that.” 

Alison sighs quietly, allowing her forehead to rest against Sam’s chest, effectively hiding her face. “Sammy?” She asks quietly, but she stays quiet for a few moments even after Sam asks her what she wanted to say. She was struggling to form the words, since she was little, but she was working on it. “’M I fat?” She finally asks, remembering the encounter she’d had with that girl when they were at the diner. It had been a while ago, but she had never gotten it out of her mind. Even to this day, she still wasn’t eating much. She wasn’t gaining as much weight as she had been before, but she was still slowly gaining weight. 

“No, baby.” His response came immediately after she spoke, not hesitating a single bit. His voice was firm, but soft, hoping she understood how serious he was. “You are the farthest thing from fat. Is this about what happened all that time ago in the diner?” He sighs, fingers stroking through her hair when she nodded her response. “Sweetheart, that girl was mean. When you came to the bunker, you were very malnourished from the demons starving you. You’re still malnourished, I’m just slowly getting you to gain weight, so you can be at a healthy weight. You’re not fat at all. You’re still underweight. I promise.” 

She breathes a sigh of relief, then Sam has another thought that he adds on. “And even if you were fat, that wouldn’t change anything about how we feel about you. You know that? Even if you were overweight, we would still love you just as much as we do right now. Every time you gain a pound, I always get so happy, because I know you’re one pound closer to being healthier. I love you so much, no matter what size you are.” 

When Alison looks up at Sam, he brushes their noses together before pressing a gentle kiss to her nose. She scrunches it up, giving him a small smile. Even though she still felt like she didn’t deserve the kindness Sam was giving to her, she couldn’t help the warm feeling in her chest knowing that he was being so kind to her. He must know she doesn’t deserve it, and yet, he’s still giving it to her. “Love you, Sammy.” She whispers. 

Sam smiles gently, pressing a kiss to the pacifier that was still sticking out of her mouth. He thought it was absolutely adorable when she tried to talk around it, making her words all muffled. “I love you, too, sweet pea. Now, how about that bottle?” 

He places one hand on her back as he carries her down the stairs, seeing that Dean and Castiel had already left for Montana to fight whatever that was. He knew he needed to stay by his phone in case they needed him to do some more research for them. But he had figured a lazy day in with the two of them was exactly what they needed. Maybe read her some books, watch some cartoons, and most of all, snuggle. 

He gets a bottle ready for her, going to sit down on the couch. “Wrap your legs around my waist, sweetheart, or else your legs are going to get hurt.” Sam waits for her to do that, and once she does, he sits down. He leans back against the couch a little bit, one hand on the back of her head to cradle and support it. “Comfy?” 

Alison nods her head quickly. She doesn’t bother taking out her pacifier before she just opens her mouth, causing the pacifier to fall out. Sam chuckles quietly. “I’ll get that in a minute.” He continues supporting her head as he places the bottle in her mouth, and she starts to happily eat. There was still a part of her telling her she shouldn’t be eating, but Sam had promised that she wasn’t fat, and she was really hungry. This bottle seemed thicker than the other ones, remembering Sam had said something about getting something to put more calories in her bottle to keep her satisfied longer. 

Sam hummed quietly while she ate, smiling at the content look on her face. Even though he’d completely broken her trust, she somehow still managed to at least be happy in the moment. When she’s done, Sam pulls the bottle from her mouth and puts it down, quickly patting her back. She burps a few minutes later, Sam cooing to her about what a good girl she is, before placing her pacifier back in her mouth. 

“What do you say we take a walk outside the bunker?” Sam asks softly. Most of the time they didn’t like to go through the woods in the bunker, because they didn’t know what was out there, but it was warm out and the sun was shining. It was secluded enough where no one would see them, and Alison would be getting some fresh air, even while she was little.

Alison just hums out softly, her eyes drooping shut. Sam laughs lightly, his fingers trailing through her hair again. He stands up with her carefully, one arm under her bum to make sure she’s still firmly in place. Alison hardly stirs as he walks outside, until she whines at the suddenness of the sun in her face. Sam quickly turns a little bit, so his body is blocking the sun from her eyesight, and Ali slowly opens her eyes to look around. 

He had expected the woods to be completely overrun, with no paths in sight. He was surprised to see there was a little footpath. It was overgrown, of course, but it was still an evident path, going through the woods. Sam figured they’d just walk through the woods a little bit, so Alison could nap in the fresh air, then he’d bring them back to the bunker. He knew he’d have to come out here again soon, when she wasn’t half asleep, so she could see some of the wonders of the world, like the butterflies and birds. 

Sam inhales the fresh air deeply as he steps into the wooded area, looking down at Alison. “I love you, so much, Alison.” Sam says quietly, kissing her forehead. She hums out softly, so Sam quiets down, starting to walk through the woods. 

While he was walking, he was wondering why it had taken him so long to come out here during the day. Probably because before Alison, they never took days off. They would take the days to research and the nights to do the fighting. He knew they’d never come out here at night, because too many things could be lurking around the bunker, only not coming in because of the warding. Sam was still wary of things that were lurking, but he felt more comfortable being out there during the day, where he could see more. 

Sam walked for quite a while, lost in his thoughts. He was being careful to make sure he didn’t take too many turns or too many weird forks in the path, so he could be sure they would get back safely. He’s suddenly broken from his thoughts when Alison whimpers. Sam looks down quickly, seeing her face scrunched up as if in intense concentration. He quirks an eyebrow, rubbing her back gently when she whimpers again. “Shh… relax, baby. It’s okay.” 

He has no idea what’s going on. Her face is red, her face is screwed up like she’s in pain, and her entire body is tensed. It’s only a few minutes later, when she finally gives a relieved sigh and her body relaxes that he realizes what’s just happened. A small smile forms on his face as he kisses her forehead again. “Did someone just poop?” Sam asks, smiling softly at her.

Alison immediately starts to whimper unhappily after he asks, her eyes filled with remorse. “Sorry, Sammy, ‘m sorry…” She felt like she shouldn’t have gone, that she should have been able to hold it. Sam wouldn’t want to change her dirty diaper now. After all, up until now she’d somehow managed to only pee in her diapers when she was regressed. 

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, sweetheart.” Sam says reassuringly, smoothing his hand over the fabric of her onesie, underneath the wrap. “It’s okay, I promise. We’ll just get you back to the bunker and cleaned up, then we can watch some cartoons, yeah?” 

She whimpers again quietly, hiding her face in Sam’s chest. Sam kisses the top of her head, turning around and heading back to the bunker. He’d been using a leisurely pace before, but now was going faster, so he could get her cleaned up before she got too uncomfortable. She’d already gotten a diaper rash, and she didn’t need it getting any worse because of Sam’s negligence again. 

It was just a few minutes later that Sam was unlocking the door to the bunker, quickly bringing her upstairs to the nursery and laying her down. As he unzips her onesie he blows a raspberry on her tummy, knowing she wasn’t feeling comfortable with the fact that she’d pooped. Alison giggles quietly, but her face is red as Sam sets about getting her cleaned up and changing her. 

Sam makes fast and efficient work of it, humming out quietly as he does so. He then gets her back into the onesie, deciding to get rid of the wrap for now, that way they could cuddle more comfortably on the couch. Sam settles her on his hip, carrying her downstairs. “Want a fruit snack?” He asks softly, figuring he could show her how to suck on it until it got soft enough if she didn’t want to chew it. When she nods her head, Sam goes into the kitchen and grabs her one. 

Once they get settled down on the couch and Sam explains to her how to eat them, he grabs one out of the package and grabs the pacifier before placing it in her mouth. Alison starts to suck on it while Sam turns on the TV, turning it to whatever random cartoon happens to be playing. They both settle in, Alison focusing on the cartoon and Sam focusing on the book he had grabbed. They were both comfortable, both enjoying the intimacy spent together.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for not posting more! Work, homework, and trying to have a social life are actually killing me. I’m so hoping I can get some more writing done soon. Please don’t hate me ):
> 
> ANYWAY. CONFESSIONS HAPPEN IN THIS CHAPTER. It’s great.
> 
> Comments & kudos feed the muse!

Sam still had no idea how they ended up at a therapist’s office. Dr. Terpstra, her name was. Both Sam and Dean were sitting on a couch that looked a lot more comfortable than it actually was, nervously awaiting their appointment with her. Castiel was back home with Alison, making sure she was okay. She wasn’t regressed, which made Sam feel better about leaving her at the bunker, but they didn’t want to leave her alone in case she did regress. They didn’t want her accidentally hurting herself. 

Once Dr. Terpstra had come in, (“Kathy, please call me Kathy!”), Sam had started explaining the entire situation. Dean had jumped in every so often to elaborate more on things, or to give his perspective on things that had happened. But between the two of them, they told basically Alison’s entire life story – of course just leaving out the supernatural part of it. They’d said some random men had kidnapped her. It wasn’t a total lie, after all. Kathy listened quietly the entire time, jotting down some questions and other things in her notepad, but she didn’t interrupt, wanting to hear what they thought was important to share. 

“Okay… so, obviously she’s had a very hard life.” Kathy says with a nod, humming in contemplation. “And you said she regresses when she gets stressed, sometimes to a toddler and sometimes to an infant, correct?” Once the two brothers nodded, she then responds again, “So what exactly are you looking for from me? Are you looking for me to help her get past this trauma, or…? Because if you’re looking for that, she would need to be seeing me quite regularly.” 

Sam shakes his head immediately. “No. I tried talking to her about therapy before, and it didn’t go over well. Dean and I were just hoping we could come to you every week or every couple of weeks to talk to you about what’s going on, and how you think we could help her.” Sam sighs quietly. “I want to help her as much as I possibly can, but I’m not a licensed therapist. I don’t know how to get her to talk about things, and I don’t know how to work her through trauma like a therapist would. So… we were just hoping we could get some advice from you every couple of weeks, or whenever something big comes up.” 

Kathy taps her pen on her desk for a moment, before getting up and going to sit in front of Sam and Dean. “Boys, I understand you two care about her. I know you just want what’s best for her, which is why you think keeping her away from therapy would help her. But the reality is, from everything I’m hearing, I think she could benefit from intense inpatient therapy for at least a month, if not longer.”

When the boys open their mouth to protest, Kathy holds up a hand to silence them. “Now, just hear me out. I’m sure the two of you have made leaps and bounds in progress with her, because you took her in when she was at her most vulnerable. She trusts you two, and probably no one else, unless you’ve had someone else helping her as well. But you two are not certified in therapy. You’re not certified in post-traumatic stress disorder, sexual abuse, emotional and physical abuse, and eating disorders. You’re also not qualified in regressions or anything of that sort. If she were to go to inpatient therapy, she would be on a structured schedule with support from people who are qualified in all of those. She’d be on a strict regimen of food and drink, with group therapy and individual therapy sessions. I believe inpatient therapy would be a great resource for her.” 

Dean was intently listening to her, understanding what she was saying; however, Sam had turned his ears off. He wasn’t listening to a single word this woman was saying. He had already made up his mind that no matter what, he wasn’t going to put her in inpatient therapy. After the first time mentioning therapy, with Alison thinking he was going to put her in a psych ward and never come back, he knew Alison would never be able to forgive him if he made her go inpatient. 

By the time she finally stopped talking, Sam had already started to shake his head. “No. No. Absolutely not. She is not going to inpatient therapy. The first time I mentioned therapy to her, and I just mentioned outpatient therapy, she thought I was going to throw her in a psych ward and leave her there forever. She thought I hated her, and that I wanted to get rid of her, all because I mentioned therapy. There is no way I’m going to prove her right about the psych ward, even if I am planning on coming to get her after a month or however many months you’re talking about. Absolutely not.” 

Kathy looks down. He was getting angry, and she knew she had to find a way to at least make him see what she was saying. Even if he didn’t agree with it, he had to agree it was an option. “Okay, Sam, you’re the primary caretaker, correct?” When he nods his head, she continues. “Then I have a few questions for you. Doesn’t it get tiring constantly having someone you have to be on the lookout for? And you don’t just have to be on the lookout from normal things, but she becomes a baby. Doesn’t it get tiring having someone so dependent on you all the time?” 

Sam exhales heavily, nostrils flaring. He knew exactly what this woman was going to do. She was going to question him and make him rethink everything he’s been doing. But he wasn’t going to let her do that to him. He’d already made a commitment to Alison, and he wasn’t going to let down that commitment now. “Sometimes, it can get tiring. But it’s always worth it in the end, especially when she trusts me with something she hadn’t previously trusted me with.” 

“I see.” Kathy nods. “Tell me, Sam, are you single?” 

Sam raises an eyebrow at the question. “Yes, I am, but I don’t understand what that has to do with this conversation. Dean is single too. As is her other caretaker that we’ve brought in every so often.” 

“Have you thought about getting a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend, if you’re into that?” Kathy asks. She’s completely calm, which is just irritating Sam even more.

“Of course, I’ve thought about it. Who hasn’t thought about getting a girlfriend or boyfriend?” He asks, gritting his teeth in annoyance.

“What do you think Alison would have to say if you did decide to get a girlfriend?” Sam is silent. He didn’t know. They’d never talked about it. There had never been a reason to talk about it. “Because I’m going to assume she wouldn’t be very happy about it. You want to know why? Because your attention would be split between her and someone else. She wouldn’t have all of your attention anymore, and I don’t think she would be very happy about that.” 

Sam sighs quietly. Well, yeah… he could see that. “She likes being the center of attention.” Sam says with a nod. “Which is understandable, because we give her good attention, and for so long she’d only had bad attention. So, yeah, maybe she wouldn’t like it if I got a girlfriend. But I haven’t talked to her about it, so I don’t know.” 

“Don’t you ever want some time for yourself? Don’t you ever want to be selfish every once in a while, and just take a day for yourself? Don’t you ever want someone to take care of you, instead of you always having to take care of her?” 

He’s once again silent for a few moments. “Well, yeah, everyone has those moments where they want to be selfish… but I have people who take care of me when I need it.” When Kathy looks at him reproachfully, Sam throws a hand out toward Dean, who’s still sitting next to him silently. “He takes care of me. The other caretaker takes care of me. A while ago I got sick, and Alison was the one who ended up taking care of me. So, I have people who take care of me when I need it.” 

Kathy nods slowly. “Sam, I think you can see where I’m going with this. I thoroughly believe Alison would benefit from inpatient therapy. Even if she didn’t benefit at first, because she doesn’t trust anyone there, she would end up better than if she didn’t go into inpatient therapy. I also think you would benefit from it. I think you would benefit from some time away from her. That way you could find yourself again. You could have a social life, maybe get a girlfriend. You could have a life surrounding something other than her. And when she got out of inpatient therapy, she would be better than she was when she went in, and you two could have a healthier relationship.” 

“No.” Sam says quietly again. He was right. She was good at what she did, because she was certainly trying to break him down. He was sure other people would have broken down and put her into inpatient therapy – he could see even Dean was wavering just a little bit. But in the long run it was up to Sam, not Dean, because Sam was the one who decided to take her in. “What if I told you I’m perfectly content with my life and how it is right now?” 

Kathy’s eyebrows raised dramatically when Sam mentions him being content. “Sam, you know this is a safe space here. No one is going to judge you for saying you would like your needs to be met.” 

Sam laughs quietly. “You’d really like to think I’m lying, wouldn’t you? But, unfortunately for you, I’m not lying. Yeah, sometimes it’s draining, but there’s nowhere I would rather be. I don’t want nor need a girlfriend right now. I didn’t really even have a social life before Alison, so there’s not much of a change there. I’m content, Dr. Terpstra, even if you don’t want to believe it. So, no, she is not going into inpatient therapy, and until you stop pushing that as the best option, we will no longer need your services. Let’s go, Dean.” 

He stands up without a second thought. Dean stays sitting for a moment, a shocked look crossing his face. Normally Sam didn’t stand up for himself like that, so it was endearing to hear him sticking up for someone else. Dean quickly stands up and follows Sam out of the office, not looking at the shocked therapist now watching them leave from behind her desk.

“Dude.” Dean says in a gruff, hushed tone, grabbing onto Sam’s arm and pulling him aside. There was a little secluded area by the elevators of the office where no one was, and that was where Dean dragged Sam into. “You’re in love with her.” 

Sam’s eyes widened, and he quickly shakes his arm out of his brother’s grip. “What? No, I’m not. You’re crazy, man.” He says quickly, probably too quickly for it to actually be believable.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” Dean laughs, his hands coming up to his hair, running through it while he starts to pace around the little secluded area. “You’re in love with her! That’s why you’re so protective over her, why you never want to leave the bunker, and why you don’t want a girlfriend! You do want a girlfriend, you just don’t want it to be someone other than her.” 

Sam groans, sitting down on a ledge from a window. Or, perching on it, because it wasn’t large enough for him to actually sit down on it, putting his head in his hands. “Okay, yeah. I’m in love with her. I’ve loved her for a long time now. I just… I don’t know. I always said there was something different about her, and somehow along the way, I fell for her.” 

“Man… man, this is… god, I don’t even know.” Dean rubs his hands over his face, going and sitting next to Sam on the ledge. “Man, I don’t even know what to say. I think it’s cute that you fell for her, definitely. But…” 

Sam raises an eyebrow at Dean, wishing he would just let the subject drop. But Sam knew his brother, and he knew that wasn’t going to happen. No matter how much he may want it to. “But what?” Sam bites, knowing that this conversation was going to happen sooner or later.

“But, man, I don’t know if you really want to get into this.” Dean says quietly, which has Sam rolling his eyes. “No, no, hear me out. I know you’ve been taking care of her and I know how much you care about her. But dude… she doesn’t know how to be in a relationship. She doesn’t know how to love someone.” 

A groan falls from Sam’s lips. “You don’t think I haven’t thought of this already, Dean? She was with them since she was six years old, for god’s sake. I’ve just been trying to get her to understand what love even is, I know she doesn’t know how to be in a relationship.” 

“What if she’s never ready for a relationship?” Dean questions, raising his eyebrows at his brother. He can see Sam is getting irritated, and he doesn’t blame him, but Dean has to remind him how hard this could be. He doesn’t want to see his brother get hurt. “I mean, maybe one day she will be, and that’s great. But what if she never is? Or what if she does eventually get ready for a relationship, but she doesn’t want one with you?” 

Sam sighs. He knows Dean is just doing what he thinks is best and is trying to give him a reality check. But Sam has thought of all of these possibilities, over and over again. “If she’s never ready for a relationship, then she’s never ready for a relationship. It would suck, but I’m not going to push her into something she’s not ready to do.” He shrugs, then sighs again at the next part. “Same thing for if she doesn’t want a relationship with me. It would suck, majorly, but it’s her life, her choice.” 

“Okay, but what if she decides she’s ready for a relationship, and she wants the relationship to be with you, but she’s never ready to have sex?” Dean was fully aware sex wasn’t the most important part of any relationship to Sam. But he didn’t think even his brother could abstain from sex for the rest of his life. “Are you really willing to give all of that up?”

“I’m hoping that if we were to get in a relationship, I’d be able to slowly show her that sex is okay. I’m hoping she would trust me enough. But if she doesn’t trust me enough, or if she’s never ready, then she’s never ready. Dean, I love her. This isn’t just some silly crush or something. I’ve only seen her at her worst, and I’m in love with her. We haven’t done anything remotely sexual thus far, and yeah, if she’s never ready, I’m willing to give it up.” Sam’s answer is firm, which surprises Dean even more.

There’s silence between the two brothers. Dean is still obviously worried about Sam, and Sam knows it’s just because he’s looking out for him. But he can’t help how he feels, and he knows if Alison never felt that way, then that was just how it was going to be. But they would cross that bridge when they got there.

“Sammy, I’m going to say something, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way. I know you’re going to take it the wrong way, but I don’t want you to think I’m making a judgment to your character – I’m just looking out for Alison.” He turns to look at his brother, who has a completely unamused expression on his face. “If you were to ever take advantage of her…”

Sam doesn’t even let him finish his sentence before he’s shaking his head. “Never. I could never take advantage of her, Dean. You should know that.” His voice is low, which has Dean nodding his head. Like he said, he hadn’t meant it as a judgment toward Sam; he just wanted to protect the girl he cared so much for. “If I was going to, there were plenty of opportunities this entire time I’ve been taking care of her without much help from you. But I care about her, and I care about her wellbeing. There’s never going to be a time that I’m going to do something without her consent.” 

Dean nods, clapping his brother on the back. “Alright, man. If you’re sure this is what you want, and this is what you feel, you know I’ll support ya. I just want to look out for both of you, because I don’t want to see either of you getting hurt.” Dean felt like they needed each other too much for something that terrible to happen between them, and he didn’t want to see all that drama go down. 

“Anyway, I should be talking to you about that.” Sam raises his eyebrows pointedly; rolling his eyes when he sees the confused look on his older brother’s face. “You and Cas? Practically everyone can see the tension between you two.” He can see Dean tensing up, which makes Sam sigh. “I know you’re worried about not being straight. But man, I see the way you look at him… and I see the way he looks at you. Just… think of him as a celestial being. It doesn’t really count even if his vessel is a man, right?” He shrugs his shoulders.

Placing his face in his hands, Dean groans. Apparently, Alison was right when she’d said everyone could see the mounting tension between the two of them. His cheeks were heated up, embarrassed that his little brother was trying to basically have the sex talk with him.

“We’re not going to just drop this, Dean.” Sam says with a shrug. “I knew you weren’t going to let it go with me talking about Alison, so I’m not going to let this go with you talking about Cas. What are you so afraid of? That he’s a guy?” 

“That’s just one sliver of the battle, Sammy.” Dean says quietly, glancing over at him and groaning when he sees the expectant look on Sam’s face. “I just… I just got in touch with my feelings for Alison, okay? I don’t do this. I don’t do feelings, or emotions. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend, especially to another guy… there’s also the fact that, oh you know, he’s an angel, and I’m just a human? How the hell is that going to work if I’m aging and his vessel is staying the same age?” 

“You don’t know how to be a boyfriend? Dean, you’ve got to be kidding me. You were practically a husband to Lisa for all that time.” Now it’s his turn to pat his brother on the back, squeezing his shoulder when he tenses up at the mention of Lisa. “I think that’s a bridge you should cross when you get there. You know Cas. You know him better than all of us. I think it’s time you talked with him about what’s going on between you two.” 

“You’re not going to talk to Alison about your feelings with her!” Dean protests, and he already knows the annoyed look he’s going to get from Sam. 

“That situation is completely different, Dean, and you know it. Castiel isn’t some girl who was abused sexually, physically, and emotionally for sixteen years. Cas isn’t someone you have to take care of during regressions due to trauma. Yeah, Cas has his own problems, I’ll give him that. But he deals with all your problems, so you just have to deal with his. Also, Cas actually has feelings for you, which Alison doesn’t have for me yet.” 

Dean knows his brother is right. Comparing the two situations is like comparing apples and oranges. That doesn’t mean he’s any happier about talking to Castiel about his feelings, though. Or even admitting his feelings to himself. “I’ll think about it.” Dean says gruffly, and Sam knows that’s the best he’s going to get for now.

Squeezing him once more on the shoulder, Sam stands up from the window ledge they’re both perched on. “Come on. I think it’s time we get home to our respective relationships.” He teases quietly, smiling when Dean actually smiles. 

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super angsty and SUPER TRIGGERING. Please be careful. I don’t want to give it away, but it’s a very sensitive subject, so please, please be careful. 
> 
> Comments and kudos feed the muse. I love you guys. <3

Alison had been asleep when Sam and Dean got back. She wasn’t regressed, but she still usually took at least one nap a day. She was just so tired all the time, which everyone assured her was normal. She was finally getting used to being there, and getting comfortable, so it was normal for her body to finally want to catch up on some of the rest it had missed during those sixteen years of torture. 

Castiel had agreed to sit with her until she fell asleep. Once she had fallen asleep, though, he had used his grace to ensure a dreamless sleep for her. He’d sat with her until he heard the arrival of the brothers’ home, and then had gone downstairs to meet with them. None of them had told Alison they were going to meet with a therapist, because they didn’t want her getting worried. 

It was just a few minutes after the boys had gotten settled in that Alison woke up. She pulled on one of Sam’s sweatshirts, that made her look tiny, and had started to trudge downstairs. She heard voices in the living room and was excited that the two of them were back. Alison quickly started to head toward the living room, just about to round the corner when the hushed voices stopped her in her tracks. Hushed voices usually meant they were talking about her.

“So, what did the therapist have to say?” She heard the low, rumbling voice of Castiel, and her breath caught in her throat. They had gone to see a therapist? About her? Did they really think she was crazy, and they just weren’t saying so?

“Basically, she kept recommending inpatient therapy. Saying that intense therapy would be the best option for Ali. But I kept telling her no, because we all know that definitely wouldn’t be the best option for her.” That was Sam’s voice, and Dean was murmuring his agreement. 

“But when I kept telling her that wouldn’t be the best option for Alison, she turned it around and tried to convince me by saying it would be the best option for me.” Alison’s breath catches again, and she’s leaning closer to the doorway to hear just what’s happening. 

Castiel was the one to speak next, his confusion evident in his voice. “But why would it be the best option for you?” He questions. 

Sam sighs, hardly audible to the eavesdropping girl. “She kept asking me if it got tiring taking care of someone so dependent on me. Always having to take care of her, never being able to be selfish, or having someone take care of me. She asked about my relationships and how I thought Alison would take it if I told her I wanted a girlfriend, then said she probably wouldn’t take it well. And I mean, yeah, sometimes it can get tiring, but...”

Alison’s heart shattered. She immediately backed away from the doorway of the living room, going back up to her room. Or, the plan was to go to her room, but instead her feet carried her to her nursery. She was a burden to Sam. A licensed professional thought it would be better for Sam if she was gone. Sam even agreed it was tiring taking care of her.

Tears are welling up in her blue eyes as they scan the nursery they had built just for her. She practically throws herself down into the crib, burying herself beneath all of the blankets, hiding her face. Alison didn’t think the baby monitor would be on, so she figured they wouldn’t be able to hear her crying anyway, but she didn’t want to take any chances.

Everything would be better if she wasn’t there. That was the only thing Alison had gotten out of that. Alison didn’t care about herself, because she’d been taught that she didn’t matter for sixteen years. Sam had been trying to unteach her that, but she still didn’t truly care about herself. The only thing she cared about was Sam, and his well-being. And his well-being would be better if Alison wasn’t around. She knew what she had to do, even if she desperately didn’t want to do it. 

“...but the truth is, I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.” Sam had said, giving a small smile toward Castiel. “She’s the light in my life, really. So even if it’s tiring, it’s so worth it. I could never give her up. I could never go back to the life I was living before she came crashing into it.”

“Yeah, this idiot fell in love with her.” Dean says with a chuckle, causing Sam to send him a glare. “What? It’s true.”

“You really want to play that game right now, Dean?” Sam questions, raising his eyebrows before looking back at the angel sitting in front of them. Dean immediately and hastily apologized, casting his eyesight downward. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation with Castiel yet. 

“So how was Alison today?” Sam asks him, looking up toward the stairs. “Is she taking a nap right now?” He asks, thinking maybe he should go wake her up, or maybe just go snuggle her for a while. He’d missed her while they were at the therapist’s office. 

“She was good. She fixed herself breakfast and we watched some television. She spoke to me a little bit, but we didn’t talk much. Around lunch time I could see her getting tired, so I suggested a nap. She agreed and went up to her room. I sat with her until she fell asleep, then used my grace to ensure she had a dreamless sleep.” Castiel nodded, smiling back at Sam. He was actually quite fond of Alison, even though he’d never said so out loud. 

Sam nods, deciding to go upstairs and see what was going on. He went to Alison’s room, eyebrows furrowing when he doesn’t see her in there. He checks the bathroom, thinking maybe she was going to the bathroom, but the bathroom door was open. Sam starts to check the other rooms, eventually coming to the nursery to see a large bundle all curled up in her crib - a bundle that was shaking. 

He quickly approaches the crib, eyes showing his concern as he places the side down. “Alison, baby?” He says gently, kneeling next to the crib. “Baby, did you regress?”

“No.” The answer was plain as day, but it was also clear that she was crying. Her voice was shaking, and she was sniffling, and that caused Sam even more concern. 

“Sweetheart, why are you crying? Did you have a nightmare?” Sam goes to place his hand on her back, but quickly withdraws it when he feels how much she tenses up because of his touch. “Honey...”

“Leave me alone.” Alison whispers, but even just saying it is making her tears fall faster. She didn’t want Sam to leave. She wanted to jump into his arms and curl up with him, be his baby, have him take care of her. 

Sam’s eyes are sad, but he nods his head. “Okay, honey... but I’ll be just downstairs if you need or want anything, okay? Just call for me, and I’ll be right here.”

Another broken sob escapes Alison’s lips and it’s all he can do to not pull her in to his chest right then and there. Sam slowly stands up, feeling his own chest tightening when he walks from the room. He doesn’t go far, though, placing his back against the wall next to the door and sliding down, putting his head in his hands. What the hell just happened? Was she taking steps back in her recovery? Had he done something to make her not trust him?

Alison can’t stop thinking of all of the things she had taken for granted. So many things that she had just assumed would keep continuing... when in fact, they had been her last. If Alison had known that, she would have made them last longer. Her last regression. Her last bottle. Her last hot meal. Her last hug with Sam. Her last forehead kiss by Sam. Her last cuddle with Sam. Her last everything with Sam. She had gotten so comfortable there, so sure this was how it was going to be forever, and now it was all being cruelly ripped away from her. 

Sam didn’t know what the hell had happened. It was like Alison just completely shut down and pulled herself away from him. When she finally came out of her nursery, she would hardly acknowledge him. Whenever Sam tried to touch her, she would pull away. 

Days went by. Alison didn’t speak a single word. She never regressed. She never showed any affection, or really any emotions at all. When they ate, she was starting to gorge herself again, and Sam was having to limit her portions. It was like the girl Sam had spent months pulling out of her head, had just sunk back into it. This was the Alison he had first brought home, not the Alison he knew today. It broke Sam’s heart. 

Alison didn’t even sleep in his bed anymore. The nursery lay untouched, along with all of her supplies for being little. She mostly kept to herself now, not even allowing Dean or Castiel to touch her. Once Sam had expressed his concern, the two had tried to see if they could do anything, to see if maybe Alison was just upset with Sam, but they couldn’t get anywhere with her either. It was a worrying sight for all three of them. They didn’t know what to do. 

The morning Sam’s world came crashing down was the morning he came downstairs to the kitchen, and found a note waiting for him, instead of the girl he was so in love with.

_Sam,_

_I’m so sorry I was such a burden to you. I’m so sorry I was so draining. You never deserved the burden of taking me in. You deserve a happy life, with a girlfriend, and a social life, and not having someone constantly clinging to you._

_I’m so sorry I was so against the idea of inpatient therapy. I didn’t realize it would be better for you if I wasn’t around. I didn’t realize this was so draining for you. Or, I guess I did, but I didn’t want to admit it._

_These past months I’ve been here have been the best of my life. You’ve been the one good thing, along with Dean and Castiel. Speaking of Dean, please tell him this isn’t his fault. Don’t let him blame himself - he’s good at that. But don’t blame yourself, either. You were the only thing keeping me here, and alive._

_I’m so sorry I took everything for granted. All the things you did for me, I just expected them to always be there. I never thought there was going to be a ‘last’... last bottle, last cuddle, last forehead kiss, last bath, last clothing change. God, I’m so sorry I’m such a terrible person._

_I would climb to the top of the tallest bridge for you. I would do anything for you. I know you always tried to tell me I matter, but I know that’s not true. The only thing that matters is you. The only thing that’s always mattered is you, and your happiness. I’ve been hindering that, but I won’t do so anymore._

_Do me a favor, and don’t watch the news for a couple of days. I’m sure once they find me, there will be some coverage, but I don’t want you to see that._

_I love you, Dean, and Castiel so much. I love you, so much, Sam. I’m sorry I was selfish for so long. Please don’t forget me._

_-A_

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” Sam’s eyes are filling with tears as he reads the note, and they’re streaming down his face by the time they finally get done. “Alison, no!” He knew she would have a huge head start - who knew what time of night she had left? It could have been hours and hours before he came out to the kitchen to find the note. 

“Dean! Cas!” Sam practically screeches, and because of the tone of his voice, Dean is out there in two seconds flat; Castiel materializing out of thin air just a second later. 

He’s clutching the note in his shaking hand, his entire world feeling like it’s caving in around him. “Alison.” Sam chokes out quietly, his eyes desolate and desperate. “She’s gone. She’s going to kill herself. Oh my god. We have to find her!” 

Dean’s eyes widen in panic as he snatches the note out of Sam’s hand. His eyes scan it, not really reading, but processing enough of it to know what Sam had said was true. She was planning on killing herself. But how the hell were they supposed to find her? They had no idea how she was going to do it, or where. The only thing Dean knew was they had to try. “Cas, can you track her?” Dean asks urgently, praying he says yes - but unfortunately, he says no. 

“I cannot. But I will help you find her.” Castiel’s tone is neutral, but it’s obvious he’s just as worried as the two brothers. He’s just a little better at hiding it. 

The two brothers go up to their room and throw on the first shirt and pair of jeans they can find, not even bothering to grab any weapons or anything else. They hardly get their shoes on before they’re out the door, both talking at a mile a minute trying to figure out where to go.

It’s just a couple minutes later when Sam has the realization. “The bridge!” He says, Dean looking over at him in confusion. “In - in the note, she says she would climb to the top of the tallest bridge for me... and that when people found her... oh my god, Dean, she’s going to jump.”

Sam’s entire body is shaking, and Dean grabs tightly onto his shoulder. “We’re going to find her, Sammy.” But even his voice is wavering. They’re both unsure. They’re both praying they’re not already too late - and that they won’t be by the time they get there. “We’re going to find her alive, and we’re going to bring her home, and you and I are never going to let her out of our sight again!” 

Sam nods his head in agreement at Dean’s words, even though he keeps having a sinking feeling they’re too late. But he knows he has to stay positive. They need to get to that damn bridge, and they need to get there now. 

The two jump into the Impala. Cas had already disappeared before they had the conversation, starting to look around wherever he can think of. Dean practically peels out of the bunker’s driveway, all speed limits forgotten as he goes close to 100 miles an hour, if not over, all the way to the one bridge they can think of that Alison knows. 

The drive is silent and tense, and Sam hasn’t stopped crying the entire time. He’s so terrified that he’s going to find Alison, but she’s not going to be alive. “I didn’t even get to tell her I’m in love with her, Dean.” He says tearfully.

Dean snaps his head over to Sam for a brief moment, anger taking over his features. It was his defense mechanism for when things were really scaring him. “Cut the shit, man! Snap the hell out of it! We’re going to find her alive and you’re going to tell her how much you love her and you’re going to tell her a whole damn lot of times!” 

Sam swallows hard, knowing Dean is right, even though his harsh tone is bitter. He needed to snap out of it. He needed to keep the faith that they were going to find her alive. “You’re right. You’re right.” Sam whispers. He has the note clutched in his hand tightly, starting to scan through it again. “She must have heard us talking.” He says quietly.

Dean looks over at him, taking one hand off the wheel to wipe his eyes, then reach over to squeeze Sam’s shoulder. “She heard us talking about what?” He asks. “About the therapist? But she wasn’t even in the room. She was asleep.” 

“Cas said she had gone to sleep in her room. When I found her that morning, she was in the nursery, crying.” Sam is quickly rubbing at his own eyes, and his nose, which is starting to drip. “She must have woken up, come downstairs, heard us talking… listened for a little bit, then left. She must have left and gone to the nursery before she heard me say that I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.” 

“Sam, you can’t blame yourself for this.” Dean says gruffly, but they both know they’re both blaming themselves. If only they had seen it sooner. If only they’d forced Alison to talk about what was wrong, instead of letting her pull back into herself. “You didn’t know.” 

“She’s about to kill herself because of something I said, Dean.” Sam says hollowly. “Even if she didn’t hear the full thing, it’s still something I said. And I knew something was wrong. When she wouldn’t let me touch her, when she didn’t speak a single word… god, when she started gorging herself on food again, I should have realized she was planning on leaving. She kept gorging herself because she knew those were her last meals…” 

“Sam, you have to snap out of it.” Dean says quickly, reaching over and shaking his brother’s shoulder. “This whole thing sucks. Trust me, I know. But we can’t go back and reverse it, as much as we would like to. We just have to find her and bring her home.” 

He nods his head, knowing Dean is right. They just have to get her home, and everything will be okay again. “Okay, Dean.” He says quietly. “We have to find her alive. We will find her alive.” 

It was minutes later when Dean finally approaches the bridge. Sam’s eyes are scanning both sides of it as fast as humanly possible, but it’s a long bridge, and there are a lot of cars passing by. Sam’s afraid he’s going to miss her. 

“There!” Sam shouts loudly, pointing to a spot in the middle of the bridge. Because of the cars, and wind, it was extremely loud up there - Alison wouldn’t have any idea there was anyone even stopping. 

There she was. Sam’s heart was breaking all over again. She was sitting, perched on the edge of the bridge, all hunched into herself. Sam just kept wondering how not a single person stopped. How no one was trying to talk her off the ledge or trying to hold her there so that she couldn’t jump off. 

Sam hardly waits until the Impala stopped moving, unbuckling and jumping out. They were on the opposite side of the bridge, and he’s actually grateful for all the noise on the bridge. Surprise was going to be his best friend, because if she saw him coming, he figured there was a good chance she would jump. After all, she was doing this because she thought it would be better for Sam.

That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sam wouldn’t be able to function without Alison. He’d had too many girlfriends and too many girls he liked die on him. He couldn’t do this again. Alison had already been through so much pain and suffering in her life, she didn’t deserve to go out like this. She didn’t deserve to go out feeling alone, like there was no one that cared about her or loved her. When she finally did pass away, she deserved it to be peacefully, when she’s much older, surrounded by people who love her dearly. Not by jumping off a damn bridge. 

It took a few seconds for there to be a break in cars, and then Sam is practically sprinting across the five lanes. It was dangerous, but the only thing he cared about was the girl sitting in a very dangerous position. Absentmindedly, Sam wonders why there isn’t some sort of railing to prevent people or cars from falling off, but at least that means it’ll be easy for him to grab her and pull her back from the edge. 

Sam is getting closer and closer to her. He’s so close he can see the way she’s shivering. The way she’s hunched up, and more than likely crying. And then, he can see her standing up. His eyes widen. Sam is so close, and yet he’s still so far away. “Alison, no!”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I know you guys have been (maybe not so) patiently waiting for the next chapter, here it is a little early. 
> 
> Angsty once again, since we obviously couldn’t just leave it where it left off last chapter! There’s also some new developments!!
> 
> I hope you guys like it, comments & kudos feed the muse <3

Alison had been sitting there for hours now. It had taken quite a while for her to even get to the bridge, since she was walking. She wasn’t used to walking long distances, as most of the time Sam or Dean did most things for her, including carrying her around. She’d had to stop every so often to rest or catch her breath, but eventually she had managed to get there. Alison had paced up and down it for a few minutes, trying to figure out where the best place would be. Eventually, she chose a spot right in the middle. 

Once she was sitting was when her stomach started to turn nervously. The entire time, she’d been so determined to get to the bridge that she hadn’t had time to be nervous. When Alison had first thought about doing it, she didn’t think she was going to be nervous at all. After all, why should she be? Without Sam, Dean, and Cas, she had nothing. She had nowhere to go, and no one who cared about her. There was no point in continuing trying to live.

But now that she was sat at the top of the bridge, looking down at the treacherous water below her, Alison was scared. She’d read many things about suicide by jumping off bridges. She knew that people on their way down regretted it. She knew that every so often, those people survived; but the chances of survival were slim. She knew she’d likely die from the impact to the water, because it was like slamming into concrete when you fell from so high up. She knew if she didn’t die right away, she’d have broken bones and other damage, and then would likely die from drowning. All of it was scary. 

Alison was hunched over, looking down at the water below her. It wasn’t that deep of water, meaning there was a possibility that when she jumped she’d land in rocks. That would hurt even worse, if she didn’t die instantaneously. There were tears falling down her face, dripping onto the end of her nose, then dripping into the abyss that stared up at her. This was it. This was how she was going to die. She wasn’t going to die by demons, like she had thought that fateful night all those months ago, but instead was going to die by her own hand. It was a surreal thought. 

She knew she should just get it over with. That the longer she sat there, the more likely she was to psych herself out of it. Alison knew she couldn’t psych herself out of it, because if she did, where would she go? It wasn’t like she could go back to the bunker. Not after she promised them they wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore. Alison really didn’t want to be homeless; didn’t want to live under a bridge just like the one she was currently sitting atop. 

There were so many flashbacks flooding her mind right then, and she wished they would just stop. Flashbacks of happy times with Sam and Dean. When she was all curled up in a onesie with her pacifier, snuggled up to either one of them. The feeling of their large hand on her back, strong and warm. Them rubbing her back gently, pressing their lips to the top of her head or forehead, cooing something nice to her. Them feeding her a bottle, and her falling asleep all warm and snugly wrapped up in their arms. 

The flashbacks were just making her cry even more. Alison longed to go back to the bunker. She longed to see Sam again. She longed to regress, and not have to worry about any of this anymore. Alison could practically feel Sam wrapping her up in his arms, telling her that she never had to worry about anything ever again. That she was free to be his baby, and he would always take care of her no matter what.

Lately, Alison had been starting to feel something different for Sam, but she didn’t know what it was. It was a feeling she had never experienced before, but she had the feeling it had something to do with the love Sam was trying to teach her. This seemed like a different type of love, though. One that made her get butterflies whenever he looked at her in a certain way. One that made her want to stare into those hazel eyes forever. One that made her never want to leave his arms. She’d even been starting to look at his lips a little more, starting to wonder how they would feel against her own… but she knew there was no way Sam would ever feel that way about her. Not after he’d seen her in such a vulnerable state. There was no way Sam would ever want to date her or be anything more with her when he had to constantly change her diapers and give her baths. There was just no way. 

With that thought in mind, that Sam would never love her in the way she loved him, she stood up. No longer was she going to be a burden for him. Alison wasn’t going to drain him anymore. Wasn’t going to force him to do things he didn’t want to do. Her entire body is still shaking, but she’s determined now. Slowly, she takes a tiny step forward.

The wind from the cars was too strong for Alison to hear Sam. He could see her stepping forward, toward the edge of this bridge. It looked like she was so close, even her toes were a little bit off of it. Sam is silently praying to Castiel that he can somehow catch her if Sam doesn’t manage to get there in time. He’s almost there. Just a few more feet…

Alison had just stepped one foot off of the bridge when there was suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapping around her. She gasps as she feels herself being pulled backwards, onto the sidewalk. Alison felt like she was losing her balance, causing her to cry out as she starts to fall backward. 

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” Sam ends up falling backward with her as well, due to the momentum of him trying to yank her back from the side of the bridge. He manages to position their fall so he ends up on the ground, and Alison ends up on top of him. He gathers Alison up into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest, feeling his entire body shaking. 

That voice… that’s a voice she knows. A voice she knows all too well. Alison looks up with wide eyes to find Sam holding her, her head being held to his chest by a strong hand. His grip is tight, almost tight enough to hurt, and she’s scared. Alison hadn’t been expecting Sam to come find her. She had failed, hadn’t she? 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Alison whimpered, her eyes squeezing shut. “I know why you’re here. You’re here because you found the note and you felt bad, and you felt like you needed to come find me. I failed. I didn’t do it before you came, so I’m still a burden to you. I’m so sorry, Sam.” Her voice is shaking, and she’s practically sobbing, having to take a breath between every couple of words.

Sam’s eyes are filled with tears, and he’s starting to cry now as well. Usually he would be stronger than this, but how was he supposed to be strong when the one person he cared about most (aside from Dean) thought that it would be better if she killed herself? “No, no, no. Shh. Stop talking. Please, Alison, just stop talking.” His voice is pleading, and it’s sad enough that she stops talking like he asks her to.

“Do you have any idea how terrified I was this morning when I came downstairs and there was a note down there instead of you? Do you know how even more terrified I was when I realized you were planning on killing yourself? Dean and I were frantically trying to figure out where to go, then I realized you’d mentioned the bridge… we were terrified that we weren’t going to get here in time. We just about didn’t get here in time. You scared the shit out of me, Alison, you can’t do that!” Sam is still clinging to her, making sure that she’s real, and she’s actually there.

Alison whimpers quietly, and her body is shaking as well as Sam’s. He’s being rather rough with her, and she can see it’s because he’s scared, but it’s still scaring her. Sam had never been anything but gentle with her, and now that was all changing quickly. “S-Sam…” Alison whispers quietly, and she grips onto his wrist tightly, feeling her own hand shaking as much as his was. “Sam, you’re being rough…” 

Immediately Sam is pulling back, loosening his grip on her, his eyes wide. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers, using his hand to gently push some hair out of her face. “God, Alison, you just scared me so much. I was so afraid I wasn’t going to find you in time… that I was going to find your body, and I was never going to get to hold you again. That I was never going to get to tell you…” 

Sam is exhaling shakily, Alison looking up at him and blinking back tears. She still felt terrible about the whole thing, but now she didn’t know what exactly she felt terrible for. Did she feel terrible for doing it and scaring Sam? Or did she still feel terrible because she failed at what she was doing, and now Sam probably felt like he still had to take care of her? “Tell me what?” She whispers, her voice hardly audible.

“How much I love you.” Sam whispers, cupping Alison’s face in his hands. “How much I god damn love you. How in love with you I am. Alison, you mean so much to me, and you don’t even know it. You keep thinking you’re a burden to me, but the truth is, you’re such a huge part of my life I don’t know how to exist without you anymore. I fell in love with you, Alison. Through all of this. Through the nightmares, the regressions, the hard times, the nasty stuff… through all of it, I fell in love with you. And I know you don’t really know what love is, and you’re not ready for a relationship and that’s fine, but the entire time Dean and I were heading here, I just kept thinking that I never got the chance to tell you that I’m in love with you.” 

Sam is talking so fast it’s hard for Alison to process just what he’s saying. Her breath catches in her throat, and more tears are starting to fall when Sam is suddenly confessing his love for her. She wasn’t crazy. Sam felt the same way for her as she did for him. But he was right, she really wasn’t ready for all of this. She didn’t know how to be a girlfriend, or how to be in a relationship. But god, she wanted Sam. “Kiss me.” Alison whispers, so quietly she’s surprised Sam can even hear it over the roar of the traffic.

In retrospect, he probably should have thought about it a little more before he actually did it. He should have made sure that was what she really wanted, that she understood what she was saying. But he was only human, after all, and they were both so caught up in their emotions; when she asked him to kiss her, he didn’t really even think about it. Sam cups her cheeks in his hands again, his thumbs stroking over her cheeks. He slowly leans forward, allowing her plenty of time to pull away if she wanted to. Alison stayed right there, so Sam slowly presses their lips together.

It was a gentle, hesitant kiss. Alison had no idea what she was doing, which made it a little awkward, but that was okay. It was loving, and sweet, and Sam was making sure she felt relaxed during the entire thing. If she had tensed up at all, he would have pulled away. As it was, he pulled away only a few moments later, breathless. 

Alison was breathless as well, her eyes still teary when Sam finally pulled back from the kiss. She takes a deep breath, eyes casting downward. “I liked that.” She says quietly. “But…”

Sam shakes his head. “It’s okay.” He says quietly. “We don’t have to do it again until you’re ready. Or ever, if you’re never ready. I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready to do, okay? I just wanted you to know how much I love you.” He gives her a small smile, brushing his thumb across her forehead, before bringing his hand down to cup her cheek. “You scared me so bad. Please, never do anything like that ever again.” 

She nods her head, squeaking in surprise when all of a sudden, she was being lifted out of Sam’s arms, and was enveloped in a bone crushing hug. Alison knew the smell well enough to know it was Dean, and even he was shaking. “You scared the shit outta me, kid.” He says gruffly, picking her up and squeezing her. “Sammy and I care about ya so much. You can’t do something like that. We were afraid we lost ya.” 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Alison whispers shakily, wincing a little bit from the bone crushing hug. She expected this more from Dean, though, because he’d always been a bit rougher than Sam had. Not in a bad way, just in a different way. There’s a part of her that wants to ask him not to hurt her, but she’s biting her tongue. Alison knows deep down Dean would never hurt her, even if her mind is screaming at her that he could. 

“Alright, Dean.” Sam says quietly, placing his hand on Alison’s back. He could see she was getting nervous, and he didn’t blame her. He didn’t blame her for being nervous about this entire thing, not after how she’d been acting before she left. 

Dean lets go of her, and Sam gently places his arm around her. Alison leans into him heavily, and she’s wishing desperately that she could regress. But she knew she couldn’t. She had scared them, she had placed an even bigger burden on them than she had meant to. She didn’t deserve any kindness from them. 

The three of them go back to the Impala, Dean getting in the driver’s seat and Sam sitting in the back seat with her. He makes sure he’s touching her somehow at all times, even if it’s just with a hand on her back or shoulder. Whenever he can, he’s making sure his arm is around her. Alison rests her head on Sam’s shoulder, and Sam presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

Once they’re home and finally settled, the three of them are on the couch. Alison is tucked in between Dean and Sam. Normally, Dean would have given them some time alone, especially after seeing their kiss, but he had been just as freaked out by this whole situation as Sam had. Sam didn’t mind that Dean was hanging around with them, either. He knew neither of them wanted to let her out of their sight ever again, in case she tried to pull something like that again. 

“Will you promise me you’ll never run away again?” Sam asks quietly, breaking the silence except for the tv none of them were truly paying attention to. “That you won’t run away, and you won’t try to kill yourself again?” It was a harsh statement, but it was a harsh reality.

Alison looks down, her cheeks flushing a dark red. She hated herself for it. That she had failed in it. If she was going to threaten it, she should have at least succeeded. Now she was just going to be untrustworthy in their eyes. Sam and Dean were likely to never leave her alone again, never trust her to do anything on her own again. She nods her head slowly. “I promise.” She says quietly, and that’s good enough for Sam. He could tell she felt bad, and he didn’t want to keep bringing it up over and over again to make her feel bad.

“Okay, sweetheart.” Sam says, pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. “I love you. And we’re going to move on from this now, yeah? I won’t bring it up again. I know you were scared, and I know you were just trying to do what you thought was best for me. So, Dean and I are still going to let you do things on your own, and we’re going to trust you with as much as we can. We just care about you too much to lose you.” 

Alison nods her head. She was fighting harshly against a regression. She felt like she was slowly slipping, but every time she felt like she was slipping, she would quickly pull herself back. It was exhausting, though, and Sam could see that she was getting sleepy. “Do you want to go take a nap, baby? I can come with you if you want.” 

She shakes her head immediately. In truth, she would love to go down for a nap and have Sam cuddle her. But she knew if she did that, then when she woke up, she would be regressed. Alison wasn’t used to fighting against regressions for long periods of time. She’d already been fighting them for days now, because of the days she was getting up the courage to leave the bunker. Her mind was pushing heavily against itself, trying to force her into one – but she was fighting back just as hard. 

When dinner time came around, Sam and Alison went into the kitchen, where Dean had made them food. He didn’t normally cook, but tonight was different. They all felt… different tonight. Even Castiel had decided to come for dinner, wanting to see how Alison was doing after her attempt. Because Dean wasn’t that apt at cooking, he just made spaghetti. Simple enough, and easy to make large portions for the four of them. 

Castiel dished all of it out, and Alison hadn’t spoken a word since she had promised them she would never run away again. Sam had been trying to coax her into speaking a little bit, but she just answered with gestures. Shrugging, nodding, shaking her head… Sam eventually gave up on it, instead just reminding her he loved her, and he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Sam could feel his heart clenching in his chest when Alison immediately started to shovel down food. At first, he thought perhaps she was just hungry, because she hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before. But when she finished her first plate, then a second, and then still asked for more, he knew she was gorging again. There was no way she could be that hungry – especially when she started slowing down dramatically but continued to eat.

“Okay, baby, I think that’s enough.” Sam says softly, taking the plate away from her as she was about halfway through her third plate. “As soon as you’re hungry again, you can have something else to eat, okay? But I can see you’re not hungry anymore.” Alison tried grabbing onto the plate, but Sam used his other hand to gently pry her fingers from it. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You just let me know when you’re hungry again, and I’ll get you something to eat, okay? I promise.” 

A small whimper falls from Alison’s lips, but Sam manages to get the plate out of her hands. She sniffles quietly, looking down and placing her hands in her lap, but doesn’t say anything. Sam wished she would at least protest vocally, at least show that she wasn’t so far into her head she didn’t think she should speak. But he had a feeling she had just taken many steps backward, and it scared him. 

They ate dinner rather late that night, so by the time everyone was done eating and the dishes were done, it was getting to be about the time Alison would usually go to bed. She was absolutely exhausted, because she didn’t get a nap in like she usually did, but she was still fighting going to sleep. Instead of going up to her room, she went into the living room to go sit on the couch and watch more television. 

Sam, Dean, and Castiel were still standing in the kitchen when she disappeared into the living room. Sam looks over to the two of them, his eyes sad and worried. “It’s like she’s the same person that I brought into the bunker all those months ago.” He says quietly. “She doesn’t trust me. She thinks I’m going to let her starve, or that one of these meals is going to be her last. She won’t speak, no matter how much I try to encourage her to… at least she’s letting me touch her, but god, I don’t know what to do.” 

“She’s fighting a regression.” Castiel says quietly, which causes Sam to look over at him. “Earlier, when I touched her shoulder, I could feel it. Her mind is trying to slip, and she’s forcing it not to. You said she hadn’t regressed in the past few days, correct? So, her mind is probably trying to force her even harder into the regression, which means she’s fighting it even harder. I believe that’s probably why she’s not speaking and isn’t acting like herself. She doesn’t know how to be herself without slipping into a regression involuntarily.” 

“She’s fighting a regression…” Sam repeats quietly, turning his head back toward the living room. Actually, that would make sense. He could see why she wouldn’t want to regress, because she had made them upset enough with the incident earlier. Alison probably thought she would just be even more of a burden if she ended up regressing, no matter how many times Sam tried to tell her he liked taking care of her. 

“I got this.” Dean says confidently, going up to the nursery and grabbing her pacifier. He places it in his pocket, before going back down to the living room. “Hey, you.” He says to Alison as he plunks down on the couch next to her. “How ya feelin’?” 

He wasn’t expecting a response since she hadn’t been talking the entire day. Even still, he waits, before nodding his head a few moments later. “Alright. Well, I can see you’re still pretty tense from earlier. Turn to face away from me, yeah?” Dean waits, and she hesitates, but eventually she does turn around to face away from him.

Dean places his hands on her shoulders, starting to rub out all of the tension. Sam had mentioned something about her neck being a good spot for a massage, so Dean started to massage the back of it. Alison was still tense for quite a while, still trying to fight against her regression, but eventually she started to relax due to Dean’s massage.

He was methodically and slowly massaging her shoulders, waiting for her to relax. He knew it would take a while, but eventually she ended up relaxing, which had Dean giving her a small smile. Dean continues to massage her shoulders, not wanting to startle her right away. But a few minutes after she had started to relax, Dean takes one of his hands away and grabs her pacifier. He reaches around, brushing it against her lips. 

Alison tenses up immediately, whimpering as she tries to turn her head away. Dean sighs quietly. He’d been hoping that by getting her relaxed, she wouldn’t have even realized he was trying to get her to regress. But obviously she had realized, and she was still trying desperately to fight against it.

Sam saw the whole thing unfold, and he smiles sadly at his older brother. He uses his head to gesture for Dean to move off the couch, and he does so, handing Sam the pacifier. “Sorry, man. I tried.” He says quietly. 

“It’s okay. I figured she wasn’t going to allow herself to slip that easily. I’ll just have to see if I can convince her. You should go on to bed or go spend some time with Cas.” Dean nods, knowing the two of them likely needed some alone time together. Alison didn’t seem to really trust any of them right then, so Sam knew he needed to start building that trust back up once more.

There was a large part of Sam wondering if he had screwed everything up by kissing her. He knew she had asked for it, but she had been in a vulnerable position. Alison was just about to kill herself, and Sam had just confessed his undying love for her… he was worried she hadn’t been ready at all, and that he had pushed her into the kiss. He was scared that was why she was so untrusting because he’d always promised he wouldn’t do anything to push her, and today he did. 

“Hi, princess.” Sam coos quietly, still standing in the doorway of the living room. He watches as she tenses up, not even bothering to turn around to look at him. “I can see you’re fighting your mind, baby girl.” He’s using a soothing and coaxing voice, trying to get her to relax. “Why are you fighting your regression, darling?” 

Sam was hoping she would respond, but instead she just keeps staring at the television. He sighs quietly, his arms crossed over his chest. Sam’s hoping that he can coax her into regressing, that maybe if he stays away from her she’ll soon be craving his touch so desperately that she’ll slip and won’t even realize it, just because she wants him near her. “I think I know why you’re fighting it. Because you think you upset us too much today, right? That you shouldn’t regress, because then that would mean we’d have to take care of you?” 

She’s silent, but Sam can tell she’s listening. That she’s trying so hard not to regress. Sam knows everything he’s saying is right on the money, because she’s still just getting even more tense, and is fighting against it even harder. “But sweetheart, what if I told you I wanted to take care of you?” He asks, still closely watching her reactions. “What if I told you that I missed taking care of you these past few days? What if I told you that I missed getting to see you all snuggly in a onesie and putting your pacifier in your mouth? I’ve missed getting to snuggle you and hold you while I feed you a bottle. I’ve missed playing with you and hearing your little noises while you snuggle up to me. Do you know how much I miss feeling your warmth sitting on top of me, with your legs wrapped around me while I rub your back? Giving you a bath and getting you all trusting and comfortable?” 

Alison is squirming uncomfortably the entire time Sam is talking. She can picture everything he’s saying. She misses all of it so much. She wants to snuggle up to him, she wants to feel the warmth in her chest when he feeds her a bottle, and she just wants to not have any responsibilities anymore. Her eyes are closed, and she’s picturing everything he’s saying, feeling her breath catching in her throat. 

It’s sudden, that Alison releases a quiet sob, and starts to fall forward. Sam just barely manages to rush to the couch in time to grab her, but there’s a smile on his face. “There’s my sweet girl.” He whispers, moving so he’s in front of her and scooping her up. Alison had only been regressed for two minutes, but already, she was wetting herself. Sam gives a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. “My poor little girl. You must be pretty young, huh? Are you my sweet little baby? See, that’s what happens when you don’t allow yourself to regress, princess.” 

Sam is keeping his tone light and happy, and he’s so glad that she finally allowed herself to regress. He wasn’t lying when he said he missed taking care of her when she was avoiding him. It was like a part of him was missing when Alison didn’t regress for long periods of time. Like having a child that was going to a babysitter for an extended period of time. It wasn’t something he enjoyed at all. So, when she immediately wet herself, and therefore got him wet, Sam didn’t even mind.

He brings Alison up to the nursery, easily getting her out of her clothing and cleaning her up. He changes her into a diaper and a onesie, scooping her up and placing her into her crib. “I’ll be right back, gorgeous. I just need to change really quickly, and then I’ll be here to snuggle you, okay?” 

Sam isn’t surprised at the wail that is emitted from her chest, and he shushes her quietly. “I’m right here, princess. But if I pick you up right now, you’re going to get wet all over again, and I just got you all nice and clean!” He kisses her forehead, placing her pacifier in her mouth before quickly disappearing into his room so he can change.

Alison spit out the pacifier almost immediately and continued to wail, gripping tightly onto the bars on the side of her crib. She was trying to pull herself up, her face turning red from how hard she was crying. Sam had gotten her to regress, but then had just left her? 

Sam was back just a few seconds later, having decided to just change into a new pair of boxers, since he didn’t want to be away from her any longer than he needed to be. He comes into the room and scoops her up, settling her against his chest and holding her tightly to him. “Shh… shh…” Sam says softly, kissing her forehead and the top of her head repeatedly. “Sammy’s right here, baby. I’m right here. I’m not going to leave you, ever. I promise. I love you so much.” 

He grabs her pacifier off of the bottom of her crib and pushes it back against her lips. She refuses to take it, shaking her head and turning her head away from it. Sam can’t help but to smile, because even though she’s being fussy, this is his baby. She’s finally back.

“Okay, sweet girl. How about we get you a bottle, instead? That’ll make you feel all nice and warm inside. Then we can snuggle, and I’ll lay with you in your crib tonight. How’s that sound?” He would have suggested his bed, but he knew a more confined space would make her feel more safe and secure. 

Sam goes down to the kitchen, continuing to shush her, using the loop on the pacifier to stick his finger through it so he can still hold it. He goes to make her a bottle, only to see that Dean had already prepared her one, and he just had to heat it up. Sam smiles, making a mental note to thank him for that later.

After heating it up, Sam grabs it and goes to carry Alison back upstairs. As soon as she smells it she’s immediately searching for it, her wails quieting down to mere whimpers, her mouth open as she searches for it. Sam grins softly, sitting down in the rocking chair and cradling her in his arms, placing the bottle into her mouth.

Alison stills once the bottle is in her mouth, her eyes falling shut. She was so tired. That was probably a big reason as to why she was so fussy and crying, since she hadn’t had her nap earlier that day. She was also still full from gorging herself on dinner, so she didn’t even drink half of the bottle before she was fast asleep in Sam’s arms.

Sam realized she was fast asleep when she started sucking on the bottle like she would a pacifier, instead of sucking on it like she was drinking from it. He gently pulls it from her mouth, brushing her pacifier against her lips and smiling again when she accepts it. 

Scooping her up, Sam checks her diaper once to ensure it wasn’t wet. It still wasn’t, so he lowers the side of the crib and goes to lay down with her. He hums quietly as he maneuvers himself into a position where they both could be comfortable. It was a little cramped with both of them, especially considering how tall Sam was, but they made it work.

Alison ended up settled on top of Sam, their chests pressed against each other. Her hair tickled his chin, and Sam smiles, tilting his head down to kiss the top of her head, allowing his nose to nestle in her hair. “I love you, baby.” Sam whispers to the sleeping girl in his arms. “I’m so glad you’re back.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, I totally forgot to update yesterday! Anyway, here’s some fluff since those last chapters were really heavy. 
> 
> Hope you guys like it! Comments and kudos feed the muse <3

When Alison woke up the next morning, Sam was still curled up in the crib with her, and she was still regressed. Sam had been expecting her to be regressed still, because of going a few days without regressing, as well as the traumatizing couple of days she’d had. He’d noticed that whenever she tried to force herself out of the regressions, she acted younger than she normally would. That was why she’d been in such an infant stage the night before, and he figured she would still be in that state when she woke up the next morning. 

Because of being in the infant stage, she woke up rather early in the morning. When big, Alison would usually sleep until at least 10:00 if not later. Then there would be a nap after lunch, and then she’d go to bed early. She slept quite a bit, but they allowed her to mostly do as she pleased. But this morning, she woke up at 5:30 sharp. She looks over, starting to babble and coo quietly. Sam was still asleep, so he hadn’t heard any of it.

That was, until Alison started to whine and squirm because she’d wet herself early in the night. She’d been sleeping in a soaked diaper for almost the entire night, and she was getting uncomfortable. As soon as she started to cry, Sam was awake, instinctively stroking his fingers through her hair while he tried to pull himself from sleep. “Hey…” He mumbles, voice thick with sleep. 

This was one of the first times Sam had woken up with her still being regressed. It had happened a few times before, but normally Alison didn’t stay regressed overnight. When she did stay regressed overnight, it was usually Sam that ended up going into the nursery when he woke up, and she would be awake, but wouldn’t have made any noise that he would hear through the baby monitor. Because of this, Sam knew she had to be pretty uncomfortable, otherwise she would have laid there until Sam woke up. “Someone need to be changed?”

Alison hardly acknowledges him, just continuing to squirm uncomfortably. “Okay, sweetheart.” Sam coos, reaching up to lower the side of the crib so he can get out of it. Once he’s up, he takes just a second to stretch his back and his legs before scooping her out of there. He doesn’t want to leave her waiting, but he’d rather leave her waiting for a second than somehow accidentally drop her because he’s cramping up from being in the crib all night. 

Once he’s stretched out, Sam reaches down into the crib and hoists her up, and even just looking at her onesie, he can see how full her diaper is through it. Sam is wondering if she’d woken up during the night and realized she’d wet herself and just didn’t give him any indication, or if she’d just slept right through it. He was hoping it was the latter because he didn’t want a regressed Alison thinking she couldn’t make her needs known. 

Laying her down on the changing table, Sam unbuttons Alison’s onesie, cooing to her when he sees her shivering from the cold air hitting her skin. Having been asleep, she was all comfortable and warm, and now Sam was subjecting her to the cold – and she was not happy about it. He starts to undo her diaper before realizing it wasn’t just full of urine, but she had also pooped during the night… quite a bit. He knows this is going to take a little bit of time, so he grabs the blanket from her crib and lays it over top of her. 

Alison grabs onto the blanket and snuggles up to it contently, though her bottom half is still chilly. At least she wasn’t as cold as she had been a minute ago since the blanket was still warm from the two of them sleeping under it. Sam can’t help but to smile as she rubs the blanket over her cheek. He only watches her for a brief moment, though, before going to grab the baby wipes and starting to clean her up. He frowns when he sees how messy it is, wondering if her stomach was upset at all. If it was, it was probably because of all of the spaghetti she’d forced herself to eat the night before. Absentmindedly, Sam wondered if this happened every time she gorged herself. His heart ached to know her stomach had to have been upset for all that time when she’d first came to the bunker, and he had no idea about it, so he hadn’t helped her with it. 

“I wonder if we have some medicine that would help your tummy.” Sam muses softly while he continues to clean her up. “But it would have to be liquid, so you could take it… and I think the only thing we have is in tablet form.” Sam wondered if they should go to the grocery store, but just thinking about the last time they’d done that while she was regressed… he wasn’t sure if that was something he should willingly subject either of them to again. But Sam knew she didn’t deserve to be cooped up all the time while she was regressed. She was just like a baby, a baby who deserved to be taken to the zoo or the park and have fun outside. 

Sam is suddenly pulled from his thoughts when Alison lets out a squeal, taking her pacifier from her mouth and throwing it on the floor. He chuckles quietly, continuing to clean her up as she just starts to babble happily to herself. At least she was happy. That was all that mattered.

Not two minutes after Alison had squealed, Dean was bursting into the room, eyes wide. Sam knew he had no idea what he was expecting. If he was expecting something to have somehow gotten in the bunker and be hurting Alison, if he’d been expecting Alison to be alone… but he hadn’t been expecting Sam to be in there changing her diaper. “Oh. I just wanted to make sure she was okay.” He said quickly, glancing down.

Sam smiles. His brother had an amazing protective stance on her. He didn’t even have a baby monitor placed in his room, but as soon as he’d heard it, he was out of his deep sleep and was making sure everything was okay with her. “She’s good. Still regressed, obviously.” He says with a nod. “She’s really young. She woke up a few minutes ago and her diaper was full… I think her stomach’s upset from how much she ate last night.” 

Dean remembered back to the night before when he’d seen Sam taking Alison’s plate away from her. Before, he hadn’t understood why Sam had been limiting her portions. He had once thought that was a little cruel, considering she’d gone so long without eating. But just the smell in the room from Alison’s dirty diaper told Dean that Sam had been doing the right thing all along. “She’s up early.” He comments. “Just like a real infant.” 

Nodding his head, Sam starts to finally finish up getting her cleaned up and gets her into a clean diaper. “Yeah, I don’t know if she’s awake because she’s really like an infant, or if she was just so uncomfortable it woke her up… I guess we’ll see once she’s changed.” 

Now it’s Dean’s turn to nod his head. “If she decides to not go back to sleep, and later today you want to take a nap, I can take her for a little bit.” He knew Castiel was also likely to be around a lot that day, because he’d been worried about Alison as well. She had quite the support system going for her, with all of them being so concerned about her wellbeing. 

“Thanks, man.” Sam smiles. He’s hoping she’s going to go back to sleep for a little bit, but by the way she’s looking around and is babbling to herself, he can see that’s probably a lost cause. “Go back to sleep. You look like hell.” 

Dean rolls his eyes at his brother’s statement before backing out of the room and going back to his own. Sam decides to change her into a new onesie, since he figured she wasn’t going to be going back to sleep. “Alright, sweet pea. Looks like we’re up for the day, hmm?” He asks, tickling her tummy and smiling when she starts to giggle. “Well, if we’re up for the day, then it’s time for breakfast.” 

Alison squeaks while she looks up at him, reaching her hand out toward him. Sam grabs onto it and brings it up to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to each of her finger tips. This has Alison giggling again, and he can’t help but to smile in return. She was so cute, he didn’t know how his heart hadn’t exploded by now. 

The pacifier lay forgotten on the floor while Sam picks Alison up from the changing table and places her on his hip. He notices it’s getting a little harder for him to lift her. It’s still easy enough for him to lift her and carry her around, but she’s definitely gaining weight. This has Sam happy, and also a little worried. He was happy because he knew she needed to gain weight; he was upset because he knew part of it had to be from the gorging she’d been doing lately. They needed to find a happy medium, where she could eat normally and still gain weight until she got back to a healthy weight. 

Sam carries her downstairs to the kitchen, setting about making her a bottle. There was a quiet sound behind him, before Castiel speaks. “Good morning, Sam.” Sam had hardly had time to register what the sound was before he was speaking, so he quickly turns around, relaxing when he sees it’s just Cas.

“Morning, Cas.” He says, shooting him a tired smile. Sam hadn’t gotten that great of sleep last night, due to being in the crib. He knew Alison had gotten better sleep from it, and he was thankful for that, but he was exhausted. “What are you doing here so early?” 

“I was up in heaven attending to things when I had the sense that Alison was awake.” This has Sam smiling, because Castiel is keeping such an attentive eye on her that he doesn’t even have to be watching her to realize she’s awake. “I thought I would come see how things are going. Also…” He gestures to the empty spot in the kitchen next to him, right next to the table. Just a moment later, it’s no longer an empty spot – a high chair appearing in the once vacant space. “I realized before when Dean and I had ordered things, we had not ordered a high chair. I thought it could be useful for when she doesn’t regress to a very young age.” 

Sam is surprised when he sees the high chair, and especially the dimensions of it. It’s a larger high chair, one tall enough where Sam could easily stand in front of it and feed Alison something if need be. It’s also obviously large enough to hold her in, and there’s straps on it to make sure she stays upright if she’s sitting in it. Sam can see it would be easy enough to have her in it even if she was regressed to an infant stage, because of the straps. “This is amazing, Cas.” He says sincerely. “Thank you.” 

Castiel smiles. “I am going to be around for most of the day if you need anything, although I may pop out every so often. As for now, I’m going to go check on Dean.” Sam grins lightly at the mention of Cas checking up on Dean, hoping they would get to spend some quality time together, even though Dean was most likely fast asleep once again. 

Sam watches as Castiel turns and walks from the room, before finishing up making Alison’s bottle. Instead of going to the living room, how he normally does, Sam decides to try out the high chair and see if it will hold her in a sitting position like he thinks it will. It takes him a few seconds to get her strapped in and to get the tray in place, but it works just like a charm. The only problem was, Alison was immediately whining and crying, her hands opening and closing, trying to get Sam to get her out of it.

“Shh, it’s okay baby…” In a normal situation, there was a likely possibility Sam would have been a little frustrated that she wouldn’t be without him. But he had missed her so much, and now she had finally come back to him… so Sam was more than happy to deal with a fussy baby. She was his fussy baby, after all. 

He gets her back out of the high chair, smiling when she settles down as soon as she’s placed against Sam’s chest. He sits down in one of the kitchen chairs, cradling her in one arm so he can feed her the bottle. He has an idea while he’s feeding her, but it’s something that’s going to have to wait until she’s done. 

“I wish you knew how much I love you.” Sam whispers softly, smiling when Alison looks up at him while he feeds her the bottle. He strokes his thumb over her cheek gently, and she happily eats all of the bottle, despite her stomach probably still being upset from the night before. “You’re such a good girl. You’re my sweet little girl, aren’t you?” He coos, grinning when Alison can hardly contain her smile when she looks up at him. 

When Alison finishes the bottle a few moments later, Sam places it down on the table, pulling Alison up to him so he can burp her. It takes her a few minutes, but eventually she burps, settling down against Sam when she does so. “Okay, sweet pea. I have an idea, and I think you’re going to have a lot of fun. You just have to trust me.” 

With Alison being so little, Sam knows there’s no way she understands what he’s saying. But he still liked to talk normally to her, because he didn’t want to not explain something when she could understand. He had no idea what she understood and didn’t understand, and he just didn’t want to screw things up again. 

Sam kisses her forehead, grabbing the whipped cream out of the refrigerator. At first, he’d been worried they wouldn’t have any, but then he remembered that he lived with Dean – and Dean always had to have whipped cream for his pie. Sam sets about getting Alison all strapped in to the high chair, shushing and whispering soft words to her when she starts to whine. “It’s okay, baby, I promise. You just have to trust me, okay? You’re going to love this.” 

It takes Sam a few minutes to get Alison all strapped in, and by the time he does, she’s throwing a fit. She’s obviously fussier than Sam had even first realized, but that was okay. Alison started to cry loudly, and while Sam was grabbing the tray to strap that on to the high chair, Dean appeared in the room with Cas close behind him. 

Sam glances up at the doorway when he sees movement, giving both guys a quick smile. Dean looked like he’d been asleep, and Castiel’s hair was a little messed up… he wondered if they’d just been laying in bed together, but Sam didn’t spend much time on that thought. “It’s okay, sweetheart! Shh…” 

Dean and Cas are watching Sam intently, and Sam can see the protective aura appearing around his big brother, knowing that if he didn’t stop Alison’s crying soon, that Dean would. It was cute. He always wanted to make sure she was okay, even if that meant making sure she was okay away from Sam. 

Once the tray is placed correctly on the high chair, Sam grabs the whipped cream. He shows Alison the bottle, but she’s not paying attention to it, continuing to wail. “Baby, look!” Sam says as he opens it, spraying out a big glob of the whipped cream onto the tray of her high chair. 

Alison whimpers, opening her eyes when Sam tells her to look. She sees his eye sight is cast down to the tray, so she slowly looks down at it as well, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when she sees something white being ejected from the can. Sam sprays a little bit more onto it, making a trail of the whipped cream instead of just a glob, then sets the can back down on the table. He’s looking at her with excitement in his eyes, and Alison has no idea what she’s supposed to be doing, but soon enough her baby instincts are kicking in.

Slowly, Alison reaches out to touch it, Sam encouraging her. Her cries are turning down to sniffles, her tears being dried by Sam’s thumbs when he gently wipes them from her cheeks. “There we go.” Sam soothes softly. He wipes his hand on his pants, watching Alison as she starts to slowly poke the whipped cream.

A soft sound of surprise falls from Alison’s lips when she realizes it’s soft and her hand can squish it. She uses this knowledge to her advantage, suddenly using more of her hand to squish the whipped cream, giggling when it starts to slip between her fingers. Sam pulls up a chair, so he can watch her, a fond smile growing on his face. 

Looking up to the two men still standing in the doorway, Sam grins at them when he sees both Dean and Cas are smiling. Nowadays it wasn’t so rare to see Dean smiling, but it was rare to see Castiel smiling. The two come into the kitchen and sit down at the table, watching Alison as she plays with the whipped cream. She’s so preoccupied with it, she doesn’t even notice the presence of other people in the kitchen.

Alison continues to play with it, now using both of her hands to squish it and spread it around the tray of the high chair. Her blue eyes are wide and excited, practically glowing from the happiness this new discovery is bringing her. Sam smiles, knowing even when she was little, all she wanted was more knowledge. New discoveries lit up her world, and Sam was more than happy to oblige. 

The next big discovery was when Alison grabbed a handful of the whipped cream and smashed her hand against her mouth (after dropping her pacifier, of course.) There had been a part of her expecting Sam to quickly pull her hand away and tell her that she shouldn’t be eating it, but instead, Sam just watched with an even bigger grin on his face.

Alison practically squealed when she tasted the whipped cream. She didn’t know what she was expecting it to taste like, but she hadn’t been expecting good. All little kids put things in their mouths, whether or not they tasted good, because it was part of the way they explored. Alison was the same. So, she hadn’t been expecting it to be actual food.

She sticks her tongue out to lick her hand happily, before reaching back down and grabbing more of the whipped cream off the tray. Dean gets an idea, leaning over to Cas with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Hey, Cas. Go kneel next to her and ask her what she’s doing.”

Castiel’s eyebrows furrow in confusion after Dean tells him what to do. “Why would I ask her what she’s doing?” He questions, finally turning his attention away from Alison and instead looking back at Dean. “I know what she’s doing. She also can’t answer the question.” 

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s something that adults ask kids all the time. Like ‘oh, what are you doing?’ even though they know.” Castiel’s confusion is still evident, and Dean just nudges Castiel’s shoulder. “Oh, just go do it.” 

Sam had an idea he knew what Dean was doing. Playing pranks on Cas was one of Dean’s all time favorite activities – and Sam really didn’t mind, especially since it meant he wasn’t the one getting the brunt of Dean’s playful antics. Sam sprays out some more whipped cream onto the tray, since Alison had almost obliterated every part of the whipped cream he’d originally given her. 

Leaning down next to her, Castiel smiles when she suddenly gasps upon seeing him there. It was like smiling was just a natural reaction when it came to Alison, even for an angel who hardly smiled to begin with. She was just so cute, and even an angel who had a hard time feeling human emotions could have their heart melted by her. “Hi, you.” He says softly, his voice low. “What are you doing? Is it good?” 

Dean’s watching with bated breath, hoping Alison does what every normal child would do – and he does a silent fist pump when she does. Alison squeals happily once his face is practically level with hers. She had just gotten a new handful of whipped cream, since Sam had given her more, and then she’s smashing her hand against Castiel’s mouth, the grin still on her face.

Dean practically doubles over in his seat because he’s laughing so hard when he sees the startled expression on the angel’s face. Sam is laughing as well, then Alison is laughing because the two of them are laughing. Castiel turns toward Dean, shooting him a glare, which goes unnoticed because Dean is still laughing too hard to open his eyes. Castiel knew he needed to start being warier of Dean and his pranks – but this one made Alison so happy, so he really couldn’t be that mad about it. 

None of them had noticed the look Cas had sent Dean, except for Alison, and the smile immediately dropped off her face. She quickly put her hand down, feeling her heart sink in her chest. She hardly ever got to spend time with Castiel, because he was always busy. Alison loved Castiel with her entire heart, but she never got to see him – and now she was afraid he was going to stop coming around altogether because he was mad at her for what she’d just done. Alison looks down, wanting to get all of this off her. She was a bad girl.

In the middle of his laughter, Sam looked over at Alison and saw the heartbroken expression on her face. His eyes widened, and he quickly stopped laughing, looking back over at Castiel, unaware of what had just happened. “Cas—” He says quickly, but Cas cuts him off.

Castiel knows he’s not the best with children. That’s just a given, because being an angel makes him awkward, and he never knows what to say. He feels like he always says or does the wrong thing, but Castiel was slowly starting to learn more. He was trying. Now he knew Alison was afraid he was mad at her because of her putting the whipped cream on his face.

Meeting her blue gaze with one of his own, Castiel gives her a soft smile. “It’s okay, little one.” He whispers, but he can tell by her reaction she doesn’t believe him. Castiel thinks for a moment on what to do – and both Sam and Dean let him have his time, since he was trying to fix it on his own – before coming up with a solution.

Castiel dips his finger in the whipped cream that had been smeared around the tray, gently wiping it on her nose, the smile still present on his face. Alison had at first shrunk back when she saw Castiel’s hand coming for her face, but a quiet gasp falls from her lips when the whipped cream is wiped on her nose. 

Alison looks up at him with curious eyes, and Castiel gets some more of the whipped cream, making a little dot on each of her cheeks, then placing one on her forehead. Because the smile is still on his face the entire time, Alison slowly starts to smile as well. After Cas places the last dot on her forehead, he goes to get more whipped cream on his index finger, but Alison grabs his wrist. 

Cas chuckles quietly when she grabs onto him, though his eyes do widen in surprise when she suddenly sticks his finger in her mouth and starts to lick the whipped cream off of it. He looks over to Sam and Dean, who both just shrug and watch, glad that Alison at least wasn’t as sad as she had been a few moments prior. 

Sam mentions something about how that’s probably enough whipped cream for now, getting up and grabbing a wash cloth, getting it warm so he can clean her up. Castiel takes a step back from the high chair so Sam can clean her up, only to be met with a loud whimper from Alison. 

Both men raise their eyebrows as they look down at the girl in the high chair, and Alison stretches her arms out for Castiel, her blue eyes turning sad again. “I can clean her up.” Cas says quietly, taking the warm rag from Sam’s hands. He then gently cleans off her hands and arms, making sure he’s being thorough as he does so, then cleans off all of the little dots present on her face. 

Once Alison is no longer sticky, Sam takes the tray from the high chair, sticking it in the sink so it can be cleaned. He’s about to get Alison out of the high chair when she whines again, still reaching for and looking at Castiel. It had been quite a while since the two had seen each other, and Alison really wanted to spend some time with him. 

Castiel looks at Sam for permission, and Sam of course nods. “You’re always welcome to take her, Cas. You know that. She loves you.” He smiles when he sees the pleased look on Castiel’s face. 

“I’m always nervous I’m going to do something wrong.” Cas admits, unstrapping her from the high chair and pulling her out, settling her against his hip. One arm loops around her waist, Alison’s head coming to rest on Cas’ shoulder while she sucks on her thumb. Castiel sees this, and finds her pacifier, instead putting that in her mouth so she isn’t sucking on her thumb anymore. “I don’t know how to take care of children. I hardly know how to have a social interaction with an adult.” 

Sam chuckles quietly. “Yeah, we know, Cas.” He teases. “But we’re all always worried we’re going to do something wrong. It’s just a process of trial and error. Especially with someone like her. But as long as she’s comfortable with you, that means you’re doing a good job… so you’re doing a good job, Cas.” 

Castiel smiles again, lightly and hesitantly pressing his lips to the top of her head. Alison’s eyes shut in content, humming out quietly while she hangs on to Castiel. It had been a long time since she’d had that much fun, and all three boys were so glad she’d gotten to have some fun after all the pain she’d been going through lately.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaangst. I’m sorry for the long wait time on all of my writing! I’ve been so busy and my muse has been dwindling for any sort of writing. I guess I’m just saying that I can’t guarantee any of my writing will be updated as regularly as Trauma has been up until now. I’m not leaving though, and I hope you guys will still keep reading. 
> 
> There’s some medical stuff the next couple chapters and I don’t really know how I feel about it tbh. I feel like my writing is lacking these days, but I hope you guys think it’s okay.
> 
> I love you <3 Comments and kudos feed the muse!

Days later, Alison was still regressed, though now she was regressed to a toddler stage. This was the longest regression she’d had so far, and that made Sam a little worried. Of course, he was more than willing to take care of her and let her be regressed as long as she wants, but he was worried her brain was hiding from something. He was worried she was still feeling traumatized from everything that had happened before she had gotten to the bridge and had tried to jump. Sam only hoped he could reassure her everything was okay, and no one was upset with her, so she wouldn’t want to keep hiding when she eventually came out of her regression. 

However, Sam was trying not to think about that too much and was just enjoying the time he was spending with Alison being little. It was more traditional for her to regress to an infant stage, so now that she was regressing to a toddler stage, Sam was enjoying helping her learn more things. She was making new discoveries every day, especially when Castiel came around. He’d always take her to a field and teach her about bees, and flowers, and she would always come back absolutely glowing. Dean started coming up with new things for her to learn about, how Sam did with the whipped cream. Her discoveries with him were always messy and always resulted in bath time, but she was happy. Sam read more educational books to her, enjoying the look of wonder in her eyes as he explained things to her. 

All around, Alison was happy. Especially now that Castiel was there, she constantly had people loving on her and giving her attention. She was basking in it, and all of them were more than happy to oblige her, especially considering what had happened. Even if it hadn’t happened, they would have loved to give her all the attention she could have ever wanted – she just normally didn’t ask for it, even when she was regressed. 

It was one of the rare times that Alison was on her own. Usually when she took a nap now, she would be snuggling one of the boys, or at least be in the living room where they could see her. But Castiel was out on business, Sam was in the library, and Dean had left her in the living room, so he could go grab some food in the kitchen. All was comfortably quiet in the bunker.

Alison started to slowly wake up because she felt like there was someone watching her. When she slowly opened her eyes, she was expecting to see one of the three boys there, but instead it was someone she had never seen before. She squeaks quietly in confusion as the man reaches down into the playpen to pick her up. Alison was already getting freaked out from this new person and how he was touching her, so her body was already getting tense. The man was staring at her, never blinking, never dropping her gaze. Then they turned black.

It doesn’t even take two seconds for Alison to let out a full-blown wail and start trying to get down from this person’s arms. As soon as Dean heard the wail he was already making his way back to the living room, but when she started screaming, he dropped the plate he was holding and sprinted into the living room. Sam was sprinting up from the library as well, both of them with their guns drawn as they ran into the room. 

“Crowley?! What the hell are you doing here?! How did you even get in here?!” The boys are sputtering their questions, their guns still raised at him. They didn’t want to freak Alison out even more with the guns, but they would be damned if they dropped the guns and Crowley did something to Alison.

“Drop her. Now.” Sam’s voice is practically a low growl, which has Dean surprised. He had never heard such venomous words come out of his mouth, even when something had a hold of Dean. Not that he minded, because Dean was feeling the same way. 

Crowley tuts. “I just wanted to see the famous little Winchester.” He smirks, easily holding onto the girl who’s still desperately trying to free herself from his grasp. “I might have showed her my eyes… seems she’s still just as freaked out by demons as she was when you two took her in, hmm?” 

Sam closes his eyes for just a moment, groaning internally. Great. Now she was going to have terrible nightmares for weeks if not months. They had finally started getting over the nightmares, but now they were just going to come right back. “I will kill you and I won’t feel sorry about it if you don’t let her go right now.” 

“Ah, Moose. Just wanted to have a little fun with her, is all. Heard through the grapevine you’ve fallen rather hard for a young girl, haven’t you?” The smirk on Crowley’s face is something both brothers would love to wipe off… with their fists. 

Sam was just about to retort angrily when instead there was another voice from behind Crowley. “You have two seconds to drop the girl before I smite you.” Even though Castiel’s voice was normally low and gravelly, they had never heard it like this before. There was a pure rage in his voice, one that told all of them he wasn’t messing around.

“So, the angel arrives… good to see you, Castiel.” Crowley states, keeping his confident attitude on, even though the idea of an angel smiting him isn’t one he necessarily wants to think about. “Don’t you remember the good times, Castiel? Of us working together?”

“I remember the good times of you being down in hell where you belong.” Castiel’s voice is bitter. There had been many times he wished he could smite Crowley, but that was always against orders. Crowley was an important part of … something, and if he were to die, it would mess the plan up. “Drop her. Now.” He repeats lowly, just how Sam had earlier. 

Crowley mockingly sighs dramatically. “Well, if you insist…” Then, in true asshole fashion, Crowley opens his arms to let the girl go – literally dropping her on the floor.

Both Sam and Dean shouted in indignation, but Castiel, using his grace, quickly focused in on her and ensured she didn’t hit the ground but was instead lowered to the ground gently. Because of Castiel using his grace to make sure Alison was okay, Crowley wasn’t being held in the bunker by anything. “Well, places to be.” He said, snapping his fingers and disappearing before either of the boys could lunge at him and force him to stay so they could beat the hell out of him.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean curses, dropping his gun to his side in anger and frustration. He couldn’t believe that had just happened. How the hell had Crowley gotten into the bunker? Apparently, they were going to have to go through all of their wards to see which one had failed and why. Dean also felt terrible, as he was the one who was supposed to be watching Alison when Crowley had shown up. 

Sam shoves his gun at Dean, who quickly accepts it, then drops to his knees in front of the girl sobbing and shaking on the floor. He doesn’t need to have Castiel looking in her head to know exactly what’s going on in there. Alison’s been taken back to when she was with the demons. Just seeing those black eyes had managed to transport her to a different time, a time where she was beaten mercilessly for literally anything, where she constantly feared for her life. 

“Alison, baby.” Sam whispers, trying not to let his voice shake. He was furious with Crowley, vowing that the next time he saw him, he was going to die. No matter what. He was also scared for Alison, scared that she was in so deep that she was going to be taking steps back in her healing, even though it had happened while she was regressed. In her conscious mind Alison didn’t know what had happened to her, or that she had been kidnapped by demons, but her subconscious mind had to be flooding her conscious mind with all of these memories. They had to be terrifying, since Alison would have never seen them before. “Sweetheart, it’s me… it’s Sammy. Can you hear me, baby?” 

Alison was too lost in her own little world to even hear what Sam was saying. She could vaguely hear something, something that sounded like words, but she couldn’t hear them nor understand them. She was on the floor in the fetal position, laying on her side, her arms around her knees that are pulled up to her chest. There are so many images flashing through her mind and she doesn’t know what they are, only that they brought her immense pain and suffering. Only that she was unworthy of anything good. 

Toddlers were supposed to feel like they ruled the world. That was just how they were. They were stubborn and frustrating and felt like they could do anything they wanted to do. But this toddler… now she felt like she wasn’t worthy of even the slightest bit of something good. No toddler was ever supposed to feel like that.

Sam swallows hard. He doesn’t want to freak her out any more than she already is, but he needs to get through to her somehow. “Alison, baby.” He says gently, but his voice is a little louder. Not loud enough to scare her, just trying to break through the thoughts flashing through her head rapidly. “Baby, it’s Sammy. You’re okay. You’re safe. They’re just… bad dreams.” Obviously not the right word, but probably the only thing she would even remotely understand. 

He reaches out to place his hand on her back, wincing when she flinches and gasps, eyes opening wide to look at who was touching her. Sam manages to catch her worried blue gaze with his own gentle hazel, starting to gently scratch her back with his fingernails. “I’ve got you, baby. It’s okay. I know you’re scared. I know those are scary. But it’s not real. None of it is real. I’m real, and De’s real, and Cas is real. Everything is okay, I promise.” 

“S-S-Sammy…” Alison sobs loudly, barely able to form any words because of how hard she’s crying. She can hardly breathe; every time she inhales or exhales it’s a shuddering breath, showing how labored her breathing was. “B-b-bad… ‘m b-bad…” 

“No, no, baby.” Sam says quickly, gently scooping her into his arms. Alison’s body tenses, knowing she doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve any comfort. She doesn’t deserve Sam. “You’re not bad, Ali. You’re good. You’re so good, I promise. I’m so sorry we let him get to you. But I promise we’re going to protect you from everything, no matter what. I love you so much, Ali. You’re okay, I promise.” 

While Sam sits with Alison on the floor, Dean slowly gets down on the floor and goes up to them. He’s behind Alison, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his chest against her back, hugging her as tight as he can. Then Castiel joins in on the hug from the side, and they all sit there for a while, just hugging the still sobbing girl. 

Alison continued to sob for quite a while, until she couldn’t cry any more. Eventually her sobs turned into shuddering breaths, wracking her entire frame every time she breathes. All three men continued to sit there with her, refusing to let her go for even a second. Eventually, Alison fell asleep from being so exhausted due to how hard she’d been crying. Her eyes drooped shut, hiding her face in Sam’s neck as she started to suck on her thumb. 

“This is my fault.” Dean says quietly. “I haven’t checked the warding recently and I left her for a few minutes, so I could go get food. Should’ve brought her with me or had you come up from the library, Sammy.” He mumbles. He could still hear Alison’s screams echoing through his head. It had been one of the most terrifying things he’d ever heard – and he’d faced a lot of shit in his days of hunting.

Sam sniffles, quickly blinking back tears. He still had Alison’s screams echoing in his head as well. “It’s not your fault.” He says quietly. “Like you said, you only left for a few minutes to get food. That’s a n-normal thing we do… and we haven’t had any problems with the warding before, so why would we now? Just… don’t blame yourself.” But Sam knew that was easier said than done, because he was blaming himself as well. Maybe if he’d just spent more time with Alison today. Maybe if he just hadn’t been in the library. “I’m just glad he didn’t actually hurt her.” 

Castiel sighs. “I have never felt like that before.” He admits quietly. “I’ve been angry when someone has threatened either of your safety, sure. But I’ve never felt … that.” He whispers. “I was going to kill him if he even tried anything.” 

“We all were, Cas.” Dean whispers. They could probably move away from their positions now, but none of them wanted to. It was then silent between all of them. There was nothing else to say. All of them were blaming themselves, wondering if they could have done something differently.

While they were laying there, Sam eventually moved back a little bit, and Cas and Dean took that as their cue to move back as well. “She wet herself.” He says quietly. “So, I’m going to go change her. Then I’m going to go cuddle with her for a while until she decides she’s ready to wake up.” 

Cas and Dean both nod, watching as Sam scoops her up and stands up, bringing her upstairs to the nursery so he can change her. Castiel can see the guilt and fear in Dean’s eyes, so he slowly leans forward to wrap his arms around him. Dean normally wasn’t one to enjoy hugs, or even allow them, but right then it was welcome. He slowly wraps his arms back around Castiel, swallowing thickly. “How about we go lay down for a while?” Castiel suggests, and Dean nods his head. 

Sam brings Alison to the nursery, laying her down on the changing table. As soon as he starts to set her down, Alison is crying and whining, even though she’s still asleep. She skips the whimpering, going straight to crying, and it’s making Sam’s heart hurt. “I’m right here, gorgeous.” He whispers, starting to coo soothing words to her. Alison starts to calm down a little bit, but she’s still whining the entire time Sam is getting her changed. 

Once Alison is in a fresh diaper and onesie, he scoops her back up and brings her into his room, so they can lay down. He lays down in the bed with Alison, keeping her held closely to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Sam presses a gentle kiss to her head, taking a deep, shuddering breath. He felt terrible about the whole thing. Even if it wasn’t necessarily his fault, he still felt guilty. He didn’t understand why Crowley had to appear in the first place. 

“I’m so sorry.” Sam whispers quietly. “I know I promised I was going to protect you and I’m doing a pretty bad job of it. I’m trying, though… and I hope you can see that. I hope you can see just how much I love you. I’m never going to let anything happen to you. No demons, no nothing, will ever touch you.”

******

There was an old abandoned building. It looked like an old warehouse, despite how cliché that was. Alison wasn’t regressed. Upon looking down, Alison saw she was tied to a chair, unable to move or do anything. She then looks up, seeing Sam and Dean across from her, also tied up in chairs. “S-Sam? Dean?” Alison asked nervously.

Sam quickly looked up when he heard his name, realizing Alison was awake. “Hey. It’s okay. Everything’s fine.” He tries to keep his tone light and reassuring, but Alison can see he’s worried. Hell, who wouldn’t be? “Dean and I are going to get us out of here, okay? Just trust us.” 

“How cute.” That man appeared behind Sam and Dean. Alison remembered him, remembered how scared she was of him, but didn’t remember much else about him. “Trying to reassure your girlfriend everything’s going to be fine. Well, Moose and Squirrel, we’re going to have some fun before we even think about that.” 

“Crowley.” Dean muttered, twisting around in his seat to look at the current King of Hell. “What the hell do you want, Crowley? Swear to god we’re going to kill you.” 

Crowley tuts in disapproval. “I told you I simply wanted to have some fun with the girl, here, and you wouldn’t let that happen… so I thought I would take it. But, the best part about it, is you two are going to help me have fun with her.” 

“Like hell we are.” Sam mutters, looking back up at Alison who was looking at all of them rather worriedly. “Let us out of here, Crowley, and we’ll think about not killing you quite so harshly.” 

“I think you’ll find you’ll want to do things my way, Moose. Now shush.” He snaps his fingers and Sam can no longer speak, so he instead glares up at him. “Ah, much better. Now, here’s what’s going to happen.” 

Crowley suddenly appears standing in front of Sam’s chair, holding a knife. “Remember this, Moose?” Crowley asks, raising an eyebrow as he shows Sam the knife. “The knife you killed Ruby with after you started the apocalypse. I’ve heard it can cause some rather terrible pain.” He starts to skim it down Sam’s neck, but doesn’t make a mark. “Alright, although I loathe your complaining, I’m excited to hear you squeak, so you may speak now.” 

Sam could feel that he was able to speak again but he kept his mouth shut, simply glaring at Crowley. Crowley takes a step back, showing Alison the knife. “This is the game, my dear. I know you feel … not so fondly about demons.” He smirks. “So, you can either let me hurt your dear Sammy and Dean, or you can let me hurt you.” 

Alison’s eyes widened when she realized what was happening. If she chose to hurt them, she was going to have to sit there and watch Crowley torture them. Alison hated seeing either Sam or Dean in pain, especially when she was the cause of it – she couldn’t do that to them. But if she didn’t, then she was going to be tortured… just like she had been for sixteen years. 

“No.” Sam says immediately, his eyes wide. Dean started struggling against the restraints again, cursing when he found they still wouldn’t budge. “No, don’t do this. Don’t take your anger out on her. Hurt me, Crowley. You know you want to hurt me more than you want to hurt her.”

“Now, now, Moose. You’re taking away your girlfriend’s turn. So, what will it be?” He asks, raising an eyebrow when he turns toward Alison’s shaking frame. “Shall I hurt Sammy? Or Dean? Or should I hurt you?” 

Immediately, both Sam and Dean are talking over each other, making Alison’s head spin. Sam keeps saying that it’s okay, to tell Crowley to hurt him, that he’s not going to be mad. Dean’s saying to have Crowley hurt him instead, because he knows Alison wouldn’t be able to handle watching Sam be hurt, but Dean doesn’t want Alison getting hurt either. 

Alison’s eyes are wide as she stares wildly between the both of them, unable to form any words that she wants to. It’s making her freak out and her anxiety is rising. Crowley, getting tired of waiting, shrugs and starts to go in for Sam’s neck, making Alison scream out, “No!” 

“Ah, so she speaks. I was beginning to think you’d forgotten how.” Crowley smirks, standing up and walking toward her. 

“Hurt me.” Alison whispers, so quiet it’s hardly audible. “Don’t – don’t hurt them. I’ve already done far too much to them, just… please, leave them alone. Just hurt me instead.” Her breath hitches in her throat, her eyes filling with tears. 

Crowley had known that was the answer Alison was going to say, and he grins triumphantly, knowing he had gotten her to break. “Well, if you insist.” He doesn’t go for her neck, instead dragging the blade down her arm. Alison whimpers, taking a deep breath and squeezing her eyes shut, but that just makes her feel like she’d gone back in the past even more than it did to have her eyes open. “Doesn’t this just remind you of good times, kitten?” He practically purrs, making Alison cringe. 

There it was, a searing pain in her stomach. Alison had been planning on trying to stay silent, to not let it get to her, but that was impossible. She lets out a loud cry, and it feels like the pain is only getting worse. Vaguely, she can hear Sam and Dean calling for her, but Alison can’t focus on anything other than the pain.

Alison bolts upright, only to immediately clutch her side and curl up into herself again. There’s a loud noise, like someone screaming… then Alison realizes it’s her. She pants heavily, closing her eyes and clutching her side, loud sounds of pain escaping her lips every few breaths. 

Sam had been jolted awake the second Alison started screaming. She’d been screaming for a while now, but Sam hadn’t been able to get through to her until now. “Alison, honey, it was just a nightmare!” He kept trying to tell her, helpless to do anything to stop the screams making her throat go hoarse. “You’re okay, you’re safe, I promise!” 

Dean and Castiel had come bursting in a few minutes prior, all of them attempting to calm Alison down. It took a few seconds for Sam to realize Alison must be awake because her cries of pain had changed. Then he realized she was still clutching her side and grunting in pain, causing his eyes to widen. “Ali?” He asks frantically, placing his hand over hers that was clutched on her side. “Alison, you need to tell me what’s wrong, so I can fix it. Please, sweetheart.” Sam says hurriedly. He has no idea if Alison is regressed or not anymore, but he’s praying she isn’t, otherwise he’s going to have to figure it out on his own.

“Stomach—” Alison whimpers, and Sam knows she isn’t regressed anymore. He breathes a sigh of relief, but that relief is short lived when she cries out in pain once again.

“Let me see, baby.” Sam says, gripping onto her wrist. His touch is gentle but firm, knowing he needed to get a look at what was going on. Sam pulls her hand away from her side, lifting her shirt, but he doesn’t see anything. Then, with a rush of dread, a realization hits Sam. He presses down over where her appendix is gently, watching for a reaction.

Alison’s reaction is instantaneous as she cries out in pain, trying to shove Sam’s hand away. “Sorry, I’m sorry—” He says quickly, pulling his hand away then looking up to Castiel and Dean. “I think she has appendicitis. We need to get her to the hospital right now.”

Castiel is unwavering. He’s worried about Alison, but he’s the only one with a semi-clear head, so he made sure he kept it. He snaps and quickly gets Alison dressed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, knowing she wouldn’t want to go somewhere in a onesie without being regressed. The rest of them were still wearing regular clothes, since they were only taking a nap, so he didn’t need to worry about them. “Sam, you hold onto Alison, and me. Dean hold onto me.” He instructs.

They all do as Castiel says, and he quickly transports them to the hospital. He made sure no one was around to see them suddenly appear, and they appeared outside the hospital, Sam helping to hold Alison up next to him. Most of her weight was leaning on him, but he’d had worse. 

The four of them make their way into the hospital, Alison clinging to Sam. A receptionist stands up when she sees how bad Alison looks. “What’s going on?” She asks.

Sam is just about to respond when Alison suddenly pukes all over the floor. He winces, rubbing her back with his free hand before he looks to the receptionist. “We think she has appendicitis.” He says quickly. “She’s in a ton of pain, please…” 

Alison started to cry as soon as she threw up, clinging harder to Sam. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll clean it up, I promise—” 

Sam leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then cupped her cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “It’s okay, honey. It’s a hospital. I’m sure it happens all the time. No one’s upset with you.” There was sweat all over her face, and Sam gently wipes away some of the sweat on her forehead with his thumb. “Promise.” 

The receptionist got a wheelchair for Alison, while a nurse came out to get Alison triaged. Sam gave the nurse all of her information and told her that he was the medical proxy for her, so he would be the one to make the decisions if she couldn’t. 

“We need to get Alison to the CT right now, and then we’ll likely be bringing her up to surgery right away.” The nurse says. “Because we need to take her back, we’re going to have to ask you all to stay out here and we’ll update you when we can.” 

Alison whimpers, clinging tighter to Sam’s hand. Sam sighs, looking up at the nurse. “Is it possible for me to stay with her for a little while? She doesn’t do well with new people and new environments.” He says, rubbing his thumb along the back of Alison’s hand. “I’ll stay out of the way, I promise.” 

The nurse sighs as well, finally nodding. “It’s completely against protocol, but okay.” She could tell there was something a little off with Alison, and she didn’t want to be the cause of her having a panic attack or something. 

“I’ll text you every couple of minutes.” Sam promises Dean and Cas, who both nod. But before they can go back, there’s one more thing that needs to happen.

Dean quickly kneels in front of the wheelchair, reaching out to give Alison a hug. “I love you, kiddo.” He whispers. “You’re going to be okay. Just stay strong for us, alright?” Alison nods with a whimper, and Castiel gives her an awkward hug as well. 

Half an hour later, Sam was standing next to Alison’s bed side, where she was dressed in a hospital gown and a cap, getting prepped for surgery. She was looking around anxiously, so Sam took her hand and squeezed it, getting her to look at him. “Everything’s going to be fine.” He promises her gently. “Once you get out of surgery your stomach isn’t going to hurt like it is anymore. You’ll be sore for a while, but we’ll take care of you. And as soon as you’re out of here, you can regress for as long as you’d like, okay? I promise.” 

Alison manages a small smile, gasping as another intense wave of pain rushes through her stomach. She whimpers before looking up at Sam, her eyes sad. “I’m scared.”

Sam nods his head. “I know you are, baby. But they’re going to take good care of you. As soon as you’re in the recovery room and they’ll let me come back, I’ll be right there. I won’t leave your side while you recover, okay? I love you.”

“I love you.” Alison whispers, her head resting on Sam’s shoulder while they finish getting her prepped for her surgery. 

The bed is wheeled out of the room, Sam has to let go of Alison’s hand. He gives her a reassuring smile, and the doors ominously swing shut after them. “I love you, Alison.” He whispers, even though she’s already long gone. Sam can only pray that everything goes well in surgery, and that it hadn’t already burst, because if it did, then it would be sending toxins through her body.

Sam shoves his hands into his pockets, placing his back against the wall and slowly sliding down until he was sitting against it. He leans his head back, breathing out heavily. What a hell of a day it had been.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not a big fan of this chapter or the last one, but oh well. You win some, you lose some. Hopefully the next chapter will be better! This is also the last chapter I had pre-written, so my updates may become more sporadic now. However, I am also on the last week of my summer class, so fingers crossed soon I'll have some more time to write. <3
> 
> We also just hit over 3,000 views on Trauma!! You guys are so awesome, I love you all <3 
> 
> Comments & kudos feed the muse, I hope you guys like it!

_S: They just took her back._

_D: You ok?_

_S: Not really._

_D: Yeah … me neither._

_D: Cas says he’ll make sure nothing bad happens to her._

_S: He can do that?_

_D: No idea. But he says he can, so._

_S: Hopefully. I’ll let you know any updates._

Sam places his phone back in his pocket, breathing out deeply. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. It seemed like every time they started to make some good progress with Alison, something had to come and fuck it up. And this time, it hadn’t even just been Crowley. Instead, her god damn appendix had to rupture. He sure was doing a shitty job of protecting her.

He couldn’t help but to blame himself even though he knew he couldn’t have changed anything that happened. There were so many ‘what ifs’ going through his mind. What if he hadn’t been in the library when Crowley came? What if they’d gone through the warding and made sure everything was working properly? What if they’d kept Alison with them at all times, instead of letting her be on her own for a couple minutes while she was regressed? What if he’d managed to wake her from that nightmare sooner? 

Alison hadn’t even had time to work through the nightmare because of her appendix. She had just had to go straight to the hospital and straight to surgery. Sam knew that wasn’t good, because working through those things as soon as possible was always the best plan of action. He could only hope that things would go okay when she got out of surgery. He could only hope he could help her work through the nightmare later on, and it wouldn’t have hurt her too much. 

Sam had no idea how long an appendectomy took. He knew most surgeries took quite a bit of time, but appendectomies had gotten quicker because of laparoscopic procedures instead of having to completely open the patients up. 

Much to his surprise, it was a little less than an hour later when a nurse came out. She sees Sam sitting there and gives him a small smile, kneeling down next to him and placing her hand on his shoulder. It was easy to tell how worried he was about her. “She’s out of surgery and in the recovery room.” She says softly. Alison had been panicking before the surgery started, because she didn’t have Sam there, so the nurse could tell there was definitely something off with her. Whether it was some sort of mental disorder or what, she didn’t know, and frankly, it didn’t really matter. “Normally we don’t let family members into the recovery room, especially while they’re still sleeping, but would you like to go in?” She asks kindly. “I have a feeling she wouldn’t like waking up and having a bunch of strange people around her.” 

Despite everything, Sam smiles at the nurse. This was certainly a nurse who cared about her patients, even if it meant she had to break some protocols. “Yeah… that would be amazing.” He says softly, standing up after she offers him her hand. “Thank you.” 

“No problem.” The nurse says, leading Sam to the recovery room. “Remember, she’s still sleeping. She should be waking up from the anesthesia within a few minutes, though. Just try to keep her calm. Even though it’s a laparoscopic procedure, she’s still going to be rather sore, and it’s best for her not to move too much right after surgery.” 

Sam nods his head in understanding. Keeping Alison calm was always his number one priority, anyway. Once the nurse leads him into the room, Sam sits down in a chair next to the hospital bed. He reaches over and smooths some hair back from her forehead. “Hi, Ali.” He whispers softly, even though she’s sleeping. With his free hand, he takes her hand and squeezes it gently. “It’s me, Sammy. I’m right here, okay? You’re okay. I promise.” 

The nurse smiles when she sees how gently he’s talking to her, and the love in his eyes. She wasn’t a recovery room nurse, so she left them be with the other nurses that were there. 

It was a few minutes later that Alison’s eyes finally started to open. As soon as he saw her eyes fluttering open, he leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to her forehead, then perching himself on the edge of the hospital bed she was laying in. “I’m right here, Ali. You’re okay. You just got out of surgery.” 

Alison’s eyes fall shut for a few more moments before she slowly manages to pry them open again. She relaxes a little bit when she sees Sam is right there, with her eyes starting to fall shut again. She wasn’t in any pain yet because of all the medicine they’d given her during the surgery, which Sam thought was a blessing. “They’re going to get you back to a hospital room, and probably keep you one night so they can make sure you’re okay. But I’m going to be there the whole time, okay?” 

Alison makes a sound of confirmation that she heard Sam but doesn’t open her eyes again. This causes Sam to chuckle quietly. He brings Alison’s hand up to his mouth and presses a light kiss to the back of it. “Get some rest, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Dean and Castiel were sitting in the waiting room. Dean had been nervous and on edge the entire time. Castiel was worried too, of course, but he was more levelheaded than Dean was. It was a perk of being an angel, after all. “Dean… she will be okay.” He says quietly, reaching over and taking Dean’s hand. 

In all honesty, Cas was surprised that Dean didn’t pull his hand away from him. Dean didn’t truly care what people thought about him, but Castiel knew he wasn’t necessarily comfortable with them being two males and being in public like this. But Dean didn’t pull his hand away, instead just squeezed Castiel’s hand in worry. He figured it was probably just because Dean was so worried he wasn’t really thinking about it. 

It was two hours later when Dean got the text from Sam that they could come back. Dean was immediately up out of his seat, tugging Castiel along with him. Sam had told them the room number, so he didn’t have to ask anyone what room she was in. Going through some of the hallways (that were like a maze), Dean eventually stumbles upon room #134. He double checks the text to make sure that’s it before slowly knocking on the door and pushing it open. 

Sam looks over when he hears the knock, giving a small smile when he sees Dean with Castiel in tow. He quirks an eyebrow when he realizes they’re holding hands, but quickly looks away, because he didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable. “She’s okay.” Sam says softly. “They managed to get it before it burst, although it was extremely inflamed. They’re keeping her tonight to make sure everything goes okay, then tomorrow we’re going home.” Sam points to a packet of paper that’s laying on the bedside table. “That’s all of her care instructions.” He says with a quiet chuckle, glancing down. “There’s a lot to think about when you get your appendix out, apparently.” 

Dean unlaces his fingers from Castiel’s and grabs the packet, starting to skim through it. A lot of it was what to expect when she came home from the hospital, regarding pain, pain medication, care for the wound, energy levels, and more. He lays the packet back down on the bedside table, seeing there were a couple more chairs on the other side of the bed. Dean then heads over to one of the chairs, Castiel following behind him. 

It was getting to be early evening when Alison whimpered. Sam had been absentmindedly watching something on the television, not really paying attention because it was hard to tell what was going on when it was muted. Dean’s head was tipped back as he dozed in the chair, and Castiel was sitting there almost like a statue – hands clasped in his lap. Sam could tell he was on high alert, though, making sure all of them were good and nothing was going to happen to any of them. 

At the first sound of Alison whimpering, Sam was up and out of his chair, perching on the edge of the hospital bed and smoothing his fingers through her hair. “Shh… you’re okay, Ali. Everything’s okay.” He promises her gently, leaning forward so he can press a kiss to her forehead.

To his surprise, Alison suddenly reached out and grabbed onto the back of his neck. “Ali, are you awake?” He asks quietly, but there was no response, only another quiet whimper. Sam quickly starts to adjust himself, knowing that he definitely wasn’t supposed to be in the hospital bed with her, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He manages to maneuver himself in such a way that he was laying next to her, but he keeps his lips pressed against her forehead, allowing his nose to nestle into her hair. “I’ve got you.” Sam whispers, one arm coming to gently loop around her. 

Once Sam was settled down next to her, Alison fell back asleep almost immediately. This made Sam smile, glad that he was able to calm her down in such a small way. He uses his hand to rub her back gently, using his fingernails to gently scratch her back. “You’re safe. You’re okay.” 

Getting Alison back to the bunker after her surgery was not a fun time. At least traffic wasn’t that bad, but it still took a while to get back to the bunker, due to it being so far away from civilization. They’d thought about having Castiel transport them all back to the bunker, but they were unsure how that would affect her, so they decided to go for the safer option, although it possibly could have caused her more pain. 

Once they were finally back to the bunker, Sam didn’t even let Alison walk into the bunker. Instead he picked her up bridal style, carrying her in. Alison makes a small sound, but Sam just chuckles, looking down at her. “They said you should start walking, but you’re still in so much pain, and you did walk out to the car. Maybe we can get you up a little bit more before you go to bed tonight, but for now, I think you’re good.” 

Alison didn’t protest, instead just curling up into Sam. She desperately wanted to regress. She wanted to get away from this pain, even though regressing wouldn’t do that. She just didn’t want to remember it. But Alison knew she was clingy even on a good day when she was regressed, and she knew she would be way too clingy if she were to regress when she was in this much pain. 

“Speaking of pain, I think it’s time for your pain medication again.” Sam says after he lays Alison down on the couch, glancing at the watch on his wrist. “Yep, time for your pain medication. Let me go get it.” Alison also knew that if she were to regress, she wouldn’t be able to swallow the large pills they gave her for pain medicine and considering the pain medicine was hardly taking the edge off as it was, she really needed to take it. 

Sam comes back a couple minutes later with the pill and a cup of water, requesting that Alison drink all of the water. She does so quickly, even though she really wasn’t thirsty at all – but Sam knew she needed to stay hydrated, otherwise things could get worse. “Good girl.” He praises, causing Alison to flush. She gives him a tiny smile, handing the glass back to him, before looking down at her lap. 

Sam had gone upstairs to get his room all set up for Alison, leaving Dean, Cas, and Alison in the living room. Dean noticed something was wrong before the rest of them did. He kneels next to the couch where Alison is laying, resting his hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong, kiddo?” He asks gently, and Alison just shakes her head. 

Dean sighs. “I know I’m not Sammy, but you can talk to me. I won’t judge you. I promise.” Alison makes a quiet noise, never even looking up at him. Dean feels terrible. He wants to help her, but he has no idea how. “You want me to get Sammy?” 

“No.” Alison says immediately, which surprises Dean. He’s surprised because of how quickly she’d said it, and also because of how much conviction she’d said it with. “I just…” She pauses, knowing that Dean is still waiting expectantly for her to speak. “Wanna regress. But I can’t.” She mumbles.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Dean glances up at Castiel, who just sends him a shrug in return. “Why can’t you regress, sweetie?” He asks. He’s still not really used to calling Alison anything other than ‘kiddo’, so it was a little weird, but he figured if she was struggling with the regression, calling her kiddo probably wasn’t such a hot idea.

“Already clingy enough when I’m regressed on a normal day.” Alison mumbles. “You told me that. Also told me that when I was sick, I wouldn’t leave Sam alone for two seconds. It would probably be worse because of how much pain I’m in. I don’t want to bug him.” She sighs. “And I wouldn’t be able to take my pain medication, since it’s such a big pill.” 

Dean could tell she was fighting her mind. Even though she felt like she wanted to regress, it wasn’t happening voluntarily. She was fighting against an involuntary regression. He felt terrible, because they’d always tried to tell her she didn’t have to fight against those. That she could give in to those. “Sweetheart…” He says quietly. 

Alison shakes her head. “It’s fine, Dean. Really.” Although she didn’t know how she was going to make it through the entire recovery period without regressing, she had to. Otherwise she was going to be in so much pain. 

Two days later, Alison couldn’t fight it anymore. Thankfully she had just taken her pain medication, but it only lasted for upwards of eight hours. If the regression lasted longer than eight hours, which they usually lasted at least a day, none of them knew what they were going to do. 

“De.” Sam was upstairs when she regressed, and Dean had been doing something on his laptop, so he hadn’t even realized Alison regressed. “Deeee.” She whines.

It was a sudden realization what that voice and nickname meant, so Dean quickly looks down where the little girl was tugging on his leg. He smiles softly. “Hi, Ali!” Dean coos. Alison had been getting very irritable the past few days because she’d been refusing to let herself regress. So, it was a good thing she was regressed, but at the same time, it could be bad – he knew one of them would have to go find the strongest pain medication they could find in liquid form, since she wouldn’t be able to take her pain medication now. “Whatcha doin’, sweetheart?” He coos, gently reaching down to scoop Alison up and place her on his lap. 

Dean knew she needed to be changed and put in a diaper, but that could wait for a minute. She didn’t seem like she was in any hurry to be changed, so. Alison grabs his hand and squeezes it, and Dean squeezes her hand back gently with a small smile, leaning forward to kiss the tip of her nose. “My little sweetheart. My favorite girl. Isn’t that right?” He coos, causing Alison to gasp. “Yeah! You’re my favorite girl!” 

The conversation about Alison being his favorite girl was a conversation they’d had a million times while she was regressed – but she loved it, and it always made her smile so wide, so Dean loved having that conversation as well. 

Alison whines quietly, placing her hand over where her small incision was. She looks up at Dean with a pout. He sighs, gently taking her hand again to pull it away from her incision. “I know, sweetheart. Your tummy hurts, doesn’t it?” Alison nods, still pouting. “You have a … a boo-boo.” He says with a nod. “It’s going to hurt for a little while yet. But we’re going to get you medicine for little girls like you!” He smiles, gently tapping her nose, which causes Alison to finally drop the pout and smile back at him. 

“Alright, kiddo. How about we go get you changed?” Dean gently scoops her up, making sure she’s still comfortable and he’s not pressing on her incisions or anything that could hurt her. She snuggles right up to him, which makes Dean smile. Lately he hadn’t gotten to see Alison when she was regressed, because she spent most of her time with Sam.

It only took a few minutes for Dean to get her all changed, then he ended up going to Sam’s room, knocking on the door gently. Alison had decided to stick her fingers in her mouth. Her hand was in a fist, so she was mostly just chewing on her knuckles and drooling, but Dean couldn’t help but let her. He thought it was adorable.

Dean opens the door, where Sam was sitting on his bed, his eyes focused on his laptop. He looked up when the door started to open, immediately grinning when he sees Dean carrying Alison, who was obviously regressed. “Look, it’s my baby girl!” Sam coos, Alison giggling loudly as she continues to chew on her knuckles. “Where’s your pacifier, sweet girl? Is De letting you eat your hand?” He teases as he gets up, very gently tickling her tummy, causing her to squirm just a little bit while she giggles.

“Okay, I know we’re not supposed to, but c’mon. Look at her. Isn’t she just the cutest thing in the world?” Sam can’t help but to grin just at the loving look in Dean’s eyes. He had never really thought of Dean as someone who liked kids, and maybe it was just because Alison wasn’t truly a kid, but Dean absolutely loved her. 

“Of course, she’s the cutest thing in the whole world, she’s our little girl.” Sam coos. He leans forward so he can press a gentle kiss to the top of Alison’s head, and she leans into him, humming out happily. “But we should get the cutest little girl her pacifier, otherwise she’s going to chew her fingers off.” He teases. 

“Fine, fine.” Dean rolls his eyes teasingly but grabs the pacifier out of his pocket. He gently pulls Alison’s hand from her mouth, so he can slip the pacifier in instead. Alison happily takes it, sucking contently on it while she rests her head on Dean’s shoulder. 

“Looks like one of us will have to make a trip to the grocery store.” Sam says quietly. “Or the pharmacy. See if we can find some good pain medicine that she can take while she’s like this.” His hand comes out to rub Alison’s back and she hums happily, blinking sleepily while she looks up at him.

“I think someone’s pain medicine is starting to make her sleepy.” Dean says softly, surprised that she was actually continuing to snuggle up to him. Usually at this point Alison would be wanting Sam, since she was sleepy, but she wasn’t even reaching for him. “Do you want to go to Sammy or do you want to cuddle De for a while?” 

Alison stays silent for a moment. Both of them were just expecting a response, but instead, Alison just teared up. “Whoa, whoa, hey…” Sam says softly, placing his hand back on Alison’s back. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?” 

Dean frowns at Sam, who frowns back at him. They didn’t know why she would be crying – after all, it had been just a simple question about who she wanted to be with.

“S-Sammy mad?” Alison whimpers. Dean once again looks up at Sam, confusion written in his eyes, but Sam suddenly realized what she was talking about.

“Oh, honey. You’re afraid I’m going to be mad if you want to snuggle with Dean?” Sam asks to make sure he understands, sighing softly when she nods. “No, no. Of course not, baby. You hardly ever spend time with De, if you want to spend time with him, I’m completely okay with that. De loves you just as much as I do, and I know he would love to spend some more time with you.” 

Alison sniffles, very slowly looking up to meet Sam’s hazel gaze. “P-promise?” She whispers, holding her pinky out to Sam with a solemn look. 

Sam can hardly hold in his chuckle, but he manages to keep a solemn look on his face as well. He reaches his hand out to lock their pinkies together, even leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to where their pinkies were linked together. “I pinky promise. I have to run to the store anyway. So how about you take a nap with Dean and when you wake up we can all have dinner?” 

There’s a moment of silence before Alison nods, leaning toward Sam a little bit so he can kiss her forehead, like he always does when he leaves. It warms Sam’s heart that Alison just leans forward expectantly – because that means she’s finally come to expect the affection that she always craved so much. Sam kisses her forehead tenderly, hand coming up to cup her cheek for just a moment. “I love you, Ali.” He says softly.

“Love you, Sammy.” Alison replies once she leans back from the kiss and rests her head back on Dean’s shoulder sleepily. She sucks on her pacifier a few times, Dean running his fingers through her hair gently. 

“Alright, kiddo. How about we go lay down for a little bit, yeah?” Dean asks softly, and Alison nods happily. She had missed Dean. Most of the time Alison wanted only Sam because she was closest with Sam, but now she had been missing Dean. He wasn’t as soft as Sam, but he was fiercely protective, and warm. 

Dean carries Alison to his bed and lays down with her, making sure she’s laying on her back, that way she won’t be putting any pressure on her side. He keeps his arms wrapped firmly around her, and she snuggles up to his chest happily. Dean kisses her forehead, humming out quietly while she closes her eyes and starts to relax. 

Alison had been sleeping even more the last few days, because of how strong the pain medication was. They’d said it was likely to happen, so they weren’t too worried about it. Sam also remembered that after most surgeries people would sleep most of the day for at least a day or two, so he wasn’t worried about her sleeping a lot. 

Sam had gone and found the strongest pain medicine he could find that was in liquid form. It wasn’t nearly as strong as her medicine she was on for a prescription, but he was hopeful it could at least help some. With the laparoscopic procedure, sometimes recovery with pain took as little as a week and they were already on day four, so he was hoping they could just make it through the next few days with a lot of lower dose pain medicine and then she’d be okay. Or that she got out of her regression, so they could get her back on the higher dose medicine. 

“Maybe we could crush up the tablets and put it in her food…” Sam muses to himself while he’s standing in the kitchen, thinking of what to have for dinner that night. That was actually a good idea. The least amount of pain they could have Alison be in was his goal, because he hated seeing her in pain even when she wasn’t regressed, let alone when she was feeling so young. 

Maybe he’d also give her a small dose of the liquid pain medicine, in case crushing up the tablet wasn’t quite enough to cover the edge of her pain. Sam would keep a close eye on her, but since the pain medicine he’d gotten didn’t have acetaminophen in it, he knew it should be fine. Too much acetaminophen could be very bad, but he was making sure he monitored how much she was taking in. 

“Sammy? We need you up here!” Dean calls urgently from his bedroom, causing Sam to drop what he was doing and practically run up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He goes into Dean’s room quickly, seeing Alison’s face screwed up and red. She looked like she was in pain.

“Hey, hey, baby.” Sam coos, gently turning her so she’ll look at him. “Hey, sweet pea. Are you in pain?” He asks, frowning when Alison nods her head. It hadn’t been nearly eight hours yet, she shouldn’t be having this much pain from her incision site already. “Is it your tummy?” 

Sam’s eyebrows furrow in confusion when Alison shakes her head. “It’s not your tummy that’s hurting? What’s hurting, sweetheart? I need you to tell me, otherwise I can’t fix it.” He reminds her, taking her hand when he notices her hands are clenched into fists. Alison starts to squeeze Sam’s hand tightly, and he continues to coo softly to her, waiting for her to answer.

“P-poo…” Alison whimpers, and Sam’s eyes widen. 

“Sweetheart, I need you to stop straining.” Sam says quickly, cupping her cheek in his hand and brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. “Relax, baby girl. I need you to relax for me, can you do that?” 

Alison whimpers again, exhaling a deep breath as she tries to relax like Sam is telling her to. It’s nearly impossible, though. Sam thought she was constipated, but Sam actually had no idea what was going on. 

Sam waits until she relaxes a little bit, but then all of a sudden Dean makes a sound, and Sam knows why – there’s a terrible smell. One of the worst things Sam has ever smelled in his life, and he’s smelled a lot of shit during his life as a hunter. “Okay, gorgeous. Let’s see what’s going on, hmm?” 

Sam scoops her up in his arms and carries her to the nursery, Dean following in tow. He had a feeling he didn’t really want to see what he was about to see, but he wanted to take care of Alison just like Sam wanted to, which meant he also had to take the bad and the ugly. 

Sam gets Alison laid down on the changing table, quickly getting her out of her onesie. But as he gets her out of her onesie, he gets a pretty terrible surprise – she’d had an entire blowout with diarrhea. “Oh.” Sam breathes out quietly, clearing his throat. “They did say this could be a side effect of the surgery and the pain medication…” He takes a deep breath through his mouth, glancing to Dean. “Will you go start a bath?” 

Dean nods his head, thankful to just get out of the room. He goes to the bathroom, running a hot bath, then calling for Sam that it’s ready. Sam had gotten Alison out of her diaper, noting how her bottom was extremely red and looked raw, and he winced. Hopefully a hot bath would help that irritation out a little bit. He managed to get Alison as cleaned up as he could before he heard Dean yell, carrying her to the bathroom to get her into a nice hot bath to get her all cleaned up.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story is definitely getting more sporadic, but give me some time to get some stuff written up and I'll do my best to get it updated on a regular schedule again!
> 
> Alison gets her period. Dun dun dunnn. Anyway. I hope you guys like it, comments & kudos feed the muse! <3

Because they gave Alison pain medication like clockwork and they also got her up and around as much as they could, her recovery didn’t take all that long. The normal recovery time for a laparoscopic appendectomy was one to three weeks, and by the end of the second week, Alison was just about good as new. Sam was still keeping a careful eye on her incision site, making sure everything was okay there, but so far, they hadn’t had any scares with that, either. 

Alison was regressed through most of the recovery. Sam had been expecting nothing less. It had gotten a little frustrating at one point, when she wouldn’t even let him go to the bathroom without taking her, but he understood it was just because she was in so much pain. Sam always just took a deep breath and reminded himself that this was what he wanted. He wanted Alison to be comfortable around him. He wanted her to make her needs known.

Eventually, Dean and Cas had managed to get through to her a little bit. Cas started using his grace to show her some ‘magic’ and that had let Sam get away just long enough that he could take a shower and use the bathroom. Sometimes Dean ended up snuggling her when she wasn’t feeling good. Sometimes Cas did. It certainly took a village to raise the little girl, but all three of them wouldn’t want it any other way. 

It was the beginning of the third week when Alison finally came out of her regression. They had finally finished up with all of Alison’s doctors’ appointments and everything was looking good. Alison was basically back to brand new, and she was no longer having any pain around her incision or anything of the sort. She was back to normal with eating, and Sam didn’t really know about walking since she wasn’t very mobile when regressed, but he figured she was okay with that as well. Sam was just grateful everything was getting back to normal.

A few days later, Alison started to seem a little more isolated. She was still spending time with them, but she wasn’t talking much, and she wasn’t really doing much. Sam asked her about it and she said she just wasn’t feeling good, so Sam believed her. He was hoping she was just coming down with a cold, or something short and sweet, so she didn’t have to suffer anymore than she already had been these past few weeks. It wasn’t until later that night that Sam realized what was really going on.

Sam, Dean, and Alison were sitting on the couch watching TV when she decided she was going to get something to drink. She asked if they wanted anything – Dean, of course, said a beer, and after a moment’s contemplation, Sam decides he’ll have a beer too. Alison had been sitting between the two of them, so she gets up from between them and heads off into the kitchen. 

Sam’s eyes were still focused on the TV when Dean suddenly says, “Uh… Sammy?” He knows that tone of voice, so Sam quickly turns his attention from the show back to Dean, where Dean is looking down at the couch.

It takes Sam a second to realize what Dean is looking at because of the couch’s dark exterior, but then he realizes there’s blood on it. “Oh.” Sam whispers, looking back up to the kitchen. It was crazy to think about, but this was the first period of Alison’s that Sam was even aware of. He had no idea how that had managed to happen, considering all the times she’d been regressed and how long she’d been staying there, but somehow it had taken him this long. 

Sam also knew there was the possibility Alison hadn’t been having regular periods for all this time at the bunker. Her body was still attempting to get regulated to things, like having a steady sleep schedule, eating more, etc. Then with all of the stress she’d constantly been put under, despite Sam’s trying to keep it at bay, there was a good chance she just wasn’t having regular periods.

Alison came back into the room, both beers nestled in the crook of her arm and a glass of water for herself in her hand. She sees the look on their faces, and immediately stops, already starting to shrink into herself a little bit. She knows that look. The look where they have to tell her something they don’t want to tell her. “What?” She asks in a small voice, making Sam’s heart melt and ache all at the same time. 

“Sweetheart… you’re bleeding.” Sam says simply, hoping that if he and Dean didn’t make a big deal out of it, she wouldn’t make a big deal out of it either. He was praying that would happen, actually, because he figured the demons had likely done some awful things to her every time she got her period while she was with them. The last thing he wanted to do was have her spiral into some sort of memory because of something he said. 

Dean didn’t say anything, figuring it would be best for him to stay silent. Even though he and Alison had their good days, he didn’t want to freak her out or say something that would make her upset. 

Even though Sam had said it nonchalantly, Alison immediately dropped the beers that were nestled in her arm, as well as the water glass in her hand. They all shattered, but she doesn’t hear them, because she’s more focused on how her heart just started racing frantically in her chest. She realized the only way Sam would know that is because she had bled on the couch, meaning she probably stained it. “I’m so sorry.” Alison immediately says tearfully, her arms coming to wrap around her torso like she’s trying to protect herself. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll clean it up, I promise! Please –” 

When Sam saw the beers and glass slipping from her hands, he quickly stands up, trying to get over there before she gets herself into a deep panic attack. Sam didn’t know what she was just about to plead – with him not to hurt her, or something else even more sinister, but he really didn’t want to know. Not like this. He’d rather she told him what happened, instead of pleading with him not to do whatever happened.

Right as soon as she starts with the first ‘please,’ Sam is cupping her cheeks in his hands, hushing her quietly. “Hey, hey. It’s okay.” He murmurs, leaning down so he can nudge his nose against hers. “No one is upset with you, sweetheart. It’s a natural part of your life, okay? You just got your period. It’s okay.” 

Alison whimpers, closing her eyes as Sam leans forward so he can nudge their noses together. She swallows hard, clinging to his shirt and breathing in shakily. But when she closes her eyes, the only thing she can see is a few of the times she got her period while she was with the demons, and all the awful things they did to her because of it. Especially because she had gotten blood on some things. “M-my what?” She asks tearfully, causing Sam to exhale out of surprise more than anything. 

“Your period.” Sam answers gently, giving her a small smile. “Normally, you would learn about this when you’re growing up. I’m sure you’ve noticed that once a month, or usually once a month, you bleed for a few days, right?” She nods her head, even though she’s not opening her eyes at all to look at him, her cheeks flushing from the embarrassment of this conversation. “That’s called your period. It’s usually around five days, and you can get cramps and all sorts of odd side effects with it. That’s probably why you’ve not been feeling good these past couple days, because your body was preparing to get your period.” 

Alison releases another quiet whimper, exhaling heavily. She just kept thinking of all the terrible things the demons did to her whenever she got it. That was always the worst time of her life – she was so glad that when it was happening it wasn’t regularly happening once a month. At least it didn’t feel like it happened once a month, but she wasn’t any good at telling the time anyway, since she never knew when it was night or day. 

“Do you have any pads or tampons?” Sam asks quietly. He had a feeling that if she had either of those that she wouldn’t be using tampons, since she wasn’t fond of having anything up her, but Alison always seemed to be surprising him, so it wasn’t completely out of the question that she would be using tampons over pads. 

“Do I have what?” Alison whispers, and Sam’s eyes widen. He didn’t realize she wouldn’t even know what they are, although that did make sense. Obviously, the demons wouldn’t be giving her any feminine hygiene products. Alison finally opens her eyes, only to start avoiding his gaze when he asks her what she usually did when she got her period. “I usually stuff some toilet paper in my underwear.” She whispers shamefully. “I’m sorry, I’m usually really good about not bleeding on anything and not showing anything about it, I’m so sorry, Sam –” 

Sam shushes her again, kissing the tip of her nose. “Shh. Don’t apologize to me. I wish you would have said something when you got your period before, honey. You don’t have to just stuff toilet paper in your underwear, they make products for that. Do you usually get cramps? Does your stomach hurt lower down?” 

Dean silently gets up from the couch, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with going to the store to get either pads or tampons, because he had no idea what he was supposed to buy, but obviously Alison needed them, and she wouldn’t want to go herself. Not while she was like this. He waits until Sam looks away from Alison for a quick second, nodding his head when Sam mouths the word ‘pads’ to him. He had figured pads would be better, but Sam would definitely know. 

Alison doesn’t even hear the door shut because she’s so focused on how embarrassed she is and trying to keep herself out of the memories of being with the demons. Alison slowly nods her head to Sam’s question, sniffling when she looks down. “It hurts a lot.” She whimpers. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t even get out of bed.” 

Sam’s heart hurts when he hears that, knowing that Alison had been in so much pain and Sam hadn’t even been aware of it. He was a little surprised that she was that good of an actress, but then again, she had had to deal with pain for her entire life. She was probably used to hiding it and acting like she was okay. “Sweetheart, you should have said something.” He says gently, raising one hand to rest on the back of her neck, thumb stroking over the back of her neck. “I never want you to feel like you have to hide things from me, no matter how big or small it is. Something like being in so much pain you can hardly get out of bed is big. I would like to know that, so I can help you.” 

Alison sniffles again, nodding slowly. There had been multiple times before where she had been in the middle of her period and wanted to regress, but she forced herself not to, so Sam wouldn’t have to deal with her bleeding. Luckily, she had never been regressed before when she got her period, otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to force herself out of it in time. “Didn’t want to bug you.” She mumbles quietly. “Figured I was overreacting.” 

Giving a small smile, Sam shakes his head. “Baby, just because you’ve been through so much pain and other shit in your life, that doesn’t mean you can’t have pain now. The pain you feel now is just as real as the pain you felt back then. Obviously, I don’t know the experience firsthand, but I’ve heard many things about girls having their period, and I’ve heard many horror stories of the pain and other experiences they’ve had. I don’t care what kind of pain it is, whether it’s physical or emotional, or anything else, I would like you to tell me. You’ll never bug me.” 

Alison gives a tiny smile from his heartfelt speech, slowly nodding her head and looking back up at him. She honestly didn’t understand what she had done to deserve someone as amazing as Sam. She didn’t understand why someone like Sam was the one who found her, and not someone just as terrible as her captors, because that was what she deserved.

But slowly, one day at a time, Sam was starting to show her that she didn’t deserve to be treated how she was. She didn’t deserve to be hurt every single day. She didn’t deserve to feel like she was a worthless piece of shit. There were still plenty of days, most days in fact, that Alison felt worthless. But every so often, she got a tinge of fleeting hope. A tinge of hope that one day she would think maybe she didn’t deserve everything she’d been through.

“Come on, sweetheart.” Sam says softly, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Let’s go get you changed and get some toilet paper just for a little bit until we get you some pads, okay? Just for a little bit, I promise.” Alison nods her head slowly, slowly reaching for Sam’s hand for just a little bit of comfort. Sam squeezes her hand reassuringly, guiding her up the stairs so he can get her changed into a new pair of pants – preferably some sweatpants, if she wasn’t going to allow him to get her into a onesie. He was debating on asking, but he didn’t want to ask and make her upset, so he figured just sweatpants for now.

One thing Sam knew was that she would likely be more comfortable if she was in his sweatpants if she was going to be in sweatpants. Alison always liked wearing his clothes because they smelled like him, and they were big and baggy on her, which made her feel more protected. With that thought in mind, Sam guides Alison to his room instead of her room, finding a pair of sweatpants that were a little tight on him, so they wouldn’t be literally falling off her. 

Alison quickly shakes her head, taking a step back and letting go of Sam’s hand. “It gets messy even when I use the toilet paper, Sam. I’ll make a mess all over your sweatpants, I don’t want to do that.” Even the tone in her voice was nervous, including her little bit of fidgeting movements. Sam could see she was scared to get blood on his pants, afraid that he would become upset with her.

“Ali, honey, I’m voluntarily giving you my sweatpants even though I know you have your period. It’s really not that big of a deal, love. If you use the toilet paper, it’ll at least hold out long enough so that you shouldn’t bleed all the way through the pants, and if it stains it’s not that big of a deal. Not like anyone can see the inside of the pants anyway.” Sam shrugs, placing the sweatpants down on the bed. “Let me help you?” He asks softly, not wanting to do anything she was uncomfortable with.

“No.” Alison says immediately, though her voice is wavering a little bit. Sam also notices that her voice is starting to go little, which is making his heart melt. She obviously feels vulnerable enough to want to regress, but she’s forcing herself to stay big, thinking that she would be a burden to Sam if he had to take care of her while she was on her period.

“Baby, you know if you want to regress, you can.” Sam says quietly, causing her cheeks to flush a dark red. She hadn’t realized her voice was starting to go little, but Sam obviously had. He skims his hand down her arm until he gets to her hand, squeezing her hand gently. “I promise, I’ll take good care of you.”

Alison whines. “It’s not that I think you won’t take good care of me.” She says desperately, desperate for Sam to understand what she’s saying. It’s not that she doesn’t trust him. She trusts him more than she even trusts herself, sometimes. “I just don’t want you to have to deal with it.” 

Sam rolls his eyes, but he still has a fond smile on his face. “Gorgeous, I’m going to have to deal with it at some point or another. As long as you keep regressing and keep having your period, there will come a day where you’ll be regressed when you get your period. I promise, it’s not a big deal. I’ll use gloves when I change you if you really want me to.”

She nods her head immediately. “Yes. Use gloves.” That has Sam grinning triumphantly, because she basically just agreed to regressing at some point while she had her period. Even if she refused to regress right then, he still felt like he had a little bit of a victory on his shoulders. “I don’t want you touching it.” It was bad enough that Sam had had to touch her poop sometimes, she didn’t want him having to touch that as well.

“Okay, honey.” Sam agrees, practically cooing to her, hoping that it would get her to relax a little bit, so she could start to slip into little space. Sam then holds up the pair of sweatpants to her again, raising an eyebrow. “Do you still want these? Or should we get you into some jammies?” 

Alison starts to fidget, still unsure of what she wants to do. Well, she knows what she wants to do. She just doesn’t know what the best thing to do would be. Now that Sam has reassured her it’s okay, she really wants to slip into her regression, but at the same time, she still feels terrible that Sam has to deal with it. Alison makes a quiet noise, and Sam already knows exactly what she wants and isn’t saying. 

“Let’s go into your nursery.” Sam says gently, taking Alison’s hand again and guiding her into the nursery. He knows it’s going to be a little difficult to get her a pad once he gets her into the onesie, but at the same time, did she really need one? She was going to be wearing a diaper, after all, which was basically like the same thing as a pad… After thinking about it for a minute, Sam decides he’s not going to put one in, but he’s going to change her more frequently than he normally did – especially at first, to make sure everything’s still looking okay. 

Sam sits her up on the changing table, quickly getting her out of her messy pants and getting her into a diaper and onesie. He finds her pacifier, putting it in his pocket when Alison almost immediately shakes her head, and Sam knows she’s not far enough into the regression to take it willingly yet. She would be soon enough, though, so he doesn’t want it to be far away for when that does happen. 

Right as Sam is finishing up changing her, he hears Dean coming up the stairs. He hears a couple doors open and shut and knows Dean is looking for them, first in Alison’s room, then in Sam’s room. “In the nursery.” Sam calls, so Dean quickly peeks his head into the nursery, holding up the plastic shopping bag.

“Hey, I got… hopefully something good.” He gives a sheepish smile. Like he said before, he really didn’t know what he was supposed to be buying. “I got some thin ones and I also got some thick ones and both of them say they’re for 8 or 9 hours of protection, so…” Dean shrugs. “What do you have her in right now?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“I just have her in a diaper, since little miss here has decided she wants to be little.” Sam speaks the first part of the sentence to Dean but coos the second part of the sentence to Alison. Alison hides her face shyly in Sam’s shoulder, causing Sam to chuckle. “But she’s having a little bit of a hard time getting into it.” 

Dean grins softly, opening the door more so he can actually go into the nursery. He sets the plastic bag down by Alison’s chair, coming up to her and tickling her side gently, causing her to giggle. “Is someone getting shy?” He coos, and he can’t help but to laugh quietly when she looks up at him and he sees how red her cheeks are getting. “We love you.” Dean tells her softly, brushing his fingers through her hair gently.

“How about we take a nap?” Sam suggests, looking between Dean and Alison for his answer. “That way you can get some rest,” He says to Alison, “And then when you get up you’ll probably be more in your little space and we can all hang out and watch some more TV together and play together.” 

Alison nods slowly, biting down harshly on her bottom lip nervously. She looks between Sam and Dean, exhaling shakily. “Sure this is okay?” She asks in her little voice, looking even smaller than she normally did. 

Even though Dean doesn’t know what exactly she’s talking about, he’s pretty sure he has a good idea. It was actually him that spoke before Sam, which turned out to be a good thing, because Alison was also worried about what Dean would think if she regressed while she was on her period. “Of course, it’s okay. You know it’s always okay for you to regress.” He answers in a soft tone, placing his hand on her back. 

Sam nods his head in agreement. “We got you, sweet girl. Let’s take a nap, okay?” 

“Okay, Sammy.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who still sucks at updating? It's meee! But hey, we have 49 subscriptions for this now, which is insane. It also has over 3,000 hits, which is also insane. This chapter's got some angst and fluff, just like most of them I write tbh.
> 
> I hope you guys like it, comments & kudos feed the muse! <3

“What do you think they did to her?” Dean asks quietly while he looks down at the sleeping girl held in Sam’s arms. It was obvious to both of them that the demons had hurt her whenever she got her period. But the way she’d been acting when she found out she was bleeding was even more excessive than they’d thought it would be. “Do you think she freaked out every time she got her period and we didn’t know about it?” 

Sam sighs quietly as he looks down at Alison cradled in his arms. His fingers were gently brushing through her hair, keeping her calm as she slept. She was all curled up, sucking contently on her pacifier, head leaning toward Sam’s touch. “I don’t know.” He answers honestly. “There’s a… I know before, when she threw up, she pleaded with me to not make her eat it. So, I just wonder…” Sam shudders, not finishing the sentence, seeing Dean shudder as well. “I would like to think she didn’t freak out because she managed to hide it and would never make a mess. I would like to think that the only reason she freaked out is because she made a mess. But honestly, I don’t know.” 

Dean nods his head. His stomach churned violently just from thinking about her being forced to eat her vomit and maybe even have to do the same thing when she was on her period. He wasn’t sure how that would work, but he didn’t want to think too much into it, either. “This poor girl.” He mumbles quietly. “You know…” 

Sam looks over at Dean as he trails off. He was about to say something, up until he saw the look on Dean’s face. It was a rather serious look, one that Sam hadn’t really seen before. Sam knew Dean was about to say something he wasn’t comfortable with, so he decided to keep silent and let Dean take his time.

“I feel terrible for how I treated her when you first took her in.” He says quietly. Sam practically gaped at the words, because Dean never even remotely apologized for anything. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t respond, letting Dean keep talking. “I know it was so long ago and I should be over it, but I can’t help but keep thinking what would have happened if you didn’t take her in. Or what would have happened if I bitched so much you somehow decided to drop her off somewhere.” Dean emits a low chuckle, but Sam can tell it’s a self-loathing one. “I care about her so much now, I can’t imagine her not being here… and I just feel like a really shitty person that I treated her so badly in the beginning.” 

Shaking his head, Sam stops playing with Alison’s hair for a moment to reach over and squeeze his brother’s shoulder. “It was new. It was change. It was something neither of us were familiar with.” He shrugs. “And I’m sure deep down, a part of the reason you really didn’t want her here was because you were afraid we wouldn’t be able to protect her with our lives being the way they are, even if you couldn’t see it at the time. I’m just glad you finally came around.” 

Dean chuckles again, looking over at Alison once more. “Well, how could I not? She’s pretty damn cute.” He reaches over to smooth her hair back from her forehead. “Do you think she’s ever going to not involuntarily regress?”

Sam shrugs. “I have no idea. I would like to think that at some point she would be able to use it as a voluntary coping mechanism instead of an involuntary one, but I don’t know. At least it’s some sort of coping mechanism, and it’s a safe one.” He nods his head once. “I think she wishes she could do it voluntarily instead of involuntarily as well. But the few times she’s tried to do it voluntarily, she’s just felt so embarrassed and vulnerable that she’s sort of slipped into it involuntarily. I think we’d have to help her not feel so embarrassed before she’d be able to do it on her own.” 

“I can see why she’d think it was embarrassing.” Dean says with a nod. “It’s one thing for her to act like a baby when she has no idea what’s going on… but having someone take care of you completely while you’re aware of it… I can see why she’d be embarrassed, even though she really doesn’t have to be.” 

Sam nods his head in agreement. “I know.” He says quietly, sighing when he looks back down at Alison. “I just wish she was comfortable enough to always be herself around us and not feel like she has to hide anything. But at least we’re slowly getting there, right?” He at least hoped they were. “She’s slowly starting to get more comfortable around us.”

Dean nods this time. “Yeah, definitely. Remember when she first came here? It was like she was terrified to let us know if she needed anything. If she wanted food, if she wanted something to drink, if she needed to go to the bathroom, if she had a nightmare… at least now she’s starting to show us that.” 

Both brothers fall silent, each in their own thoughts. Alison was still curled up with Sam, leaning into him, her hair falling across her face until Sam moves it while he’s playing with it. 

“Have you two kissed again?” Dean asks suddenly, looking back over at his brother. “Or talked about your relationship or anything?” It had been quite a while since the episode at the bridge, but it hadn’t seemed like their relationship had changed at all.

Dean had certainly been wary about Sam having any sort of romantic relationship with Alison. He didn’t really understand how Sam could take care of her like that – change all of her diapers, give her baths, hold her through all of her screaming nightmares, and so on – and still think of her in a romantic way. Dean certainly couldn’t. If anything, Alison was like a little sister to him. But right then, seeing Sam cradling Alison in his lap, absentmindedly giving her a form of comfort by running his fingers through her hair, he could see it. He could see how Alison’s still tiny body fit so perfectly in the lap of his larger baby brother. He could see the way Sam looked at her. He could see the way Sam always knew exactly what to say or do to help her calm down or help her out of a panic attack. Dean even had a feeling Sam knew Alison better than she knew herself. 

Sam shakes his head at the question, looking back over to his older brother. “No.” He says quietly. “After it happened, she told me she liked it, but she was scared. I told her that we didn’t need to do it again until she was comfortable, or that we never had to do it again if she wasn’t comfortable or if she didn’t want to. There have been a couple times where I’ve wondered if I should, but… I don’t know, man.” 

Now it’s Dean’s turn to quirk an eyebrow in confusion. Sam seemed to be debating something, and he certainly hoped he wasn’t debating his feelings toward the girl. Not after he had kissed her and made her think he loved her. “What?”

“I just don’t know what the right move is. Because sometimes I think she might want me to kiss her, but I promised her we wouldn’t do anything until she was comfortable.” Sam pauses. “But then, at the same time, you know her. You know she would never initiate something like that. How am I supposed to know if she wants it? Or if she’s comfortable?” 

It’s a good point. Even though Sam knew her better than she knew herself, he was always afraid to do something that would make her uncomfortable. This was a huge thing, considering all she’d been through. “Maybe you could ask her?” He suggests, shrugging when Sam gives him a confused look. “You know. If you think she might want to be kissed, or you think the situation warrants it, ask her if it would be okay to kiss her. I know it’s not as ‘romantic’ or whatever, since most girls want kisses to be a surprise, but it’d be better than surprising her and having her freak out.” He points out, which Sam knows is a good point. He’s surprised his brother has that kind of wisdom, in all honesty, considering his track record with women. Maybe his feelings for Castiel are helping him in more ways than one. 

“Have you kissed Castiel yet?” Sam asks, deciding that if Dean was going to ask about his love life, Sam should have the right to ask about his. The slight flush that forms on Dean’s cheeks immediately has him crowing, grinning as he nudges his brother. “You did!” 

“Shut up, you’ll wake the girl!” Dean hisses, which has Sam at least quieting down, much to Dean’s relief. However, he would like to wipe that smirk off his little brother’s face. “Yeah, yeah. We’ve kissed a few times.” He mumbles, then shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now.” 

Sam is still grinning at Dean, nudging him again. “Well, hey. I’m happy for you, bro. As long as he makes you happy.” There was a part of him that wished he could even have what Dean and Castiel have – but he was content with waiting for Alison. Sam knew Alison was the one for him, without a shadow of a doubt. It was all just a matter of waiting and sticking it out. 

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He mutters again quietly, looking down when Alison stirs in Sam’s arms. She rolls a little bit so she’s facing more toward him, snuffling as she presses her face into his chest. Dean’s eyes narrow, knowing Alison usually didn’t move in her sleep when either one of them were holding her. “What do you think she’s dreaming about?” 

Shrugging his shoulders, Sam adjusts his arms around the girl so he’s holding her more tightly. “Hopefully something nice.” He says softly, Dean nodding his head in agreement. At least at this point it didn’t seem to be a nightmare, since she wasn’t freaking out, so hopefully it would stay that way. 

In fact, Alison was dreaming about that day up on the bridge. For once, though, her subconscious wasn’t focusing on the bad, it was focusing on the good. It was focusing on how it felt when Sam’s arms closed around her, how it felt when he was hugging her tightly to his chest on the side of the road. The way his lips felt on hers… something so sweet, something she wanted so much more of, but at the same time was terrified to receive. 

Alison and Sam raise up from where they’re sitting on the side of the road, where Dean comes and practically picks her up because he’s hugging her so tightly. Alison’s expecting Sam to come over and tell Dean that that’s enough, because he didn’t want to freak her out more, but that doesn’t come. Eventually, Dean relents and puts her down, and Alison turns around, searching out those hazel eyes she knew oh so well. 

Sam was over by the side of the bridge. He was a few footsteps away from the actual edge of the bridge, just looking over the side. Alison thought it was strange, but at the same time, she had just sat for hours looking over the side of the bridge, so she couldn’t really say much about it. 

She’s still standing back by Dean, but her eyes are on Sam. He’s slowly walking along the expanse of the bridge, making sure to stay away from the edge. Then, it’s like it happens in slow motion; Sam clumsily trips over his own two feet and goes tumbling to the side of the bridge. Alison’s heart is up in her throat, screaming to get Dean’s attention as they both go running over there. Sam had just managed to grab onto the bridge, but there were no actual handles or anything – he was just gripping concrete, and there was no way he could do that for long. 

Tears are running down Alison’s cheeks as Dean grabs one of his brother’s hands and instructs Alison to do the same. But she’s not strong enough and they all know it. Dean’s not really strong enough either, because Sam has no leverage to get himself back up, so he’s practically dead weight, which is hard enough when someone isn’t a six-foot-four moose. 

Alison is gripping onto Sam’s hand as hard as she can, but she can feel it starting to slip from her grip. Sam looks down to the water below, before looking back up to Alison. He’s a little choked up, but it looks like he’s accepted his death, which has Alison wanting to vomit. “At least I got to kiss you.” He murmurs breathlessly, looking up to his brother. “Take care of her. I love you both.” 

Sam’s hands slip from both her and Dean’s grips and he goes tumbling down into the dark, murky water. Alison screams, unable to believe her eyes. She starts sobbing so hard she can hardly breathe, and she feels arms around her. “Alison. Alison!” A voice keeps saying, and a few seconds later, she realizes it’s Dean, but it doesn’t sound like how Dean did in the dream. 

Taking a large gulp of air in, Alison suddenly wakes up, eyes frantically searching the room for answers. She has no idea where she is at first, suddenly whipping around to see who’s holding her, seeing it’s Dean. This has Alison gasping for air, because that must mean her dream was true. Sam was gone. He had tumbled off the side of the bridge when she had almost jumped, and all of the life she’d lived since then had all just been one long, cruel dream. “No, no, no, no!” Alison cries, gasping as she attempts to draw in a large breath. “Sam! He’s dead, I killed him, it’s my fault! It’s my fault, Dean!” 

Dean’s eyes are wide when she suddenly has the outburst of Sam being dead. Sam had just left maybe a minute ago to go shower, after having handed Alison over to Dean. She’d been perfectly fine one minute, then screaming the next. “Sam’s not dead, baby! He’s just in the bathroom!” Dean tries to reassure her, but she’s not listening. 

He’d been hoping Sam would hear Alison’s freak out, but he knew their shower was loud, and the water hadn’t stopped running. Dean knew if Sam would have heard it, he would have come running to get Alison, so obviously that hadn’t happened. Alison is squirming in his arms so much due to her grief, it’s hard for Dean to even pick her up and hold her tightly against his chest so he can bring her to the bathroom. 

Luckily, Sam hadn’t locked the bathroom door. When Dean gets up there, still carrying Alison, he pushes the door open with his foot, not caring how hot and steamy the room was from the hot water Sam was currently bathing in. Sam’s eyes widen as he peeks around the curtain, seeing Alison in so much distress. Dean set her down on the toilet and quickly stripped her out of her onesie, not caring about if the diaper got wet, because that could easily be changed. He then scoops her up and places her in Sam’s outstretched arms, Alison still crying about Sam being dead and about it being all her fault.

Sam manages to get a good grip on her, despite everything being slippery because of the water, holding Alison to his chest. He runs his fingers through her hair, quickly pressing his lips to her forehead and letting them linger there, while the hand that was in her hair instead comes to massage the base of her neck, attempting to ground her and get her back to him. “Alison, sweetheart, it’s okay!” He says reassuringly, but he’s not getting through to her. “Baby, it’s me, it’s Sam. I’m right here. I’m not dead, okay? Everything’s okay, I promise.” 

Alison’s eyes suddenly shot open and she looked up at Sam, her sobs starting fresh, only this time it’s because she’s so relieved. He’s standing right there with her. He’s alive. She hadn’t killed him. “I love you, I love you, I love you—” Alison sobs, while her hands are searching for something to grip onto.

They eventually grip onto his shoulders so tightly Sam thinks she might be drawing blood. He winces but doesn’t say anything. His eyebrows raising in confusion, he peeks back over the shower curtain where Dean is still standing, confusion evident in his eyes. Dean just shrugs, showing he’s just as confused as Sam is. “Shhh. I love you too, honey. It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He whispers, attempting to carefully sway her back and forth during his attempt to calm her. “It was all just a bad dream, baby. I promise.” 

He continues whispering soothing and reassuring words to her as they stand there underneath the hot water. Sam decides to use this time as a little bit of bonding time, even though he’s still afraid he’s going to drop her. It’s difficult using only one hand, but he places his hand under her bum – her legs were wrapped around his waist and she was clinging to him so much he figured she could practically hold herself up – and grabs the shampoo. He shampoos and conditions her hair, then washes what he can of her body, all while murmuring the sweet little nothings in her ear. 

Blue eyes are sleepily blinking up at him when he finally turns the water off. She shivers from the cold air, Sam murmuring that he’ll get her all warm and snuggly in just a second. He steps out from the bathtub, setting Alison down on the toilet and grabbing a towel, drying her off thoroughly. Sam then half dries himself off, just so he won’t get Alison wet while he’s changing her, then changes her diaper and puts her in the new onesie Dean had put in the bathroom for them. Once that’s done, Sam finishes drying himself off and pulls on a pair of sweatpants and a soft t-shirt, wrapping the girl up in his arms once more and scooping her up. 

Dean looks up worriedly as Sam brings Alison down to the kitchen. She’s starting to get whiny, and just one look at Alison tells him why. She’s in a weird half-regressed state. Since she’d been trying to regress earlier, but then she’d had that dream, and now she didn’t really want to regress, but at the same time she sort of did, and her body just didn’t know what it was doing. She didn’t know what to do with herself. 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Sam murmurs, kissing her forehead while he sits down in one of the kitchen chairs, settling Alison on his lap. “That must have been one hell of a dream, huh?” He asks softly, smoothing Alison’s hair back when she nods her head. “Now you just don’t know what to do with yourself, hm? Don’t know if you want to regress or not?” 

Alison nods once more, sniffling and looking down when Sam asks if she wants to talk about what the dream was about. Castiel, having sensed the distress, was standing in the kitchen as well, watching the scene unfold. He looks to Alison when she searches for him, giving her a soft smile. “You want me to tell them, little one?” Castiel asks in as gentle of a tone as he can muster.

She sticks her thumb in her mouth, which to all of them is a confirmation that she doesn’t want to talk about it. Sam and Dean’s heads both swivel in sync toward the angel, looking to him to give them the answers. “It was the day you found her on the bridge. It started off okay, with Sam grabbing her and pulling her to the side of the road and away from the edge of the bridge. Then Dean came in and hugged her, and when Alison looked around to find Sam, he was near the edge of the bridge, just walking. Sam tripped and went tumbling off the edge, and he just managed to grab onto the concrete. Alison and Dean grabbed both of his hands and tried to pull him up, but they all knew it was a lost cause. Sam then looked at Alison and said, ‘at least I kissed you’, then told Dean to take care of her, and said he loved both of them, and then he fell.” 

Throughout the story, Alison gripped tighter and tighter onto Sam, clinging to him like he was going to fall right then and there. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and Sam knew she was reliving every moment of that dream over and over again. Sam’s finger gently tilts her chin up, and he says coaxingly, “Open those eyes for me, baby girl.” She does so obediently, Sam cooing praise to her. “You think you could get rid of me that easy?” He asks with a soft smile on his face, thumb stroking over her cheek. “Nah, you’d have to find a much better way to get rid of me than that.” 

It all made sense as to why Alison had freaked out when she’d woken up, as well as why she had blamed herself, saying she’d killed Sam. That had been one of the scariest things of Dean’s life – having her even be awake, even be aware she’d been asleep, and yet she was still 100% convinced that the nightmare had actually happened. 

“I never got the chance to tell you I love you.” Alison whispers, and Sam’s honestly stunned to hear it. He looks down, asking her what she means. “In the dream… you were holding my hand and Dean’s hand, and I was gripping on as hard as I could, but I could feel you slipping… and you said you loved us, then you fell… I never got the chance to say it back.” She hiccups once, and Sam knows the tears are about to start, so he starts rubbing her back. “A-and you were just tumbling down to the water and you – you never knew that I loved you back, and you were d-dying, and you didn’t know you were loved… that’s the worst way to die.” 

Sam’s eyes soften, kissing her forehead. He knew she was speaking from experience, from the night she almost died with the demons. The night she hadn’t known love in over sixteen years and thought she was going to die having never known it. A quick glance up at Dean shows he’s even holding back tears, and Cas is even a little misty eyed. “Baby, even if that would have happened. Even if I would have fallen and you hadn’t gotten the chance to say it out loud, I knew.” He whispers, giving her a soft smile. “I know you love me. Even if you don’t say it out loud. I know. I promise.” 

He can feel when she wets herself while sitting on top of him. He can feel how her body tenses up because she’s scared, because this is the first real diaper change now that she’s on her period. Even though Sam had quickly changed her diaper after the shower, they were both too freaked out and rushing to even think about it. Now, this is a normal diaper change. Now, Sam is actually going to see everything up close and personal, and Alison doesn’t know if she’s ready for that. 

Sam scoops her up and carries her up to the nursery, setting her down on the changing table, but he doesn’t lay her down yet. “Are you okay?” He asks gently, knowing she’s scared about this. He doesn’t want to hurt or upset her. 

Looking down, Alison slowly nods her head. “Are you going to use gloves?” She asks, her voice hardly audible because she’s so nervous. What if Sam decides he doesn’t want to do any of this anymore? What if he decides she’s gross and wants to leave her? 

“Only if you want me to.” Sam’s answer is firm, sincere. Gentle. Reassuring. She slowly looks up at him with wide eyes, only to find he’s smiling softly at her. He hates seeing her so scared, especially when it’s something to do with him. But he knows this is something that words can’t fix, that he’s just going to have to show her it’s okay. “Babe, I’ve had blood on my hands plenty of times before.” He reminds her. “All you have to do is wash it off.” 

Alison couldn’t help feeling like this was different, but she knew Sam was careful anyway. Of course, he always washed his hands after changing her, but as far as she knew, he hardly got anything on him anyway. It wasn’t that hard to change a diaper without getting it all over you, as long as you were doing it correctly. “I don’t care.” Alison finally whispers, and Sam nods.

“Then, no, I’m not going to.” He brushes his lips against her forehead, then glances from her lips back up to her blue eyes. Sam bites down on his lip, taking a deep breath while he gathers courage. “Can I kiss you?” He asks quietly, deciding it was now or never to take Dean’s advice. 

Alison is surprised by the question, and it takes her a few seconds to respond. It still makes her nervous, but Sam was being so nice to her… but hadn’t he always said that it didn’t matter what the person was doing, that she had to be comfortable with it in order for it to not be bad? But then again, during the dream, she had really enjoyed how his lips felt on hers, and when he died… She shivers just thinking of that look in his eyes, looking back up to Sam presently. “Gently.” 

Sam hadn’t been planning on doing anything but exactly what she said. He could see she was nervous, and in all honesty, he was a little nervous too. This was going to be their second kiss, after all, but did the first kiss really count when it only happened because there were such high emotions and adrenaline rushing through their bodies? So maybe this was actually the first kiss. Sam leans down, keeping his hand on her cheek. He moves slowly, making sure she doesn’t tense up or try to pull away, because then he would stop immediately. But she doesn’t, her eyes just slowly falling shut, so Sam just barely brushes his lips against hers. 

After the barely-there kiss, Alison just barely tilts her head forward a little bit, so she can get more. Now Sam presses their lips together a little firmer, but it’s still much gentler than most people would ever kiss. He breaks the kiss a few moments later, not wanting to overwhelm her. Resting his forehead against hers, he whispers, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Alison murmurs back quietly, butterflies still rolling around in her stomach. Some of them were good butterflies, some of them were bad butterflies. She was glad Sam was willing to wait this long for her, but at the same time, she felt bad. He could be out kissing other girls. He could be out kissing them hard and heavily and having sex with them… not sitting at home all the time, taking care of them.

“I know that look.” Sam says, which quickly brings her out of her trance. “I know that means you’re running through things in your head and it’s never good. So, I just want to remind you that I love you, and I’ll always love you, and I don’t want anyone else. I’m willing to wait, however long you need me to. Okay?” 

“Okay.” Alison answers, looking up at Sam with a fond look in her eyes. He always seemed to know just what she needed, even if he had no idea what was really going on in her head. Sam was honestly the best thing that could have ever happened to her. 

“Alright, little lady.” Sam says, gently placing his hand on her shoulder so he can push her back to a laying position. He keeps his voice nonchalant, hoping that as long as he’s nonchalant about it, she will be as well.

Sam quickly sets about getting Alison out of her onesie and grabs a new diaper. He changes her diaper quickly and efficiently, just like he’s done every time before. This time it does take a little longer, just because there’s a little more to clean up, but he doesn’t get any on himself, and soon enough Alison is all strapped up in a clean diaper and back in her onesie. “See, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” 

Alison shyly shakes her head, her thumb coming to rest in her mouth. Sam couldn’t quite tell if she was regressing voluntarily, or involuntarily, or if she was just feeling a little shy and vulnerable, but either way it didn’t matter. “My sweet little girl.” He coos, kissing her forehead. “You’re my sweet little girl. I love you so much, no matter what.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not happy with this chapter, ugh. But it's been literally so long since I've updated... if any of you are still interested, I figured I should try giving it a go again, haha. Also I made a little reference to my other big story, Springkeep Adoption Agency in here, haha. 
> 
> Just like basically every other chapter, this is angsty, and like I said I really don't like it. I know I kind of made it confusing with all of the random background characters, and I just. I don't know. There is a little twist at the end, though!
> 
> Comments and kudos feed the muse. Sorry if this is shit loool

It was unavoidable. Up until this point, one of the three men – Sam, Dean, and Castiel – were available to be with Alison. If there was a case, usually Dean and Castiel would take it. If Sam and Dean had to do something, Cas stayed with her. If Sam needed some alone time, either Dean or Castiel were with her. All of them knew it was inevitable that there would be a day where all three of them were needed, but they’d been ignoring it, hoping it wasn’t actually going to happen. Until it did.

All three of them were needed on a case. It was a local case, so they knew they should be able to be back by the time Alison was going to go to bed, but it was necessary that all three of them went. The only problem was that it had been a little over a week since Alison had regressed, and Sam knew it was due to happen any time now. 

It had been a week since Alison started to slip into that little half-regression, and she still hadn’t come out of it. Sam had been trying to coax her to slip fully into it, figuring she wasn’t going to be able to go the other way, where she just came out of it to be big. But it was like her brain was fighting her body and neither one of them would cooperate to be either an adult or a baby.

Long story short, there was no way they were going to be able to leave Alison on her own. Not just because she could slip into a regression, either; but because she would refuse to be on her own. She was currently sprawled out on the couch in the bunker’s living room, and Dean, Cas, and Sam were having a hushed conversation in the kitchen. “I don’t know what to do.” Sam says quietly. “We can’t leave her on her own. But we can’t just leave her with anyone, because of her regressions. And no one else, aside from us, know about the regressions.” 

“There is an adoption agency not too far from here, I believe.” Castiel says quietly. “I haven’t done much research into it, but I believe I’d read something about them taking care of those who are involuntarily regressed. They also run a regular daycare, so it could be okay just for Alison to go there for the day.”

“You really think Ali’s going to want to go somewhere with a bunch of babies when she’s not fully regressed?” Dean asks, shaking his head at just the thought. “She’d hate all of us forever. Think that we thought of her truly as a baby, or something.”

Next, Sam speaks up again. “Well, then we’ll just have to see if we can get her to regress before tomorrow morning. Maybe make sure she’s really tired when she gets up in the morning, too, that way she’d sleep for a lot of the day at the adoption agency.” 

“But if she sleeps for most of the day at the adoption agency, then she’ll be screwing up her sleep schedule.” Castiel points out, making the brothers sigh. 

Dean looks down. “If during the day she found out that she was at an adoption agency, shit could seriously go down.” They hadn’t even thought about that. “Even if we promised we’d be back at the end of the day, if someone mentioned it being an adoption agency within earshot of her, she’d think we were never coming back. That would be hard enough for her if she was big, but it’d be awful if she was regressed.” 

“I really don’t think we have a choice, though, Dean.” Sam says quietly. “There’s nowhere else where we can take her, because no one else has the experience with the regressions. So, we’ll just have to try to get her to regress beforehand and make sure they know they can’t mention it being an adoption agency in front of her. If the case works out well, we’ll be back even before dinner time.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at Sam. He’d finally relented on the first part, but he shook his head at Sam’s last sentence. “When is the last time a case has worked out well and we got back even before dinner time, Sam?” 

The three fall silent, knowing Dean was right. But they had to be back by the end of the night. They just had to. If they ended up having to keep Alison at the agency overnight, she really would think they’d all left her. There was no way they could do that. She’d never forgive them. They’d go way back in all of their progress, and they probably would never get it back to where they were now. 

“Sammy…” They hear a whine from the living room and Sam smiles, excusing himself to leave the kitchen. 

“Yes, princess?” Sam coos as he walks into the living room, smiling as he sees Alison sitting up on the couch, looking behind it, where he was coming in from the kitchen. “Did you have a nice nap?” 

Alison’s cheeks flush when Sam calls her princess, and she nods her head. “Mhm.” She answers, raising her arms up to him.

Sam pulls Alison into his arms like it’s the most natural thing in the world, nuzzling his nose against hers before she settles her nose into the crook of his neck. Sam kisses the side of her head, and he can’t help but to smile at how natural it seemed to be for Alison, too. Like she was finally starting to just expect it. He rubs her back gently, knowing she was still sleepy just by how she was acting. 

“Sammy – potty –” Alison gasped quickly as suddenly, she had to go to the bathroom, but it was too late. She whimpered quietly, and Sam could feel she’d just wet herself—which also meant she must have finally slipped into her regression. 

Her body tensed up in his arms and Sam immediately shushed her, continuing to rub her back as he picks her up. It had happened so many times now that it never fazed him, but every time she was mortified. It seemed like every time it happened, she took a step back, afraid he was going to be mad at her to the point of hurting her. “You’re okay, baby.” Sam whispers, nuzzling his nose into her hair as he carries her up the stairs. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I’m right here. We’ll just get you cleaned up and you’ll be good as new.” 

Alison continued to whimper as Sam carried her up the stairs, but true to his word, he got her changed into a diaper and onesie just as quickly as he normally did. He then scooped her up, being sure not to get her on the side where she’d wet herself and brought her into his room, so he could change his clothes as well, then threw all of them in the wash together. 

Sam carries her back downstairs and to the kitchen where Dean and Castiel were still discussing in hushed voices. They both stopped talking when they saw Sam carrying Alison in, and they smiled when they saw she was finally regressed. Alison squeaked happily when she saw Castiel, holding her arms out to him.

Cas smiles in return, opening his arms to take Alison into them. “Hi, little one.” He says softly, kissing her forehead gently. Sam raised an eyebrow when Castiel just so easily did that, looking down to Dean to see if he noticed it – but Dean was mostly just sitting there, staring at Castiel like the sun shined out of his ass because he was taking care of the baby he cared about the most. 

Alison noticed something was a little different that night. It wasn’t different in a bad way – in fact, it was different in a great way. One of the three guys were always touching her, they were consistently cooing to her about how much they loved her, and she got much more affection in one night than she was used to. 

She also noticed something was different the next morning when she woke up, curled up next to Sam in his bed. He was already awake, sitting on the bed and running his fingers through her hair. She was confused when she noticed he was already dressed – and even more confused when she realized she was already dressed. She made a small noise, which pulled Sam from his thoughts, and he quickly scooped her up, nuzzling his nose against hers. “Hi, sweet girl.” He whispers, smiling when she yawns sleepily. “We’re going to go for a little ride, okay? You can go back to sleep if you want.” 

Alison nodded sleepily, resting her head on Sam’s shoulder and putting her thumb in her mouth. “Nuh uh.” Sam said quietly, finding her a pacifier and gently coaxing that into her mouth instead of her thumb. 

With Sam’s quiet voice in her ear and his fingers stroking her hair, Alison was back asleep before she even knew it. Then, the next thing she knew, she was being carried into some building. She lifted her head, breath hitching in her throat when she saw a bunch of people, none of whom she knew, aside from Dean and Castiel. 

“Welcome to Springkeep!” A redheaded woman who looks just like Anna Milton says, smiling as she sees the three men and the girl walking in. “This must be Alison.” 

Sam nods his head, smiling at her. “Yeah, this is Alison. I’m Sam, I’m the one who called you… this is my brother Dean, and our friend Castiel.” Both of them say hi, then Sam motions for them to talk to the girl while he pulls Alison to the side for a moment.

He finds a seat, sitting down and placing Alison on his lap so she’s facing toward him, hands coming to cup her cheeks. “Okay, sweetheart.” He says softly, thumbs stroking over her cheeks. “Me, Dean, and Cas all have to go do something today, okay? Something that we can’t take you to. So, you’re going to stay here for a little while, and play with some other kids, and then we’ll be back before you go to sleep tonight.” Sam tries to keep his voice upbeat and happy, hoping she won’t freak out. 

Alison pales upon hearing that she wasn’t going to be with any of them. There hadn’t been a single time she’d been away from all three of them at once, not since Dean would usually just go on hunts with Cas now that Sam was a ‘retired’ hunter. Sam was expecting loud crying, but all he gets is a few quiet whimpers – and he’s pretty sure that breaks his heart even more than the crying would have. 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Sam whispers, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her tightly. This is already killing him to leave her behind. Like that parent who’s never left the kid with a babysitter before. Of course, Sam has done that, but it was always Dean or Cas. Never someone who wasn’t family. “I know. I don’t want to do this either. This is the last thing I want to do. But I promise, we’ll be back later tonight. I promise.” He emphasizes, hoping she’ll remember that so far, Sam has never broken a promise. 

His heart clenches when Alison doesn’t respond, just looking down sadly instead. Sam kisses her head and coos into her ear about how much he loves her, scooping her up again and carrying her back out to where Dean and Cas were. The redhead looks to Sam, smiling gently when she sees how upset the girl looks. “Has she eaten yet today?” She asks, looking to Sam, who shakes his head. “Would you mind feeding her before you go? Sometimes it helps to calm them down a little.”

Sam nods at her words, smiling gratefully at her. He knew they really needed to get going, but they could postpone it another twenty minutes, so Sam could feed her a bottle. He grabs a bottle from her diaper bag, quickly making it up and sitting down in a chair so he could feed her. It was still heartbreaking, because she basically refused to look at him, but at least she wasn’t refusing to eat. “I’m sorry.” Sam says softly, leaning down so he can kiss her forehead. “I promise I’ll be back later tonight. I wouldn’t leave you, Ali. Never. This is going to be fun! You can play with some kids and read some books and have a great time. Just give it a chance, okay?” 

He dragged out the feeding for as long as he could, but eventually the bottle was gone, Alison was burped, and it really was past the time they should be leaving to get to their case. So, even though he didn’t want to, he set her down in one of the playpens, looking over to Anna and asking (not for the first time), “You’re sure there’s someone here who can carry her when she needs it?” 

The redhead nods, reaching out to touch Sam’s shoulder. “Yes, I’m sure. We have many caretakers who have also taken care of some littles, and she’s pretty small even for her age. There should be no problem lifting her – and it’s likely we won’t even need to use a male to lift her, because we’ve got some strong female caretakers.”

Sam breathes a sigh of relief at that. He hadn’t even mentioned Alison’s aversion to men, but she seemed to know without him saying it. “Thank you.” He says gratefully again, looking back down to Alison again. “I love you, sweetheart. We’ll be back later. I promise.” 

Both Dean and Cas lean down to kiss her forehead, both promising they’d be back later on as well – but it doesn’t take a genius for all three of them to realize that she either isn’t really listening, or she just plain doesn’t believe him. 

With one last look, the three men head out the door before they can convince themselves that they don’t really need to go on this case. They pile into the Impala, and pretty much the entire drive is silent, and heavy. None of them knew what to say. They all felt like shit, though – even Castiel, who normally didn’t have those kinds of emotions. 

Dean was finally the first one to speak up, once he parked the Impala. “Alright. Let’s get in there and gank these sons of bitches so we can get back home to Ali before dinner time.”

*******************

The workers at Springkeep kept trying to convince Alison to join in playing with the other kids. Although it might have looked a little weird to the adults, kids were kids. Judgment was learned, so they didn’t care that Alison was bigger than them. Alison was scared, though. There were tons of people she didn’t know, and lots of new faces in general.

There weren’t just the workers, either – Springkeep was known for its levels of support from volunteers because of the work they were doing. Although a lot of the volunteers might not have heard of littles before, they were always briefed for the day before they started their ‘shifts’, and that was something they were briefed on before they went in, so they would have some sort of warning. 

It took a couple hours of coaxing before they even started to get Alison involved in any of the activities. One of the volunteers finally got her over to one of the tables to color, which was what she fully immersed herself in. The girl smiled as she watched Alison for a few moments, seeing how she was completely focused on the task at hand – probably because she was so nervous that she needed to focus on something. 

Alison started listening to the conversations around her, though. She heard a phone ringing, and someone answering with, “Springkeep Adoption Agency, how can I help you?” That made her pause. Adoption. She knew that word, didn’t she? She looked up when she saw a new face entering the room, holding a small bundle in their arms, murmuring about how they’d been left on a doorstep of a fire station. Murmuring how they didn’t understand how somebody couldn’t want such an innocent little child. 

She gasped as a vivid memory played back through her head – a man with black eyes towering over her, sinister grin on his lips. “Your parents didn’t want you. They never wanted you. You were naughty, so they sent you here to be with us!” 

Alison dropped the markers she’d been coloring with, face paling as she put two and two together. Somebody talking about how somebody didn’t want the kid. The demons saying how her parents didn’t want her. How no one would ever want her. She was here now. This was her life. 

Her regressed mind state started to make her a little older, a little bit at a time – kind of how when a realization sobers up a drunk person and they slowly become more competent and aware. Not enough to be a full adult. Not enough to actually be 22 year old Alison. Just enough for her mind to start spinning and to start questioning everything she thought she ever knew.

Had she been taking too much advantage of their kindness? Had she used up all the love she was supposed to get? Had she done something to upset Sam? – No, that couldn’t be right… Sam had said he was going to come back for her. Right? But if he was coming back, why would he have left her somewhere where people dropped off kids they no longer wanted? Maybe Sam had finally realized she was too broken. That he couldn’t do anything else for her. Maybe he’d finally decided to take that therapist’s advice and get rid of her, so he could have some time for himself. 

By this time, it was getting to be lunch time. It was past lunch time, really, but some of the kids had lunch later. A girl came up to Alison with a bottle, hoping she’d be able to feed her, but Alison just turned her head away. 

While Sam had been feeding Alison earlier that morning, Dean and Cas had explained some of Alison’s backstory to the redhead. How she’d been kidnapped and tortured for so long, how there were certain words and things that were triggering for her, that she had panic attacks, that she’d probably be afraid they weren’t coming back. That girl was the only one who’d heard all of that, though, so to everyone else, Alison was just a normal baby – she was just bigger than the usual baby. 

The girl finally gave up on trying to get Alison to eat, making a note in the chart so they’d remember to try to feed her later. After lunch it was story time, because then the kids would be going down for naps. The toddlers were all instructed to sit on a mat, so the story could be read to them, but Alison stayed right where she was, at the coloring table. She wasn’t even coloring anymore, just staring down at the picture that had splotches of color all over it. 

She wasn’t paying attention to anything that was happening in the room, still lost in trying to figure out what exactly she had done to make Sam want to leave her. A loud voice saying “Alison!” startled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see a man towering over her. “You’re supposed to be on the mat, so you can listen to a story.” He says, watching as Alison just kind of shrinks back into herself. He wasn’t thinking abuse or anything of the sort, he just was thinking of a toddler who was getting in trouble and knew it. “You’re being naughty, young lady.” 

The man had leaned down to pick her up as he was saying the last sentence, and Alison felt like she couldn’t breathe. She was naughty. She’d been naughty. She was bad. That was why Sam had left. That was why they were getting rid of her. She was a naughty girl. Before the man can get any closer, Alison is absolutely scrambling to get away, her chest tightening and throat feeling like it’s closing up. 

Alison’s not paying attention to where she’s going, mostly just trying to get away from the man who was trying to pick her up. She gasps again when she suddenly runs into someone’s legs, eyes wide and terrified as she looked up to see another man with brown wavy hair and a bit of a beard looking down at her. 

The man then looks up to the other one, motioning for him to back away. Very slowly, the man kneels next to her, reaching out his hand to her for her to see he’s coming in peace. “Hey, it’s okay.” He can easily see how scared she is, so he gives her a reassuring smile, making sure he’s keeping his voice light and his gestures slow. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” 

Half of her brain is telling her to just back away from this man as well, to get the hell out of dodge, that she can’t trust anybody here. After all, how could she ever trust anybody again when the only three people she’d ever trusted had left her? The other part of her really needs something, really needs some sort of comfort, and he looked like he was trying to help…

The man didn’t move at all, keeping his hand held out while Alison silently debated. He didn’t want to rush her. He knew all about abuse and trauma, and he didn’t want to rush her when she was like a skittish kitten who would run at the first sight of conflict.

Eventually, Alison just bursts into tears, sitting on her butt and putting her head in her hands. “Naughty…” She whimpers, breathing ragged and chest heaving. “Naughty girl. Bad girl. Bad, dirty, bad girl…” 

“You’re not naughty, sweetheart.” He says quietly, very gently reaching out to touch his hand to her back. “You’re such a good girl. I promise.” 

It was like those were the magic words, and Alison just couldn’t help herself. She opened her arms to him and he picked her up quickly, and she clung to him like he was her lifeline. Now that the dam had burst, it wasn’t slowing down any time soon. He kept whispering quietly to her, promising her that she wasn’t bad. She was good. No one was mad at her. Everything was okay. Just like everything Sam would say to her.

As the day went on, the man’s shift was supposed to have ended, since he’d gotten there so early in the morning. But Alison refused to let go of him, and it seemed like he was the only one who could give her some form of comfort, so he stayed. He even convinced her to eat a little bit, although it wasn’t much. But it was better than nothing.

As 8:00 rolled around, all the activities were winding down. Some children were being picked up by their parents. Others were being taken into their respective rooms by the Springkeep workers. Then, there was Alison, and her kind stranger, who so far hadn’t said one mean thing to her, who had used nothing but gentle touches when dealing with her.

“Sammy…” Alison whined quietly, bursting into tears yet again. She was grateful for this man, but he wasn’t the one who’d saved her. He wasn’t the one who had helped her through so much already. 

As the minutes ticked by, Alison’s heart started sinking deeper and deeper in her chest until it felt like it had settled in the pit of her stomach like a rock, crushing her internal organs. They really weren’t coming back, were they? And this man couldn’t stay with her forever. He was going to leave, just like everyone else. 

The redheaded girl came up to them, smiling lightly at Alison, then up to the man. “I know you’ve had a long day. You can go home, if you’d like. I can take her.” 

He could feel Alison tensing up even just at the thought of it, and his hand smoothed down her back. “I can stay a while longer. It’s fine.” As 10:00 approached, he’d now been there for almost fifteen hours – pretty much a record for a volunteer’s shift, because they were usually only six or seven hours at the most. This was over double that. 

Eventually, Alison was so tired from all of her crying that she fell asleep. Even in her sleep she looked miserable, and she was still clinging to his shirt, making sure he couldn’t leave. 

Finally, at 10:30, Sam practically came running in the door, panting heavily as he did so. He looked a little worse for wear, but he at least didn’t look like he’d been beaten severely like he did a lot of times when they got back from cases – otherwise he had a feeling they might not have let Alison go home with him. He quickly goes to the front desk, where it’s a new girl. “Alison?” He asks, glancing around. “How is she?” 

The girl looks for the notes leftover from the day, scanning through them quickly. “Looks like something set her off into a panic attack… also looks like she’s been crying for most of the afternoon and into the evening.” 

Sam’s heart sinks. Someone must have said something to upset her… add that onto the new environment, and the fact that it was the first time without any of them around, she must have had one hell of a day. Sam knew this was a bad idea. Hell, they all did. But they didn’t have any other choice. 

He quickly goes into the other room, heart clenching, but also melting a little bit when she sees someone’s holding her and she’s asleep. But Sam can also see the tear stains on her cheeks, see where her eyes are raw from her rubbing them so harshly, her knuckles still white from her clinging onto the man’s shirt. 

Sam was so focused on Alison that he at first didn’t even look at the man holding her. “Oh, baby.” He whispers softly, immediately approaching her and going to take her out of the guy’s arms. “Thank you so much, I’m surprised she took to you, but I really appreciate you going out of your way –” 

Sam’s eyes widen as he gets Alison settled into his chest and he actually looks at the man who’d been holding her. 

“Chuck?”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, look, it only took me like a month to update. Oops. I feel like I don't even need to tell you guys anymore that a chapter's going to be super angsty because you probably just expect that from me now... 
> 
> But this chapter is SUPER ANGSTY AND TRIGGERING. There's a graphic torture scene, panic attacks, and more. There's some plot twists, a couple new characters are introduced, Alison takes many steps backward. 
> 
> I really hope you guys like this, because I got such a big muse for it that I stayed up super late just to finish it even though I have to be up early!! Comments & kudos feed the muse, but remember to be careful if things are triggering to you! Love you all <3

“Hello, Sam.” Chuck says, offering him a small smile as he looks down to Alison, who’s now all nestled up in his arms. “I see you’ve taken to her just as I planned, and she’s taken to you the same way.” 

Sam hadn’t even thought about Chuck being the one to do this. After all, it had been so long since anyone had even heard from Chuck, when he and Amara disappeared. He’d also said before that he didn’t like to control things, he just liked to let things play out how they did… so the fact that Chuck had been the one to do this was a new and interesting thought. “You did this?” He questions, going to sit down in the rocking chair next to Chuck’s. “You led us to the case of the demons that had kidnapped her?” 

Chuck nods his head. “Yes, I did. As you know, I try to stay out of earthly matters as much as possible, but I felt as though you two needed each other. You needed each other for your own different reasons, of course, but needed each other nonetheless.” 

“Why the hell did you decide to show up now?” Sam’s tone gets a little angry as he continues thinking about the situation. “Why the hell did you decide to send us to the demons then? After she’d been there for sixteen years? How the hell could you even let that happen to someone at all, let alone someone like her?!” 

“You’re scaring her.” Chuck says quietly, and Sam quickly looks down to Alison, rubbing his hand over her back gently. “I told you, Sam. I don’t like getting into other people’s business. There was a long time that I didn’t even know what was going on down on Earth, specifically because I didn’t want to get involved. It was only recently that I found her and decided to put the two of you together.” 

Before Sam had the chance to retort like he wanted to, Chuck snapped his fingers and suddenly they were in a different room. Sam’s eyes widen when he looks down to his arms, where Alison had just been napping. “Where is she?!” 

Chuck rolls his eyes. “She’s fine, Sam. You think I’m going to purposely put the two of you together, come hold her for most of the day while she’s freaking out about you being gone, and then hurt her once you’re back? I’ve taken care of her.” 

Sam grits his teeth in annoyance, glancing over to Chuck once more before looking around the room they were in. Although it was nighttime and most of the kids in Springkeep were sleeping, the room had still been brightly lit, and this was the complete opposite. Sam could hardly see Chuck standing a few feet away from him. “Where are we?” He asks, but he has a feeling he knows. He knows this place. “What are we doing?” 

“I’ve been keeping an eye on the two of you for a while now. Well, I guess ever since I led you to finding her. I know one of the things you’ve been struggling with is her not wanting to tell you what she had gone through while she was held hostage.” Chuck states, glancing toward the center of the room. 

Sam quirks an eyebrow, turning his head to where Chuck was looking. It was still dark, so he had no idea what Chuck was so intently looking at – until a light shined on a very small, sick, huddled up brown haired girl. His mouth immediately goes dry, realizing that’s why he knows where this is. It’s the basement where he and Dean had found Alison so long ago. “Ali…” He says quietly, unable to take his eyes off her. 

“Every day for at least the next week, I am going to take you to another memory of hers, so you can see what she sees when she’s having a nightmare or a panic attack.” Chuck says quietly, not taking his eyes off of Alison either.

Sam immediately wants to tell him no. Wants to tell him this is a terrible idea, that they were going to be invading Alison’s privacy first and foremost, and that Sam didn’t think he could handle watching it. It was bad enough when he had to hear her talk about it because he could attempt to picture it… now it was going to be the real deal, and the real deal was always so much worse than you imagined it being. He wants to tell him no, but any form of protest he has dies on the tip of his tongue. 

She looks so small. Sam has a feeling this isn’t too long before he and Dean had found her, judging from how malnourished she was, along with all of the cuts, gashes, and bruises that are found on literally every part of her body. Sam steps forward so he can get a better look at her, already knowing they were merely ghosts in this scene. 

He continues stepping toward her and around her until he’s standing in front of her, his breath catching in his throat. Alison’s eyes are closed, lost in what he can see is a fitful sleep. A sleep that’s not actually giving her any rest, just something her body is forcing itself to do because she’s so exhausted. There are visible bags under her eyes, along with some bruising right around her right eye, and some almost hidden bruises up toward her hairline. 

Sam’s eyes continue to travel down her body, seeing more and more bruises. Some are fresh – purple and painful, and others are older and are yellowing. There’s one particularly long gash going down her forearm, with dried blood crusted over it. There’s some fresh blood along her stomach, there are old nicks and scratches along her neck and her legs. Although he doesn’t stop to look at that area, he can tell that they had recently used her sexually. Bruises line up and down her legs, cuts on top of them, some bleeding slowly, others starting to close up. 

He could already tell this was about to be brutal – he could see she was sitting in her own filth. Sam swallows hard, thinking back to all those times Alison had accidentally wet herself and freaked out because those beatings were always the worst. And it looked like Sam was about to see one of them. 

He’s just starting to kneel in front of Alison when there’s a noise. He doesn’t know what the noise is, but it causes Alison to jolt upwards, eyes wide as it looks like she’s staring right at Sam. His eyes widen, looking into those blue eyes he knows so well, saying quietly, “Alison?” But he was right, she doesn’t hear him. No, what she was looking at was the door now opening directly behind Sam. 

Sam turns around, so he can look at who’s entering, studying the demon’s face carefully. Although it was possible the demon would have switched vessels by now, he wanted to get as much information about these bastards as he could. The man steps right through Sam, toward Alison, a sinister smile on his face. Sam feels like he’s going to puke right then and there. 

“Hey, bitch.” Sam winces, remembering the significance of that one word. “How long’s it been since I’ve been down here? Three days? Well, I sure hope you’re rested up then, because I think that’s clearly enough of a break.” He smirks, sniffing the air. The man grabs Alison’s hair, yanking her head upwards, causing Alison to cry out quietly. “Couldn’t control yourself again, huh, slut?” He questions, looking down to where he could see exactly what Sam saw a couple minutes ago. “You stupid bitch. It shouldn’t be that hard for you to fucking control yourself! We’ve been making you do it for long enough! You just never learn, do you?” 

It’s like a train wreck. Sam wants so desperately to look away, but he can’t. Even if he could’ve looked away, he still would’ve been able to hear Alison’s desperate pleading cries, her promises to be better… Sam’s breath hitches in his throat as the man suddenly shoves her head downward, and he knows exactly where he’s planning to make Alison’s head hit the ground. Sam’s stomach starts turning violently when he hears Alison start to cough, sputtering. He had turned his gaze away right before her head hit the ground, eyes filling with tears as he hears all of the cruel and vile things the demon is screaming at her. No wonder her self esteem had been so shot by the time Sam had gotten to her. 

When Sam finally forces himself to look back at the situation at hand, Alison is trying to get up, at least to her knees. She’s quickly forced back by the harsh blow of a hand against her cheek, Sam’s chest heaving a little bit just at the sound of it. The demon doesn’t stop, blow after blow hitting Alison, wherever the demon felt like it, or on her arm if Alison managed to block it. So that was how there were so many bruises on her arms. 

He didn’t stop. He didn’t stop until Alison was on the floor, almost unconscious from how much pain she was in. Sam dropped to his knees next to her, desperately wishing he could do something, anything to help her. It would’ve been bad enough seeing that if it was just a random person, but especially the one he loved… the one he knew was just so vulnerable…

“Stupid bitch.” The demon mutters again, finally straightening up, towering over her as she lays there on the floor, not moving. “You better be ready and actually present for me when I come in in an hour, you understand me?” He asks. There isn’t a response, so his foot collides with her stomach again, making her cry out in pain – but also making her slowly nod her head. “That’s what I thought.” 

By this point, Sam’s head was spinning, he felt like he was going to faint, and he knew he must be green. This wasn’t right. This was terrible. Of course, none of it was right, but this… this couldn’t be right. This couldn’t be something that God would want him to see. It was one thing for Sam to understand what Alison was talking about, but it was an entirely different thing to see it all so vividly. To actually live it with her. “Why are you doing this?” He questions breathlessly as he tries to skim his hand down Alison’s arm, but he just passes through her as if she isn’t there. 

A little smirk forms on Chuck’s face, and Sam knew he was right. There was no way this was Chuck. “I see you’ve figured it out.” He says, snapping his fingers again… and was then replaced by Gabriel. 

Sam gaped. Gabriel? First of all, wasn’t he supposed to be dead? And second, Gabriel had never been an enemy to them. He was one of the last people Sam would ever expect to betray him like this. To subject him to this sort of torture. “Gabriel…” Although there’s a smirk on his face, Sam can see there’s something else in his eyes. They’re not lit up like they once were. They don’t match his smirk, they don’t match his smug attitude. No, they show fear and sadness, and Sam knows he’s right. This wasn’t truly the Gabriel he knew. Someone must be making him do this. “Is someone controlling you?” He asks quietly, making Gabe tense up. He doesn’t respond, instead merely looking at Sam stonily. “Is it Lucifer?” 

Gabriel clears his throat loudly at the mention of the name. Sam knew he must be right. Lucifer was somehow controlling Gabriel. Whether it was just plain through fear and he was still in the cage… or if he had somehow gotten out of the cage… Sam shuddered to think of the latter possibility. “This is just day one, Sam. I told you, every day for the next week, you’re going to wake up and you’re going to be in one of her memories. You get to live the life of Alison for the next week.” 

Sam opens his mouth to respond, but before he can, Gabriel snaps his fingers and he’s back in the bunker. He looks around, realizing he’s in the kitchen, quickly dropping down to one of the chairs. He feels dizzy. There was no way that was just a bad dream, was there? If it was, wouldn’t Sam have woken up in bed? That also wouldn’t have made sense, since Sam had originally been at Springkeep picking Alison up. 

Alison. Sam’s heart raced just at the thought of her, his mind replaying her nearly unconscious body on the ground while the demon just continued to hurt her. Him shoving her face into her… Sam shudders, quickly standing up to head out of the kitchen. Right as he’s rounding the corner, he’s suddenly met by Dean, who has a gun drawn. “Dean, it’s me!” Sam says quickly, holding his hands up in defense. 

Dean’s eyes were wide as he quickly shoved the gun back where it always was, looking back toward the nursery and bedrooms. “Where the hell have you been?” He hissed. “We were at Springkeep and then all of a sudden you were just gone! Cas and I got Alison home, but you were nowhere to be found. We thought someone had taken you. Alison’s been crying for you all night, how the hell could you have left?” 

“Dean, I didn’t – I didn’t leave.” Sam whispers, his eyes filling with tears. He would have never left Alison in general, but especially not after she’d had to be without any of them all day. Especially not after she had spent the entire day thinking Sam had left her. “I – I don’t know what the hell happened, man. Somebody, Lucifer, I think, is controlling Gabriel… He kidnapped me and took me – he took me to the basement where she was kept, Dean.” Sam’s voice is merely a whisper, looking down at the ground. “He – he told me that every day for the next week I’m going to see another one of her memories… tonight it was one of the beatings for not being able to hold her bladder.” 

Dean’s anger quickly faded to shock at the mention of Gabriel, then to one of sadness and pity when he sees just how freaked out his brother is. “You actually… you actually had to watch her get tortured because she couldn’t control herself?” Dean asks quietly, his eyes falling shut when Sam just nods his head, still staring at the ground. He couldn’t even imagine seeing that. Not with how much they cared about her – and Sam obviously cared about Alison more dearly than Dean even did. “Every day for the next week… if it’s truly Lucifer, he’s out to get you, Sam. He’s trying to get in your head again.” 

“No shit, Dean.” Sam says quietly, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. “It was awful. It was – I can’t even explain it, Dean. I thought it had been bad enough just listening to her talk about it, just listening to her screams from the nightmares… that’s absolutely nothing compared to the actual screams while it was happening.” 

Both of their jaws are clenched, Dean pissed off from the whole situation and Sam desperately trying to stop seeing those images flashing over and over in his mind before he goes to see Alison. “How is she?” He finally asks quietly, although he feels like he doesn’t want to know the answer. “Is she okay? Does she hate me?” 

Dean quickly shakes his head to the last question – well, it was more of a response to the last two questions. No, she wasn’t okay, but also no, she didn’t hate Sam. “She hates herself.” He says quietly. “I kept trying to tell her that you would be back, that everything was okay, and she just… wouldn’t believe me. She was clinging to me harder than she ever had before, I think because she was afraid I was the only thing she had left. It doesn’t matter if she’s a baby, or if she’s big, she knows she can’t live without you, Sam.” 

Sam figured Alison was still regressed, and honestly, he didn’t know what was better, if she was regressed or not. Either way, he knew she would still be in so much pain. But at least if she wasn’t regressed, he’d be able to explain himself. He pushes past Dean, starting to make his way upstairs. He’s surprised to be met at the top of the stairs by none other than Alison herself, dressed in normal clothes and… holding a small bag. “What is that, Ali?” He asks quietly, feeling his heart ache when she takes a step back from him. 

“Figured I should go.” Alison whispers quietly. Sam can hear how she’s trying so hard to not let her voice shake, but it’s not working. “Y-you belong here. You shouldn’t have to avoid your home or your family because I’m here.” 

“Alison, absolutely not.” Sam says quietly, taking a step toward her and reaching for the bag she’s gripping tightly in her hand. “Baby, I swear, I didn’t mean to leave you. It’s… it’s a long story, but basically, I got taken somewhere with someone I thought I knew, and then it turned out to not even be them… I’m not making any sense, and I know that, but sweetheart, you have to believe me. I would have never left you if I had a choice.” 

Sam’s heart is breaking more and more with each passing second, knowing just how scared Alison must be. The last time she’d thought she should leave, she’d almost killed herself. What if she was to that point again, once again thinking Sam would be better off if she were dead? 

Alison slowly releases her grip on the tiny bag of possessions, allowing Sam to take it. He offers her a small smile as he takes it from her, placing it down on the floor next to him and opening his arms to her. Just an offering. Hoping she’ll take it. 

He knows they’re in deep trouble when Alison looks longingly into his arms but refuses to move a step forward. He knows they’re in even deeper trouble when he takes a step toward her with his arms still outstretched and she flinches, taking a step back. Sam feels like his world is probably going to cave in around him. He has to go through this shit for the entire next week, and now Alison had taken so many steps back in her recovery that she once again thought Sam might hurt her? “Sweetheart…” He says reproachfully, lowering his arms. “Baby, you know I’d never hurt you. You know that, right?” 

“You could if I’m naughty enough.” Is Alison’s whispered response, hardly audible, but it cuts straight through Sam’s heart. He wonders if Gabriel ended up doing something to Alison while he was holding her when she slept, something to make her think Sam thought she was naughty. If he put images into her mind of him hurting her, if he somehow convinced her once again that those could one day be reality. 

Sam takes a deep breath, already deciding he’s just going to act like she’d gone all the way back in her recovery. He was just once again going to act like he did when she first came to him. Only gentle tones, only gentle words, only gentle touches. Coaxing her to come out of her shell, convincing her that everything was okay, that she was safe. “You’re safe here, Ali.” Sam says softly, very slowly reaching his hand out to touch her arm. “I will never, ever hurt you. I will never leave you. I know you’re scared. That’s okay. Just know that whatever you need, I’m here. I’m right here.” 

Alison glances warily at Sam’s hand when he touches her arm, but she doesn’t move away until he lets go. She nods her head slowly, starting down the hallway toward the stairs again. Sam notices her hesitate next to the nursery, but it’s only for a brief second before she’s forcing herself down the stairs. He sighs sadly, going toward the nursery and shutting the door to it. Maybe it would be better to just close it off for now, instead of continually reminding her of it. Once it’s closed, Sam then follows her down the stairs. 

As she descends the stairs, Dean is standing toward the bottom of them, looking up to her worriedly. Just half an hour before, she was regressed. Now she was standing right in front of him, dressed in normal clothing, looking… desolate. There was no other word. He reaches a hand out to squeeze her shoulder, but Alison quickly brushes it off, tensing up and disappearing into the living room a few moments later. Dean then looks to Sam, who offers him a sad smile. “What happened?” 

Sam goes over to the living room doorway, watching Alison as she curls up on the couch. She reaches up to pull her favorite blanket over her, then thinks better of it at the last second, instead just wrapping her arms around herself. Sam quickly wipes his eyes, turning back to his brother to answer him. “I think we just went back to square one.” 

Dean’s eyes widen as he processes what Sam is saying. “Square one as in… when she first came here, you mean?” He questions, coming to stand next to Sam in the doorway to watch her when Sam nods his head. Even he knew Alison well enough to know what Sam was talking about. Whenever she was on that couch, if she didn’t have one of them, she was always under that blanket. He could see her hand absentmindedly migrating toward her mouth before she pushes it back down to wrap her arm around her torso once more.

When dinner was ready, Sam went into the living room where Alison hadn’t even moved. He clears his throat before he steps in front of her, not wanting to startle her. Alison doesn’t even look up at him, so Sam instead kneels in front of the couch. “Do you have to go potty, honey?” He asks quietly, even though just the question is making his stomach churn. When Alison shakes her head, Sam nods. “Dinner’s ready, sweetheart. Will you come to the table, so we can eat?” 

Sam’s fear is confirmed almost as soon as food is placed in front of Alison. For a few moments, she just pushed it around her plate, because she could feel Sam, Dean, and Castiel’s eyes all intently watching her. But the moment they’d looked away, Alison started shoveling the food into her mouth almost faster than she could actually chew it. “It’s not going anywhere, sweetheart.” Sam reminds her gently, but Alison continues to eat as fast as she can. “And any time you’re hungry, you can tell me, and I’ll get you something to eat.”

His words seem to fall upon deaf ears, and although it hurts to do so, once Alison finishes her second plate and starts to reach for more, he reaches out for her plate. “I think that’s enough for now, honey.” 

Alison’s eyes are wide when Sam tries to grab the plate. She grabs onto it tightly, trying to yank it out of Sam’s grip. Her eyes are focused down on the plate instead of at Sam, who’s trying to think of the best way to do this without her freaking out too badly. “Sweetheart, I can see you’re full.” He tries to reason with her, continuing his attempt to pull the plate away from her. “It’s okay, gorgeous. As soon as you’re hungry again, you let me know, and I’ll make you whatever you want to eat. I don’t care what it is. I promise.” 

She continues to cling to the plate with all her strength, but obviously Sam is much stronger than her. The plate eventually slips from her fingertips, but with the force Sam was pulling on it for that to happen, the plate ended up coming right at Sam, making him wince as the glass hit him on the chest. No damage done, as the plate didn’t break or anything; it just hurt a little bit when it hit him, and now there was food on his shirt. Sam hadn’t even thought anything of it, going to set the plate down and grab his napkin to wipe it off, suddenly looking up when he hears a loud noise.

Alison had pushed her chair back with so much force that Sam was surprised she didn’t go toppling over. Not that she would have had time to, though, since as soon as the chair was far enough away from the table, she was up and out of that chair like a shot, backing away from the three men sitting at the table. “I’m so sorry!” She says tearfully, and she’s so obviously terrified, so much so that it’s making all three of their hearts break. “I didn’t mean to, I swear! I’ll clean it up, I’ll be good, I’ll be better, I promise!” 

Sam is at a loss of what to say. Before, it would have been so easy. He could have just pulled Alison into his arms, held her tightly to his chest until he got her to at least listen to his voice, held her until her sobs finally slowed and she wasn’t having a panic attack anymore. But now… now Sam could hardly touch her without her freaking out, and he just didn’t want to make things worse. 

He stands up slowly, holding his arms up in surrender to show he’s not going to hurt her. “Alison, sweetheart.” He says softly, his voice soothing, and sweet as sugar. “No one is upset with you, darling. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” He takes a step toward her, but stops when she starts to take a step back in response. “You don’t need to clean anything up, and you don’t need to be better. You’re perfect just as you are, honey.” 

Alison’s head is spinning, her chest heaving. She was terrible. She was awful. If she kept this up, she was going to lose them. She was going to lose all of them, and she was going to be left with nothing once again. But nothing was what she deserved, wasn’t it? Wasn’t that what the demons always told her? That she deserved the worst? That she was a terrible person, who didn’t deserve good things? Alison knew all of those things were true. 

In the beginning, when Sam had first taken her in, she’d been able to fight against her regressions because she’d already been fighting them for so long. Even when she was with the demons, her mind would want to regress. But there was obviously no way she could do that, so she’d learned to fight them. But now she’d been at the bunker for so long, and they’d always told her she never had to fight them, so she wasn’t used to fighting it anymore. 

She could feel it rushing over her in waves, and she’s struggling so hard to keep her head above water. Alison is trying so hard to force herself to stay big, but she can feel she’s losing the battle, which is just sending her into an even bigger spiral of panic. She couldn’t regress! She didn’t deserve any of this! She sure as hell didn’t deserve any of them to take care of her because she wanted to act like a stupid baby. 

Sam can see she’s spiraling into a pit, but he doesn’t know how to pull her out of it if he can’t touch her. It was impossible to get her attention because she was freaking out so much. He could tell she was desperately fighting something in her mind, but he couldn’t tell what it was – up until she could no longer fight it and Alison’s knees buckled, her becoming a baby once more.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam & Dean are taken into a new memory. Trigger warning for self harm & other abuse/torture depictions.
> 
> Hope you guys like it, comments & kudos feed the muse <3

Alison is so far away from him that when her knees buckle, Sam barely manages to reach her in time before she’s hitting the floor. He places his hands under her arms and manages to scoop her up quickly, just before her butt hits the ground. He breathes a sigh of relief once she’s in his arms, knowing things would have only gotten worse if she’d ended up hitting the ground. 

Almost immediately when he’s pulling her up, Alison wets herself. She must not have wanted to tell him that she actually did have to go to the bathroom, because with just how much she’d wet herself, there was no way she hadn’t had to go before then. This is only sending her into heavier sobs, making her squirm so much in fear that it’s nearly impossible for Sam to keep a good grip on her.

He manages to keep his grip on her long enough to get her upstairs to the nursery, pushing the door open with his foot, setting her down on the changing table. Luckily there were drawers with all of the supplies right in the changing table, because Sam couldn’t take his hand off her, or else she was going to fall right off from her squirming. 

“Baby, sweetheart, shh, Alison, it’s okay!” Sam says helplessly, trying to use every pet name he could think of, continually trying to tell her everything’s fine and that she’s safe. As he’s changing her into her normal outfit, she squirms so much she practically falls off the table. Sam just barely catches her before she goes tumbling off, his own eyes a little panicked at how panicked Alison is. He’d seen a lot of bad panic attacks with her before, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen one nearly this bad while she was regressed. 

While Sam is still trying to console her, he sees movement in the corner of his eye, seeing Dean standing in the doorway, wondering what the hell he should do. “Get her a bottle, please.” He says desperately to his older brother, who quickly disappears back down the stairs. By the time Dean’s back with the bottle, Sam had just managed to get Alison finally all changed. 

He attempted to scoop Alison back up in his arms, but she kept trying to shove him away, so finally Sam just took the bottle from Dean’s hand and tried to guide it to Alison’s mouth while she was still laying on the changing table. She inhales right as he guides the nipple into her mouth, causing her to sputter. Sam quickly pulls it back a little bit, cooing to her that everything is fine, that she just needs to calm down. Alison starts to shake her head as Sam tries to guide the bottle back, turning her head away from it. She’s saying something over and over, but for a few repeats, Sam can’t figure out what the hell she’s trying to say. Finally, he manages to decipher that she’s saying “deserve” while shaking her head… meaning she thought she didn’t deserve it. 

Sam doesn’t remember a time where Alison had refused food purely because she thought she didn’t deserve it. It’s causing his heart to break yet again, seeing just how distressed she is. Castiel was hovering in the background, waiting for permission to use his grace. It wasn’t until Alison started having such a hard time breathing that she was gasping for air that Sam finally nodded his head toward Castiel. 

He approaches the changing table, using two fingers and placing them against her forehead gently. A few seconds later, Alison’s body slumps back against the table, tears still streaming down her cheeks, but at least she was breathing and wasn’t fighting Sam nearly as much. 

“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to help her!” Sam says helplessly to the other two men standing there, looking to Cas desperately. “Cas, did you look? Can you see? What can I do to help her?” 

Cas shakes his head, looking down to Alison, who still hasn’t managed to stop the tears streaming down her cheeks. “I tried while I was sending the wave of grace through her… I don’t think even she knows what would help, Sam.” 

Alison starts mumbling to herself, but it’s almost impossible for Sam to understand since she’d started trying to shove her fist into her mouth. He starts to search for her pacifier, wincing at her shuddering inhale while she tries to catch her breath. She removes her hand from her mouth to rub her eyes roughly, and when she exhales, she starts mumbling through the exhale again. “Stupid slut, never learn, control yourself, present…” With horror, Sam realizes she’s repeating the words the demon had said to her in the scene Gabriel had showed him. 

“That son of a bitch.” Sam whispers almost inaudibly, but Dean and Cas both catch it, turning to look at him curiously. “Gabriel – Lucifer, I mean, had to have shown her the same memory I just saw. But since she was regressed, he showed it to her regressed mind… she remembers. She remembers everything from that beating.” 

Castiel and Dean’s expressions both mirror Sam’s one of horror; Castiel muttering something angrily about heavenly business and disappearing. Dean rubs his hand over his forehead in frustration. He doesn’t know how to fix this either. It’s not like they can erase the memory. It had to be even more terrifying with her being regressed than it even would be on a normal day. 

“Sweetheart.” Sam whispers, finding her pacifier and slowly bringing it toward her mouth. He pulls it away when she whines and refuses it, slowly lowering himself down to more her level while next to the changing table. “Baby girl, darling, my love… I need you to look at me, okay? Can you do that?” 

“Slaves are not allowed…” Alison starts to whisper, her breath catching in her throat while she tries to think of the next words. She knows them. They’ve repeated themselves in her mind plenty of times, she should know them by heart. But they’re not coming to her. 

“I know, honey.” Sam says softly, gently bringing a hand up to cup her cheek. She flinches, which in turn causes Sam to flinch, but he keeps his hand right there on her cheek, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “But I’m not your master. Do you see me? Do you remember me? Do you know my name?” 

Alison’s eyes are looking practically anywhere at Sam, but he’s staying right where he is, looking right at her. That way if she looks at him, the only thing she’ll see is his eyes, his expression, his love for her. No cruelty, no frustration, no anything of the sort. When Alison finally does look over at him, she inhales sharply again, staying silent for quite a few moments. Sam is actually just about to speak again, when she beats him to it. “Sammy…” She whimpers. 

Sam’s heart swells. She was at least there enough to realize it was Sammy. To at least realize she wasn’t actually with those demons, that she wasn’t in the position she thought she was in. Sam’s starting to realize what must have happened. Lucifer must have made Gabriel implant the scene into her head, but when she woke to find only Dean and Castiel there, even her regressed brain must have realized she shouldn’t be there without Sam, forcing her to become big. But because of that, she hadn’t had any time to work through the torture scene that was placed in front of her, and it had come to the forefront of her mind as soon as she regressed, sending her into a terrible panic attack. 

“That’s right, baby girl. You’re right. You’re so good.” Sam coos soothingly, his thumb continuing to gently brush over her cheek. “You’re right here with Sammy and you’re not going anywhere, okay? You’re safe here. I know you had a scary dream, but you’re never going back there. I’m going to protect you from it.” 

Alison’s face crumples as she reaches out for Sam. He wastes no time in wrapping his arms tightly around her, holding her to his chest as he starts to rock her back and forth. “There you go, sweetheart.” He croons, his large hand cradling the back of her head to his shoulder while she continues to cry. “You’re such a good girl. I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere, darling. You’re safe.” He feels terrible, knowing what awful images are flashing through her mind. It makes him want to puke, remembering all those awful sounds and those terrible, terrible screams. 

A good half an hour passes with Sam rocking Alison back and forth, still holding her tightly in his arms; Alison finally manages to get her tears to start to ebb away. Every breath she takes is shuddering while her body attempts to catch up with all of the breath she’d lost. Her fist is clutched tightly in Sam’s shirt, and he still has never stopped cooing to her about how she’s good, and how she’s safe. 

“That was a pretty bad dream, huh?” Sam finally whispers once she manages to mostly calm herself, kissing her head as Alison whimpers her agreement. Of course, all of them know it was a vision and not a dream, but it was much simpler to call them bad dreams. “I know, princess.” Sam says softly, once again reaching for the bottle, hoping he could convince Alison to take it this time. 

She whines as soon as Sam starts to unwrap his arms from around her, but he shushes her, promising he’s only changing her position. True to his word, Sam never let go of her, instead just changing her position so he was cradling her, able to give her a bottle once he sits down in the rocking chair. As he guides the bottle into her mouth, Sam glances up at the time, realizing that’s why he was so tired. It was 2:30 in the morning. Evidently, only a few hours had passed in the amount of time since he’d picked Alison up from Springkeep. It felt like days from everything that had happened in that amount of time. 

Alison was so exhausted she was almost delirious, and Sam could tell. He figured part of the reason she’d reacted so dramatically, aside from the fact that it was warranted, was because she was tired from not taking her normal nap that day, and with how late it was. “I’m right here, princess.” Sam keeps cooing over and over, rocking her back and forth slowly.

She hardly even managed to get half of the bottle drank before it was slipping out of her mouth and her head was turning to the side, her mouth open from how deeply asleep she was. Sam places the bottle down on the floor, searching for her pacifier, but as soon as he starts to move, she whimpers. Sam knew there was no way she’d be able to be left alone. At least not tonight. But he at least had to pee before they got settled into bed. 

As if sensing he was needed, Dean suddenly poked his head into the nursery, a sad smile forming on his lips when he sees Alison passed out in Sam’s arms. “How’s everything going?” He asks quietly. He’d been just as scared as Sam earlier when none of them could get her to calm down. 

Sam nods his head. “She’s exhausted, obviously. She’s still terrified, but I’ve finally at least managed to get her to calm down. She’s going to wake up, though, if I let go of her… and I’m not ready for bed.” 

Dean understood what Sam was saying. He crosses over the nursery to Sam, gently placing his hands on Alison so she’ll still feel pressure on her when Sam lets go. Once Sam manages to slide his hands off of her without her having a meltdown, Dean slowly scoops her up off Sam’s lap, allowing him to get up out of the rocking chair and get ready for bed. 

Alison starts to whimper, so Dean shushes her, starting to walk around with her. He knew that the movement always soothed her, so he was hoping it would do the same this time. Dean was wandering aimlessly, eventually ending up in his room. It’s there that Sam finds him, watching with a tender smile on his face while he stands in the doorway. It was still nice to see his ‘tough as nails’ older brother taking care of Alison so sweetly and trying to keep her calm. 

“You want to stay with us tonight?” Sam finally asks quietly, making Dean look up in surprise. He shrugs his shoulders, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “I know it freaked you out just as much as it did me… and I’m sure she wouldn’t mind having someone curled up on either side of her.”

**************

When Alison wakes up, she’s squished between the two brothers. A quiet noise falls from her lips, causing Dean to stir a little bit. The only thing he does, though, is wrap his arm tighter around her waist and squeeze her reassuringly. A small smile forms on her lips as she nuzzles into Sam’s neck, allowing the darkness to pull her in once again.

When Dean starts to wake up, he’s surprised that he can no longer feel the warmth of Alison next to him. He assumed she and Sam had just gotten up without him – until he feels that he’s lying on something cold, instead of the bed. His eyes immediately snap open as he scrambles to get up, eyes concerned when he turns to see Sam standing there tensely. “Sammy?” 

“We’re in another one of her memories.” Sam mumbles quietly, murder in his eyes as he sees the same demon from the scene before opening the door to the basement. “Apparently this time Lucifer decided to drag you with me.” 

Dean’s breath hitches in his throat, eyes widening in horror when he realizes the shape that’s on the floor is actually Alison huddled up, scrambling to get over to the corner of the basement when she hears the basement door opening. Like being in the corner would somehow protect her. Dean had seen her do that a few times before, like the time right in the beginning where he’d scared her. He moves in front of the girl protectively, snarling when the demon just passes right through him like he’s not even there. Because he isn’t.

Sam hasn’t taken his eyes off of Alison. Dean knows he can’t. Even though he hates seeing Alison in pain, he can’t help but watch the scene unfold. He hasn’t even moved, already knowing that no matter what he did, he couldn’t do anything to change what was about to happen.

Dean’s hearing goes muffled, his eyes filling with rage as he watches this bastard hurt Alison over and over. Luckily it at least wasn’t sexual torture, because Dean knew he probably would’ve killed himself trying to hurt the man who was only a figment of their imagination. Sam probably would too. The demon is yanking her around, using his power to easily move her, like she’s just a rag doll for him to play with. He throws her against the wall, and when Alison tries to get back up, he does it once more. 

Although Dean couldn’t be any more pissed off, at the same time he was proud. Every single time the demon hurt her, Alison kept attempting to get back up. Even when she was so hopeless, when she thought she was never going to be loved or have a life again, she continued trying to get back up. That was his girl. Okay, technically Sam’s girl. But still, his girl; a fighter. 

Dean’s hearing had gone mostly muffled from rage, but when the demon finally stopped laying his hands on her and instead starting speaking, Dean forced his ears to listen in again. And in all honesty, this was even worse to listen to than him actually hurting her. Words that Dean couldn’t even comprehend the severity of were spewing from his mouth faster than anyone could process them. 

Now, Dean had said a lot of terrible shit in his life. He’d never been the friendliest guy in general (came with the hunting life, he supposed) and he’d said awful things to girls one too many times to stop them from getting attached to him after a one night stand, to keep them safe. But even he couldn’t believe the vile shit that was spewing from this demon’s mouth. He didn’t even have to stop to think about what he was saying to her. Dean remembered Sam telling him that when Ali was first brought to the hospital, she thought her name was “bitch”; Dean could certainly see why she thought that. 

The worst, though, was when the demon started telling her that she was there because her parents never wanted her. Because they thought she was a terrible child, that they’d always hated her, that they’d wanted to abort her as soon as they found out about her… He then moved into that this was the best anyone was ever going to treat her, that she was never going to have a life better than this, that no one would ever want her – especially not after how she’d been such a slut – and how she didn’t deserve anything better than this anyway. 

Dean manages to steal a glance up to Sam, who’s standing there silently, slumped over, tears spilling from his eyes. Once the demon finally finishes with Alison, who’s now sobbing so hard she can hardly breathe, Sam collapses to her knees next to her, wishing he could do something to help her. Wishing he could do literally anything to take this pain away from her. 

His hand reaches out, and he can’t help the quiet cry that passes through his lips when his hand just passes through her. “I’m so sorry, Alison.” Sam whispers, his bottom lip trembling as he tries to keep himself in check. “I’m so sorry I didn’t find you earlier. That I didn’t help you earlier.” 

“Alright, you bastard.” Dean finally calls out to the empty room aside from him, Sam, and Alison. “I think we’ve seen enough. I think you’ve put us through enough. How about you get us back to reality now?” 

But nothing happened. Both Sam and Dean look to each other in confusion, before looking back down at Alison. They had seen the memory, hadn’t they? There shouldn’t be anything else left to see. 

Sam looks back down at Alison, his heart aching as she continues sobbing while laying on the basement floor. She cried for quite a while before she could finally pull herself together, pulling herself up to a sitting position. Sam winces in reciprocation to Alison’s wince as she grabs her side, knowing the demon had more than likely broken some of her ribs. Probably not for the first time, and also probably not for the last. Unthinking, Sam tries to reach out to smooth her hair back from her forehead. It was just instinctive. He swallows hard, sitting back on the floor when he’s once again faced with the fact that he can’t actually touch her. 

Dean slowly sits down on the floor on the other side of Alison, both of them watching her silently. Obviously, there was something else they were supposed to see. Their eyes follow Alison as she finally manages to get up, watching as she crosses the basement toward a certain spot on the wall. It seems like she knows exactly where she’s going. Dean’s eyes are confused as he looks at Sam, who shrugs, obviously not knowing either. 

The two brothers slowly get up and follow her over to the wall, Sam noticing first. His breath hitches when he sees rusty nails sticking out of a boarded up area. Of course, the sharp part was embedded in the wood, but the blunt end of the nail was enough for her. 

Sam’s jaw clenches, his stomach turning when he sees Alison sit down on the floor next to the nail, starting to drag her arm down the nail as hard as she can. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose, willing himself not to puke. He’d of course seen all of the marks on her arms, but he never once thought about the fact that some of them could have been self inflicted.

By the time Sam opens his eyes again, Alison has managed to drag her arm along the nail in the same spot enough times that it’s bleeding. At the first drop of blood, Alison had visibly relaxed. “Why – why do you think…?” He whispers, his mouth dry.

Dean stays silent for a few more moments, still trying to process what exactly he’s seeing. He’d never inflicted wounds on himself purposely, but at the same time… he thought he could understand her thought process. “Everything is so out of her control.” He says quietly. “All of the beatings, the bleeding she usually does… it’s out of her control. This, though. This is in her control.” 

Both Sam and Dean wake with a start, bolting upright in the bed. Their eyes turned to each other in horror when they realized Alison was no longer in the bed with them. If she was still regressed, there was no way she would have been able to get out of the bed on her own. Without a word, both brothers grab their guns and get out of the bed, starting to search through the rooms. 

Sam hears something coming from the nursery. Something that sounds like Alison. He gestures silently for Dean to come toward the nursery, so he does. Sam slowly pushes the door open with his foot, gun raised in the air. He drops it just a second later, though, a small grin forming on his face at the scene before him.

Castiel has Alison laying on the changing table, and he’s muttering to himself while he’s trying to figure out just what the hell he’s supposed to be doing. He closed his eyes for a moment, keeping his hands on her to ensure she doesn’t fall off, thinking back to the one time he’d had to babysit the baby. There had only been a couple diaper changes, but Cas thought he remembered enough to change her. 

Sam stows his gun away, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a smile as he leans against the doorframe, wanting to see how this plays out. Cas starts to coo to Alison, keeping her calm while he changes her. She was used to fast diaper changes, and this was anything but; he was doing well at keeping her calm, though, and there were no tears while she watched him changing her. 

Turning to his brother, Sam can’t help the smirk that crosses his face when he sees the expression on Dean’s face. Once again, he was looking at Cas like the sun shined out of his ass just from watching him changing Alison’s diaper. 

After thirty seconds or so of Sam watching him, Dean suddenly realizes there’s eyes on him. He turns his head, rolling his eyes at his brother’s smirk, before looking back to the couple in the nursery. As Cas finished up changing her, he looked over to the two men. “She was crying.” He explains quietly, scooping her up and allowing her to settle in against him; nose nuzzling into his neck. “Neither of you were waking up. I attempted waking you, but even I was unable to.” 

“We were in another one of her memories.” Sam says quietly, which makes Castiel look up sharply to the two of them. “Yeah. Both of us were. Lucifer decided to bring both of us this time. It was…”

“Awful.” Dean finishes a moment later, rubbing his hand over his forehead. Those images were still flashing through his mind faster than he could even think about them, shuddering as he pictured that one god forsaken wall. “I thought I understood what you meant, Sammy, but I… I could have never pictured something like that.” 

Sam stays silent, nodding his head. Alison perks up when she sees Sam, glancing to Cas before looking back to Sam. “It’s okay, little one.” Castiel says quietly when he senses what she’s thinking. “You can go to Sam.” She had been debating on whether she should stay with Cas, since she usually doesn’t spend time with him, or if it was okay to go back to Sam. 

But Alison could sense there was something off with Sam. Although she had no idea what, there was something off, and she wanted to be there for him. Ali reaches her arms out to him, immediately snuggling up to him when Sam takes her in his arms. 

A small smile forms on his face when Alison settles into him, and even he can feel himself relaxing a little bit. He hadn’t realized just how much he wanted to hold her after seeing that. Just how much he wanted to promise her she would never have to feel like that again. That she would always be in control of her life, that she would never, ever need to hurt herself ever again. 

Castiel could also sense there was something off with Dean, just as Alison could. He, of course, understood more, since he knew Sam and Dean had just woken up from one of Alison’s memories, but he had no idea which one. Cas moves to the doorway of the nursery, gesturing for Dean to follow him. They both head into Dean’s room, and Sam’s hoping Cas can get him to open up a little bit. God knows he’d need to talk about it. 

Alison’s brown hair was still tousled from her night spent in bed with Sam and Dean, soft as Sam ran his fingers through it in an attempt to tame it. He cradles her head in his hand again, tilting his head down to kiss her forehead, allowing his lips to linger there. Alison’s hands come up to grip his shoulders, a little content smile forming on her face behind her pacifier. Sam could tell she was still all sleepy, still warm from being snuggled up into them. She couldn’t have been up for long before they woke up from the memory. “How about a bath, princess?” Sam asks softly, Alison just humming her agreement sleepily. 

As the water warms, Sam strips Alison down out of her onesie and diaper, feeling a little bad that he was doing it just after Cas had changed her. He gets her settled into the bath, pulling his shirt off. Sam rests one of his arms on the edge of the tub, leaning down to rest his chin on his arm while he watches her with a soft smile on his face. “I love you.” He whispers gently, Alison looking over to smile shyly at him from behind her pacifier. 

When Ali reaches out for him, Sam fingers gently wrap around her wrist, pulling her hand forward so he can press a kiss to the inside of her wrist. He raises his head from where it was resting on his arm, his other hand coming to gently skim over the old mark he had just watched her creating. Alison shivers, so Sam quickly pulls his fingers away, instead placing his mouth against the mark to press little kisses all along it. “You’re safe now, Ali. You never have to do anything like that again.”


End file.
